You Say Tomato, I Say Turnip
January 13, 2012 Hey, everybody! Do you know what time it is?!
That's right, it's "You write the &%#* post, john!!" time!
So, uh, yeah.
Let's see... I need something really easy to write so I can go back to playing my video game. (Those aliens aren't gonna kill themselves!)
Right, how about some wedding missed marks? Or as I like to call them, "Let's have an Epcot in the comments about getting what you paid for!"
Weee.
BEGIN!
;)
Ooh, pretty. Of course, this cake was on MarthaStewart.com so it was probably made with platinum shavings and unicorn tears.
Now let's see what Patty I. ended up with.
;)
Bummer.
(On a side note, all I can hear as I write this is the MarioKart music as Jen vanquishes her little cartoon foes. That and the occasional, "In YOUR FACE, Donkey Kong!!")
Next cake:
;)
No lie, this is one of my favorite cakes in our library. And please note that it's made with fondant.
Or as Buddy would call it, Fahn Dahn.
Now, people often complain that Missed Marks always have a fondant inspiration cake with an all-buttercream wreck, which is why they're so horrifically bad. So for a better comparison, here's Tina M's resulting cake which was made with fondant:
;)
It's like apples and pigeons.
(I'm now laughing maniacally at my own joke. I think I'm tired.)
I can't think of anything funny to say about this next cake. So instead, I'll just sing a song that's currently stuck in my head.
"You're BEAUtiful! You're BEAUtiful! You're BEAUtiful - it's true!"
;)
"La, la, la, something WHAT to do."
Aaand, that's all I know.
;)
Also, I'd like to apologize to Michael and Stephanie for taking 4 years to post your cake. I overslept.
This next inspiration cake is awesome:
;)
Huh. Maybe this one is my favorite. Maybe I just like blue. I'm so confused.
Never mind. So let's analyze the incredible complexity and skill required to make the gorgeous design above:
Step 1. Make a three-tiered round cake.
Step 2. Stick blue circles on it.
Aaand let's see how Serena P.'s bakers did!
;)
Perfect!
Well, that's all the time I have, since I'm pretty sure I just heard a Wii remote hit the wall. And that's never good. ("Oh no, Luigi lose! MAMA!")
So, until next time, be thankful that Jen writes this blog.
Reader Comments (71)
Oh how I wouldn't want to be around when the brides saw the cakes..though I am sure the show Bridezillas would love to show the reactions lol. Ah wreckerators how you tried..
So I zoomed in on the bible wreck to see if it was really quoting from the book of "Broverbs" (and if that isn't the name of a sub-sub-Reddit, it should be). Then I noticed the odd streaks of bright yellow powder sprinkled liberally on top of everything.
Now, I'm not saying it isn't a wreck; but if you should ever find yourself facing off against a Gorn captain in a battle to the death on some far-off desert planet, this cake could save your life.
Or as Buddy would call it, Fahn Dahn.
Thank you for validating my opinion that he pronounces the word oddly. I honestly thought maybe I had been pronouncing it wrong all this time, after I heard him say it.
If someone wanted to go for the wreck trifecta, they could attempt to duplicate a fondant cake with Bettercreme. On second thought, I shouldn't have said that -- I may have invoked something.
If I bit into what I believed was a fondant cake and found buttercream instead, I'd be thinking, "who cares how it looks, it eats just fine." If I bit into what I believed was a fondant cake and got Bettercreme, I'd run back to the bakery (after rinsing my mouth with something pleasant-tasting, like turpentine) and demand fondant. "It happens that I LIKE the taste of Play-Doh, okay?! If you're out of fondant, use spackle. Anything but Bettercreme!"
I tried to use your new phrase this morning, but it came out as "six in one, a pigeon in the other". Something went wrong. I guess some things are best left to the prefessionals.
Wreck #2 looks like a baby birth or adoption cake.
John, I enjoy your posts as much as Jen's. You two go together MUCH better than apples and pigeons!
Broverb 13:12 -- I think that's from the FDV (Full-on Dude Version).
Hahahahahahaa!!! "Apples and Pigeons!!!" hahahahahahaha!!! whoooo!!! *blows air horn and walks away laughing and mumbling* "apples and pigeons... gotta use that one..."
These posts scared the frosting out of me before my wedding. I had nightmares. Literally, nightmares. :<
They make me laugh anyway, which is probably why i'm so addicted to them. Also my cake turned out amazing(ly geeky) and so I don't have to be scared anymore.
Now, is it just me or does it look like the waves were drawn on with a hi-lighter? By a five year old?
Woah, that blue swirly one is the inspiration for my wedding cake. I've been paranoid enough about the cake because of this site, but seeing the exact cake I want butchered here makes me worry more.
Let's hope I don't end up with anything to submit here!
My son said that the last cake looked like a rolled-up sleeping bag. I was forced to agree.
It's like apples and pigeons is my new favorite phrase. Can you put that on a cake for me?
Oh, I'm so very very terrified now. My son's fiancee has asked my husband to make their wedding cake. I just showed him these. I am not reassured by his reassurances.
I could cry for each of these brides: I had exactly the same problem. My beautiful fondant cake was executed in buttercream-texture stuff and looked too horrible to photograph. And it's not true that you get what you pay for, because I paid a fortune for white chocolate/white chocolate/delicious/lovely and got white cake/lard/inedible/ugly.
I'd be willing to bet money (that I don't have) that those cakes were made by family members! There is no other explanation why a bride would allow them to be seen. And at last! Just because a cake has fondant on it doesn't make it perfect as seen by that pitiful polka dot cake! These are too funny.
The cake with fondant frosting of beautiful blue swirls just hits me as fancy toilet paper covers. That's really what I thought it was supposed to be. Now I just can't get it out of my head. Maybe there would be an occasion for that?
Unfortunately the Bible cake is from my wedding (my husband is a pastor). If I had to do it over again I probably wouldn't have done a bible (like one commenter said "who wants to eat a bible") lol
The best part of it all is that when my mom complained and asked for her money back after the wedding, she told my mom "I already gave you a discount so I'm not giving any money back. Besides, I'm going on the food network to decorate cakes." hahahaha, it's like me saying that I'm going to the olympics for wrestling or something.
Just to clarify, she was a local professional cake decorator. She sent me several pictures of beautiful cakes she had done AND she made my friends absolutely beautiful cake. So, it wasn't out of ignorance or lack of research that I chose her. It did taste amazing, but that's all I can say for it.
I should really submit the wedding cake "the leaning tower of Pisa"
Thank you for posting your versions of master cakes. Makes me feel not so alone with my attempts.
This is my first visit to this site, and I am in AWE. Were these wedding cake wreckages really actually made by professional bakers? I can do better with a plastic tub of Betty Crocker frosting, for Bob's sake. Some are hilarious, and some just so sad. The poor brides, grooms, and wedding guests. I'd be afraid to eat a piece, for fear they'd taste as horrible as they look.
Man, I know one thing from this blog. NO CUPCAKE CAKES. Maybe instead of trying to make everything perfect, I can have a little slack. and NO CCC's. Just normal two pounds of frosting on each, cupcakes. And cakes. No fondant. That stuff tastes NASTY. Maybe it was just the brand. But seriously, I never knew this blog existed until a few days ago when I read the book. I love the book, by the way. Sooooooooooo, yeah. I have a few rules
NO MAKING FUN OF BUDDY
yeah, actually that's just it. Weird. Man I feel like I'm typing way too much on my comment. One time, to end our texting conversation, my friend said bye and then filled the screen with dots.