An Eccentric Performance
April 6, 2012 So. Ye seek humor and frivolity. Follow.
[swinging about dramatically]
BUT!!
Follow ONLY if ye be readers of valor, for the path to LOLZ is guarded by creatures so foul, so cruel that no man yet has laughed at them... and lived!
;)
"'Ewwo, guv'na."
BONES of full fifty men lie strewn about their lair!
;)
Or "carrot pops." Whatever.
So, brave readers, if ye do doubt your courage, or your strength, come no further, for DEATH awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
;)
Well, teeth, anyway.
You dare laugh? Foolish mortals, this is no ordinary rabbit!
;)
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
This one's got a vicious streak a mile wide; it's a killer!
;)
And also on sale! HEYO!
And that one will snap your spine as soon as look at you!
;)
Not to mention get you really sticky.
I'm warning you! They've got huge, sharp-- eh-- they can leap about-- um -- just look at those eyebrows!
;)
"Hand over the Trix and nobody gets hurt."
Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, is it? Piece of cake, eh? Well, don't say I didn't warn you!
;)
"Who wants to nibble our pastrami ears?!"
*****
RUN AWAY!
Hey Eric C., Jennifer D., Katie C., Mackenzie S., Lisa B., Byron K., Renee M., & Maureen P., somebody fetch the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, stat.
Reader Comments (71)
I see these cakes, and I try to be brave, but it takes every amount of will-power I have not to run away screaming. Then, I think of a little song my father taught me, and I find the strength to face my fears. Let me share it with you.
Every cake is sacred.
Every cake is great.
If a cake is wasted.
Jen gets quite irate.
So, sing this song when these cakes frighten you, but be careful -- they're not dead yet.
Ni.
A couple of these give a new meaning to Hot. Cross. Buns.
I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little small mammal in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha and not at all a rodent, isn't it?
I read that whole thing with an English accent in my head. I certainly cannot imagine why (snicker).
I soiled my armor I was so scared!
If we eat the minstrels then we don't have to eat the cakes, right? And there was much rejoicing!
WHY on earth is #4 grey??? Looks like he's still in his jammies. And #3 scares me, with his processed cheese product teeth & vacant stare. Ugh!!
Marie, great suggestion to read today's post with an English accent. May I also recommend Vizzini from "The Princess Bride"!
Where's the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch when you need it?
what, behind the rabbit?
no, it IS the rabbit!
I LOVE IT! I read your whole post in the accent of the sorcerer..."Tim?"
The Killer-Bunny stapler on my desk lunged at me, I swear. I would not be able to eat any of those cakes.
Ewwww more like Hot Gross Buns
Oh, oh, oh. My beautiful, soft, cuddly bunnies would roll over in their graves if they saw these. Whew, I didn't use to be scared of bunnies (or clowns), now I'm not so sure!
Is that last one really MEAT? With jelly beans chopping it's head off? I think I'd rather get a good taunting than eat any of those! Ew!
Congratulations for the creative ideas. The rabbits are amazing and we can use them for the upcoming Easter.
And so my decision to make cute little chick cupcakes for Easter is vindicated.
1) Bassgirl - SNICKER!
2) Jen - What makes this even funnier for me is on Monday, someone left the world's angriest chocolate bunny on a table in the break room where I work. I added a post-it with "I am ANGRY BUNNY(tm). Touch me, I F YOU DARE!" written on it, and a few minutes later, someone else added a piece of paper with Tim's entire warning written on it. The ANGRY BUNNY lasted until about 3:30 in the afternoon, when some LUCKY LUCKY BASTARD bit his head off.
3) I cannot think of a single, solitary reason why the world needed not one but TWO pastrami and rye Easter bunnies. And now I'm craving a Reuben. Dammit.
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
"Right. One... two... five!"
"Three, sir."
"Three!"
SO disappointed to find out those aren't phallus-pops. :(
What in the world are those horrors on the 2nd cake?
As an old broad, all I can picture is a finger glove for when docs/ prison guards/ TSA at the airports and Homeland Security pat down men...... "Squat and bend over."
mocking
Oh, now you've done it. I'm gonna cross over from "I love you, you're so funny" to "I love you, I'm calling from your driveway, what's for dinner? I brought my jammies and some fudge."
Yikes, who made those deranged items??? The carrot pops look like squished fingers D:
That trix bunny can also pass as a santa claus bunny.
That 4th one down is the Cheshire Rabbit, isn't it?
Lol, SuBee. At least I am not the only one with enough OCD to mentally scream "LAGOMORPH NOT RODENT". *sigh* I have enough issues to fill a subscription.
Well I have a bit of a problem. At a local store there is a most glorious cake wreck but I have no way to take a picture of it and share it!
Let me try my best to describe it. For starters it's a CCC(patooie) that is suppose to look like a carrot. The shape of the grand wreck is a large Trapizoid with 3 green cupcakes forming the stem. 3 more cupcakes are affixed to the top colored bright pink. Over the top of those is a plastic pink bunny hears and on the bottom are 2 more brown cupcakes to serve as wheels.
So to make a long story short, at the store near where I live there is a literal easter carrot jockey cake!
This seems like as good a time as any to remind everyone that all of these cakes were made by professionals and put up for sale. For real money.
Is the third one made of sushi?
Rabbit wannabe's, close, but always just a hare off....
Hilarious, as always!!!
Just a note - I'm not trying to start another EPCOT here, but rabbits aren't rodents, they're lagomorphs.
Consult the Book of Armaments!
Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
"And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,
'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow
thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and
people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies,
and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"
Skip a bit, Brother.
"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the
Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three
shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting
shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two,
excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once
the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou
thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty
in my sight, shall snuff it.'"
I'm so glad you took us on the Quest for the Holy Grail. I had faith that you would, in a season where rabbits are so celebrated!
So sad about the sourdough rabbits in the sourdough basket - they could have been Sunday Sweets (well, honorary Sweets; I suppose they're actually Sunday Sours) if the baker had painted faces on them rather than applying dough segments for that hideous pig/donkey hybrid. And what's with the eyebrows? And the jellybean layer between their bodies and severed heads? They could have been a great set-up for a pun about sourdough bun-nies, but they blew it.
Kim, how dare you poke fun at the wise words of the Might Tim!
Bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!
Luckily, we made through the whole post without a verse of "Little Bunny Foo Foo". That was the good news.
Now for the bad news--THOSE CAKES!
THAT is deserving of a standing ovation. Brava.
Those "carrot pops" would look better with some naked baby jockeys.
Very enchanting presentation!
Jen, this is the first time I've ever commented, but, as a fellow geek, I always think the same thing:
This is why I love you!!!
Keep it up!
hahahaha the sticky one looks like it um..was involved in uh....maybe something not family friendly.
also rabbits aren't rodents, they are lagomorths. i know this because i had a giant one (18 lbs..flemish giant breed) as a pet in college and the apartment lease didn't allow rodents but said nothing about lagomorphs so he was therefore a loophole, which the apt management knew about and did nothing about. win!
Run away! Run away!
The carrot pops are just...so...unfortunate.
Yeah, come to think of it, that pretty much describes all of the, uh, cakes today...
And now I can't get the Monty Python voice out of my head! :)
@Gezebelle- I only identified these rabbits correctly because the last time I labelled a rabbit cake a
"foul, cruel and bad tempered rodent," someone yelled at me. My feelings were hurt. I wanted to go into this holiday weekend feeling good about myself, so I posted carefully.
You see, I too have issues. The distinction between lagomororphs and rodents doesn't happen to be one of mine. But still, I have many, many issues. Many, many.
Please don't yell at me.
#4 could pass as a ROUS...with a "cute little bunny mask". What it needs is the fire spurt!
Once again, my 3 year old summed it up quite nicely. "Those are crazy creatures!"
That last "cake" left me sniveling! I'm all shaken up inside... I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep tonight... O__O
OK. CCCs (patooie) I understand but don't condone. The deli bunnies at the end are weird and almost, but not quite, well done.
What the heck is #6 though? A giant, frosted apple fritter with plastic detritus attached???? I was going with cinnamon roll until I noticed something that looked like apple filling up by one of the eyes. Maybe it's not, in which case I don't want to think about what is leaking out of that thing.
Jen, you are on a ROLL!! One completely hilarious post after another! Wasn't sure what those "carrot pops" were at first. And seriously, what is going on in that last picture? I am greatly disturbed. Thanks for the LOL!
Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. Amen.
My favorite movie EVER!
"Let us taunt it. It may become so cross that it will make a mistake."
"Like what?"
"..."
you made my Friday with an entire Holy Grail post!!! As usual, the photos are funny, but your writing is what really makes this post so hilarious (and John's writing is hilarious too!).
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats...Skip a bit, Brother
Cheers from one of the autonomous collective!
#2 looks like something deep-fried. My first thought was fish.
#3 Another one that appears to be in a deli case. Are they not content to leave wrecking to the bakery? Perhaps in an era of downsizing, the two are being run by the same staff.
#4 No wonder it's bad-tempered -- it has four hind legs. I don't even want to know how that blue-gray frosting color was achieved.
#5 Hey, it's cake. I'm sure it tastes just fine. Sorry -- I was channeling someone else, there.
#6 I detect king cake in the lineage. [ducks and runs]
#7 Holy guacamole -- what is on those satellite cupcakes?
#8 See #3. Nice bread basket.