Tuesday
Jan042011
Resolution Time
January 4, 2011 Each January, millions of people around the world use the dawning of a new year as a reason to stop eating HoHos. And each January, millions of people fail miserably.
[shaking fist] (I wish I knew how to quit you, HoHos!)
But not this year...
This year, I resolve to:
Eat more fruits and vegetables.
This counts, right?Cut down on my caffeine intake.
...especially while baking. It makes your hands shake and there's nothing worse than dropped Bawls.Take responsibility for my mistakes - even the itty-bitty ones that no one else would ever really notice.
The frownie face shows I'm sincere.Learn Esperanto.
And finally, stop selling babies on the black market.
...or at least start packaging them better. (Customs can be such a pain in the butt.)Thanks Rachel T., Lisa, Alicia G., Monique R., Jessica R., Karilee S. Hmm, Captain Kirk, beer and herpes. I think I remember that episode...
Reader Comments (73)
Uh... does that Bawl's one say happy 18th birthday?...
Grapes? On a cake? Embedded in buttercream? That's almost as bad as all those cakes from yesterday. Thanks, I think I'll pass.
Hey, you want to quit HoHos? Read the comments from yesterday's post. *shudder*
Grapes on a cake! I've had enough of these muthaf'in grapes on the muthaf'in cake!
That last one would be pretty adorable if it didn't have the weird baby butt thing going on.
@ D.H.
I some parts of Canada you can drink when you are 18.
About the grapes... It is a Spanish tradition to eat 12 grapes on new years. Each grape brings luck for one of the following months.
You would think a "Gift from Heaven" would be packaged a little bit better than that.
A pre-determined escape artist?
Sharon's Edible Art
Uh, guys...as far as I know Bawls is just a really caffeinated drink, no alcohol in it. So it doesn't matter if the person is 18 and in the US (or Canada or wherever).
Jen, It's easy to give up Hoho's! Just eat a swiss cake roll and whalla no more Hoho craving. Now letting go of the swiss cake rolls is a whole different issue...I don't think it can be done.
@Charles-what a cool tradition, but I still think I'd prefer my 12 grapes sans cake, or whatever that is under the grapes.
Ok, the grapes??? REALLY? There are waaaay more than 12 (one for each month). Hmmm, the recipient cannot have strawberries, doesn't like blueberries, and green is her favorite color... I know-I'll put GRAPES on the cake!! It's a berry, right? kinda, right?
And the herpes cookie. Was that supposed to be a make-up gift after telling or was this the way to break the news???
Yeah, I think BAWLS was another energy drink.
"...there's nothing worse than dropped Bawls."
BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. I actually snorfed when I read that. Haha, excellent.
That Herpes cookie totally cracked me up. Can you imagine taking the order for that? How do you not flinch when the person hands you money to pay? LOL hilarious.
@D.H. and Anony@10:01
Since I've never heard of "Bawls" drink, I googled it. It's a highly caffeinated energy beverage (probably similar to Red Bull, so, instead of giving you wings...you get balls o.O) and I don't see any alcohol content. So, an 18 YO would be legal.
Thanks CW & Google - learn something new every day!
"I like to drink Bawls!" Heh heh *snicker*
wv: diditi: Why diditi biti baby come out of the box? Someone forgot to make "breathing holes" - poor thing was suffocating in there!
No such thing as alcoholic Bawls! It's an amazing soda/energy drink. Try it some time!
Defense lawyer to the jury:
"Yes, this last picture shows a baby half in a box. But I don't think that proves he's a smuggling criminal. I think it just proves he's very bad at packing."
Looks like we might get another EPCOT! :-D
wv: whign: Please don't whign about the herpes...I said I was sorry and got you a big cookie!
I'm in the UK so no problem with a bottle of booze on a cake for an 18 year old - even though it turns out it's a non-alcoholic drink, in which case I don't really get why it's on the cake - it would make more sense if it WAS alcoholic, at least in the UK, for someone turning 18 and legally allowed to buy alcohol
wv: delete - quite appropriate for so many wrecks!
The "gift from Heaven" cake was actually beautifully executed. Too bad it was so ill-conceived!
I thought it said 10th birthday on the bawls cake, but when I counted the candles, there were 16 of them.
The herpes cake just leaves ya wondering...
I think the baby cake is kinda cute, but somewhat scary at the same time...
*Peers very closely at the cherries cake*
"Congrats Spr 2K9 Noo of the Theta Jau & Kappa Alpha Psi! To be Konitue."
"Congratulations, such-and-such a sorority or fraternity of the class of Spring 2009. To be continued on the other cake"?
That's the first time I've seen a PTO on a cake. Perhaps they need a new acronym, PLONC: "Please look on next cake."
- Cheryl
I love the reference to Brokeback Mountain. It's my favorite line from that movie, and I try to work it into my conversations at least once a day.
I prefer to be more like Rimmer by only aspiring to learn Esperanto.
wtf are people thinking when they go to the bakery????
D.H. In Finland (and many other countries in the World) the drinking age is not 21. In Finland you can drink beer and cider at 18 and then all of the hard alcohols at 20. Perhaps the individual is in an other country.
Glad I wasn't the only one to attempt a translation of the sorority/fraternity cake... to be Konitue??? ROFL Double 'of'??? Double ROFL
I think the grapes were for more than one person. Yeah... that's it.
*giggle* Sad cakes, love the commentary.
Not sure about the Bawls, but maybe the wreckerator wasn't 18 yet, so had to buy/use non-alcoholic drink? Odd. But then, I'm old enough to remember 18 being legal. And 21 becoming legal. And being legal both times.
Yeah, I'm old. Shhh -- you will be too, one day.
I also agree on the HoHo addiction, switch to Swiss Cake Rolls, addiction solved.
Keep on cakin', JenandJohn!
~~Di
Yes, LooE LooI--- we may indeed be moving towards an Epcot threat level based on the Bawls episode. Right now the threat level is yellow---- but, PEOPLE, stay alert! Keep your eyes open and don't let anyone touch your luggage!
WV:buladl: As the great Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can buladl you without your consent."
Bawl's doesn't contain alcohol, just a lot of caffeine.
So is the herpes cookie supposed to make the recipient feel better about having contracted herpes? Kind of like a bandaid on a boo-boo?
Wow. Just wow.
I think perhaps my resolution to avoid buttercream just became easier.
LMAO... does that really say "Sorry about the herpes?!!" How awful a message is that?!!!
I think I'll stick with the HoHo's, personally.
Poor baby... already has serious cellulite issues. *twitch* Who wants a piece of the diaper??
While the grapes-on-cake are weird, that raised cluster with something stuck to them just makes them thoroughly unappealing. And I *like* grapes. Particularly once they're squished and fermented ;)
I can see why some need to cut down on their caffeine intake, but isn't that a rather odd thing to put on a birthday cake? I can see why friends would put a bottle of booze on an 18th, 19th or 21st b-day cake (depending upon the drinking age in your jurisdiction), but would you put a can of Coke or Root Beer on a cake? No? then why Bawls? (Although it is a pretty colour... and an amusing name).
Nope, a lame cookie would NOT make up for that.
That boxed-baby cake would've been nice without the baby butt. And lumpy baby legs. Thumbs up on the execution, thumbs down on the concept.
PS What's a HoHo?!
Babies with cellulite thighs. Yum.
Oh my, the things I learn from Cakewrecks! Now I have to go someplace where I can place my beverage order and say "I'd like some Bawls please!"
Yes, I'd like to order a cake for a baby shower. Something in mind? Why, yes I do. I'd like a cake shaped like a present with the baby's butt and legs hanging out of the box, OK? Thanks!
WTH???
Well, in Spain grapes are traditionally eaten on New Years.
But not on a cake. And that cake doesn't say anything about New Years.
So yeah. I've got nothing.
Followup: I had to check where one can buy Bawls... how fitting is it that one of the retailers that sells it is called Kum & Go?
I've made a "sorry about the herpes" cake before. A frat boy type ordered it for another frat boy type. I'm pretty sure it was a joke...
Yes! I've been meaning to watch Incubus and Shatner!
So I'm looking at the baby basket cake and thinking, "That looks familiar, where have I seen that?"
Then I see my name at the bottom for credits. Oh yeah! I sent that pic in some weeks back, HA!
:D Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! I got my name on cakewrecks! Thanks Jen <3
It's not the grapes that bother me. It's the worms (?) amongst the grapes that bother me.
Anonymous: The 2nd cake would probably say "d on the next cake."
Sarah, what is "whalla"? Do you mean "voila"? Otherwise, I'm confused!
I especially like how you thank, "beer and herpes" AWESOME! ~Ame
From the Bawls website:
"Using the untapped potential of Guarana in the United States as a source for caffeine in soft drinks, BAWLS Guarana took off with surprising strength on November 14, 1996 in Miami, FL. People instantly fell in love with the refreshing, crisp taste of BAWLS, while being able to enjoy the rush of caffeine the drink packs"
That's right. Refreshing, crisp taste. Of Bawls... I'm beginning to think it's the worst cake by like a million.
I was going to comment on the grapes being a Spanish New Year's Eve tradition -- but Charles beat me to it.
Re: More than 12 grapes... Enough for all the guests? Unless someone is going to eat the entire cake, grapes and all, themselves.
I hope the frosting on the grapes cake is whipped topping. Why would anyone want to quit HoHos?
What's up with the "I just gave you a disease (it is an incurable virus after all) you will have for the rest of your life so have a cookie."?
Okay, so if you have a lot to say on your cake, please make sure that the cake is big enough for all of the words to fit in a readable fashion, or learn brevity.
If your going to let the baby play with the box, confiscate the lid to avoid situations like this. Pretty box though.
Are those grapes or very small tomatillos? Regardless, on a CAKE? Bleah.
Ditto the person who said to read the last entry's comments (and possibly watch linked video) to dissuade you from eating packaged chocolates.
Isn't the herpes cake (eww) an Office reference?