Thursday
Feb182010
Wacked Out Wrecks
February 18, 2010 Some days you've really got to wonder: just what are they doing in bakeries these days?
And more importantly: if we ask, will they share?After all, anyone who makes something like this:
(Blueberry iced cupcakes topped with wrapped cinnamon gum? Score!)...is clearly beyond the party-pooping cares of "reality."
In fact, sometimes I come across a cake so bizarre, so insane, so what-were-they-thinking?? nuts, that I have no choice but to tip the ol' metaphorical hat in respect.
A Styrofoam cup embedded in mold-flecked balls of yellow "soda" surrounded by a poo wall?[tipping hat] Well played, master Wreckerator. Well played.
Megan A., Desiree C., & Amber T., I wouldn't recommend zooming in on that "soda" unless you're on a diet.
- Related Wreckage: Merci!
Reader Comments (110)
I think these are all exhbiits for a new modern art museum. Yeah... that's it.
Ok, I think I may understand the concepts:
The clown riding the pooh Yorkie and the blue cupcakes with gum on them are either some sort of private joke or symbols of an unknown holiday [like festivus] that are going to break out any time.
The third picture is a poorly rendered popcorn--perhaps some sort of movie cake? Which may be better or worse than those 'Twilight' cakes you posted earlier...perhaps they ran out of black and red frosting.
I think it's time we all would have better understood *actual* bacon on the cupcakes. It'd be like an art project then.
As for what gum flavor does go with blueberry frosting (not cinnamon) - I vote for BlueBerry gum (Lotte). That has always been one of my favorite. Though I don't like frosting and would just go for the gum.
YEEHAW POO DOGGIE!
And all these years I kept thinking "I could have done that a little better" when in reality I just needed to get a job at a bakery!!!
I have to come clean. I admit. I would be tempted to buy these for the sheer hilarity of it. It's the same reason I love to watch the men figure skaters and their interesting choice of outfits.
That first one WOULD be an excellent way to celebrate a recently potty-trained kid or someone battling constipation?? ("Yay! You finished!")
I suppose the Trident gum is all right...after all, doesn't it help your teeth after a sugary snack?
...just sayin'. But still, that's weird. 0_o
WV: Moosess--a female moose XD
That soda cake just helped me a lot since i gave up soda for Lent.
Perhaps I'd give it up permanently if i actually had to eat it.
Ewww.
I think I figured out the gum topped blueberry cupcakes. I may be going out on a limb here, but my brain aches for some sort of logic. They were supposed to be ocean themed cupcakes. Perhaps someone ordered them wanting tridents on them for their Under the Sea party. So naturally...our dear ol Grocery Store Wreckerator put Trident on them...oh 2 pieces since it did say Tridents!
-Leash
I thought you were joking about the mold on the last cake, and that the flecks were just green frosting. Until I viewed the enlarged image :(
Truly a WTF moment from the bakery.
Oh my. I love that that last one looks like it's in a petri dish. Because, really, that needs to be put under a microscope and studied! :)
I want to know who is buying these cakes. I want names, numbers, and sizes for the straighjackets.
Seriously, blueberry icing? (look at the research...blueberries are GOOD for you.) And a two-fer dessert for the after dinner gum. (cinnamon? really?)
And what pray tell happens to the dog when it gets the psycho clown to the finish line?
Not even sure what to do with the soda.
WV - Parasaxes
A tool used by a paradox.
The thing that particularly horrifies me about that first cake is that not only does it feature a legless clown jockey on a poop dog, but the poop dog appears to be racing in what I can only hope is supposed to be a mud puddle.
Also, why is the cake on a floor?
All I want to know is in this economy, how are these people getting and *keeping* their jobs?
Poo dog. If they know they can't make a dog look realistic, why do they even bother?
WHERE are you people shopping that you find these things??? I hope the deals you are presumably getting are worth it! :)
--kate
Oh Jen, why did you have tell us NOT to zoom in on the "soda"?
Cos guess what I just had to do....
BLEEEEUUUUUURRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH
I can just picture the back story of the blue cupcakes. How many bets they were supposed to have multi-coloured gum balls placed on top? How many bets they ran out of gum balls in their supplies? I'm picturing the baker asking the supervisor what do do because they'd run out of gum balls, only to be told "We're in a grocery store... go find something". Picking up sprinkles from the cake aisle would mean thinking... so the baker went to the candy aisle and picked up the only gum they have in a grocery store... a multi-pack of Trident LOL
I get a kick out of this blog since I work in a bakery.
Cupcakes "assorted 12 pack"--assorted cupcakes or assorted gum? the cupcakes look the same. I thought they were bacon too. either way, duh-yuck.
Styrofoam cup labled "soda" smooshed into a moldy peep pile (on a poop discus?)
did anyone notice there's no price on that one? how can we be sure that really is a cake? what if they just put the plastic cover on it to "contain" the mess. i like the theory that's a specimen of the movie theater floor....
the crazy, puffy, half clown riding the poo-dog with silly string reins. to a "fiwish" line. is it some sort of special olympics circus? with only one competitor? with poo issues? and why is the "cake" on the floor? (thanks for pointing that out...i didn't notice the carpet at first.)
reminds me of "Better Off Dead" when Lane's mother's food was always slightly alive. the iridiescent goop with raisins crawled off his plate....maybe they expect the same of this "dog" clown hybrid thing...
wv. teldax--what you need after you eat pooh dogs, clowns, moldy peeps and blueberry icing.
btw, I LOVE the theory about the ocean themed cupcakes with "tridents". sheer genius!
Well, it didn't help that I was reading the clown cake upside down, either. "HSNIY"? Wazzat?
Of course, now that I see it says "FINISH" I'm really no more enlightened than I was before.
Yup, soda cup, peeps stomped into brown painted cracked cement flooring, green mold spots. Real appetizing. Oh. and label the styrofoam cup w/black marker just in case someone gets the insane idea it's fondant.
Time to hit I-Hop and order some blueberry crepes w/a side of bacon
WV: Biert > beer + art + more beer + frosting bag.
where do you find these things? The first one makes me cringe..eww
What ARE they doing in the bakeries? Crack?
The real question here is that with high unemployment, bakery managers should be able to be very picky about who they staff. It looks like they are hiring anyone with a pulse.
Please, people, if you are that bad with a tube of icing, get a different job. Like delivering newspapers or something.
*insert emphatic whinning, likened to that of a two year old, here* "No, no! Cake Wrecks! You have it *all wrong*! The first picture is a melting clown aboard an over-fed centipede, the middle one is blueberry topped with, *yes*, bacon strips -adorable and marketable, huh?!-, and the last is a hoplessly distorted styrofoam cup surrounded by molding hard boiled egg yokes that could've used refrigeration...like...decades ago." So see? It's all about perspective!!! :) Three cheers for cakes are so gross the decorative interpretations are endless; forget about wondering about the *actual cake* inside. Yeah. Good stuff. Hee hee.
Uhm... bzuh?
RE the last one, I thought at first it was supposed to be a bunch of tennis balls, but even if they were, that doesn't explain the random styrofoam cup...
I really don't know wth that last one is supposed to be, but I'm guessing the mold is unintentional. Or maybe I'm hoping. One or the other.
And I, too, first thought the Trident on the cupcakes was bacon. Flashed back to the scene in Better Off Dead where the mother boiled the bacon...
You lot are just cracking me up, as usual - but please, from someone outside of the USA who's just dying to know - what are 'peeps'?
OMG, has that clown been disemboweled?
The last one looked like someone had accidentally spilled a cup full of half melted "peeps!"
And, I'm just not convinced that the poop dog isn't really a George Lucas creation...
Here is a link to a great photo using Peeps as pop art:
http://madsilence.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/david-ottogallli-turns-peeps-into-pop-art.jpg
Essentially, Peeps are marshmallow blobs formed into chick shapes (or bunnies) then dusted with fine colored sugar in various colors. Google "Peeps" and look at some of the images. Jen even did a Peep wedding cake some time back. They are a solid hit of Easter time sugar for little kids.
For Anonymous not in the US: Peeps are brightly colored, usually pink or yellow, sugar coated marshmallows shaped like baby chickens (the baby chickens are called peeps). Rabbits or bunnies are also available... these are seasonal items for Easter. I think they are digusting, but not any worse than that cake.
At first look, after I gagged, I thought it was a soda cup with popcorn..BUT WHY????? would there be a cake decorated like THAT?
These cakes are beyond bizarre!
I'm with Michelle P. I was sure it was blueberry frosting with either bacon or mini roasted hot dogs...
So getting fussy here, but FINISH is facing the wrong dang way! C'mon people! Reality check!!
aquasaline
Baby Mowhawk Carrot Jockeys are soooooooo yesterday. They have passed the torch to the Drunken Clowns on a Poo Pile.............nah, still like the Mohwawk Babies...........
Ahhh... "What are Peeps?" someone queried...
ANSWER: What AREN'T Peeps? They are impossible to explain..they are ethereal beings from Indestructibleland...enduring,everlasting..incorruptible...
The thing fairy tales are woven from...but we can't tell you; you simply MUST procure some, at any cost, and experience them for yourself. ((SIGH))
Now, to the Anon who made a reference to men's figure skating: I find some of the costumes simply heavenly--my favorite skater is Johnny Weir. He is SO AWESOME!!! Totally HIMSELF. Beautiful!
Finally-- mystery solved, guys: the foam cup was not *supposed* to be there!
I KNOW, because when I walked by that cake in the store, I had just finished drinking the soda, and couldn't find a trash recepticle handy...
("Ahhhhh, so THAT was it!" you all exclaim.)
>^u.u^<
I get headaches while reading this blog from laughing so hard, while trying to silence my laughter, so that my husband doesn't think I have lost my mind! The commentary is priceless. You are BRILLIANT!
Yeah, I thought someone was feeding soda to a bunch of thirsty peeps.
I think that would have been a better cake anyway, with little peep beaks open, clamoring thirstily for (probably) generic soda....
Look at the first one. Was that joker? lolz ;D
Jules
http://www.soloden.com/" rel="nofollow">Soloden.Com
http://julesmariano.com/" rel="nofollow">The Brown Mestizo
When I think blueberries and gum, I think Willy Wonka. "You're turning Violet, Violet!"
But I digress. I cannot think of any circumstance where I wish I had a cupcake with blueberry icing...much less topped with gum!
Holy cake wrecks, Batman... so glad that I don't have to sift through your e-mail, you guys...
Hahahaha! Hey, let's drop acid and make some cakes!
I love the comments in here today, but I have to suggest that if one were to drop acid, look at any of these cakes, and then do anything related to Alice in Wonderland, one might never be able to find the way home again. :D
A creepy clown riding poop?
Somebody somewhere just lost a bet. I'm pretty sure the bet was "I can make a cake more inexplicable than you can." As such, the winner is now laughing hysterically while posting a video of the loser doing something very unbaker-like such as actually eating the poo dog clown combo. (or the blueberry trident cupcakes) I'm pretty sure the soda one is radioactive.
At least I hope these are the result of a really bad bet compounded with large quantities of alochol, (or whatever).
Now instead of just a fear of clowns thanks to Stephen King.. I fear clowns riding poop dogs and any bakery that can possibly think I would want to eat that..
Is is sad that all I can focus on is the fact that those very bizarre cupcakes are sold by the pound?
Was the wreckerator trying to make them weigh more by adding the gum on top?
My husband took one look at the clown-riding-poo-dog, started belting out "Ride of the Vakyries" (kill da wabbit!!) and said, "I'm not kidding - it's the clown of the apocalypse!"
How can I argue with that?
They do random drug testing at my bakery/place of employment. Probably to prevent this kind of thing.
Damn.
Somehow getting really stoned around all that icing sounds really fun!
And what exactly is the giant poo dog riding clown torso "finishing"?
As a cake-whore who is currently trying not to eat sweets...these cakes make it very easy :)
I really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY, don't get that "soda" cake. I have nothing else to say. I'm baffled.