Cryptic Cross Words
May 19, 2010 The art of cake insults was first discovered on May 4th, 1957 when a frat boy convinced his mother to write "You really are a FAT cat" on his buddy's birthday cake.
Today, many still attempt this sweet yet snarky tradition - but as these cakes show, few master it.
Ah, the classic "conflicting messages" mistake. Look, you can't tell someone you'll miss her and end with "Up Yours" - it makes no sense! The insult is lost in a sea of well-wishes! Odds are she's going to look at you with big Bambi eyes and ask, "Up my what?"
No, you've really got to commit to the insult. Give it your all!
Oh, come on, this is just embarrassing. "You are not the best" with a "ha-ha" chaser? Oh, gee. BURN.
Look, we're going for amusing yet zingy. Try again.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Er, look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this might be going a bit too far. We're aiming for good-natured mockery, not a restraining order. Rein it in a little, eh?
Ok, rule #1 in cake insults: misspellings completely destroy your credibility as critic. (Also applies to pretty much the entire Internet. Stay in school, trolls!)
Although, if you're lucky, sometimes a misspelling will result in an even better insult:
See, now instead of calling him a "geezer" you're insinuating he's incontinent. Score!!Yep, I'd say the best cake insults are almost always the unintentional ones. (Plausible deniability, baby! Yeah!) So check back on Monday for some of the best whoopsies to ever land a guy on the couch.
Janna, Spencer B., Wendy B., Corie, & Michelle J., I would never insult you guys. Unless I got a cake out of it. Which isn't likely. So, yeah, I would (probably) never insult you guys.
Reader Comments (62)
Slaveofplastic,
My definition of a Troll is someone who spends most of their time on the web criticizing, swearing and misspelling every comment they submit. For reference, see nearly every comment on Youtube. Now, if you assume that most Trolls are high school/college age, then they are, most likely, "educated." (note the excellent use of quotes.)
Wow on that you are dead to us now cake.. just wow. I don't care how mad you are at someone you don't give them a cake like that period. That first cake had me in stitches as it seems to not know what it wishes to express.
I swear the "You're dead to us now" cake is a DQ icecream cake! I know those cake bottoms anywhere! I'm a DQ cake decorator hehe! We definitely get some wild requests. I really need to start submitting some of those :)
The BIGGEST insult there is that pathetic attempt at an Australian Flag! Pffft!
Tomtomsmum
That skateboarding one was just like my brother's birthday cake this year. Except instead of riding up a ramp, it looked like the kid was skating into a river on his little "jelly legs".
One year, when my husband was really into NOFX, I made him a cake that bore the message, "Happy Birthday, You're Not Special!"
There was also the time that I made my mother a cake with the Batman logo on it and wrote, “Happy Birthday, You Old Bat!”
'GOOD RIDINCE' as the class wave their useless English teacher goodbye?
Ummm, Bonnie? I have this battle buddy that went out and bought an exact replica of the Batman Dark Knight costume and went around town in it alll the time.He went bowling, roller skating, he even went to a hardware store and bought some rope, black praypaint and wheelbarrel. Anyway, I'm thinking your husband may very well be related to him.
And the rock paper scissors story is super cute! Love it!
Jen, do remember Trollz? With the big hair and little gems on their bellies? Those were the days.....except for they were awful days.....
Not only is the "Good Ridince" cake misspelled, but that travesty of an Australian flag is missing a few stars. I would reiterate the "stay in school" message.
Hello! Your blog is fantastic! I only found it a couple of days ago, but I really look forward to seeing the newest post every afternoon (I'm from Scotland :D), especially Sunday Sweets!
With regards to cake number 2 - it is at least grammatically correct...
Thanks for the hilarious posts!
I recommend against using up yours as a toast o.O. The first cake looks like they may have been going for a camo look which would match the humor. I suspect the unit has some issues and the folks that are being left behind wish they could leave as well, therefore they'll miss the person they liked who is leaving, and bid them a teasing "up yours" for getting to leave before they could.
Insult cakes are my favorite! My co-workers and I seem to communicate via cake sometimes. I actually did the "You're dead to me now. I hope you fail." cake about a year ago when my favorite co-worker got a new job.
Our other cakes have included, "Fine. Go.", "Here's your damn cake.", and "Deal with it." The last one was given by the person that got a new job because we were sad she was leaving.