The Magical Story of Labor Day
September 6, 2010 Ah, Labor Day. A day when we celebrate labor and all of its laborious labors.
And who among us hasn't labored over laborious labors at some point in our labors? Heck, you may be laboring right now! You might even be IN labor! And that's the labor regarding which I have begun to labor over this post. Laboriously. And from a guy's point of view.*
(*Bearing in mind that, since I AM a guy, I've never had to bear children myself - laboriously or otherwise.)
...when BLAM!, some dude comes along and gets all up in your business!
Okay, that came out wrong.
The point is: you're pregnant. And now your belly looks like this:
Or, if you're of the clothing persuasion, like this:
Because pregnant ladies like to carry baby gherkins in their underwear.You know, weird cravings and all that.
In the worst way.
"Aw! Just lookit that teensy tiny baby! I bet that didn't hurt a bit!"
Only, you know, more goopiness, screaming, nudity, and the doctor's skin under your fingernails. Really, it's kinda like a SAW movie, except you can't sleep afterward because there's an unfamiliar person screeching in your room, as opposed to just in your nightmares.And then, after all that hard labor, you have a beautiful baby:
Who may or may not kill you in your sleep.I mean, probably not, but there's really no guarantee.
So anyway, good luck with that, and happy Labor Day!
Meredith, Stephanie A., Anony M., Gina R., Stephen, Ginn, & Julie W., may your labors never be in vain. Or in cake, for that matter.
Reader Comments (96)
What's the point of posting a wreck if you're just going to censor it?
I'm (perversely?) curious about the censored cake...I mean if they thought a big, circular completely white blobby pastry person was a good representation of a woman, what have they done to represent the...erm...*unseen* areas?
Wow, if you'd told me 10 minutes ago that I would have been curious about the private parts of a cake...
LISHT DOM WY CAP NEB GRUF
It's the WTF-TV Labor Day special!
#1 Ok, so I'm not the first to see grill marks. But does it appear to anyone else that this poor 'woman' has been twisted 180 degrees? Or else she has a back rack...
#3 That kid *really* wants out! Was the mother a crew member of the Nostromo?
#4 Speaking of wanting out... And what's the chest loop for?
#5 "This cake is especially popular with first-time mothers. We call it, 'Wishful Thinking'."
#6 Mother of pearl! Looks like Pearl is on the way out, too. I would have blacked out the whole thing. I never thought (and hope never to again) that snowwomen a.) have babies and b.) are so anatomically correct when doing so. Almost makes one envy people who have amnesia.
#7 "You will feed me now... You cannot look away... You are totally under my power..." Oh wait -- that's reality. I guess this one is accurate, then. Still, there's something not quite right... Is the mother's name Rosemary? Just a hunch.
Gotta agree with the labels. 'Questionable taste' -- much?! Not on CW's part -- you guys are just reporting -- but on the part of anyone involved in producing these.
i'm starting to think the day i have a baby shower i will just do little pastel cupcakes with little daisies on them. nothing should go wrong there right? HA!
WV: blediv- there was blediv everywhere once the baby came out, sorry saps that gave birth to it.
Okay wreckerators...NOBODY finds that GIANT pregnant-belly-button attractive OR appetizing. Why emphasize that? (although admittedly that is the least of the problems with these cakes)
I just want to know what the customer says when he/she shows up at the bakery and is presented with CW6. Laugh? Cry? Run away in shame and embarrassment? And further more, the wreckerator who had the piping tube of black frosting in his/her hands...what was going through the brain?
I logged on to Facebook today to find a link to your amusingly clever blog from my aunt. I'm hooked. (My blog is still birthing its personality where yours is fully emerged and gaining life with every entry!) I shall return. And, good gravy, but those CAKES!
Um, I know... there aren't many cakes about worker rights, trade unions, better wages etc., but http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labor_day" rel="nofollow">Labor Day isn't about giving birth, at all.
... not that I'm trying to detract from the cakey disasters on your page. They are pretty amazing in their birth-giving horror. BUT Labor Day representatives, they are not.
The "Welcome Connor" one looks great! Took me a couple glances to notice the tiny baby peeking out the gina though.
I am so making a cake with baby limbs sticking out as soon as I have the opportunity.
why WHY *WHY* do you do this to us?!
I actually know a woman who's in labor today.
Yes, I know someone who's in labor on Labor Day... XD
There should have been a disclaimer at the top of this post! I'm 38 wks preggo and have already been in false labor once - give me a break here!
Mrs Staypuft looks like she's been squashed by a truck. I usually see cane toads on the roads that look a whole heap like that. Mmmmm pregnant roadkill cake with disturbing chocolate sprinkles. Just what every girl needs to help her over her morning sickness. And is it wrong that I really want to see what her nipples look like? I suspect marshmallows :D
Oh those last two cakes have turned me off of having kids.. at least for now lol. Especially ones that look possessed. And that naked gingerbread looking.. thing in labor really turned me off of gingerbread too lol. Scary that the only cake I thought looked ok was the first pic. Abs are better than possessed babies or gherkins under dresses!
Expecting my 4th baby around the beginning of Oct. I'm glad I'm not having a baby shower, especially with any cakes like these haha.
Second to last cake reminds me of Mr. Bill's mother. OH NOOOOO!
Being a male, I share in your understanding of not needing to worry about baring kids.
However, having been present at a pregnancy, these cakes are miles from truth... except perhaps the one with the black cards. Point being, there is no cake that can accurately replicate childbirth, and people should stop using 'Aliens' as an accurate description.
I wish you'd chosen cakes that actually reflect the true reason for Labor Day. Or have our corporate overlords finally erased the memory of Joe Hill?
Surely there must be cakes out there celebrating the ordinary working stiff.
Seriously, the worst ones EVER!
Childbirth, and poo pets,
They're all Cake Wrecks.
Babies get cut down to size,
and cupcakes have a gross surprise.
Now I can't get it out of my head,
No, I can't get it out of my head....thanks to John!
Sharon's Edible Art
Alison and Nazani,
Sadly, there aren't a whole lot of cakes celebrating the working stiff or the trade unions or with big, silly misspellings of "who from rude nature have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold."
Labor day has been reduced to a day off signifying nothing more than the end of summer and the beginning of football. Besides, who labors harder that mothers?
Not to belabor the point...
BTW, Kamayeth, I laughed so hard at that.
Wreck On!
john
holy crap.
"alison said...
Labor Day isn't about giving birth, at all..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seriously? Thanks for laboriously pointing that out, Captain Obvious.
My mother, an OBGYN, has taken your, "It's like a Saw movie" comment and posted it in her office and in Labor and Delivery. Because as she said after she stopped laughing, "That's exactly right! It IS like a Saw movie"! ...I think I'll adopt.
So was cake #3 made for the baby shower for the pregnant man? I'm just sayin'...
That first cake looks like the poor lady's ribs have migrated to her abdomen.
The last caption on the scary baby just sent this post over the top! Takes me back to my own 11-hour labor...the epidural...the pushing...the slimy bundle staring at me with open eyes, sucking its thumb as it was plopped on my belly...ah, good times...
Dang it!!! I should have checked your site yesterday, maybe the horror would have got my labor going (I'm ten days late :( ...)
I was recently asked to make one of these "belly" cakes for a shower, and I flat out said no. When asked why, I did not even consider using scheduling conflicts or something like that as an excuse, I just said "because I think they are creepy and I refuse to make one."
Also, maybe cake #4 was meant to be a tribute/Wreck replica of this one??
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/01/why-suzy-needs-therapy.html
Well, this shine a whole new light on Labor Day for me. Sadly I won't be able to forget them. I agree body, birth or baby cakes are slightly on the creepy side.
those are scary. since when does a preggo stomach pitch a tent??? what kind of woman is this?
and the baby coming out, all four legs! yikes! something from a Ridley Scott movie....
and the birthing ones....just...too...gross!
Thank you for terrifying me of the following things:
Child birth
Children in general
Pregnant women
Birthday parties
Baby Showers
and Cake in general
Your site is hilarious! I'm tempted to link it to my blog of epic workplace fails :)
http://www.underdogdirectory.com/blunderdogs-epic-fail.html
i totally agree that as scary as it is i want to see what was censored with those black lines on that cake.
if i have any more kids, part of me would want the cake with the limbs sticking out the belly just because it is so rediculous.....but it would be creepy too...kind of like the censored cake.
Haha, I so love the arms and legs sticking out of the cake.
http://www.danoah.com" rel="nofollow">Single Dad Laughing
Here's the thing that cracks me up every time: People are going to slice into these cakes and consume them!
Some of us weird grown ups would like to see the horrors under the black box!
I just have to add my name to the list of Slain by Lulz. I started laughing at the woman who was tanned on the George Foreman grill and just laughed the harder with every sentence and every picture.
I wasn't sure about the stretch marks, until I saw the linea nigra and now... yeah, I still have no frakking clue.
wv: galsesto: This galsesto stop scaring me with these cakes!
PMSL seriously... Thinking about giving birth four months ago- It was kinda SAW-esq. Totally made my day!
Oh MY Word!! Thank you so much for the laugh!!!! You all crack me up! Your blog is so hilarious;)
Funny story about CW #4...that was actually MY baby shower cake that was made to resemble some of the wrecks you've shown us on your blog. Those who attended this shower are big fans of the website and decided to give me my very own, very horrific cake wreck. Yes, the black lines are stretch marks and the "C" necklace resembles the one I have of my baby girl's name.
The gal who graced me with this cake is actually very good at what she does seeing as how I was still devouring it a week later.
I'm glad the cake showed up here, I just wanted to clear things up. We don't often cut into belly-shaped cakes.
Again, my friends and I are big fans who still walk through grocery store bakeries and find wrecks of our own.
Keep up the good work!
I have seen 3 saw movies and had 3 babies..
I am SO glad that they weren't even CLOSE to similar!!!
I stayed the hell away from OBs and hospitals, THAT is why!
Seriously, who has ribs that far down their 'tummy'. :/
My mom was in labor with me over the entirety of Labor Day. The nurses thought this was hilarious. Mom didn't really agree...
The naked preggo cake reminds me of the one where a black woman gives labor in an obscene way!
Brilliant. I literally laughed out loud.
As it happens, I myself am in labor at this moment, and thought I would distract myself by catching up on some lovely wreckiness... And then I get to these monstrosities. I'm sure these cakes are scary to anyone, in any state - but I'm really horrified now. Thanks for the laugh!
Ewwwww... but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA P.S I am a 9-year old so don't send me the unmodified version