I Guess The Butt Was Laughed Off?
June 3, 2011 I like Dexter. I know it's a horrible show and I shouldn't, but I do. (This is John, by the way. Jen claims she'd rather "exercise" than sit through a single episode. Harsh.) Still, there's one thing missing that I think would make Dexter truly great: puns.
Think about it. The occasional "good" CSI-style pun could transform Dexter from a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner into a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner...with puns.
Allow me to demonstrate. (With a little - ok, a lot - of help from Jen.)
Dexter: [serious look] "Well, I guess the killer didn't stop... to smell the roses."Random cop 2: "Oh, man! It looks like the victim's nose was sliced off with a cheese grater!"
Dexter: [putting on sunglasses] "Hmm. I smell a rat."
Dexter: [taking off sunglasses] "So you're saying he got a little...foot loose."
Dexter: [putting on sunglasses again] "Ab-solutely."
Dexter: [squinting] "So losing his marbles was the last thing to go through his mind."Random cops: [applauding]
Dexter: "Huh. Maybe the perp was looking to get a leg up on killings.""No? Ok...uh...
"This is a killer who never toes the line."
"Still no? Ok, ok, I got it:
"Looks like those little piggies went, 'Whee whee whee! We're DEAD.'"
Thanks to Kelly M., Joanne D., Jenny W., Emma R., & Anna I. for putting murder...on the menu.
Although I don't think I'll be eating again any time soon.
Reader Comments (113)
Oh, John. You're really going with PUNS? *profoundly disappointed facepalm*
THAT show already DOES exist! It's called CSI Miami and the man is Horatio Caine. (lol)
The puns are great and all that, but what causes me more concern is that fact that people have apparently felt a need to have such a plethora of anatomy-based cakes created. Why, for the love of Betty Crocker, why?
Except for the cake missing toes. I don't want to know "why" on that one.
I visit Cake Wrecks on my lunch break at work every day. I'm proud to say that, until today, I've never gagged while reading. I'm just going to put the rest of my spaghetti in the fridge.
WV: Slici (really? I may just throw this food away.) Slici-ed off- what happened to that last cake's toe.
hahahaha. I love puns! I don't want to watch Dexter, though. I'll just stick with yours and Jen's!!
LOL this was fantastic! Love it!
On that last one, at least the remaining toes are nicely pedicured. She hasn't completely let herself go.
If you had used Horatio on a Sunday, I'm not sure I could have forgiven you. However, since these cakes are as wrecky as he is, it works.
WHAT is that last one?! I feel scarred. We were not properly prepared for that. What the what?
I had no idea Dexter was missing puns, but you've sold me on it.
Hmmmm...Random Cop 1,Random Cop 2, Random Cop 4...no Random Cop 3...sounds like a cop-out......
wv - coment: short observation
I literally pictured David Caruso making each gesture and his dramatic pauses whenever he states his signature line for the episode just before the dreaded commercial break. Love it. I can't comment on Dexter as I've never seen it, but on another note, it amazes me what people with make a cake into.
Even the mere hint of a reference to Horatio Caine/David Caruso makes me go into fiery feral soap box mode of wondering FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD, WHY IS THAT MAN STILL ON TV???? They (tv execs) cancel shows like "Arrested Development" and "Pushing Daises" and keep "CSI: Miami"????? Why, God, why??? The injustice of it all!!!
{Panting with the exertion of being bodily removed from the soapbox by my husband...}
But, um, great post today.
:-)
Oh, I totally understand Jen's hesitation with Dexter. One: I'm squeamish and cowardly and was afraid it would be gory. Two: The premise itself turned me off. However, my hus started watching and I became curious and started watching. I got hooked. Surprisingly, I think there's not that much violence considering the subject matter (compared to the CSIs/ NCISs). Try and convince her to watch a full episode. She might get sucked in like me.
The last cake reminds me of a friend of my grandma's who had her index (this little piggy stayed home) toe deliberately amputated so she could continue to wear narrow pointy toed high heels. EEEEUUUuuwwww!
And my favorite Horatio one liner: Oh, crap, RUN, he tood of the sunglasses!
Dexter, I tried, but it's like Lassie and worrying too much that Granpa might not get there to get Timmy out of the well. Gives me anxiety nightmares.
wv: quicher Eat your cake and quicher bitchin.
@ Joanna
Preach on sister.
Do you want company up there and is your soapbox built for two?
You forgot 'Life' (a thousand times better than CSI); "Dirty Sexy Money"; "Better Off Ted"; "Southland" (yes, technically picked up by TNT, but that doesn't help if you don't get that station)... I could go on.
and on and on and on....
Officer 8675309's correction to ...
@ yellowpickup
That's Tommy "Two Toes" according to the evidence.
wv: Lythol : I need some lythol to kill the lingering bugs that survived the brain bleach
I'm a big Dexter fan and although I can't think of a lot of puns (using the true definition of the word) in the show, there are usually at least a couple of lines in each episode that get a giggle from me. And in Dexter's defense, he does only kill the bad people! And yes, that foot cake is truly disgusting…
Dexter is horrible!? Nuh-uh! I completely disagree, however; these cakes are quite creepy.
Funny. I skimmed right over the long random cop number until I read the comments. When did Jenny become a random cop?
wv: imples - knee-jerk reaction. Maybe the killer was acting on imples.
Dexter is NOT a horrible, guilty-pleasure show... it's just plain GREAT! I love it! After discovering it, I watched all 4 seasons via Netflix in just a few weeks' time. (However... I will also admit to loving all 3 CSIs...)
LOVE Dexter, LOVE the puns, LOVE this blog! I needed a laugh today...Great job as usual!!
I laughed so hard at these, CSI puns are always hilarious. Have you seen this? http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/csi/ I watched this a lot in the UK, but I don't know if it ever caught on here...
LOL great post! I've never seen Dexter but I could totally see it's punny potential...
love the random numbering of the random cops, btw!
Oh god... is it just me or did anyone else have a sudden flashback to that foot cake you posted a while ago that had a toe missing? Anyone?
wv (almost to good to be true): outsh. When my limb was hacked off with a rusty butter knife, I screamed OUTSH!
@Louise
I'd never seen that; it's FUNNY.
I don't like the corny one-liners, either, but I think Mr.Caruso is pretty. I liked him in NYPD Blue.
I'd like him in---never mind.
=^9.9^=
Mein Gott, in what universe would ANY of these be considered a good idea?
The chest hair one turned my stomach in particular. As someone who once got through half of a BLT before realizing the bacon was incredibly spoiled, that's saying something.
What. In. The. Heck? I, I can't.
wv: Tasift I'm going to eat like nobody's business tonight. Tasift I can get the images of these murder cakes out of my head.
I love dexter! I accidentally let it slip to my church group that I watch it though. As if I was not an outcast before.. I feel your pain, I really do.
"I love Dexter! The books are great too, sometimes a little too much like the show [in regards to story line], but when reading it, it's like I'm watching the show.. which is awesome."
You are kidding, aren't you? The books are not at *all* like the show - for once, the filmed version is way, way better than the written version.
Jen, I can't believe you don't love Dexter - it's brilliant. And so blackly funny and dry. Thought it would have been right up your alley. Best show on TV.
Hahah...brilliant! I love a good pun more than I love a good wreck - combining the two is excellence personified!
WV: slitin. Well it's clear how he died, there was a slitin his heart!
I heart Dexter! My fav. ever line has to be "I must not kill my sister, I must not kill my sister". :)
Would like to know the stories behind these cakes esp. the feet. Eeeee, would you like some toe jam with your cake?
Dexter as Horatio Caine... My brain hurts... Thanks, Jen/John.
Hmm I agree Dexter could use more humor in it lol. I am still trying to catch up on Season 4 I am so far behind sad but true. Those cakes should just give up and admit the wreckerators butchered them poor things.
Oh man I love that show! I think it would be a little funnier with some puns on the show.
Awesome, I've never seen Dexter, but the synopsis sounds neat.
John, John, John.
You're just helping the pun control lobby by making their case for them.
By the way, I had Random Cop's number right away. I didn't think you'd mind.
@Robin: LOVE the psync line!
@Crystal: Jen and John did a minor showing of big fried donuts back in March... don't remember? They were decorated with some type of beads and yellow, green and purple sprinkles...
Today's post was brilliant. Adore Dexter. I bought my husband the "killing shirt" Dex wears (it's from American Apparel if anyone is looking for it). And I do like the cheesiness of Horatio Caine in a totally different way. Well done today John :-)
wv: menions- Consider me one of your many menions...
This post was great! THAT show already DOES exist! It's called CSI Miami and the man is Horatio Caine. (lol) I love the Tommy Tutone reference!
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John, your last line made me laugh out loud. (Not LOL). It's so rare that someone takes the time to show off a sick sense of humour - and I mean that as a compliment! (And yes, I'm Canadian so humour is spelled correctly.) I actually find the Dexter books have some good dialogue that is funny, more so than the show. Hmmmm, think I'll see if there are any lady fingers left ...
Cheryl
EEEEK! That toe one is scary. Do you know the back story of it? Like a commiserative cake for having a toe amputated?
:D
My punny bone hurts. The post was hysterical and the comments have been just as good. Win/Win.
-Barbara Anne
@sendingintheclowns:
AWESOME! Especially the "neither hand nor foot" part.
And I can tell you, what Julie et is NOT any of these cakes!
What! Dexter is a GREAT show! And the puns aren't as cheesy as CSI Miami and the horrible David Caruso. :)
While I applaud the use of CSI savvy puns (CSI Miami material for sure), I cannot forgive the insult to Dexter. I expect you to redeem this blog in the near future.
The last cake will haunt my nightmares. I may never be able to eat cake again.
i don't get why those body part cakes were considered a good idea. i suppose the nose one could be for a plastic surgeon, the feet could be for a podiatrist, the brain could be for a neurologist. but what in the name of all that's decent possessed someone to "celebrate" amputated toes with a cake like that?!
I love Dexter. I don't have cable so I've had to buy them on DVD. I'd probably hate it if there were puns... that's why I don't watch CSI Miami. I just couldn't stand to hear one more stupid phrase out of Who's his face!
It's as if Horatio Caine turned evil.
Wait, now I wanna see him and Dexter go at it.
The toe-amputation cake is missing TWO toes. To lose one toe, Mr. John, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.