Wednesday
Jan192011
Sick as a Dog
January 19, 2011 We've learned from a recent survey that 76% of our readers get their news exclusively from Cake Wrecks and the Fun Facts on the underside of Snapple lids. So today, in Part 12 of our medical news series, "Congrats! You're Contagious!," we'll be teaching you how to recognize an onset of Rectal Arthritic Bubonic Inner Ear Scurvy (aka "R.A.B.I.E.S.") in your furry friend.
Stage 1: Upon initial infection, your dog may show unusual signs of perkiness and energy.
Sparky may even rummage through your holiday scrunchie drawer and attempt to accessorize.
Stage 2: Several minutes after becoming infected, your dog may appear nervous or scared.
Hiding behind word-shaped shrubbery is common.
Hiding behind word-shaped shrubbery is common.
Stage VII: R.A.B.I.E.S. will cause Munchkin's eyes to water and turn a slightly pinkish hue:
Also known as the "Tammy Faye Baker Phase."
Stage 6: Foaming at the mouth:
After eating poo.
Stage 6: Lashing out with erratic behavior.
Also known as the "Your Kid's Gonna Need Therapy" phase.
Stage F: Dry, patchy skin.
Accompanied by KISS makeup and a wang beard.
Stage 9: Inexplicable weight gain.
And loss of limbs and neck.
So be sure to keep an eye out for any signs that your little Gnarls Barkley may be infected. After all, you don't want to experience the final phase of the R.A.B.I.E.S. virus:
Thanks to Megan, Anna M., Katy P., Angela L., Jason, Stephanie A., Ashley J., Tiffany H., and Alexander B. Now stay tuned for parts 13 and 14 in our medical series: "Lady Lumps," and "Chlamydi-huh?"
Reader Comments (86)
The pinkish-hue eyes dog is reeeaaally scary. It reminds me of Bunnicula.
OK, how many people on here actually remember Tammy Faye?
Hysterical. Great way to start the day.
Those poor dogs. This makes me happy not to have one. I'd hate for him to catch this!
I hate when that happens.
"Hiding behind word-shaped shrubbery is common" haha! Geez that one was terrifying...it definitely looked like it was going to leap off the plate and eat anyone who tried to eat it!
You know I just tried posting this to Facebook and couldn't because it said it was content that had been previously marked as spammy. Had to fill in a form to report it as non-spam. Is that a Facebook-wide problem? Or is that to do with my own settings?
HA HA. The fourth pup looked kinda cute until I read the poo part. yeesh!
@ Oldish Lady, yes, I remember Tammy Faye >>shudder<<
Hmm. Wouldn't post using the "share" feature, but managed to post the link fine directly to my wall. Ah well.
"Tammy Faye Baker Phase"-love it!
Wuh? No mention of Cujo?
Sharon's Edible Art
These weren't up to your quality, but still funny . . . now I want to know how to take the best cake pictures!
http://asterling.typepad.com/incipit_vita_nova/2011/01/amateur-cake-wrecks.html
Were stages 3, 4, 5, 8 and A-E too horrific to share? ;-)
I love the erratic numbering of stages, and the descriptions of the symptoms. Hilarious!
That tongue was WAY too realistic on the stage 6 cake. Ew.
Aaaarrrgggghhh!! That one with the teeth! It's not even fully canine!! The eyes!! My Eyes!! Aarrggghh!!
Wow - a Tammy Faye doggie. ~shudder~ It is comforting to know, though, that I'm not the only one who remembers her.
WV: rabutles - What's left after the final phase of R.A.B.I.E.S.
*giggling*
Number 2 reminds me of the drawings from Hyperbole and a half.
My 4-year-old daughter was watching over my shoulder as I read this. She is obsessed with dogs, and was excited at first. When I got to the Gene-Simmons-esque cake, I heard her say, "Mommy, is that a doggy cake or a piggy cake?"
When I got to the last one, she said, "That one is a potatopus."
We recenly lost our family dog, a 17-year-old Bichon Frise. As he got older, the enzymes in his saliva caused the fur around his mouth to turn brown. "Stage 6: Foaming at the Mouth" looks EXACTLY like my old friend!
Although, if I were going to order a cake of his face, I wouldn't have ordered it with brown fur. Cause you know, it looks like poop...
Any post that finds a way to combine Tammy Faye and important safety tips from Egon, is a +20 in my book.
You guys crack me up everymorning.
I love this blog.
You're so witty.
I'm sure you hear that all the tiem though.
This post had me laughing so loud the neighbours came to the door.
Haha! I liked reading this on my Google Reader because the ad at the end of the post was a Banfield free pet exam ad.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but you guys are really, genuinely FUNNY.
:)
At least the dog in the Inexplicable Weight Gain stage looks happy...none of the others do.
And add me to the Tammy Faye list. I remember though I have tried to forget.
Wang Beard. Bahahaha.
It's a good day when I read a Ghostbusters reference. :)
Excellent post, as usual.
Actually I kinda like the fourth one down. Maybe 'cause I'm getting used to seeing totaly ruined cakes on here. I can at least tell what it's supposed to be....or it could be 'cause it looks a bit like the dog my husband had when we met and I loved her.
Totally disturbing cakes+excellent commentary. Nice goin' Assistant--Number 1. BTW-- how many total possible posters/moderators does CW have? Obviously there's Jen; John, husband of Jen; you (are you a friend and/or relative of theirs?)---but are there any other associates?
Sadly, I can remember both Tammy Fay and Cujo. That was a fun sentence to write.
Terrell
On the second cake it looks like there is some sort of template/base (very shiny)over the cake that the decorator just piped frosting into (the grooves). Am I the only one that sees that?
OH man, that post was ruff!! Haha! "Oldish Lady" may not believe this, but we were JUST talking about Tammy Faye last night at dinner! I don't remember why but it definitely involved makeup.
I have tears running down my eyes... Definitely one of the best!
And, once again, my 2 year old looks at these wrecks and proclaims "CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!" ... She frightens me.
The cake with the weight gain looks like either a sloth or a Wampa Ice Creature on happy pills.
WV: maulers. Need I even MAKE a joke here?
I don't exactly know why, but it's the dog cakes that LITERALLY have me laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face! Thank you for the laughs!
Timely Tammy Faye reference. Their son's autobiography was featured on MSNBC yesterday. Looks to be a good read.
Cakes are scary.
WV: Phing--all through the post I kept asking "What is that phing?"
My 2-year-old responded, "oh, puupy dog" to every picture until we got to the end and she responded, "what that mommy?"
Stage 6 was almost a cute cake until it went all feral and bitey.
Love the scary dog cakes...btw, it is Tammy Faye Bakker, with two "k"s.
I ran into her once here in Charlotte at Burlington coat factory. She was tee-tiny and told me she really thought the better deals were at Ross.
I think stage 9 is actually a 3 toed sloth.
Bunnicula! I'm suddenly back in third grade. I may just stay there for a while.
I was giggling quietly to myself until "wang beard". Then I completely lost it! Still laughing about it...husband is looking at me like I'm crazy. Thanks for the good laugh today!!!
At first I thought stage 6 dog was really cute, then I realized it had a mouth full of needle sharp teeth. Now I'm scared.
"Total protonic reversal"... **spewing coffee all over my monitor**
Jeeze... Thanks, guys!
A giggle-worthy post, as usual! Although, as a dog person, I'm offended that people would even *think* to associate these wrecks with dogs. Dogs deserve much better. Maybe these are cats? (evil cackle!)
@OldishLady-- add me to the list of those who remember.
Numbering-- 1, 2, 7 (VII), 6, 6, F, 9, final.... O.o, you've been staring at photos of too many wrecks. Step away from the computer :)
#1 at least looks happy. I want some of whatever it's on!
#6 is horrific... and thoroughly unappetizing.
#7 the bloating has turned it green-tinged?
#8 bright pink and eyes falling out of the head. Yeah, that's what I'd bring to a dog lover
The white poodle licking its mouth would be kind of cute if it didn't look like it had an eye infection.
#1 No one names their dog 'Cupcake'? This could be why.
#2 shows the importance of planning ahe.
Happy Rirthday (?)...well, you know who you are, even if anyone else wouldn't. Remember, it's the thought that counts. Not the best argument to make here? Well, ya got me there.
#3-8 Oy.
wv: loroc A candidate for the name of the recipient of #2 (it's even in the same shade of green).
@ David L - thanks for letting us know about the FB glitch, David! We had that happen once over a year ago, so we'll keep an eye on it.
@NiteNurse - It's just the 3 of us (me, John, & #1) writing over here. We also have Wrecksistant and Wrecky Minion who help with e-mail, but those two lovely ladies don't actually post anything on the blog.
I was literally laughing out loud throughout! Wonderful!
Thanks Number 1! This one really had me giggling.
""When I got to the last one, she said, "That one is a potatopus.""
I am so glad for 4 year olds, cause my first thought when I looked at that one was "What is that?" I think she hit the nail on the head, it is a potatopus! :) Love it!!!!
Ok, the total protonic reversal just made my crap day so much better. :)
I literally had to close the page and come back to it after I'd finished eating. Of all the horrid cakes you've featured, these are the ones that made me gag! :)