The Gift of Encouragement
September 27, 2011 I remember the first time I told my Mom the publisher wanted me to go on a book tour for Cake Wrecks. She responded by telling me about an author she'd seen at a big warehouse store the previous weekend, sitting alone behind a card table and looking desperate.
"I just don't want that for you," she said.
...
Motherly concern aside, you could say my mom has a real gift for encouragement.
Kind of like these people:
;)
"Oh, and happy engagement. I guess."
;)
This is your moment. Enjoy it.
Q: What do you get the birthday girl who's allergic to birthday cake?
;)
A: A birthday cake with an apology. ("More cake for us! Woot!")
As we get older, we look for signs from our loved ones that age is really just a number, it's about staying young at heart, etc, etc.
;)
"Well, sure, NOW I am."
And there's nothing quite so encouraging as ill-concealed shock at your personal accomplishments:
;)
"We had you guys pegged at two years, tops. Wow!"
And finally:
;)
"Note that we haven't expressed any sadness over this fact, or stated whether Kyle is happy regarding his imminent departure. However, the fact that we're having cake would seem to indicate a celebration of Kyle's coming absence."
"Wow, you got all that from four words?!"
"No, I'm reading the card."
Thanks to Edmund H., Rachael G., Kim K., Sarah C., G.D., & Kyle C. for the encouraging words.
Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, come see me on my book tour starting next month!
Reader Comments (69)
I miss Kyle already.
LOL! That post officially scored snorted cereal on my laptop this morning! Nice to see the skill of being passive aggressive is alive and well even for cake decorating. As usual though, your commentary is what makes it snort-worthy! ;)
In these situations, none of these are wrecks caused by the bakeries, but just terrible jokes by those that ordered them, I can only imagine. "Wouldn't it be funny if the cake said..."
I actually really like the humor behind the bachelor's degree cake.
These are hilarious. That ball and chain cake... i would SO arrange for that cake for my sister and her husband some time. Especially since their stag and doe involved a real ball and chain - on him of course. (guests could pool donations to get it off him)
And then there are the mothers who hijack all their friends to your signings...
1. They threw in the frosting for free!
2. I want to say something clever, but I can't get over the way the wreckerator so "masterfully" inserted the missing "e."
3. Am I the only one who wishes this cake was for Eve? Instant Sunday School lesson.
4. I'm usualy good at fill-in-the-blank, but I can't figure out that missing word. It's going to bother me all day.
5. It's tacky to bring a cake to a sentencing hearing.
6. Did Kyle know that? REDRUM.
OK, so I'm going on record here - that ball and chain cake is not only well done, but hilarious!
I totally took that ball and chain cake as being for someone heading off to prison. "Sorry you won't see sunshine for a decade, Joe. Here, this will make you feel better."
It sounds like Kyle is going to reform school, or perhaps being committed to a mental hospital. You don't want to say, "Good luck," in that case, and if he's in need of reform, the people around him probably won't miss him that much...
I'm confused. None of these are wrecks. Heck, I have several friends for whom the Bachelor's degree cake would've been 100% appropriate.
These are pretty well done, they are just very weird cakes, but good for those with a sense of humor :D
This post made me laugh out loud, which is really rare. So, it was just ok, I guess.
The mention of your book tour isn't completely unrelated. But you should bring your mother. ;)
I heart the ball and chain one, it's hilarious.
There's something really creepy about the 'Kyle is going away' one. I think it's the use of 'Kyle is' rather than 'Kyle's'... I've got this image of a glassy-eyed, dreamy-faced little kid gazing blankly over Kyle's left shoulder and doing that scary sing-song voice so beloved of dreamy-faced little kids in scary movies. You know the ones. 'Mom-eeeeee... they're hee-eeeeeeere...'
Am going to hide behind the couch.
Seems like the Story of Kyle (kind of like the story of Amber)...
Couldn't afford a wedding, didn't get the degree he needed, his allergies caused problems, and he got old. He got sentenced to prison and now he is going away.
Worked at a place where they ordered a 1/4-sheet cake for everyone's birthday. My birthday was in the middle of a "dry spell", where there were no other birthdays for weeks on either side. So yes, even though I couldn't eat it, a cake was bought for my birthday and consumed by everyone else. Whee. What a thrill. Thanks, guys. *twirls finger*
I totally identify with the "sorry you can't eat this" cake. As someone who can eat only gluten-free, I can see this happening in a workplace.
Coworker 1: Party in 15 minutes! You stopped by X bakery and picked up something gluten-free, right?
Coworker 2: Oh no. I totally forgot she's got that gluten thing. I just got a normal one from the grocery store.
Coworker 1: Uh, that's not good. Let me see what I can do with it. Hey is there any writing on it already?
Coworker 2: No, we gave up on writing a few months ago. They kept getting it wrong.
Coworker 1: Excellent. I'll take care of the cake. You round up some candy from people's desks for her to eat . . .
This just got to me this morning and I laughed and then choked on my tea! Thanks for that Jen. BTW, I often wonder who you are quoting when you use quotes. I picture a conversation with John but then it is just as easy for me to picture you having a conversation with yourself, which just makes me laugh all the more!
Thank you! You never fail me.
I'm with Sharyn - what's the missing word on #4? Anyone? How bout a "rhymes with?" Feeling rather dense...
I should send the pink allergy cake to my bosses now just to provide evidence someone already did that.
...and then demand that I am able to bring in my own cake. Stupid corn allergy....
The ball and chain cake is hilarious! May have to steal that idea for hubby and me.
I totally identified the "Sorry you can't eat this" cake as an office cake for someone on Weight Watchers. Hmmm, my own life experience coloring my judgment?
The ball-and-chain cake is hilarious!
Poor Kyle. I started seeing Jack Nicholson's face at the chopped up door. I'll now join Joan behind the couch.
That Bachelor's cake is hysterical-I sense some frustrated parents! It took my neice 10 years to get her B.S., so 7 years isn't so bad! LOL
I was allergic to wheat for many years. When my company would have a b.d. cake for the February birthdays, I never knew whether to tell people I couldn't eat it-there seemed to be a fuss no matter what I said when I declined a piece. But there were a bunch of times when people who knew ahead of time couldn't be bothered to ask me about an alternative, or find one themselves. That was hurtful-so I feel for Kim. Especially these days, when there are actually a lot of alternatives! Now I realize that's a good test for who's toxic in your life-dump 'em fast, Kim!!
Those of us who got through adolescence with the help of Judy Blume’s books will appreciate that she is now attempting to help us through other difficult points in life. Here we see a cake celebrating her latest title “Kyle is Going Away”, a heartwarming tale of a young man who loses a toe to diabetes. We read about how naming the digit helped him deal with the loss. Stay tuned for other new books including “Aunt Flo Doesn’t Visit Anymore” and “Who Needs a Prostate Anyway”.
Got a good chuckle at the bachelor's degree one. Am also wondering what the missing word is in #4.
#1 This is actually the second cake, produced after the customer wondered at some length whether the wreckerator could "understand what I'm saying." Known in the biz as the 'cakey kiss-off'.
#2 "...Bachelor[']s degree...in law enforcement. You have such a great sense of humor, too! The next time I cross in the middle of the street, I'm going to jail, right?"
#3 Never order cake from the Jean-Paul Sartre Bakery. Does the price sticker indicate that this wound up on...The Shelf? [dramatic music] I can't imagine why it would have been refused. The wreckerator had no way of knowing that the 'sorry you can't eat this' bit was an aside to someone during the phone order.
#4 I'm confused by the ninja throwing stars and what are apparently not extraneous quotes but motion marks.
#5 Niiice. If there's something I want to see a.) when I'm about to eat and b.) on what I'm about to eat, a smiley face is it. What it covers, I mean. We couldn't have gone with 'cow' maybe? 'Toledo'? "Who wants this piece?"
#6 Maybe Kyle didn't know. From the 'break it with cake' collection. When you care enough to...you know, turn it into a reason to have cake.
These cakes are so mean.
at least Kyle got sprinkles....LOTS of sprinkles
Your right, it's totally a gift.
I got a cake for my baby shower, when I had gestational diabetes and couldn't eat it. At least if they'd had that writting on it I'd have gotten a laugh out of the "party" - and thought maybe one person actually thought about me in the planning :)
I can only think of one word that starts with N that would require a block out... think about it folks. Rhymes with bigger, sometimes used with affection among those of African decent... I could be wrong, but it's the only thing that makes sense.
I'm guessing #4 has a name marked out so the cake can be anonymous. Better that than a racial slur, which is the only bad word I can think of that starts with N.
"Lots of people go to college for eight years."
"Yes, we call them doctors."
ok, since it's been asked so many times, and doesn't appear to be answered yet, i'm going to provide my guess at number 4. it's a very NON PC term and rhymes with bigger... or maybe nancy is in the witness protection program.
I can only think of one N word that should be blurred out and that word just doesn't make sense there. Someone help me out......
I love the ball & chain cake!
cake #4...
i'm pretty sure that the missing word rhymes with "bigga"...
I, too, am wondering about the blanked-out word on #4. Is it someone's name they wanted removed for privacy reasons? This is gonna bug me all day.
Your story reminds me of when I finally decided to go back to school (my daughter will have her B.A. before I will). My mother, who I *know* wanted me to go back to school, was all encouragement when I told her I'd be taking evening classes.
"Well, you're gonna get out of class after dark and some of those classes might end late. Somebody might knock you in the head."
Uh, thanks Mom. Anyhow, I finish my Associates Degree this November. Maybe I'll get a cake wreck.
I believe the fill in the blank is probably someones name and they did not want it revealed.. That would be my guess..
These are all things my mother in law would say....to me. :)
I am *so* getting that ball and chain cake for my hubby for our 10/18 year anniversary (Got married on our 8 year dating anniversary).
How has no one pointed out the squeezed-in afterthought of an e on the Bachelor's Cake?
DILBERT REFERENCE!
Its funny you say that, because I was informed after our wedding that everyone (including our wedding party) was betting we wouldnt make it to a year! we are now at 6:)
I did my Bachelors in six; I didn't get cake! ::pout::
Heck I'd be happy I was getting my bachlors! degree!
I guess I'm off in left field today. My first thought when I saw the ball and chain was a cake for someone just sentenced to 10 years hard labor (too much Law & Order?). That just made the next cake for Kyle that much more funny.
Check Kyles cake for files and hack saws.
I feel pain for the recipient of the Bachelor's! Degree! cake. Actual pain.