Bring a Sponge; It's Getting Pretty Tacky In Here.
May 6, 2010 Sure, we could spend time debating who's really to blame: the bakers, or the clients who ordered these wrecktastic designs.
Or we could just agree they're funny regardless and get on with it.
Yep, that's the ticket.
Yet another example of why you really, really need to give your guy his own groom's cake:
And make sure your napkins coordinate.There are a million decisions to be made for your wedding day. Fortunately, though, you don't have to choose between your wedding topper, football helmet, resin "eagles raising the American flag" statue, and commemorative KISS doodads:
Notice how the eagle cake doesn't match the others?(No, I don't have anything snappy to say about that. Just seeing if you noticed.)
Bride: "I've been dreaming about my wedding cake since I was a little girl. It has to be amazing, perfect. When my guests see it, I want there to be fireworks. Can you do that?"
Baker: [scribbling on clipboard] "Fireworks. Got it."
To be fair, there were more toothpick spriggy things - but that was before the mini wiener dogs were served.
...but, wouldn't you know it? I was right.
This doth make mine bowels quiver in a most unseemly matter, m'lords and ladies. For sooth.Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake:
Three words:
Distract the eye.
I guarantee you no one noticed the tipping tiers.Amy S., Callie B., Julie Anne, Pam P., Anony M., & Chella S., I just realized that most (if not all) of today's Wrecks are American. I'm so proud I could bust.
Reader Comments (113)
Change the first one from a vertical red SUV to a horizontal gray DeLorean, and that'll change it from a wreck to the coolest wedding cake ever.
A Tribute to all nations, but MOSTLY America!
Muppets 3d Reference FTW!!!!
Love it! Another hit :)
I have recently found your site and am totally addicted. Thanks for making me laugh ... and for making me that crazy person who's laughing by herself in the car at red lights.
Nothing says "wedding" more to me than large mouth bass.
You know your at a Redneck Wedding if ...
There's a Rebel flag and a bass fish on the cake table.
That last one! No. Words.
I think it's a bad sign that the football helmet is on the highest tier, not the bride & groom topper.:O
It's bad when you start the day with WTH?!?!? Maybe I should wait until later in the day to visit Cake Wrecks. Do all these cakes scream divorce or is it just too early in the morning?
I quite like the fireworks one...
Hey Jen,
Did you notice on the second one that not only is the design on the eagle different, but also the cakes are all diferent sizes? Holy cow, the baker coudln't even make a consistent size cake.ime
Cakes like that make me glad I got married at the county courthouse.
Seriously.
Heidi
I was married on the 4th of July, but I made absolutely sure that my wedding cake looked like it could be served on any day, not just July 4th. Still, you gotta love the level of patriotism they attempted to reach.
this blog is always the perfect way to start the day! I start out with a chuckle that by the end of the post is a full on hearty laugh often with tears running down my cheeks (from mirth of course!)...
Keep up the good work!
#1 I don't know what disturbs me more: the color clash of the pink lilies, pale topper, bold blue and green napkins, red dune buggy on a brown mud track, the fact that a dune buggy is racing up the side of the cake, which sort of makes it look like the groom is about to tip the bride over a cliff, or the defiance of gravity on the part of the dune buggy?
#2 does the bride just get one tier? or she is a big football or Kiss fan, too? or is the Kiss crap supposed to be "romantic" (as in kisses and hugs?) *shudder* very scary. but the red roses "soften" the effect. (I generally hate these floating tier things. they're so weird.)
#3: love the dialogue, Jen. could totally see that happening. And the cake looks ridiculous. maybe it was a fourth of July weekend wedding?
#4: looks totally unappetizing. you've had so many Sunday Sweets that would have fit this theme, but moldy, cracked mud is icky. looks airbrushed too. big vines springing from it...I'm waiting for an ROUS.
#5: WHY DOES THE CAKE HAVE WARTS?? (at least it's color coordinated, sinking into the pool of blue. must be a memorial day/labor day/4th of July wedding.)
#6 Funky fleur-de-lis, Rebel flag, and a fish. Yeah, that goes together "reel" nice.
The cakes are funny on their own but your comments make them hilarious! Thank you for another giggle this morning. Why do people not look at the background when taking cake photos? There always seems to be a door, light switch, cement wall, trash can, or fan behind the cake table!
I scrolled down the last one rather slowly, and so here is exactly what I was thinking:
Fleurs-de-lys? Are they French or are they Saints fans?
Ooh, it's all lopsided too.
*eyes open wide*
And on an enormous rebel flag. *cough* Well then. I guess the lopsidedness isn't so bad.
WV: noffixes - There are noffixes to make these cakes non-wrecky.
Did you notice that the bride/groom topper on the KISS cake and the Sam Eagle cake appear to match? I guess the odds of that increase once people start using more than one cake topper per cake, eh?
I know you've done plenty of Redneck cakes, especially wedding cakes, but there needs to be a day of "You know you're a redneck..." jokes.
But you may have done it already and I just plumb forgot.
Nothing says 'class' like a Kiss emblem/ football helmet/ rebel flag on your wedding cake.
These cakes are awesome and inspiring! I just found your blog and I am already a fan! I love the idea of purposely "messed up" cakes. Though I'm nowhere near as talented yet, please feel free to check out my baking blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com
I'm going to sign up as your follower so I can look back on the rest of your work and stay tuned in for what's next.
Oh man... I feel so bad for whoever came up with these designs - baker or client! (though the 1st one made me laugh) What terrible ideas and executions! I'd like to meet the one with fireworks though... "You want what? Fireworks on your cake? Can't you just have them in the air like most sane people? Ohhh, you saw it on Ace of Cakes... riiiight... they were real, you know..."
Come to think of it... these cake shows (AoC, Cake Boss, and the Challenges) should be restricted "Not to be watched by anyone stuck for ideas for their wedding cake, those who are too literal, or those with a complete lack of taste."
That fireworks cake.... There are no words to describe it.
Is it just me or is anyone else totally picturing a bride and groom in full Kiss makeup?
Trevor--that's how the multi-floating tier cakes are done. They're like a standard layer cake (in graduating sizes) but instead of being stacked, they're floating on separate tiers.
I can't handle how funny your blog is! I look forward to each post because I know that it will always make me laugh aloud. Thanks SO much!
Anyone else thinking the bass was suppose to be the cake topper?
Today's photos make me think that custom wedding cakes should be banned by law. The cakes themselves (except for the RenFair monstrosity) are well done - it's the designs/toppers/themes/flotsum that make them wrecks. The Sam Eagle cake without the flags and cascading ribbons is quite nice.
What do you suppose people will say when they are looking at wedding albums 20 years from now and come across these .. um .. works of art? It's like looking at prom photos from 20 years ago!
wv: concor
I concor that these are indeed wrecks.
I actually really, really like the fireworks one. But NOT as a wedding cake, and NOT with that topper.
It would be a lot of fun for New Year's eve, July 4th, Guy Fawkes day, Mardi Gras, anything but a wedding...
LOVING the Muppets reference!
And, just to be clear, I put on "The Princess Bride" after an hour reading through every comment on yesterday's page, reading many aloud to my fiance.
I argued for the split-personality wedding cake the other day, but I'll give you #1 today. :)
Sadly, where I'm from people would love the rebel flag cake and their number one concern would be making sure the flag didn't get dirty. They'd also totally notice the wonky tiers, but they'd be to nice to mention it because there's a good chance someone's meemaw made that cake. *sigh* I am surrounded by rednecks.
I love how the stock cake topper used for both the four-tier (can you call them tiers when they are not actually stacked, or even the same cake?) and the America cake looks like a mermaid got hitched to Jessica Rabbit.
I dunno, I quite like the "woodland fairy" one. Although I would have picked different fairies. Those were kind of creepy.
Also I don't mind the patriotic cake so much. It would have been nicer without the flags sticking in it though. Totally apropos for a military wedding (and being engaged to a Marine, this was the first thing I thought of).
I didn't see the ATV/Car thing on the first wreck at first sight. I thought "poop slide?" Interesting I didn't know that rivers of poo were a in demand theme for grooms cakes.
I actually think that the renaissance one is really well done. Why is it a Wreck? Ha! Just kidding. Looks like fairies in Poop World.
Also, the last one seems pretty appropriate, horrific as it is. The cake is lopsided, which is as much as you could expect for a cake that will be plopped in front of an ancient, no-frills wooden porch, as are the Fleur de Lys designs that kinda look like the birds we all used to draw in pictures when we were five years old. The rebel flag draping the table seems like it totally fits - that's all I'm saying.
My favorite thing about this week is that they all seem to be set up on an ancient folding table in front of brown paneling in a gym!
The people who bought that second cake(s) must suffer from an almost total inability to make decisions (in addition to their complete lack of taste).
As for the last one ... are you sure that was a wedding cake, and not a dessert at the awards dinner for a Civil Ware re-enactors' society's fishing tournament?
And anyway, where do you get molded figurines of bass jumping above Confederate battle flags? ... No, don't answer that, now that I think about it, I'd rather not know.
You should add the Bride's Cake from last night's TOP CHEF MASTERS on Bravo. Oy! What a mess. The cheftestants even said so.
From Anne
It looks to me like the cake topper in #2 and #5 are one in the same! Another thing those cakes have in common: They're both ugly monstrosities!
Even without the cake toppers, all of these cakes are pretty badly constructed and piped, although I'm a perfectionist. :P
Rebecca R, please don't look at the Internet while driving.
I don't want to be reading your obituary on Cake Wrecks just yet.
The electric fan stuck in the middle of Cake(s) #2 reminds me somehow of the fans funeral homes set up during "viewings" so the deceased won't get too "ripe." Just sayin'.
The flag cake has weird little protrusions that look like dog nipples...just sayin'...
One has to wonder what happens when the icing hits the fan in that multi-cake picture...
That fairy cake actually belongs to the set you did yesterday... It looks like it's harboring several rodents of unusual size...
"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."
A net full of Jello!
Muppets 3D FTW! :D
Left little cake-eagle to the other little cake-eagle: "Hey, bruvver -- this is FUN! The frosting's all cool and squishy-like! (Squawk!)
Right little cake-eagle (looking up at bigger eagle): "DAD! My frikkin FEET are STUCK! Get us OUTTA of this dump! This place is CREEPY the decorations SUCK."
Big eagle: "I'd be happy to do that, Son; I'm just waiting for that fan to oscillate my way so I can catch an updraft!" *flap*flap*flap*
I'm with the Anonymous who asks "Why is the patriotic cake all lumpy? Did it break out with white warts or smallpox or what?"
It's kinda creepy when you want to give a wedding cake some Clerasil.
What's sad is that #1 is a poor recreation of the cake featured in this post: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-say-redneck-like-its-bad-thing.html
I think it's a neat cake in terms of design and execution, though tacky for a wedding, but the one in this post — blurgh! It's a double wreck.
@anonymous:
Sorry, I think you missed the point. All wedding cake tiers shoudl be like 4" of cake. Each individual tier shoudl be the same height as the others (Okay, there are designs that you have a double tier, but the proportion would still be the same). These seem to vary in height. i think the baker needed to lay them all down and level them to the same height (IF they know how to level!)
I love the way the fan is pointing towards the eagle topper, as if it's too hard for him to keep his wings up like that without a little help.
Hmmm... I don't think that first cake had the full cooperation of the decorator. I see 4/5th of a cake covered with expertly done Asiatic lilies and the mud-and-turf remainder done inexpertly.
Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley wouldn't approve that cake. Not flashy enough.
I don't think the fireworks cake is that bad. Not great, but it is cheerful...except for the topper.
The fairy cake is waaaaaay too earthy. Eeew. Is that tree an actual frosting covered branch?
I like the "It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America." cake.
The last one. o.O My..my... You could snarkily speculate on bottles of JD in the kitchen, but we all know it's just a normal wreckinator day at work. Too bad the cake wasn't composed of kegs of well aged Tennessee whiskey instead...or a still, huh?
I love the KISS 'family' of cakes, where the layer that looks like it might actually be at a wedding is the smallest, sitting off to the side like an afterthought. Gotta have priorities!