Through Sick and Gin
April 11, 2011 They say you never appreciate your health and home until you're eight hundred miles away from home hacking up a proverbial lung in a not-so-proverbial Microtel with suspicious sheets and a broken A/C unit.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Who are these mysterious "they?" And how do they gain their all-encompassing knowledge? And what, exactly, do sheets have to be suspicious OF?
(Have I mentioned yet that I've been taking a lot of Robitussin? No? Excellent.)
And so, in conclusion, I'm writing myself a Get Well post from all of you. Because I know you care. And I probably won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway. (Another hot toddy? Don't mind if I do!)
Meth? Why, yeth, thith cake ITH a "meth."
Actually it's "Jen."And hey, I'm right here!
I mean, just because someone is humming the theme song to 2001 while rocking a doll made entirely of used Kleenex doesn't mean she can't hear you.
(Daaaa. Daaaa...DAA DUMMM!!)
(You know, this guy?)
'Cuz I gotta be honest: The implied comparison here isn't making me feel any better.(For that matter, neither are the Dr. Pepper enemas.)
(In fact, I'm starting to wonder if some of these anonymous chat room doctors might not be entirely trustworthy.)
Whoah, whoah, whoah! What's with the needle? Is this some kind of threat? What ever happened to teddy bears and flowers?
Well, I'm pretty sure that's a daisy.
So I guess that's one long shot that paid off in the end.
(Think it's solid buttercream?)
(And syringe cakes: do they really *need* a point?)
('Cuz I'd say that cheeky baker really injected some fun into his bottom line!)
(Something something spankin' new rear view mirror. Or something.)
Aaaand that's a bum wrap.
Reader Comments (115)
Okay, I couldn't even read what was below the last cake... So, so disturbed... What? Why? And for the love of cake, what is that in the syringe? Oh, ick, ick, ick...
-michelej
Sorry you're not feeling well, but you still have your sense of humor :)
BTW the butt cake scares me a little....I mean, come on, who knows where that things been?
Most of these really cracked me up, as well as you, Jen. However, that last one was just ewww. It was the yellow "star" there that really grossed me out. Get better, Jen. Just think of the bright side - you have now made a public service announcement of what happens when you are on drugs.
Look how far they stuck the needle in. Extra painful.
I'd share some actual ridiculous home remedies I've heard since living in Austin, but you'd only just accuse me of aiding and abetting Texas' attempt to kill you. And you'd be right, because as Minchin so aptly put it, know what they call alternative medicine that's been proven to work? Medicine.
So enjoy your meds and eat some cake when you can taste actual food again.
Wow. Robitussen increases the funny puns; love it!
I grew up watching The Hobbit--found it like 6 years ago at a random gas station and then gave it to my brother for his birthday. He was very excited. I think I'm going to ask to borrow it next time I visit him. -Not sure why I like that movie, but don't have the courage or the fortitude to read the book. Shall I give it a try?
Oh yeah...get well soon, Jen! (But maybe not TOO soon. I like it when you post all high on cold medicine.)
Oh vey! Where's the Bearly There Modesty Bear when you need him?
WV: goupse. Yeah, that's all I could say when I saw the filled syringe.
Having stayed in a Microtel I can honestly say I'd rather be sick in a storage unit. I am so, so very sorry.
That said why does the whoo-ha get a flower but there's no, ummm, "exit" depicted or covered on that Japanese butt? Maybe thats what the surgery is going to fix?
Why, why, why is that syringe shoved in there halfway up the shaft?? (And why does that bother me more than the "daisy"?)
I hope you're feeling better soon, but while you're slow moving let me just say I immediately thought of Operation when I saw that cake, too. *runs away*
Sorry about your bum rap! I toast you with a snort of Robitussin, I am laid up with whooping cough and a sprained ankle. Hope you feel better real soon!
Maybe the second to last cake (cookie?) is supposed to be a bottle of glue for sniffing? Looks like black market elmers.
Get Well soon!
Love the Bilbo cake1
Holy cow, I think a potential EPCOT disaster has actually been diverted! Only ~16% of the comments are mentioning the obvious, and most of those are only commenting on the comments pointing out the obvious.
It's a Christmas miracle!
Hope you feel better soon!
Even more disturbing to me than the, uh, daisy on the last cake, is the question -- what is in that syringe???
Didn't even know the needle on the cookies cake was a needle.
LOL
Wow - not only am I wondering who has the nerve to put Tweety Bird on a meth recovery cake, but it is spelled wrong to boot? Wouldn't the Coyote have been a better choice? He always was acting like someone in a drug fueled rage. Or maybe that Mexican mouse that tormented Sylvester???
The writing on "Too bad about Joan" is beautiful, for once much better than the clumsy decoration.
Littlefoot
wv: emobbl - to paralyze with emotion: I was emobbled by sadness.
Okay...I'm all for "attention to detail" and everything, but the starfish on that bum cake...is...ah...well...ummmm...yeah.
Get well soon! To make you feel better, take a drug-up'ed stroll through Etsy...buy whatever you want, and since you will forget what you ordered when you detoxic, your mailbox will turn into Christmas!
Yes, I do believe that's a daisy!
Feel better soon!
Dr Pepper enema..isn't that from an Augusten Burroughs book?Can't think of which one though..
that's a good one today
from meth recovery to buttcakes with daisy pasties. if that doesn't make you laugh don't know what will.
we just got over the cooties to end all cooties i am so agreeing with the never leave home again thought. 2 different antibiotics over 2 months now and we're finally getting well in this house. feel better soon. we had better luck with benaryl stopping the coughing then the cough medicine of death (ie the evil tussin)
Are you in Texas again?
That last one totally cracked me up!
And I thought Moon Cakes were only from China! Shows what I know!
Well, you know what they say... "If you haven't got your health," you must have an awesome sense of humor! Even tanked up on meds you blow me away with your puns.
I am currently suffering at home this evening with a headcold so I'm commiserating with you. I tried to work in a tissue pun there. ;-) You must have better meds than me.
So this is Jen on Robitussin? Wow! ;-)
My doctor is from Russia and swears by (and yells at me if I don't) wearing wool socks after soaking your feet in as hot water as you can stand. He also recommends drinking tea with raspberry preserves in it (any tea) and breathing in the steam of the tea deeply into your lungs. All these things really help.
Praying for you.
Joanie
(And I loved the "Too Bad About Joan" cake!!!)
wv: aagody - this blog is Double AA Goody (Bad, but oh, well!)
You are definitely more pun-chy than usual. :-D Get better soon!
hope you feel better soon--the airborne margaritas should do it.
Haha, at least the baker of that last cake seems to be pretty self-aware -- I'm pretty sure the Chinese sign is a pun on the saying "one needle (or shot) is effective," since the word "effective" is replaced with "laugh," or "funny."
Anonymous chat room doctors! Genius...and frugal!
The daisy is too small. And I want to know if the syringe is made from gum paste.
:whimper:
Robitussin and Bilbo call for a drugged out on cold medicine LOTR marathon (and, dare I hope, an LOTR Sunday Sweets?). Feel better soon, Jen.
OK, what good things could be injected into a butt-cake? Frangelico, brandy, kirsch...That way the person with the strongest stomach (who wants the piece with the needle?) would get yummy booze soaked cake. Everyone else would be sad
WV atzingu - japanese sneeze
Well, it *was* too bad about Joan, wasn't it?
Ooh, the syringe on that last one made me wince. It's jammed halfway into the skin, oh god! And what's it filled with, anyway?
As soon as I saw the Bilbo comment, I thought "Oh god, it's an Epcot situation!" Sure enough, scrolling down to the comments, I wasn't disappointed.
Poor Jen! I live in Portland and there's a distillery here that makes a ginger vodka. I had it about 6 months ago and not only have I not been sick since I also have no hair on my ass! TMI? Sorry. You'll have to try it. It's great in lemonade so warm it up and call it theraflu.
WV: flundew. bless you.
psssstttt, you do know you should SIP Robitussin and not GULP it, right??
o.O the "daisy" eeeep
-Barbara Anne
Lol oh man did I nearly die laughing at that last cake. Now I am afraid of finding a cake like that in a bakery around here. Who on earth would buy one of those?? Get well Jen!! Hopefully you avoid these evil wrecks seeing as they are designed for evil and not good..
Well, I immediately thought that it was a sun, not a daisy... or is "the sun shines out of your a##" an Australian saying only?
I hope you feel better soon, but that you will continue taking Robitussin anyway.
When you're sick, you can't smell your dog's (or cat's) farts as much. See? Silver lining.
Get better!
Bilboooo, Bilbo Baggins, greatest little hobbit cake of them alllll!
I swear, after seeing the last cake, all I could think of was 'meanwhile, in Japan...'
Also, get better hon'!
ROTFLMFAO
Oh lordy, I'm so sorry you're ill!! But your cold-meds inspired Wrecks post is the best one I've ever read, bar none!! xD
That butt cake...OH...MY...GOD! I don't know whether to laugh hysterically, or vomit....that is EPIC!!! LOL!!
#1 Recovery is awesome, seeing as I know people who have done that. 'Recovry', not so much.
#2 'Too Bad About Joan' could mean so many things, but the cake would make a nice title graphic for a new soap opera.
#3 Ok, I'm late to the party (due to getting way closer to the medical establishment than I would like, but not on my own behalf, which is not necessarily better). Nonetheless, I'll join Operation EPCOT: it's 'the Operation guy'.
#4 The meta-message here is: 'Get well or else!'
#5 Or else you'll wind up like 'Daisy' here. Looks like someone has poor Aimee; I've never seen a syringe inserted that far. It's remarkable how these posts can be cruising along and all of a sudden, the bottom drops out.
Get well soon, Jen. Some of the comment-taters were starting to panic.
"Too Bad About Joan" is a cake begging to release its back story!
But I do appreciate the homage to Manny Ramierez in the last cake. Very timely, indeed, Jen. Get well soon!
Get well soon (kick some germ butt? :))
OH GOD THE DAISY
It will haunt me for the rest of my days. :(
Get well soon!
~Ashlee
http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com
Win earrings, free entry!
I like the writing on "Joan" (except for the smudges) but now I have to know--what happened to her?? and why are we celebrating it with cake? with snickers?
and nothing says "aimez" ("love in French") like shoving a needle in a sunburned butt before having the chance to wipe. ew.
actually, that could be a murder scene....I know someone who knows someone who was killed by the mob in a drug dispute exactly this way (dunno what was in the syringe) and left in a cemetery.
well, I guess I should post this anonymously now!
wv: restoons: a prescription for when your sick. Rest, and watch cartoons.
God help the person who brings me a get well buttcheek cake. LOL!!
Apparently Aimei means Ambiguity innChinese(?). And that's some ambiguous cake! (Before enlarging the pic, I though the little sign on the bottom -- er, lower right -- said Aimed,which would also have been amusing.