The Secret's Out!
July 25, 2012 Sometimes when I tell people that John and I have been married for 13 years now, they exclaim in shock, "What, did you get married when you were twelve?!" And then we laugh and laugh until I wake up and cry a little.
The times I'm not dreaming, though, people sometimes ask what our "secret" is. I assume they mean the secret to a happy marriage, and not that thing that happened at the fair, because how would they know about that?
So. The secret to a happy marriage?
ROMANTICAL TYPE WORDS AND STUFF.
Yep, nothing bolsters a relationship more than eloquently whispered...um...whispers of affection.
And stuff.
;)
What's more, this kind of mushiness isn't just for your weeding day!
;)
Now, admittedly, John is a lot better at this than I am, but I've learned to follow his lead and try to say something romantical every single day.
;)
I know it can be hard for you naturally romantic chatterboxes to understand us more silent and stoic types, but the truth is sometimes we just don't know how to express what we're feeling.
And other times you'll have to cut us a little slack because, hey, at least we're trying.
;)
[creepy grin] Aheheheheh. PREEETTY.
But really, I can't stress this one point enough:
;)
ROMANTICAL.
And if you want to keep your spouse on his or her toes, try celebrating your next anniversary like this:
Not that *I* would ever do such a thing, of course. No, I prefer to write John heartfelt missives of the feelings my heart feels. Kind of like this bakery's delivery box:
;)
[turning on slow, sultry beat]
[grabbing mic]
[talking over doo-wop back-up singers]
John, sweetie? There is no need reason. [draping self over piano] You fall - you FALL! - in love with my freedom. [raising roof] HEE-HEE! So open that window, baby - yes, OPEN IT! So that the soul of my soul and your soul and our souls - oh yes - [sliding to front of stage on knees] embracing you. [biting lip] Unnng. Yeah, boy. UH.
Thanks to Judie V., Melanie S., Anony M., Whitney B., Heather R., Stephanie & Aaron, Anony M., & Melinda H., for helping me express myself. Like to enjoy the heart was affected, guys. LIKE TO ENJOY.
Reader Comments (76)
And that is why my husband and I didn't do a monogram for our wedding cake. We would have been "BM"...although we joked it might have been nice with a nice bran cake with prune frosting ;)
That last one reminded me that I need to visit Engrish.com a little more often. It looks like it came from there.
These were truly Hilarious!
My husband and I almost had" Thank You Rich & Elaine"(our respective exes) on our wedding cake but due to a bakery problem we had to get a cake from a different bakery
Obviously the last cake is some obscure e e cummings poem... :-D
The "You have nice clavicles" is a line from True Blood. Terry Bellefleur says it to Arlene... its meant as an awkward compliment.
So everyone at weddings #1 and #6 got a piece of ass. Cake, that is.
I hope that #7 is a black and white photo. Because if it's not, then the decorator must be color blind and decided that no one else was going to see things in color, either.
I can't handle the cake box thing. I have been struggling with Web code all day and am brain dead and still have some work to do tonight.Can't process!
Jen, I had the whole scenario of you in a sparkly cocktail dress on top of a piano singing that song with your 'come hither' face (think Kurt Hummel).
I tried analyzing the 'writing' (for lack of better term) out loud on that last cake, and literally made my poor wife throw-up in her mouth...but just a little...because I stopped...when she asked me to...well a little afterward, but I didn't think she was serious...
...man is she mad at me right now.
Well you finally made me cry. pmsl xD
Aw, that last sentiment warms the clavicles of my heart
On a side note, just casually, for NO REASON at all
That, uh, "fair thing" wouldn't happen to have been at the '06 Strawberry Festival would it? NOT THAT I WAS THERE
The only sensible explanation for the cake box is that the bakery is owned by a non native English speaker. (And barely English speaker). And that the original message was translated by Google translator from something like Chinese.(no offense but the automatic translators would do a better job from Euro-Indian language group). As a non native speaker I am usually in an advantage while guessing what another non native speaker wanted to say but in this case... lost. Completely lost.
Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".
This is the wedding cake sassy
This is the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
This is the weed cake paired
that doubled the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
This is the pink encircled nostril flared
that wrinkled up at the weeding cake paired
that doubled the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
This is the cookie iced green
that that sat below the nostril flared
that wrinkled up at the weeding cake paired
that doubled the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
This is the cake with the glassy sheen
that towered over the cookie iced green
that that sat below the nostril flared
that wrinkled up at the weeding cake paired
that doubled the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
This is the celebrate first marriage cake
that shown alongside the cake glassy sheen
that towered over the cookie iced green
that that sat below the nostril flared
that wrinkled up at the weeding cake paired
that doubled the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
This is the love poem inducing headache
that inspired the first marriage cake
that shown alongside the cake glassy sheen
that towered over the cookie iced green
that that sat below the nostril flared
that wrinkled up at the weeding cake paired
that doubled the love's me heart classy
that rose matched the wedding cake sassy
"Love's me" meaning "Love is me"? Maybe the next one in this line will read "Woe's me".
I bought my mom a comb in China just for the back of the package that noted that this kind of wooden comb, "dredges the blood".
"Dredges the blood" cracked my mom up. (she's a nurse)
See, this is why we didn't have our initials splashed everywhere on our wedding - it would have been m&s (a well known department store in the uk) or s&m. Sometimes you just have to accept that trend following isn't going to work for you lol.
I love the loves me cake. It is really pretty so I will take that one. The others made me laugh especially the clavicals one..what the heck are they? As for the weeding cake.. well you could be happily weeding after you get married to a gardener lol.
Then the bakery produced something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike cake.
Like to enjoy!
the next big thing might very well be movie quotes (said as compliments) about body parts.
for example:
"jij hebt erg witte tanden."
let's hope not, though...
"Romantical" is a Monster's Inc. reference, right? Cuz it is.
My life-long best friend used the aSs monogram when she got married. It went on her wedding invites, monogrammed towels -- everything. Which begs the question: is there some kind of monogram etiquette that dictates the ordrer of the initials?
Oh my... These are too funny!!!
Oh my, now I have that... uh... "song" stuck in my head... as "sung" by William Shatner! Yikes!
Yeah, it's true the "You have nice clavicals" is from Ghostbusters, lots of the Egon/Janine bits were cut. Love there's occasional references to the movie here, being a fellow fan. The dialogue goes:
Egon: Die in what sense?
Janine: In the physical sense.
Egon: I don't care. I see us as tiny parts of a vast organism, like two bacteria living on a rotting speck of dust floating in an infinite void.
Janine: That's so romantic.
/hug/
Egon: You have nice clavicles
(reference, see page 134 in "Making Ghostbusters", hehe)
All your cake are belong to us.
Just sayin'.
@Vicky: I knew I had heard that "clavicles" quote before. Janine's all like *comfortmeI'msoscaredyou'regonnadie* and he's like, OMGboobsonmychestwhatamIsupposedtodo. "Um, you have nice...clavicles." *Gulp* "I wonder where Stantz is...." But I just dug out the movie and it may have been on a director's cut DVD or something, because it looks like it was clipped from the release. Literally clipped--the camera cuts away to the phone ringing and he breaks away saying, "I'll get it!" So...pretty obscure.
Hey, nice clavicals are stunning! This whole post had me crying. I've seen writing like on the cake box in many Asian stores. Someone with just a nodding acquaintance with English is hired to write pretty words. It's always hysterical, uh romantical.