Look Out, Germany
January 26, 2010 I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my linguistic...um...awesomeness.
Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.
Ready?
Here goes:
Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen! Taschenrechner!!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner! Schnell! Schnell!
Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.
It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)
Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")
Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?
- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright
Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.
Reader Comments (234)
Wow... just wow! Hilarious!!
-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com
Awesome.
Thanks for starting my day so well!
Lovely German. It translates to
"flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!" remind me to memorize that. ;P
Oh, wow. That could be bad. I hope it wasnt for a school trip... that parents would see...
Un-stinkin'-believable. There are no words...
I suspect this cake was not meant as a goodwill gesture; given as a gift, it could even be interpreted as a declaration of war.
I don't speak much German, but after reading that little bit, I suddenly feel like watching Hogan's Heroes. And I promise you, that's never happened before.
Besides the obvious poop, why are there shells? Is Germany known for its amazing beaches? -New to Naples
“Ach! Ein dis nacht, der bouncie-bouncie fraulein ist bin maken sum hottische liebenshoutin! Jawohl!”
^..^
Tigernwolfe!
WV: linscria. "Ach, du bist cleanen der linscria in der dryeren! Schnell!"
OK, I put the German comment into Babelfish and got this translation:
Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!
HAHAHAhahaah! That's hysterical! The only German I know are a few swear words my grandma taught me and all the words to "Silent Night." We had to learn that in the fourth grade, I had a massive asthma attack the night of the performance and never got to go, and I STILL know the dang words!
No matter what, your blog is wonderful. I've been telling everyone I know about it, and I enjoy reading and laughing about Cake Wrecks!
Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!
Your German teacher would be so proud.
The babelfish translation is just as funny:
"Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the toilet? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!"
OK, I went through two years of German in central Florida schools and I can only remember how to get to the bathroom and maybe to Publix (Supermarkt?).
In fact, I think that's all I learned when I took it. It was kind of an easy A class.
Crap, I posted my comment right before all the others showed up. Now I'm that commentor who said the same thing as everybody else!
No words- just a sound. 'cough'
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And it still wouldn't be SO bad if I hadn't read "we" as "me"...
Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!
I, too, got that for my translation. Haha. Love your blog!!
Hey guys,
Are you sure? What Jen meant to say was:
"My goodness! What a cake that is before my eyes so well and truly unpleasantness! I am without belief! Like a rotten weinerschnitzel. Beer! Beer!"
;)
john
Microsoft translates it even "better"??
Large improperly fliegend Fekalie cake! Calculator! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I bin ein Berliner! Quick! Quick
Love it!
Tiffany
BAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!!!
pure. awesome.
Seashells and snowflakes!?
All of Germany is to hear? Wow, that's ambitious. I usually satisfy myself by just scandalizing the neighbors.
As a German major, I whole-heartedly love your German. AND when I read this cake I read, "Germany, hear me come" which I thought was cute because if you put a shell up to your ear you hear the ocean. But once I read what it was supposed to say, but didn't, I started saying things like 'blöde Kuh' (stupid cow) to my computer.
Seeing as how my last name is Germany, I thought you were warning me personally about today's wreck :)!
History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."
FYI - the other tags are sort of translated as:
"large improper flying Fekalie-Cake" (not sure what Fekalie was)
"Where is the toilet?"
and of course, "Fast, fast!"
(Farhvergnugen is gibberish.)
I think it's the shell patterned plate on the the snowflake tablecloth that really make this cake!
Am I the only one who thinks it kiiiinda looks like a sphincter? Or a cat-butt?
I see a missed opportunity. There is a perfect German word for this wreck (and strictly speaking, the blog in general):
Schadenfreude
I'm just sayin'
And yes, Tachenrechner is "calculator."
"Germany, hear me come" makes sense if were said by an unrepentant practitioner of noisy sex while on vactation in Europe. I don't know why you would write it on a cake, though.
Just in case there's anyone in the world who hasn't heard this story: "Ich bin ein Berliner" (yes, "I am a citizen of Berlin") was John F. Kennedy's famous applause line when he spoke in West Berlin. Since then, it has become a popular joke, though, because "Ich bin ein Berliner" could also be translated as "I am a jelly-filled pastry."
P.S. I like the men in tights reference!
What is the point of the "beach" decorations? That confuses me more than is "Ich bin eine Berliner translated to I'm a citizen of Berlin or I'm a doughnut?"
Is it that hard to write the right "here"? (I just had to double check what I wrote about four times to make sure it wasn't incorrect haha)
Is this what you were going for with "Fekalie-Kuchen?" http://dict.leo.org/ende?lp=ende&p=8x2MgA&search=F%E4kalien
Fäkalienkuchen = Poop-Cake, more or less.
I, too, read "we" as "me" and therefore saw "Germany, hear me come."
My knowledge of German:
"Luftkissenfahrzeug."
Booyah. "Hovercraft." That's right, hovercraft, hear me come.
Doof bleibt doof, da helfen keine Pillen.
Right, I went the whole wrong direction with this. I mis-read the cake to say "Germany Hear me Come." Which, then, led to amusement thinking of what Jen's comments to a cake about someone warning a whole country of their sexual activity made me smile a WHOLE lot.
According to Eddie Izzard (and if you don't know who he is - YouTube him - it's worth it), "Ich bin ein Berliner!" means "I am a jelly doughnut!" which is just as funny, or maybe more so...
TracyO
That's OK, Jen. The stuff I know how to say in several languages isn't all that useful, but I just can't seem to let it go. Sometimes, this even applies to English.
I just want to know what decorating technique produces the fan-like quality of poopiness on the top of this cake. And I also want Jen to translate poopiness into German.
Great post as always!
No no no you guys, "Ich bin ein Berliner" translates as "I am Spaceship Earth!"
Also - Anon at 9:38 - Declaration of war? AWESOME.
OK, more cultural information for the young:
"Fahrvergnügen was an advertising slogan used by the German automobile manufacturer Volkswagen in a 1989 U.S. ad campaign that included a stick figure driving a Volkswagen car."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrvergn%C3%BCgen
Jen just spelled it wrong.
honest to gosh, the first thing that popped into my lil ol' head:
meg ryan in when harry met sally.
People of Berlin wouldn't usually call jelly doughnuts "Berliners". It's like if you're in Chicago, and want some "Chicago pizza".. it's just "pizza" there. :)
I LOL'd at "hear me come" though. Fantastic.
Ich spreche auch ein bischen Deutsch! Ich glaube dass dieser Scheissekuchen macht die Engeln weinen.
The excitable comments only confirmed what was said on the cake. and what Miranda said. I laughed my head off...
Ahahaha. Awesome... and extremely ugly, all at the same time.
If "used coffee filter" is the effect they were going for, the top of that cake is sheer mastery.
Actually it's Toilette, Toiletin doesn't exist in German, or more basic Klo (=loo). And Fäkalie is not really in use in spoken German.
And I really enjoy your blog everyday. Here in Germany we don't have such a tradition in decorated cakes :-)
My 6 months of living in Germany is enough for this to give me the giggles without a faulty translator!
Wo ist de Toiletten, zwar!