Considering the Uterus
July 1, 2009 Warning: Impending TMI of a medical nature. (In case the title didn't already clue you in.)
Tomorrow I will have the dubious pleasure of having the insides of my uterus cauterized. In honor of the occasion, we could take a look at the uterus in all its glory and learn from the wonders of the human body.
OR...
We could take a look at what other women order when they get their lady-bits worked on. After all, I could use a little inspiration.
(Yeah, I like option "B" better, too.)
This woman nicknamed her baby bag "Tilly", and then ordered it a farewell cake, like so:
Hm. Not a bad idea, really. Of course, coming up with just the right nickname for your internal organs can be a mixed bag - er, no pun intended. Plus, I'd have to give mine a guy's name, since I refuse to believe any female would inflict such horrors on another. So...The McCramper? Sweeney Todd? Sir-Clumps-A-Lot? I'm open to suggestions, obviously.
Elizabeth made this nifty Operation cake for her mom, who was feeling kinda down about an impending hysterectomy:
Elizabeth writes, "My friends said I should have made a driver's license with her picture and changed the F to an M, but since I didn't want her to kill herself, I just made this."Good call, Elizabeth. Having the cake recipient collapse in a sobbing heap can be such a killjoy. Far better to take the more chipper, Pollyanna-ish route:
Although there is the possibility that wishing someone a "happy" hysterectomy could lead to a different kind of meltdown: Anyone remember Wendi Aaron's famous "Happy Period" rant at Always maxi pads? If not, and you don't mind a little language, you should check it out.
Here's my favorite line:
Ah, which of us hasn't been there, eh, ladies? Or are there right now? ("Husband!! Bring me more Kahlua!!")
Some women obviously have a better relationship with their bits than I do, though:
Friends? Friends?!? ("Husband!! I mean it!!")
Now granted, I'm not having Sir-Clumps-A-Lot removed tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I'm any less apprehensive about the anesthesia and the whole, you know, cauterizing thing. So if any of you have some spare well wishes to send my way, the doctor's way, the Almighty's way, etc., I'd sure appreciate it.
Oh, and for the most realistic-looking (ie shiiiny) uterus cake yet, check out Debbie's here.
Thanks to Wreckporter Hall-of-Famer Monique R. for finding the last three.
UPDATE: For all of you asking if vasectomy cakes will be next: Been there, done that. :D
Reader Comments (273)
Wishing you a safe procedure and quick recovery!
...and filled with sadness for the massive amount of 'I hate my body' comments in the post and in the comeents. Men don't sit around complaining about their oozy bit :( Why do we?
God bless you, Jen. I hope the procedure goes well and that there are no complications. Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time with Aunt Flo!
-Julie
This is the first time I've commented just to reassure you about the abellation. I had it done about 6 years ago and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. It doesn't really hurt, just a some cramping (and we are used to that).
So don't worry it really is a breeze.
Psst. I'm an OR nurse. As long as there is no family history of people having severe (not just nausea) reactions to anesthesia, you should be fine. The procedure is brief. Statistically speaking, the most dangerous thing that will happen to you tomorrow is riding in the car to and from the facility.
Of course, none of this makes you feel any better, I realize. So, I suggest cake.
Oh, and I won't be at all surprised if you wake up mumbling something about Epcot and Spaceship Earth.
Be well!
So are you getting a flaming uterus CCC for the occasion?
et
Good luck tomorrow. I hope you have a speedy recovery!
Now let's focus on LASIK cakes for my future (fingers crossed) eye procedure.
Hope all goes well tomorrow- it really should be fine- I had something similar years ago and the apprehension was 100 times worse than the actual experience! I was glad I had it done and I suspect you will too!
All the times we've posted about bad punctuation, I'm surprised to see no puns on the word "period".
Perhaps a cake showing cauterization should be "flambe"!
You will be fine! Isn't it amazing to know that hundreds - probably thousands - of people will be thinking of you? And many of us have been there on the table before. I've never had my endometrium cauterized, but have had surgery (with cauterization) on my cervix. Not what I'd call fun (duh), but also not nearly as bad as I'd worried (read: obsessed) it would be.
Best of luck with your procedure - it sounds like it will be a godsend for you.
Has anyone else noticed that all of the uteri (uteruses doesn't look right, though neither does uteri) look like the University of Texas logo? The 3-d one reminds me of a bike seat with ear buds. Just sayin.
I had an ablation (which it sounds like you're having) about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Nothing to the recovery. Only took one pain pill at home in the evening for mild cramps. The next day was fine. Tired, but no pain or anything like that. Good luck!
Excellent timing. Just last evening we at the bakery received a request to ask if we make shaped cakes... because they wanted a "vasectomy-themed" cake.
I have some ideas for how you'd make a cake with a vasectomy theme but not any that I'm interested in making for sale... :)
Hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow Jen! Hilarious post.
And who wouldn't love today's word verification : prepp
LOL so I forgot to actually enter the WV and got a warnign with a new WV and this one is, I kid you not: skingede
Jen, good luck tomorrow! This was one of the funniest columns to date :-)
Who doesn't want to eat their own uterus cake cannibal style before having a major surgery? Good times!
Considering what day it is today... I wish one of those was for me.
Good luck!!
-Kate
Good Luck!
I know you're not Canadian, but I'm sure a lot of your readers are. Don't you have any Canadian wrecks in honour of Canada Day?!
good luck tomorrow, i hope it's successful! i had mine removed two years ago - i had endometriosis so bad i wanted to die. i'm not kidding either - i was actually in such pain that i became suicidal. removing it was the best thing i ever did, i've been pain free (and MUCH happier) ever since then. it was my independence day. thankfully though, no one gave me a uterus cake to commemorate the occasion.
Euwww. That's disturbing on a number of levels. A very LARGE number...
The lack of men commenting today is funny. ;-)
I've lived with endometriosis for years, but I'm not much looking forward to the day I will have ablation. Surgery makes me shudder. Kinda like eating cake shapes like internal organs. *shudder*
Good luck tomorrow!
The first one looks like a steak, the bright red one looks like a high-end vacuum cleaner, and the last one looks like Texas A&M horns. The Operation Game one is awesome, though.
Ummmmm, who would actually eat that? And that last one looks like it's waving to me...creepy.
Good luck tomorrow!!
Becky
I'll be praying for you. It's good to see your spirits are high. Just stay in good humor and think of all the delicious cake you can eat later....with the Kahlua. :)
God Bless!
hope things go well for you, I had something similar done before ,,,can't believe people would make cakes to mark these occassions (I usu just throw up , re the anesthesia)
Oh Honey, I have been there! this procedure is a piece of cake and you will be up and around in no time. I had it done and ended up with a total hysterectomy the next year. Greatest thing ever! I felt better the day after surgery than I had in years (with staples in my stomach)! The best thing - NO periods since 1994!!!!!
I Love you blog - always makes me laugh outloud!
Good luck tomorrow! I will keep you in my thoughts for a speedy recovery and no more monthly visitor!
Dustin' N Cleanin', darlin', it just needs a Dustin' N Cleanin'. :-) Since you have made me smile every morning for more than a year, I will absolutely send up some thoughts to the big guy for ya tomorrow morning.
Debbie's cake looks like a cross between General Grievous and a Gungan.
I had a thermal ablation 2 or 3 years ago. Love it. Easy procedure. Normal life.
I'd hate to see the postate exam cake......
good luck! enjoy the drugs!
Hey Jen - love your site! Just so you know, twice I had LIVE human beings removed from my lady-guts. Also, I survived it! Now they are 4 and 2 (not my lady-guts, the human beings), kinda wishing I had had my junk burned after #2. Anyways, TAKE the pain meds and all will be well. Dang I used a lot of commas. Maybe I should decorate cakes for a living?!
When I had my hysterectomy (which followed the cauterization by eight months, and actually, like, solved the problem) my friend crocheted me a tiny uterus and embroidered a very angry face on it. I spread it around on several livejournal communities with the caption: "Im in ur uterus, stealin ur irons."
Every doctor and nurse in the recovery ward came in to tell me how fabulous it was. And I'm no longer cycling through four levels of anemia every few months! Hooray!
Can we get some vasectomy cakes tomorrow? Ha!
Also, Good luck! Wishing you well!
Good luck with the procedure, Jen!
That Opperation cake? Awesome.
I want to thank you for the laughs! And to offer encouragement for tomorrow. I had the procedure done in my doctor's office last october while awake. Granted I had some nice loopy drugs, it is uncomfortable afterwards, but not bad. Especially if you are used to bad cramps. They will send you home with either tylenol w. codeine (spelling?) or oxycodone, and should send an antibiotic. My mom had hers done 2 weeks ago. Just take it easy and you will do great. Honestly, ever since the heaviest I have had was taken care of with a panty liner. Wonderful!!! Anyways, best of luck!!!
josie
Oh! Hey!! I had my uterus nuked (cautorized) almost 2 years ago. Best freaking thing I think I have EVER DONE!! Almost no period at ALL and almost no PMS, too! Hot Damn! Good luck and I hope your doc does as good as mine!
ok so I'm pregnant...and now I'm distgusted.
Good luck! My thoughts are with you.
Hey, had it done and it was seriously no big deal. Floated away on drugs, woke up and walked to the car to be driven home (I'm told) but have no memory until lying in bed hours later with husband bringing in pain meds as prescribed. More floating.
Some lingering feeling of having charred insides a few days later but zero "pain".
Cramps now manageable. Life worth living.
Best of luck and enjoy the floating.
Long-time lurker, first-time commenter --
Good luck, and I hope they give you good meds!
Fingers crossed for all of the above.
Because my internal reproductive organs give me so much trouble, I named them.
Uma is the utermarus
Oscar is my left ovary
Olivia is my right.
This allows me to curse them by name.
Good luck tomorrow!
"Sweeney Todd" and "Sir-Clumps-a Lot" made me snort. But you should say "McCrampy" instead of "McCramper", you know like McDreamy and McSteamy on Grey's Anatomy.
Good luck tomorrow!!!
Yeah the depictions, I would not want on my own cake, but I would have LOVED a Happy Hysterectomy cake! I have never been so glad to wave goodbye to an ex-body part in all my life! I celebrate my hysterversary every year. But if I do a cake it usually has a rather generic inscription like "party hearty" on it. lol
Oh, that reminds me, my hysterversary is soon! It's on July 14! H00t H00t!
Anyone who doesn't think a hysterectomy is the happiest time of their life hasn't had one. I agree with Chris--Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh Jen-
I'm so sorry to read your having to go through such a nerve-wrecking procedure. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you and the doctor. At the very least, we need you in tip top shape to keep serving up more cake wrecks.
Moxie
My mom had the procedure done a few years ago, and has absolutely no complaints. If I weren't on the pill and wanting kids, I'd consider it because mine must be Sir-Clumps-a-Lot's brother.
The red and black cake looks to be the best representation because it looks ANGRY!
Good luck tomorrow.
I agree with Chris..
I had a partial. Best Christmas present ever. Thank you Dr. Ralph Loebenburg.
wv: twerpoin...hopefully the ringing joyful sound my uterus made as it hit the bottom of the garbage can.
good luck tomorrow!
Everything will be fine tomorrow, wishing you a speedy recovery!