The Apostrophe is Silent
May 19, 2009 (ATTN PARENTS: This post contains material somewhat "adult" in nature.)
Once upon a time there was a girl named Amber.
Amber decided that school was not for her. Fortunately, she had loving and supportive parents.
One day Amber was offered an exciting new job. To celebrate, she added an apostrophe to her name, thinking it would make her seem more sophisticated. Again, her parents were supportive.
Unfortunately, introducing herself as "Amber - the apostrophe is silent" did not yield the results Amber was hoping for. Still, she did make some new friends at work: Cassie the C...er...Cat, and "Long Lips" Lisa.
Of course, every job has its hazards:
Which Lisa and Cassie were always there to commiserate with:
Then one day, after an unfortunate misunderstanding between the girls and a city health inspector looking for "clogged plumbing", disaster:
Amber said goodbye to her newfound - albeit diseased - friends, and despaired over finding another job to suit her rather unique skill set and wardrobe. Fortunately, her ever-supportive parents were way ahead of her:
THE END.
Thanks to today illustrious Wreckporters Wendy E., Monique R., Alex H., Michele D., & Amber (no apostrophe) S., and Alexa B.
Reader Comments (209)
Woah.
O. my. goodness.
HAHA!
This is insane!
People actually ordered these things?
--Brianna' (the apostrophe is of the silent variety).
And also, I've decided that the flesh colored mounds on the last cake are what I think they are. So then I guess I understand the parsley, but now I am confused about the coffee beans.
haha! I think this is one of my favorite posts!! Bravo, well done!
At least the apostrophe is correct in the "You're Fired" cake.
There are no words. None.
I saw that Fudgie the Whale and immediately read its message in my mental voice of Tom Carvel. That's gonna be stuck in my head for a while now.
(For those of you not wanting to go look up old Carvel ads, Carl Kasell did a pretty decent imitation of Tom Carvel during the Not My Job segment of the http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=35&prgDate=04-11-2009&view=storyview" REL="nofollow">April 11th episode of Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!. And it has William H. Macy, so you might find it really funny, like I did, or just be confused, like my husband was. He can't help it, he grew up in the land of Blue Bell ice cream. It's delicious, but there's no Cookie Puss.)
That's the best post ever. Hands down. How horrific!
HAHAHAH!!
Brilliant! You got story skillz gril! High Five!
on the pole dancer cake, are those supposed to be lady private parts?
I can't believe that these are real cakes. Are people ordering wrecky cakes just so they can put them on cake wrecks?
The writing on the "fired" cake is really nice.
Oh my... cake and a visual social commentary at the same time... it's like the "this is your brain on drugs" commercials only in cake. By far the most disturbing are the lumps surrounding the pole dancer with coffee beans and parsley on them... please someone offer en explanation other than the very unpleasant one that I am imagining!
Those things on the last cake, are they... they look like... they couldn't be...?
*faints*(hilarious write-up, Jen. I would never have expected so much... inappropriateness on one post).
And just to add to the hilarity, the word verification captcha for this comment is "inkho".
Really? Like, REALLY? I mean "cheers!" to embracing that long held belief that there's a cake for every occasion, but a brown whale bemoaning syphilis? Oysters on a cheesecake celebrating pole dancers? Wow. This takes it to a whole new level.
Anyway Jen, I'd like to send you a virtual sprinkle-laden cake celebrating this bizarre photo essay that says, "Great Job on the Porn Blog Post."
I'm thinking those vagina-esque things by the pole dancer needed their own censor bars. Yikes!
OMG! You CAN make everything better with cake!
"So then I guess I understand the parsley, but now I am confused about the coffee beans."
perhaps they have something to do with the...erm...disney princess cake?
People actually paid to get that stuff put on cakes? Holy cow.
Just when you think this site can't get any more Wrecktastic!!
...Syphilis blows? *dies laughing*
Also: I'm sort of new to Cake Wrecks. What's the deal with this WV thing that's in some of the comments?
Best post ever.
Thanks, Jen. Hilarious as always, but especially so today. *laughs*
And to second-poster Jen, lighten up a bit, dear. :)
Hysterical!
Very, very cute story - you are so creative! :)
Absolutely hilarious! I am confused as to why the Syphillis cake has candles on it though, is it one candle for every diagnosis?
As for which Disney Princess is on the Herpes cake...well, it's quite obvious she's from the new generation of princesses, that's Sleeping Around Beauty!
Hahaha, I love it!!
"Choco-mocha parsley clam cake, now with added pole dancers..." !!!
Thanks, Gladys, for that. It made me spew my coffee all over again. Those coffee beans on the "clams" disturb me. A Lot. And, no, I don't care to eat one.
Pole dancing cakes, herpes cakes, SYPHILIS cakes (!!!!).... who knew? Wish I didn't.
ow, ow , ow , my face hurts from laughing too much and now my lap hurts from spilling hot coffee, it is all your fault, must stop reading Cake Wrecks first thing in the morning
Ah-ha! The flesh colored mounds are leering men with parsley hair and coffee bean eyes and mouths... at least that is what I am determined to see.
Well, if you can't talk your family member out of their chosen occupation, maybe it's best to celebrate?
The STD cakes are a bit gross though. The pole dance one is funny!
~Amy B
Best cakewreck story EVER!
Fab post Jen! I especially loved the little warning at the top and how you turned seemingly no related cakes into a a little fractured fairy tale as it were.
WV = word verification, it's our chance to make up definitions for the odd word verifications that we receive in order to post our comments. Like mine is ationvo, but I don't have a witty definition for it.
There are no words.
Well, apart from Jen's words.
My favourite is the herpes cake with the prince and princess topper. Just sets the right tone, I think.
That's a whale of a cake for a whale of a ... disease!
And now? Just to tribute this awesome porn-esque post? I am heading straight to my kitchen to put some parsley on a princess cake.
When in Rome..er..Cake Wrecks Land!
Oh, and Marji? What planet do you hail from, dear?
BEST POST EVER!
poor fudgey the whale :(
Total kudos for finding two wrecky cakes with the name "Amber" or..um.. Amber' as the case may be. Way to pull the storyline together!
Aelysium said...
...Syphilis blows? *dies laughing*
Also: I'm sort of new to Cake Wrecks. What's the deal with this WV thing that's in some of the comments?
WV is defining the Word Verification that you must enter to make a post. Example:
WV: Bacie - Ow! My bacie hurties from laughing at Jen's blog too much!
Your commentary was hysterical!
Oh wait...
your' commentary' was' hysterical'!'
The apostrophes are silent.
What on earth is around the pole dancer on that last cake?
is amber pole dancing in mounds of hummus?
Laugh. Out. Loud.
FUNNNNNeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
Oh my gosh what has society come to??
ha ha ha
Is it wrong that I am laughing?
Astoundingly you have outdone yourself dear. Such Great talent you have in storytelling, through, cake.
Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.
Lol . . . people haven't been to many frat or sorority parties if they've never seen one of those "Sorry for the (insert venereal disease)" cakes. It's one of the most overdone jokes in certain college towns, yet it never seems to lose its charm. :)
Your story linking the cakes is priceless, and it almost has a child's bedtime story quality to it. :P
Definitely best post ever!! You have outdone yourself Jen! I love it!
I'm really hoping that most of those were jokes if not intentional wrecks.
I have to admit I probably wouldn't have left a comment except that I was so excited to share my word verification: CHARLES! That's the first time I've ever seen a real name, I think!
LoL! :-))) I having more fun just reading the other comments then the cakes itself.
Aelysium,
The "word verification" is something that you have to enter to post a comment. Kind of like an automated Spam cop to keep out, er, automated Spam-bots.
They are never real words, though. They are combinations of letters that almost, but not quite, spell out real words.
Since many cakes featured on the blog are also "spelling challenged," a lot of cake wrecks fans use the word verification on their post to compose a bit of a "Devils Dictionary," to define the word, or use it in a sentence, usually involving a pun of some sort.
hello ....LOLZ !!!!!!it's so funny cause no ones prowed of there high school drop out ....and also why whold someone make the cinderella cake like that i mean really any ways this next thing i say is for any one who does not swear on blogger.......PLEASE COME TO MY BLOG !!!!!(cause if you do you'll be the first to coment!!) and also swaering is a big no no cause ... well it just is so yeah......so please come to my blog ...well if you what to .... ta-ta
Oh...my...goodness!
I must stop reading Cake Wrecks while my daughter sleeps. I'm sure the cackling and snorting laugher will eventually wake her up!
Thanks for making my day a little brighter!
Maybe those aren't coffee beans; there may be olives in those ... objects.
Hi Aelysium, WV = Word Verification.
WV: tefins on the whale are well executed.