Wednesday
Apr072010
This Just In
April 7, 2010 While I agree that cake makes even bad news at least a little sweeter, there's still a right and a wrong way to break some news.
This is why fortune tellers should never become bakers.
[on the phone] "No, of course we're not celebrating that you didn't get parole, Trish; there's a frowny face on your cake and everything!"
"People, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good news: This is our last all-day staff meeting! Yeah!
"The bad news: We're going out of business because we can't afford the mortgage any longer.
"But wait! There's more good news: we have a cake."
"Oh, and more bad news: they spelled 'mortgage' wrong. Still, if one of you can get this baker fired and then take his or her job, then that's actually good news, right? Right? Guys? Where are you going? Hey, at least leave me a slice of cake! C'mon!"
Alicia A., Natalie H., Anony M., & Morganna B. were recognized as "Wreckporters of the Day" this morning in a brief online ceremony. Sadly, they received no cake.
- Related Wreckage: Makes Ya Wonder What the Card Said
Reader Comments (82)
Mortgage Fail? OUCH. That's just a whole lot of wrong.
"I got you two things... a pregnancy test and a lollipop." -Phoebe's sister-in-law
"Don't get those mixed up. You could reall ruin that lollipop." -Monica
But the roses on the RIP cake are just so plump and beautiful! shame they're next to a tombstone...
a (used) pregnancy test on a messy pink and blue cake that looks like a 4th of July wreck. real nice.
Poor Patrice....
and Trish's friends make me giggle.
You had me at Happy Last Birthday!
just how exactly do they know it is poor Patrice's last birthday? are they planning a murder? yikes.
and don't you have to dip the preg test in urine to make it work? so there is urine on the cake? Bleck.
the misspelling of mortgage is hilarious. so, they failed to pay the mortgage? hence, this is a cake celebrating a foreclosure? wow. what next? cake for failure to graduate? how about failure to lose weight---I could go for that cake now. Has anyone used actual chocolate bunnies to decorate a cake?? I got chocolate bunnies half price at Target after Easter...purchased my first ever bunny fairy. what will they think of next? wouldn't it be fun to put a chocolate bunny on a hot cake and have a semi-melted bunny on a cake??
Not even gonna touch that pregnancy test cake. Seriously, NOT gonna touch it!
http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
I remember a Dairy Queen commercial where the narrator speculates about offering "cakes for all occasions" because their ice cream cakes sell so well. One of the hypothetical cakes we see says "Parole Denied." In the end he says, "Nah, let's just stick with happy occasions" or something.
Never thought it would be a useful moral.
Also, "Mortage Fail" is not only misspelled but it's in http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/fail" rel="nofollow">Internet-speak. Makes me wonder if it was meant to celebrate a business rival's downfall or something.
Who knew there were so many occasions for cake? I'm astounded!
But, Trish's cake is the happiest bearer of bad news I have EVER seen!
Some of these are pretty depressing..I managed to became a little less sad when viewing cake #3 and my mood turned to discusted as thought "pee cake" kept repeating itself in my head!
I think this was one of my favorite post of yours! Hilarious!
Maybe this was Patrice's last birthday as "Patrice" and next year she will be "Patrick". Because this is a good news cake. Or else Patrice has a really positive outlook on death. Really positive.
The sad thing is that on the last cake the roses are really nicely done. Too much red piping on the edges of the cake though takes away from the roses. And the ridiculous writing. Sheesh.
Maybe Patrice was turning 29 or 39 and decided that was going to be her LAST birthday?
Hilarious!
Not all tests have to be dipped in urine, some you take a dropped and use that in a window, which is what that one looked like. That being said, EWWWW! I've seen a lot of different ways to celebrate a pregnancy, but this one takes the cake....LOL! I feel bad for everyone who was offered a piece of that.
Given that there's a tombstone on the cake, maybe "Mortage" isn't a typo... but then I guess a "mortage fail" would have someone coming OUT of a grave.
@ Joyce
"Has anyone used actual chocolate bunnies to decorate a cake?? I got chocolate bunnies half price at Target after Easter..."
Perhaps snap off their ears and stick them on top of the cake like they are coming out of a rabbit hole. Of course that would create even more questions about what on earth is that sticking up, but at least you would have a submission for Cake Wrecks. Use the remainder to shave on top as "dirt". Perhaps some jelly beans around the border. Okay, please stop me now.
Ah - a urine flavoured cake - yummy yum yum, makes a change from all that poo! What other bodily fluids will deliciously make it onto cakes - how about bile for divorce cakes?
(a new life starts as Patrice's sadly comes to an end - we are celebrating the cycle of life in carbs and sugar here, part of which seems to be mortgages failing)
Oh, I agree, this is one of the best posts ever!! And the pee cake... OMG! I have to say, if I saw something like that in my office I would prob keep quiet just to see if anyone else noticed.... then say someting at the last minute. ROFLMHO
Sandy C.
Did anyone else read "Trish" as "Irish" the first time?
@joyce: It's a urinal cake.
Some of the cakes I've seen on CW are downright disgusting, some are indecent, some are clearly unsanitary, but putting something that has actually been peed on atop a cake crosses some kind of line that hasn't been crossed before.
The question I would have asked, oh a year or so ago, about a web site devoted to wrecked cakes would be, "Won't you run out of material pretty soon?" I now see, Jen and John, that that is the least of your worries.
I think it's probably Patrice's last birthday because of the 2 half eaten tubs of butter in the background.
Every single one of those cakes made me laugh out loud. And I can't decide which one is my favourite:
Trish's parole cake
OR
Pregnancy test cake
God, freakin' priceless!!
The best kind of sprinkles are the giant ones that have been peed on! Delish!!
Maybe they forgot to celebrate Patrice's birthday last year, so they're playing catch-up?
Incredible! GULP!
:-)
Maybe Patrice is planning to be turned into a vampire after this birthday. Still not sure if that's good or bad news.
I figured it out! Patrice and Trish are the same person. It is her last birthday, because she did not get paroled, and so she is on death row.
Hi. This is Mrs. Johnson and I ordered the "parole" cake. Could you possibly add the word "No" on it before I pick it up in about an hour? Thanks. You don't think that it's too much cake for 14 people is it? I mean, we originally planned for 15...
Please tell me I'm not the ONE soul in the world who thinks that the chain store cake (while functional and utilitarian) could use a few (hundred) lessons in aesthetics? Sort of a "What Not to Wear" for cakes? I'm just so weary of the status quo, sad, mass market BORINGNESS...
Look at that coupling of a bloody-dark-angry tomato paste red with a misty~happy~cool pale pink. They look HORrible together!! And those greens... ¡Ay, caramba! Surely, if they tried at all, they could find SOMEthing other than "Darkest Dusky Mold", or "John Deere Green" for these *festive* things.
((SIGH)) Cakes *want* to make people happy...
=^v.v^=
Those are horrible. Simply horrible.
And fantastic!
Mmm, pee cake!
It's one thing to have a poorly executed or badly made cake. In these cases, the bigger problem would be whatever person thought they would be a good idea, and ordered them! LOL
Is it possible the "last" on Patrice's cake should have been "late"? Like a belated birthday cake gone horribly wrong? Just trying to make it a bit less morbid.....
As soon as I saw that pregnancy test, my mind immediately went to Juno...
Rollo: You pay for that pee-stick when you're done! Don't think it's yours just 'cuz ya marked it with your urine!
And hey -- our society has gotten pretty good at celebrating mediocrity (4th grade "graduation" ceremonies? Really?), celebrating failure was just bound to happen eventually.
What Anon @11:14 came up with REALLY makes sense to me!!!
If this is true, Patrice/Trish gets TWO sickeningly sweet cakes with which to sugar-O.D. on...thus bypassing both a long wait and/or execution.
A WIN/WIN situation!
=^~.-^=
Too funny!! The parole cake reminds me of a when a coworker brought in a huge "Welcome home from jail" cake they had bought for her brother who's parole ended up being revoked. Instead of wasting the cake, she brought it into work. I think I would have at least smeared the message off of it first!
The cake in Back to the Future, "Your Uncle Joey didn't make parole again" was better.
Poor Patrice! Well, at least she didn't have to endure sprinkles on her final birthday cake! ;)
Hubby ( a deputy) says that the no parole cake can be a happy one, depending on what side of the crime you're on. Sigh.
WandaV
That pregnancy test cake made me throw up in my mouth.
I've seen the pee cake before...a year ago or so on a message board. It was a hit then and I see it's making the rounds again. The person who claimed to have made the cake was a cake- fruit cake. Did you partake in that board?? Just curious.
Do you think the cake under the pregnancy test was "yellow" flavor?
I'm with imspiffier-- I am very disturbed by the huge and almost-emptied tubs of butter next to the cake. . .
Liz in Seattle
I have never commented before, but I just have to say: I love you, Jen!
I have been asked if I would put a used pregnancy test on a cake. I'm not sure how I managed to keep a straight face, but I offered to sculpt one out of fondant instead. Still not the best idea in my opinion, but at least it was food-safe.
ew ew EWWW! Put something that's been PEEd on on your cake? oooohh Yuck!
I would ask what is wrong with these people, but the answer is the question.
I dunno, I think these might have been staged...or maybe I just don't want to believe someone could commit so much WRONG on innocent cakes??
The 'Pink or Blue, guess who's due?' is a cute sentiment but I'd hope that'd be a clever mock-up of a pregnancy test and not the real thing. *turns green*
Blog fail!! Urine poor taste and don't pooh-pooh me, either! No one's gonna bail you out one last time.
*snicker*
I want to know what was baked INSIDE of the Parole cake!
"Yea! No parole for you... but that doesn't mean you can't get out... hee hee!"
Happy Last Birthday sounds like the sort of cake you'd get in http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1214" rel="nofollow">this song.
wv: wardefed - "The munitions went off right next to me and now I've been wardefed."