Considering the Uterus
July 1, 2009 Warning: Impending TMI of a medical nature. (In case the title didn't already clue you in.)
Tomorrow I will have the dubious pleasure of having the insides of my uterus cauterized. In honor of the occasion, we could take a look at the uterus in all its glory and learn from the wonders of the human body.
OR...
We could take a look at what other women order when they get their lady-bits worked on. After all, I could use a little inspiration.
(Yeah, I like option "B" better, too.)
This woman nicknamed her baby bag "Tilly", and then ordered it a farewell cake, like so:
Hm. Not a bad idea, really. Of course, coming up with just the right nickname for your internal organs can be a mixed bag - er, no pun intended. Plus, I'd have to give mine a guy's name, since I refuse to believe any female would inflict such horrors on another. So...The McCramper? Sweeney Todd? Sir-Clumps-A-Lot? I'm open to suggestions, obviously.
Elizabeth made this nifty Operation cake for her mom, who was feeling kinda down about an impending hysterectomy:
Elizabeth writes, "My friends said I should have made a driver's license with her picture and changed the F to an M, but since I didn't want her to kill herself, I just made this."Good call, Elizabeth. Having the cake recipient collapse in a sobbing heap can be such a killjoy. Far better to take the more chipper, Pollyanna-ish route:
Although there is the possibility that wishing someone a "happy" hysterectomy could lead to a different kind of meltdown: Anyone remember Wendi Aaron's famous "Happy Period" rant at Always maxi pads? If not, and you don't mind a little language, you should check it out.
Here's my favorite line:
Ah, which of us hasn't been there, eh, ladies? Or are there right now? ("Husband!! Bring me more Kahlua!!")
Some women obviously have a better relationship with their bits than I do, though:
Friends? Friends?!? ("Husband!! I mean it!!")
Now granted, I'm not having Sir-Clumps-A-Lot removed tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I'm any less apprehensive about the anesthesia and the whole, you know, cauterizing thing. So if any of you have some spare well wishes to send my way, the doctor's way, the Almighty's way, etc., I'd sure appreciate it.
Oh, and for the most realistic-looking (ie shiiiny) uterus cake yet, check out Debbie's here.
Thanks to Wreckporter Hall-of-Famer Monique R. for finding the last three.
UPDATE: For all of you asking if vasectomy cakes will be next: Been there, done that. :D
Reader Comments (273)
Had the ol' uterus cauterized last October 27th. I haven't had the cramps or mess since then and I am in heaven. Good luck and the first month you don't have McCrampers, celebrate. And think about all the vacations and holidays that won't be ruined by an unexpected visit from 'the curse."
I'll share the story of the cauterizing of my cervix. Anything to do with "down there" in a medical setting is scary all by its lonesome. When you involve a SMOKE MACHINE... yeah... kinda takes it to a whole new level. When you have NINE people in the room and none of them are there by your choosing... yeah... whole new level. When one of the five nurses whispers to one of the other nurses "Are you going to hold her hand or should I?"... When the one who's holding your hand turns to you with REALLY BIG eyes and says "This is going to HURT"... new level.
Now, with that said, I'll tell you: it barely hurt. I wouldn't even really apply the word hurt. Mild to medium discomfort. ENORMOUS humiliation at being spread-eagle in a room full of strangers inhaling the scent of my burning lady-bits.
Oh... one more... when the nurse chases you down the hall after you've left the office to say "I forgot to mention no sex for two weeks"... when she says it in front of your FATHER... sheesh.
I have no idea how different your procedure will be from mine, but I am sure you will handle whatever comes your way with humor :) And that makes everything better. Since you are EXTRA funny, I'm extra sure you'll get through it with flying colors.
Wow - the comments are sounding a lot like a "lady-bits-procedure" support group. I think this could mean:
A) Women - especially women with difficult cycles - like cake,
B) A lot of people like you, or
C) All of the above.
I vote C, and am hoping for the best for you tomorrow.
Best of luck and thank you for sharing! I myself have endometriosis and PCOS so I am well aware of uterine and ovarian woes. I'd love to post this on my support network's blog, endosucks.wordpress.com. Would that be OK? Thanks again for all you do!
- Chanel
Endo Sucks! founder
My mom had the exact same thing done several years back when she was having some ultra heavy menopausal bleeding. As far as I know, it was a simple procedure, and better yet, it worked. It got rid of her bleeding and she was able to avoid a hysterectomy, which was her goal. I hope you also have perfect, satisfactory results!
Good luck Jen. I'll have a good thought for you.
Just came across your blog last week via a Facebook link. Good luck with the procedure tomorrow.
I use lots of alternative non-toxic support items - my favorite for people in emotional stress of any kind is Bach Flower remedies. Especially the blend "Rescue Remedy". Also suggest you look into Maya abdominal massage. Truly an interesting self-healing technique.
Keep on with your humor. The world needs it and I thank you sincerely for your dedication to this site.
I never named my lady bits, so there was no need for a farewell cake when I had my hysterectomy (and best wishes for you tomorrow--I felt awesome after I had mine done). However, when I had a biopsy on my breast a couple of years ago, one of my friends said she hated coming up and asking how the boob was. So the left one is Roger and the right one is Victor. And they're both well.
I'm sure my mother would have been very pleased (or horrified, same thing) to have received such a cake when she had her uterus removed.
And the potential, no matter how small, to receive such cakes might be enough to convince me not to have my own removed.
And when the Doctor asks me why not, I'll send him here.
That third cake definitely looks like it says "Happy Hipsterectomy" to me. Which can only be a good thing; those hipsters are taking over the streets, sometimes you just have to put down the skinny jeans and say "no more."
Good wishes for your procedure, though they're coming a little late, I think.
Good luck tomorrow! I had two laparoscopies and you'll really like Mrs. Clumps-a-lot much more after you're done. Plus, they gave my husband pictures after the surgery was done! I guess you could always have them made into a fibroids cake or an ovarian cysts cake or an endometriosis cake. MMMMMMM...cake.
Been there done that on the cauterization. There are DEFINITE perks to it :D A speedy recovery to you.
OH and the cakes... ummm... What I have to say wouldn't be PG-13!
I had the ablation myself in 2005 and it was a very good thing. I'll hold a good thought for you.
Yikes! I knew SOMETHING was up when I saw that there were over 200 comments (got here late)!
See how much everyone loves you, sweetie? You have a world of cheerleadrers at your feet!
It's pointless to say "Don't worry" and junk like that--you can't NOT be nervous. This too shall pass (yada yada). DO try to have someone with you (preferably wielding a video cam) when you first come out of the anaesthesia, though-- THAT'S when the fun part starts.
Everyone I've known who's been knocked out for anything is a real hoot coming out--myself included. Seems that there's a lot of silliness, talking a lot without making much (any) sense, being hysterically funny--well, people are giggling at everything you mutter--and so on and so forth!
Like taking a trip without leaving the farm...
Get plenty of rest. >^zz^<
TAKE the MEDS.>^QQ^<
Make people wait on you.
Milk it for all it's worth.
And hurry back--we all need our Wreckfix!
You know, I certainly wasn't in tears about the idea of losing the uterus. (BTW, Sweeney Todd seems like a very appropriate name.) But it never crossed my mind that a cake would be appropriate for the occasion!
Jen, love Cake Wrecks. I hardly ever comment though. Wanted to wish you best of luck tomorrow. The ablation is a little uncomfortable and then you may sleep alot tomorrow and then your're completely back to normal within a week. My ablation didn't work so had a total hysterectomy 6 mos. later. Painful but the best thing ever.
prayers for you, Jen.
Jen - best of luck! My friend had the boiling balloon procedure done and LOVED it! Here's wishing you a speedy recovery. Many, many thanks for all the laughs! (PS. Can I tell you this is the first time I've ever left a comment on blog? That's how much you mean to me!). Maybe they can put the kaluha in your IV drip? Mmmmmm...
Best wishes, Abby M.
No period for the last 12 years. Nor period ever again!!
I am so jealous. ;-;
Where is my lack of periods and abundance of delicious alcoholic drinks!
Good luck Jen! I hope there's a cake, or some sort of sugary treat, waiting for you when you go home.
I had that procedure done three weeks, and you'll do fine.
Best wishes for a safe procedure and speedy recovery! Anyone else find it disconcerting how many young women suffer from "lady problems" these days?
Charlene
I forgot how funny the maxi pad letter was. Cried, I laughed so hard. I just had the same procedure you're having - you will be so happy. After. 2 weeks after. Charge up the laptop and the remote and get ready to surf. It caught me by surprise how I really needed to recover that first week. I believe my exact words to my doc were, "um... I think I underestimated the brochure." Keep up the great work, love your blog.
Blessings,
Carolynn
my boss had it done and she looooves that she had it done.
good luck Jen! sounds like cause for celebration to me!
hugs!
Debbie
(Debbie does cakes)
Long time reader, first time commenter. Love your blog: pics and commentary. I've recommended many. One, just today, who will find this post particularly funny. But let me just say: WHAT. THE. HELL??? who makes a cake for their upcoming hysterectomy? I mean, seriously!
Jenster--Good luck! My girlybits are still intact and largely inocuous; however, since we're discussing events relating to the lady areas: nearly every female I know--friends, coworkers, acquaintances--is now expecting, complete with morning sickness, inverse bellybuttons, stretch marks, and bizarre non-cake-based food cravings. And I gotta tell you, the childbearing? Would be my second choice, if I had to choose; for one thing, when you have a baby they generally don't hook you up to the morphine pump, which is in itself a whole new level of Happy.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow--hang in there, you'll do fine, and probably get AT LEAST one hilarious story out of it.
Good luck tomorrow; we'll all be thinking of you. Though I can't speak from personal experience, it certainly seems like you have many fellow "sisters" who have had positive experiences with this procedure. I wish you the best.
WV: quami Don't have any quami over the procedure; you'll be just fine.
Best of luck to you. Hope you're back making us cackle (almost wrote cakele) soon! :D
OMG, Sir Clumps Alot, I think I just peed myself a little! Hilarious!
As someone who loves to make cakes, I found your site by accident and became a fan of the cakes. Then I came to truly love the cleverness of your words and those of your followers. I always seem to notice how many comments are posted, and today is only the second time we've had to go to the second page (yes, crazy Food Challange lady). From funny cakes, to Creative Writing class inspiration, today this became a place of beauty as the empathy and support evolved all day and evening. Not only are you enjoyed, you have become loved. Your cakes and your humor have become a part of my life, a daily dose of joy I look forward to. Up until now, I've lurked - but today I was compelled to comment. Be blessed. Care
This is hands down one of your funniest blog posts EVER.....
Good luck tomorrow and I hope your recovery is easy and fast!
Good luck! I had an ablation done last March and I've been so happy since.
It did result in some interesting stories however - such as the fact that I started singing while under. Or coughed and had instruments "shoot out."
I forgot about how funny that letter was. Thanks for the reminder! Love your site!
Jen, Prayers and happy thoughts headed your direction! Hope to have you recovered and back at it soon!
I laughed so hard at this one, and really loved your naming idea. I thought that "Freddy Krueger" or "Nosferatu" might be nice bloodthirsty names. Or does anyone know of any werewolf names? I think I need one for mine, considering that once a month, usually round the full moon, is when my hormones turn me into a ravening bloodthirsty beast.
GOOD LUCK!
My mother had what she called a "slash and burn" done years back.. she was happier for having had it done.
I'm sending some good healing mojo your way! Don't forget that a good acupuncturist can do AMAZING things with regard to taming crazy hormones.
*hugs!*
Best wishes on you procedure, wow, that is a weird thing to say, but I mean it , really!! And the uterus cakes are soooo great!! Love them, and of course you and your fabulous blog!!
good luck with your uterus cauterizing. I'm not sure if that's how one phrases it, but yeah...wishing you well!
I knew someone who dreaded her monthly visit from "Aunt Tilly with the red hair." I wonder if that's what "Goodbye Tilly" means.
More power to you! I rain blessings on your Kahlua-filled head.
Seriously, I wish you the smoothest of surgeries & a swift & easy recovery.
Thanks for all the laughs!
Hope all goes well today!
IMO, you should have just gone for the whole enchilada. I had everything taken out exactly two weeks ago, and was off pain medication by day three. I have to limit my activity and sleep a lot, but OMG!!!!! The back pain that has plagued me for almost 20 years vanished. My left leg no longer feels like there's a rod running up my inner thigh, and it no longer falls asleep from lack of circulation. My skin has cleared up. Happy hysterectomy, indeed!
BTW, my bits would have been perfect for a CCC - cupcakes of all different sizes, stacked on each other, turned sideways, off to the side and connected by a thick trail of icing. . .nobody would be grossed out because it would look nothing like a uterus. It would be a fabulous Wreck, though!
Hope the surgery went well! I wanted that same surgery and then my OBGYN said, "Yeah, but you know it's not permanent, right? You'd have to have it done every five years and there's no evidence it works better the second time you do it." WELL GREAT. So I opted out. Hope yours works OK for you.
I'm sure we are scaring all the men away, but I am super-glad that women feel comfortable to talk about their bodies and medical procedures with other women.
It wasn't too long ago this stuff was considered taboo and one was made to feel embarrased about it.
So yay for the Internet, even though there's that whole risk of TMI. It's better than NMI (not much information).
congrats!! i hope everything goes swimmingly and you recover quick!
i was snipped (well, Essure, actually) 3 years ago and it was the greatest thing i've ever done!
ps: now i'm sad i never got a uterus cake :(
Had this procedure a few years ago, and life got much better. I'm holding a good thought for you!
Kathlyn
Had my cauterization in January & am loving it!! Gyn calls me a Pantiliner Princess. Highly recommend this procedure (on a Thursday, thoug so you can claim to need a 4 day weekend for recovery. I only really needed 2 days)
I'm waiting for the WV to be patooie! right now it's "reststa", so I guess that means you need to rest & stay in bed....
I also appreciate that the WV is handicapped accessible!
Hope all goes well. I had the same thing a year ago and it wasn't that bad. A good excuse to lay in bed and take pain pills for a day or two.