Bring a Sponge; It's Getting Pretty Tacky In Here.
May 6, 2010 Sure, we could spend time debating who's really to blame: the bakers, or the clients who ordered these wrecktastic designs.
Or we could just agree they're funny regardless and get on with it.
Yep, that's the ticket.
Yet another example of why you really, really need to give your guy his own groom's cake:
And make sure your napkins coordinate.There are a million decisions to be made for your wedding day. Fortunately, though, you don't have to choose between your wedding topper, football helmet, resin "eagles raising the American flag" statue, and commemorative KISS doodads:
Notice how the eagle cake doesn't match the others?(No, I don't have anything snappy to say about that. Just seeing if you noticed.)
Bride: "I've been dreaming about my wedding cake since I was a little girl. It has to be amazing, perfect. When my guests see it, I want there to be fireworks. Can you do that?"
Baker: [scribbling on clipboard] "Fireworks. Got it."
To be fair, there were more toothpick spriggy things - but that was before the mini wiener dogs were served.
...but, wouldn't you know it? I was right.
This doth make mine bowels quiver in a most unseemly matter, m'lords and ladies. For sooth.Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake:
Three words:
Distract the eye.
I guarantee you no one noticed the tipping tiers.Amy S., Callie B., Julie Anne, Pam P., Anony M., & Chella S., I just realized that most (if not all) of today's Wrecks are American. I'm so proud I could bust.
Reader Comments (113)
About the firework cake- the sad thing is- this person has talent-the buttercream is smooth and they own an airbursh- hey, the fireworks don't look bad themselves- now- does the person have taste? Maybe the bride forced them to do it.
So did the person responsible for the fabulous napkin display around the first cake used to deal cards in Vegas?
Now I want to go see Muppets 3d! We were JUST listening to the pre-show in the car yesterday.
All I have to say is--and I quote the Geico Gecko--
"Oh, dear."
What is this about "groom's" cake. I've never seen anything like them before visiting your site. Well, I've seen a lot of firsts there LOL! Really LOL! Do people still serve grooms cake (fruit cake) wrapped in whatever to place beneath one's pillow - to dream on? No, I am not 300 years old. Norine
Oh lord. I did get married on the Fourth of July last year, and we did have firework designs on our cake, but ours looked downright subtle compared to these. I admit to being a bit anxious when ordering the cake because by that time I was a devoted follower of this blog, but everything turned out great. :)
Odd-- but to me, the Rebelneck cake has the feelin' of bein' on a boat or sumpin, 'cause the backgroun' looks (TO ME) more like a PIER than a porch.
...An they's jest pullin' up to it with the cake, what they jest picked up down to the little riverside quick stop convenience store. They's so frenly down there, why, they'll whip you up a weddin' cake while you wait, if'n they don't already have one out back. Real naace folks. Uh huh.
=^-.-^=
I attended, and helped with, a wedding that was very low key, very low budget, and with a Celtic theme last week. The cake wasn't done by a professional, but can I still send the wreck to you?
The last cake, all I noticed was the leaning tiers until my wife mentioned how the confederate flags were a bit over the top. I grew up in the south, so a confederate bass cake seems fitting. She grew up in Utah.
Whose idea was it to smear that first cake with feces?!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
(running from the room)
I need to find an eyewash station, my eyes are burning from the horror!
Norine,
A grooms' cake here in the south is usually a separate cake served at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception, with a nod to the groom's hobby or something. Most that I see/make are chocolate with fruit, or the groom's favorite kind of cake :)
Cake #4 looks as if it has something to do with A Midsummer Night's Dream, perhaps. But as much as I like Shakespeare, there's no way I'm eating those squiggly mounds of greenish-black icing. Shrek would love that cake.
Um, on cake #4, is that - could it possibly be - one of those singing fish things? I mean, thses folks may live in an old house with an unpainted porch, but they obviously have taste. Poor, but taste.
"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."
That is our favorite, favorite line from that show (or, technically, pre-show)! We go to MuppetVision 3D every year just for that line!
I have to admit, that I want to take some Clearasil to the pustules on the Patriotic cake.
Texture is one thing, but this is pretty gross...
I hope the people who ate the flag cake didn't get sick. I personally throw cakes out if they have fungus growing on them instead of trying to hide it all under frosting.
The last one made me chuckle. Nice.
That's nothing. I went to a wedding and the groom was VERY politically involved- their cake was in the shape of an elephant (I'll let you guess which party he was...) At least he wasn't a Democrat.
"What was your cake?"
"Oh, a large #@&."
Coolest Cake Wrecks post Title ever! :)
What *kind* of person would seal the deal with one of these wrecks?! Betty Crocker ala Publix turns out better. How does a baker stand back and look at one of these cakes and think "Done!" :) And how do brides across America place these cakes on adorned places of honor and think "Perfect!"; unless it's a shock to them, too.
"Well, and here's the cake..."
"AGHGAHghgh!" *dead faint*
I guess it's just me, but it looks like that SUV's trying to get up under the bride's skirt. Sort of like that whole trashy thing some couples do where the groom has to go up under the bride's gown and take off the garter with only his teeth...
The second cakes would be a wreck even without the separate toppers. Lousy piping and why is the icing stippled like the popcorn ceilings?! The toppers are actually an improvement...
The third one looks like painted styrofoam to me. Ugh. It's also slightly lopsided.
The patriotic one... clearasil ! Love it. Does make me wonder if that's a weird commentary on patriotism, America or something...?? Plus, removing those ribbons to slice the cake will be a mess. And I hope those ribbons were washed before applied...
The last one. I guess the fact that the table's lopsided relative to that wooden deck just says everything.
It's sad when the RenFair one is the best of the bunch. At least it looks edible!!
Whoa... the South may rise again, but not so sure about that cake.
Quite creative, really. I would NEVER have come up with "Renaissance Turd Fairies" as a wedding theme.
Hubby & I got married at a Renaissance Festival, I promise our cake looked NOTHING like that monstrosity. I have pictures to prove it! I also have pictures of a group of wenches catching my bouquet :D Ah, but I digress.
Cheese wheels? Moldy, waxy cheese wheels? Mottled, moldy, waxy cheese wheels?
Ugly faeries? Creepy, ugly faeries?
Creepy, ugly, mottled, moldy, waxy cheese-loving faeries?
=^>.<^=
Are you SURE this are professionally done? My sister asked me to do her wedding cake.
Of course, I was wise enough to say NO. But if I'd said YES, it mighty looked a little like these.
Or worse
nothing says "true love" like a truck frozen on a river of fecal matter... :::shudders:::
the airbrushing on the "fireworks" cake looks more like the background flowers on Spongebob! although, with the colors its as if Spongebob took a vacation to Rio. lol
I would have just gone all KISS with the one cake, since I am a member of the KISS army. Those letters are actually stands for the four dolls of the band members. I have them sitting above me right now!
Oh. Oh my god.
What is up with that fish??
What is with the Fleurs-de-Lis on the Confederate cake? Is the south (Vichy) of France rising again? I didn't know rednecks had an affinity for all things fashionable and French.
I really like Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake.
Maybe I'm just "moto"...I really like it.
I know it's so wrong, but I love your wedding wrecks sooooo much.
Thanks Beth - I think. So, does the South hold some special place in wedding **** (you fill in the word) for such things as grooms' cakes? Or are mainly Southerners getting married these days - or... give me some other perspective, as these are just so egregious that they are a natural for the CakeWrecks site. I'm having a complete cultural breakdown as a city girl Northwesterner, and I cannot stop watching. I think we need to start submitting totem pole cakes for equal time/space, and I, of course, think totem poles are really cool, but maybe not for a wedding cake - Norine
You really can't beat Steel Magnolias for the ultimate in tacky groom's cake - just thinking about seeing them hack into the "bleeding armadillo" cake makes me laugh.
I am in awe of the gravity-defying car.
Only, I DID notice the tilted tiers.
I think that Renaissance cake really is from the 15th century – that would explain the odd color and texture.
The use of wedding cake to express ultra patriotism amuses us non-Americans. Chuckle, chuckle.
Just remember that not everyone from the South is a Confederate-flag-waving redneck. =) They do exist (I may be related to some of them) but I would say Southerners are the same as most folks. Maybe a tad friendlier, which some people might think is weird.
That said, I went to an indoor swap meet while visiting my dad once (he lives in Florida) and oh, dear. I think the 'Rebel Bass' cake topper (for sure the Stars and Bars 'table drape') might have been for sale there.
omg
You don't know how much I needed this laugh today. I absolutely LOVE your blog!
My love for cake is exceeded only by my love for my husband, who's been mine for 39 years today. But we didn't have a wedding cake. Of any kind. So all of these wrecks? They're ever so much tastier than air, even if they exhibit no taste. Sigh...
I love everything about that Ren Faire cake except that orange/brown/vomit color.
"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."
OK, now I know you're cool!
I think the Sam (the American) eagle cake might be allergic to the American flag, that could explain the hives on it.
The Bass cake just has me singin' "give me that fillet o' Fish, Give me that Fish..."
My 2 year old just saw the fireworks cake and said, "Look at those spiders!"
The Pooissance cake is quite nasty-looking and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that the last cake has a good ol' heaping of Jack Daniels in it.
I never got to actually make it, but I once had a preliminary order for a wedding cake torn up on one side with godzilla having "climbed" up the cake to the top. The first one reminded me of that order right away!
Thanks for the Muppets 3D shout out.
the wreckiness never ceases to amaze me!
Okay, on the Confederate Flag cake, the Fleurs de Lis are hilarious! Aren't rednecks supposed to hate the French? I smell the bacony, crawfish-scented stench of Louisiana. Yep, I'm thinkin' that.
This week has made me so glad I chose a uninteresting white cake with standard icing roses when I got married.