Tuesday
Oct052010
Instant Manliness®!!!
October 5, 2010 Are you tired of girly cakes? Does the sight of icing flowers disgust you? Are you afraid all of your birthday cakes are doomed to look like this?
WAH wah waaaah...
"If only my cake was more manly..."
Well, worry no more, sad Keanu! Introducing the new "Instant Manliness Cake Decoration Kit®!!!"
With the "Instant Manliness Cake Decoration Kit®," any cake can be a MAN'S cake!Just look at the difference!
Bam! 
Now that's manly!
Also try our "Instant Manliness Father's Day Cake Decoration Kit®!"
Can you feel that?!?That's chest hair. And it's growing. Booya!
Thanks to Bradley G., aka the "Manly Brad-inator." [Crushing beer can against head and burping] Wreck on, dude.
Reader Comments (61)
What is that, Handy Manny's birthday cake? I think my son has those exact same toy tools. Who knew they could come in so handy as cake decorations?
I wholly approve of your using Keanu to take us on a totally excellent cake wrecks adventure.
BWAHAHA!!!
KC
I need to pause and applaud you for finding three cakes w similar base design for this comparison. Nicely sleuthed!
Too funny!
Those have to all be from the same bakery--the wreckerator only knows how to do one icing decoration, then modifies accordingly.
@elissa:
We can only hope there is only one bakery using this strategy.
Unfortunately, as wrecks go, these are just fender benders.
It not only makes you manlier, it lets you harness the power of time travel, as demonstrated by Mr. Reeves here.
Welcome to the Matrix, Neo.
This was hilarious!
Yup. Just laughed out loud. In law school ... a boring tax class.
Thanks guys :)
somehow, in my warped brain, i imagined Axe Body Spray commercials now featuring cake. 0.o
"Pits, Pits, CAKE SMEAR across Chest!!!"
Oh. My. God. +1,000 internets for you. You made me choke on my breakfast cupcake, I was laughing so hard.
This? This right here is B.A.D. day. I really needed that. Thank you, Jen. Sincerely.
Hilarious! And your Keanu pics were spot on...
Thanks for the laughs!
wv: fonte - if they just used Rockwell for the fonte they'd be in business.
My 4 year old nephew would love those cakes...he would probably start playing with the tools right after the ate the cake.
Poor sad Keanu. I'm glad you brightened his day, as you have brightened mine!
Working Sad Keanu into a post like this? EXCELLENT!
Sad thing is that this is better than most plastic flotsam that go on cakes.
The cakes need real light sabers on them, or a "beam me up Scotty" thingy.
Forget boring tools.
mocking
Wrong. Just so very wrong.
I, too, applaud you for finding 3 such similar cakes for this post... but I must still ask, "What is WRONG with these wreckerators?"
This raises such a damn fine point... why does it have to be flowers? Ridiculous.
You need a Cupcake Keanu pic with this!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/keanu-eating-cupcake-bif
Why are all the cakes so similar? Same flowers, colours, style of writing, and even the counter/table is exactly the same in all three pics.
Were these submissions from the wreckerator themselves?
Slightly suspicious and dissapointed.....
Okay, the picture of Ted Theodore Logan just made my day better. :)
That cake needs more sprinkles.. long brown ones.. or Tom Sellek Hair.
yea.
Aren't those flowers daisies?
I thought they looked familiar!
WV-mized "When I saw that tool on that cake, mized did a double take!"
There are few situations that cannot be remedied with the proper use of explosives -- or the right tools. That includes most wrecks. Just sayin'.
If someone put a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40 on a cake, now we're talking! Representations of these things, I hasten to add, not the contents. Gotta spell things out in case any wreckerators are lurking. Otherwise, one could fully expect to see a cake mummy-wrapped in duct tape and marinated in the stuff of 1001 uses. Not good eats.
I wonder what kind of daisy those flowers are. ;-)
Cake is always better with Keanu mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! =)
Back when I used to decorate in a grocery store, one clerk always would write a cake order requesting the cake be decorated with "Manly Flowers"....never thought to plop toy tools onto regular flowers to add a bit of testosterone to the final product.
party on dude!
Chest hair!!! LOL!
Heather H.,
These were all from Brad who found them on the website of one decorator. Not sure why that would be disappointing. I think it shows a consistent wreckerator.
john
My son has those tools also. They came as a kit from the dollar store. Not sure I'd want to put them on food.
At first glance that last cake looked like it was decorated with a gun....now that would be manly.
Pauline
I guess I don't look closely enough at birthday cakes, but is it common to have the "y" in the word "birthday" flop over onto other parts of the decoration? Is that this particular wreckerator's modus operandi?
I recently ordered a cake over the phone for my son's 13th birthday. After the conversation with the rep in the bakery dept, I hung up, then re-ran the chat in my head: her - "do you want balloons instead of flowers on it?"
me - "he's turning 13, so I don't want anything babyish"
her - "OK, I'll put that on the order form (talking as she writes) turning 13......nothing babyish"
I dreaded walking in the next day to pick up my cake, sure it would have that exact phrase written on it. Turns out they took the REALLY easy way out and just didn't put anything on the cake besides the writing. Shoulda told them to slap some plastic tools on there......
(raises hand) I once made my husband a snickers cake and used those *same* toys as decorations.
wv: somated
Somated the cake anyway.
Manly, perhaps. But my husband would have no idea what those tools are....
This is how I bake. Minus the cake.
@Craig, yup, my first thought was if they want manly, they need duct tape; everything is better with duct tape! Forgot about the importance of WD-40, I confess. My excuse, of course, is that I'm not a man :)
Question: In the cake with the screwdriver, what is the grey icing object? It looks like a pig (I take it that it's a Toronto area baker? )
Lastly, the baker ADVERTISED these on the Internet as examples of what they can do?!?!?! Yikes.
WV: Unreaka. What the wreckerator said when they first saw the result of the labour.
Yes...these are all from the same shop near my home (which I looooove!!!) It is actually an Ice cream shop that makes all their own icecream in store and is hugely active in the community.
I saw the father's day one first then a few weeks later the birthday version. I couldn't resist.
Bradley G.
ok, reading this post, I TOTALLY assumed it was John writing it. totally surprised and overjoyed to see it was Jen! absolutely hilarious, Jen!! gave me my laugh of the day. again.
I would reverse what Anonymous 1:00 PM said:
Keanu is definitely better with cake.
That's the most I've laughed in a while. Thanks!
It's cool all the cakes had daisies on them. Daisies are a manly flower.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jen. Where is the strutting Leo? You cannot have Sad Keanu without Strutting Leo! *gets hysterical*
PWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Oh my goodness. I'm laughing so hard I'm forgetting to breathe! That is so awesome. Golden. That entire post was golden! :-D
Perhaps they should order their cakes here instead:
http://www.butchbakery.com/index.php
Hahaha....what a http://www.shop2nellore.com/" rel="nofollow">cakes? hehehe
This cake decorating kit could be a little more sonic.
LOVE your use of Keanu. It made me laugh like a crazy person.
WV: pingl. This is my cake-wrecky device. It goes pingl when there's stuff.
YES FLOWERY MANLINESS.
I chose you for the versatile blogger award!
Go to:
http://icanhascatboy.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-won-award-woo.html
to recieve it.
Freaky. Fit for a 2 yr old. My grandson loved it (the yellow roses included, as he's totally into SpongeBob - he's yellow).
Personally, I've done a lot of cakes for guys, being the only female in the family for years.
Two items stand out:
Duct tape - if it moves and it shouldn't.
WD-40 - if it doesn't move and it should.
Neither of which have ever been featured on a cake in my household, only in gift packages.
Scary, really scary, giving those thoughts to Wreckerators around the world!
~~Di
I've often suspected that there is a "style manual" for cake decorators that comes out 4 times a year. The wrecorators just pull out the wreck for the week and month. (sort of like there is a lectionary for those of us of certain religious persuasions)
Everyone did yellow roses and drop flowers in butter cream that week. To make it "custom" add plastic gewgaw.
Aaaaaa! It's like being back in high school! There are 4 "Katie/Katy/Kaede"s in one room! Appears my parents were about as original as the manly wreckerators.
I too suspect that these are Handy Manny tools from the toy department. Or given Brad's description of the bakery, perhaps someone's kid was given "too babyish" toys and the parent decided to use them at work?