We Are The World Wrecks
September 30, 2011 As you've probably guessed by now, most of the wrecks on this site are made right here in the good ol' US of A. Which may be a sad point of pride, but we'll take it. (America! Heck yeah!!)
Still, in an effort to give our American bakers a much-needed shot of schadenfreude, we've decided to search through 16,000 submissions to find a few wrecks from other countries.
"But Jen," you're thinking, "isn't that kind of like William Shatner picking on Andrea Boccelli for singing a single note slightly off-key one time while he had a cold?"
Yeah, kind of.
Are we going to do it anyway?
Heck yeah!!
From Denmark:
;)
I'm not sure if these are actually cakes or just giant Danishes, but whichever it is, keep in mind that someone thought the green icing was helping.
From Egypt:
;)
You might think camouflage triangles, shooting stars, and neon splattered rings would be a little crazy, but that white pom pom thing really pulls it all together.
From Taiwan:
;)
I don't know what it is, but I think it wants to kill me.
From Morocco:
;)
Is that...Doc? From Snow White? Hey, I think it's Doc!
No, wait. The little trees are all knocked over.
Must be Sneezy.
From Iran:
;)
That's either a fish or a rubber chicken. Final answer.
Courtesy of the Ivory Coast, here's one way to cover up messy handwriting:
;)
Inadequately.
From our friends over in China:
;)
Say, is your tank dripping, or are you just happy to see me?
And finally, from Mexico:
;)
I will now yell at a Mexican cake in a bad Scottish accent.
"Heed! Down in front!
"Would you look at the size of that girl's head? That's a 'uge noggin'! It's a virtual planetoid! It has its own weather system!"
Thanks to Stephanie B., Heather B., Alisa K., Cindy P., Lisa, Amanda D., Jacquie B., & Clau for that veritable tapestry of nations. A world showcase, if you will, providing illuminations for our own American Adventure.
Reader Comments (94)
And I thank you for the So I Married An Axe Murderer reference. "Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart*ss!" :D:D Happy Friday!
On the one from China, the little guy driving the tank(?) looks like a cross between the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and a Peep.
Wouldn't that be a crazy wedding? :-)
- DB
My three-year-old was looking at my computer while I was checking cake wrecks. He asked me to go back to the top to see what is sliding down the carrots. When I scrolled up, he shouted "Wow, those must be boys!"
Is it just me or did someone else think that piece of chocolate on the front of the Moroccan cake was a chocolate-covered ear?
Strangely enough, those cakes still look edible (you can scrape the green frosting off the first one). Except for that tank cake. No way am I placing THAT in my mouth, much less swallowing. Especially after your comment. Eew.
Bonus points for the several EPCOT references at the end!
I love that you're a fellow Orlando-ite ;)
Viva EPCOT!
The "So I Married An Axe Murderer" reference just made my day! :)
OMGORSH Poor Ariel. And the rubber chicken/fish...WIN In other news, was that ending a tribute to every Disney park possible in two sentences, or is my mind FLORIDIANIZED? That's like what happens if you drink too much flouride, only worse 'cause it's got the humidity mixed in... ;D Thanks for the great laughs!
That wasn't green icing on the Danish cake; it was wasabi. Can't you tell?
Wow, it REALLY is a small world after all! LOL!!
Actually, all I can think is that the Ariel cake is probably a more realistic representation of seeing her underwater.
These are all truly befuddling.
You know, these could very well be your fault. All these highly competent, foreign (to us, heck yeah!) bakers have heard there's this American website that features pictures of cakes that gets a bazillion hits a day. Since English is likely not their primary language -- and we've seen the masterpieces NATIVE speakers can produce (heck yeah!) -- they may not get the irony/snarkiness/tragic nature of these cakes when they check the site. All they know is they need poo piles, dubious piping skills, assorted flotsam and a suspension of good taste, and they might some day make a cake "good" enough to make it on Cake Wrecks.
Today's featured bakers have apparently studied this site extensively.
You, an American website (heck yeah!), may be single-handedly (multi-pagedly?) responsible for the degredation of cake-making skills across the world, if not the Universe. (The creature on the Taiwanese cake is from Omicron Ceti Three, I think...)
I salute you! (Heck yeah!)
I'm pretty sure the cake from Taiwan is Lady Gaga.... Yep, gotta be Lady Gaga because it scares me about as much as she does.
Is that the Stay-Puft marshmallow man driving the tank in China? Boy, he gets around!
That tank creeps me out quite a bit, because when I think of tanks and China and I always think of Tienanmen Square. not exactly the sort of thing I would celebrate with cake, ya know?
You realize someone's going to come along and have perfectly good explanations for all of these, right? With the accusation (implied or stated) that you are just another ignorant American with no respect for other culture.
That said, I thought the green icing was gummy worms, and I'm particularly fond of the pretzel-looking things on the Iranian cake. That gives me an idea. Next cake I make, I'm going for cultural melting pot and having camo-colored Pocky sticking out of a scary doll's head. Yeah. That'll work for my son's 2nd birthday, right?
(You know, I hate to say it, but I kind of miss the WVs.)
She'll be crying herself to sleep tonight, on her huge pillow!
Ah well that comment about the last cake was a wee bit offside.
I think the cake from Morocco looks like it has a chocolate ear on it.
The one from Tiawan is going to haunt me in my sleep. I'm looking forward to my own Cake Wreck today for my birthday. My sis specializes in them! Wrecks that is, she gave up trying to make a good looking cake and now just embraces the wreckiness. We just tell her they taste really good!
Love the So, I Married an Axe Murderer reference, one of my favorite movies. "Now he'll go cry himself to sleep on his 'uge pilluh!"
It's like an orange on a toothpick! Thanks for always starting my day with laughter!
Maybe an "axe murderer" needs to lop off part of Little Mermaid's heed!
...Piper down! We have a piper down!...
Second! Because despise those who say, "First!" Love the Axe Murderer quote!
All I can think of for the one from China is...
Mr. Stay Puft has a TANK!
Nice thinkin' Ray...
So, are the green things on the Danish pastries gummy worms or green poo??
I believe you are correct - the Taiwan cake does want to kill . It wants to kill us all with its weird tasseled pretzel rod and white toothpick.
I'm scared of it and shall sleep with the lights on this evening.
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y! NIGHT!!!! I love that movie.
Go cry on your giant pillow!
OH NOES THE WRECKY EPIDEMIC HAS SPREAD D: !!!!!
Thank you, Jen, for giving us the opportunity today to look outside our own cake-box at other culture’s amazing cake-work! A brief comment on just three of them.
In a twist of the classic, the Danes have shown that cake- poo is universal – though green in Denmark. (No doubt the green is in honor of Leif Erikson, their neighbor to the north.)
From Egypt we have a cake based upon the fertility of the Nile Valley, thus the brown furrows, the brown, obviously, symbolizing the “fertilizer.” Also notice the shooting stars and the mysterious “crop circles” accompanied by triangles – musical instruments used in some cultures to summon visitors form outer space – who would often appear in a puff of white smoke, represented by the that white stuff – which is as mysterious as this design. Perhaps a call to aliens to use their fertile ground?
And finally, from Taiwan, a pun cake, toying with the country’s name and urging national progress: a young lass tied up with black belts (a nod to the martial arts)! Here’s the joke: What do you want to do tonight? Oh, I donno. How ‘bout we tie one on? (Taiwan on!) The mirth abounds!
I was seriously under the impression that my husband and I are the only people on the planet who have not only seen So I Married An Axe Murderer but love it also. Our oldest daughter, who has a very large noggin, is nicknamed "Heed! Move!"
It's like Sputnik! Spherical, yet pointy in parts.
I was seriously wondering the other day if you have ever run low on submissions or finding wrecks for your blog...IDK if you were being hyperbolic, but 16000 submissions!!??!! wow, I guess I should have known better and that all around the world, a wreck is born every minute.
You know, this just really points out how very mass-produced American cakes can be.
Not one of these cakes has frosting roses, or ribbons, or anything of that nature.
The shape of poor Ariel's head is explained by the ripples that appear to be a tire track in the icing, starting at the rock she's sitting on and going all the way to the top of the cake, flattening part of her head along the way.
"It's like Sputnik: round, but quite pointy in parts... He'll cry himself to sleep tonight on his huuuge pilla." lol Love it!
Ha ha! Must be Sneezy.
:) It's funny cuz William Shatner isn't American, hehehehe, silly.
[Editor's note- I think Jen was referring to his overall singing badness more than his place of birth.-john]
Thank you for quoting from So I Married An Axe Murderer. One of the most truly-under-appreciated films of all time!
Yes, the other cakes were disturbing but those freakishly thin, boneless and rubbery arms on Ariel will haunt my dreams.
#1 Holy guacamole.
#2 "Tut, tut. It just landed upside down on the flotsam pile. But I think we can save it."
#3 Definitely Lady Gagag.
#4 The 'Sneezy' theory works for me.
#5 That's really...something.
#6 Gives a whole new, hyper-literal meaning to 'under neat that'.
#7 Eww.
#8 Hydrocephalus is no laughing matter. Except in cake. Is that a tank track?
The one from Taiwan is screaming Lady Gaga to me as well.
Woman. WO-man!
The movie reference was much needed! Thanks!
Everyone is giving you love for the So I Married an Axe Murderer references, and the Disneyworld references, but I tip my hat to you for the (albeit cleaned-up) Team America World Police reference - "Heck, Yeah!!"
Political cake in disguise: the dead thing on the Iranian cake is neither a chicken nor a fish, it is a TURKEY. Subtle, bilingual ... hey, are wreckerators in these places native American speakers trying to read customer instructions in the bakery's native language?
The Taiwanese one has Buddhist (etc) symbols plastered all over it ... eh, what?... Lady Gaga, dressed as Kali the Hindu goddess of death, wrapped in prayer banners and a chenille frosting bedspread, & wearing the lotus of enlightenment as a crown? Plus itty-bitty Mickey hands. Noooo - Do NOT want to know what's in that cake. Or what it is celebrating.
Definitely Lady Gaga.... as creepy in cake as she is in real life. So does that make the cake "good" (ie not a wreck) then?
#4 "Sneezy": looks more local than the others as he is barely surviving his trek across the La Brea Tar Pits! I must be delirious from too much a.m. coffee, but, wait...iis he riding a wave across the tar pits? He just kicked out his board at the top of the wave! OMG! And he's still smiling. That might just be Happy!
WOW! All I have got to say is: Cake #3 Marjorly creepy! Wait a minute,is that Lady Gaga? If so it is still majorly creepy...
Cake #7 awwww Stay Puft marshamallow.... cheep and it is driving a tank?
that cake that wants to kill you? yeah, that looks like Lady Gaga to me.