The Cake Wrecks Correlation
March 23, 2010 As part of our on-going research into what makes things funny (and because it was a slow Friday night), John and I recently decided to test the effects of alcohol on humor writing. To save both time and Arbor Mist, I was elected test subject. (Even the fumes get me tipsy. It's pathetic, really.) John then showed me Wrecks, took notes, and laughed at me. A lot.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here are the "official" results:
After five sips:
Subject response: "Talk about your seedy humor: I've heard of calling someone a melon-head before, but this is ridiculous!" [attempts to high-five official note-taker] "Booyah!"
After approx. 1/2 glass:
Subject response: [apparently attempting to impersonate Bill Cosby] "FI-BRRR!! FI-BRRR!! AHAHAHAHA-HAAA!"
After one glass:
Subject response: [singing] "PANT-ies, PANT-ies, tralala-LAAA. Wesh shoulda had PANTIES at our engager-mental party." [giggling] "Yeah." [Silence. Then...] "Why don't shou luff me? Thish ish MY job! Zshoo don't care about me!"
After two glasses:
Subject response: *HURK* *HUURK* *BLAAGAHGAHGAHGAH!!!!*
After 2 glasses and 10 minutes:
Subject response: *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
So, our conclusion? We desperately need some better wine. And possibly - although this needs further testing to be absolutely sure - some kind of a social life.
You're welcome, scientific community.
Rebecca M., Michael Z., Anony M., & Heather G., I would guess that last thing isn't actually a cake - but it is most certainly a Wreck. Also, are any of you free this weekend?
- Related Wreckage: Wacked Out Wrecks
Reader Comments (155)
Whoever did that last one was on much more than Arbor Mist. *shudder*
The Mom said...
"It's a penis forest cake with Jalapeno peppers, prunes and sea weed on the sides, submerged in what appears to be oozing poop."
ah, thanks for the brilliant explanation, but how do you know - was it you that ordered it from the baker? (only kidding!)
This is my least favorite post. I like you sober better. You're funnier.
This is one of my favorite posts yet!!!!
Thank you both for ... eh...SACRIFICING your sanity and your alcohol all for the progress of the scientific community. Well done!
Maybe the last one was made for a chocoholic who needed aversion therapy.
When science projects turn hilarious! LOL
That last one looks like Loreena Bobbitt's birthday cake. It appears she didn't stop with her husband who coincidentally was named John if I recall correctly. Hmmmm.
Arbor Mist -- Breakfast of Champions! I can get so wrecked on it, we must've been separated at birth!
Hilarious!!! This will keep me laughing for a while:)
I'm with ACM... I saw "blue uterus"
LOL with the last cake! Literally Laughed out loud. My 6 year old was like, What's so funny? Love you guys!
Arbor Mist? Well. Aren't you hoity toity? For a science experiment of this nature, I'd think Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 would be more in order. But then you have to go all high falutin and hit the Arbor Mist? I am so disappointed.
These Wrecks were so Wrecky, I thought I was the one drinking!
Mmm. Arbor Mist. The wine that doubles as a breakfast beverage.
WV: extro - The balloons on the flame cake added that extro-special touch.
Seriously? I need to know more about that last one. The vomit-turd cake has me perplexed.
Is that last one "turd-henge" WTH!
I find that when I write while intoxicated by Patron that the quality of my writing goes up, while the quality of my grammar and punctuation ability goes down. So later, when I'm sober, I have to go back over it to fix all the redundancies and punctuation errors. But the alcohol makes me less afraid to say what I really want to say, especially when writing fiction. Maybe this is why so many writers become alcoholics! At least I'm not going "Hmm...I need to write something, how about a shot of tequila" it's more the opposite..."Hmm...I've had a shot of tequila and am feeling feisty...how about I write?" :D Better than getting into some kind of trouble!
I laughed so hard out loud at this entry, my neighbor (who I work with and will see all day tomorrow) banged on the wall. This site is dangerous to look at at 2:20 in the morning.
Definitely one of the most hilarious posts ever. I believe your conclusion is flawed, however. You two are doing just fine with Arbor Mist. Now it's John's turn to be the "subject"....
When I clicked on the picture of #4, the name included "state+fair". I have a feeling that one really isn't a "Wreck" by definition if it was included as a state fair entrant for something (and I don't WANT to know what!)
I also saw blue uterus!!
I think the last one must be for one of those blasphemers who do not like cake - I imagine it is some sort of meatloaf type dish.
I have seen some very pretty cakeless cakes that were of the meatloaf variety. The were "frosted" with mashed potatoes and had lettering done in ketchup.
They did not have poo towers.
One of your most hilarious posts ever. I must disagree with your conclusion. Arbor Mist seems to make the subject more funny...I think you need more testing though. Perhaps it's John's turn to be the subject.
I don't know...I had almost the same response to that last one sitting at my desk, sober!
The last one is an ode to all things that make you poo. Prunes, peppers, sundried tomatoes. You know.
LOL That Bill Cosby show is one of my favorites ever. "I'M GOING OUT BECAUSE I DESERVE TO GO OUT! I'M GOING TO GET DRUNK BECAUSE I DESERVE TO GET DRUNK! SO GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
...it certainly looks like SOMEONE was drunk when they put together that last...whatever the heck it is. 0_o
Are those dolmas on the last one?
Love the panties one! Disturbed by the last one. A turd fence?
And I thought that one of the guys I know had a low alcohol tolerance... that's an astonishingly low tolerance.
I'm not even old enough to drink, and I want to so I can forget ever seeing that last "cake" there. **shudders**
@techydad--great theory!
love the Bill Cosby reference. At first, I thought you were being a really sloppy (speechwise) drunk, until I realized it was from the dentist segment where he had novacaine. funny!
wv: cansis--where Toto used to live. either that, or twin girly beers.
Okay, so... could the person who submitted the last cake please stand up and tell us what the heck it actually is, or what it's made of? All I see when I look at it is some kind of alien larvae. Ewwww.
poo pillars? okra & tomatoes &... are those bananas on the back? there's not enough arbour mist in the world to get me to taste that!!! hurk hurk is right!
wv: enceis.... little sally enceised slowly away from the scary poo pillar cake
I didn't know "white" was a flavour. Well, I guess that's my "learn something new" thing today.
That last one...gahh. Prunes, jalapenos, and ho-ho's? Really? Uhhh...wow.
In all this wedding planning, I knew I forgot something - the engager-mental party!
*headsmack*
I need to get right on this!
See, I didn't see panties.. I totally saw a uterus. And what the hell is that last thing?
As a "fruity" wine drinker myself I wanted to pass a delicious wine flavor on to you...its called "Bare Foot" flavor is White Zin. Its not dry or bitter - very smooth - and can't beat the $6 or $8 price (and it has the cutest little pink baby foot on it!) Also - I am new to your site (thanks to Sleep Talkin' Man as they have your site as one of their favorites) and I absoutly LOVE your site!! I read your "fireman" story and forwarded it to my husband - we were crying with laughter!! Thanks for the much needed joy!!
"It's a penis forest cake with Jalapeno peppers, prunes and sea weed on the sides, submerged in what appears to be oozing poop."
I concur with this description, also, I would like to soak it in gasoline and set it on fire.
Thankyouverymuch.
These cakes are horrible, but the last one takes the..um..cake.
Also, I'd love to be friends with you guys and part of your social circle! Come over any time! :-)
mscurious1
I can't tell what the last one is, looks like chocolate covered bananas on top?
The last one is a meat cake. In other words, a low-carb alternative!
those poor balloons! they're positively cowering.
Cake #4 reminded me of one of my favorite dishes in James Lileks' The Gallery of Regrettable Food (one of the funniest books I have ever read); a picture of that entry can be found on the first page of the chapter "When It's Strictly Stag". Look up the book in Amazon and browse through the "Look inside the book" feature. Unfortunately Lileks' hilarious description of the dish isn't included on the site.
Blechh! Esp. the last CW. That just looks like sh**cake.
The only thing that would have made this better was audio or video of the commentary.
I'm imagining that Jen was singing about the PANTies cake.
That last "Cake" and I say cake because I am guessing that's what it is.....is a true nightmnare. What the heck is it suppossed to be? And seriously, jalapenos?
That last one looks like it has a wide assortment of fruits and vegetables in various stages of dessication, plus whatever those erect things in the middle may be (sausages? chocolate-covered bananas? really ugly cucumbers?).
So my best guess is that it's one of those special cakes that zoos make for star animals when they want to celebrate something like Milo the Tortoise's 400th Birthday. Probably incorrect, but I've got to come up with some theory that will let me hold on to my sanity.
thesacredandtheprofane said:
"Arbor Mist? Well. Aren't you hoity toity? For a science experiment of this nature, I'd think Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 would be more in order. But then you have to go all high falutin and hit the Arbor Mist? I am so disappointed."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW, that last cake is probably a birthday cake for a dog. Or a bear. Or some other carnivorous animal.
I'm desperately hoping.
I actually screeched in FEAR when I saw the last thing?!
Chocolate frosting.. and vegetables?! PICKLES?!
I threw up in my mouth a little.. *hurk*
wv: cheeseme - I'm happy the last thing didn't have cheese on it!!
There is something sprinkled around the last cake that may be oats, but at first glance they looked like *ahem* "acorns" [read Corn Nuts] to me. That, in turn, made me think of the infamous Kwanzaa Cake.
I believe the last cake is actually a perversion of a perversion [said Kwanzaa Cake].
Wow.... just wow.... *bemused face palm while snickering*
So my 5-year-old twins weren't much better in figuring out what these messes were:
1) spaghetti, whipped cream, chocolate tears, and red spaghetti (they couldn't see the watermelon this face is evidently hiding behind)
2) flames and balloons (okay, that was accurate, just no explanation why fire is streaking sideways across the cake at balloons)
3) underwear OR a strangely colored heart with swirls
4) WHAAAT? just a mess--no other explanation; why are there chocolate-dipped hotdogs on it?
WV: horake--the only implement suitable for disposing of that last mess (certainly not a fork, knife, or spoon!)
What the heck is that last thing?
Is the title of this post a Big Bang Theory reference?