Tuesday
Oct272009
Halloween Heckling
October 27, 2009 This season is almost too easy for snarks like me. C'mon, right now this is what passes for cake decorating:
And they say cake art is dead. Pfft.Bakeries, of course, love it. Every conceivable mistake, no matter HOW bad, can now be made into a Halloween design.
Have a Barbie bride cake that's gone horribly wrong? Noo problem:
Voila! A ghost!
Just be sure to label it, so folks know what it is. See, now that it SAYS "Evil Witch Hat" you can totally see it, right? Er. Right?
What's that? Your bats don't look like bats? S'ok. We have a giant piece of plastic for that:
And hey, do you have any leftover stock we can make into Halloween designs? You know, like maybe some smiley faces? Oh, good! See, just add some fangs...a little broken English...and...
Ta daa! Now it's a vampire!
I know it's a stretch, Darshani, Bettina G., Shayne H., Kylie K., Lauren, & Rachel J., but don't worry; it's Halloween. People will totally buy it.
- Related Wreckage: E.T. is Back...
Reader Comments (90)
Talk about total contrast!! The banner ad shows cute little owl cupcakes and on the same page is that blob of dung colored frosting with the freaky eyeball.
Only on Cake Wrecks!! You always make my day.
Oh god, and I thought the stuff at my bakery was ghastly - at least they don't need to label their CCCs as "Pumpkin" like some of these had to!
I think the first one was a practice cupcake for one of those little Yorkie dog cakes. And when they screwed it up, they just made it a scary, melted one-eyed Yorkie dog cupcake.
Is that witch's hat frozen? It looks colder than a witch's - er...a witch's "hat".
WV: cretri Halloween is all about creative cretris like these.
That first one looks like a poo-puppy with an eyeball smashed into it. A wreck made into a wreck!
I kinda think the ghost looks more like a puppy dog....
Those "decorators" really should be ashamed. Those were beyond Wrecks!
This is what happens when you let six year olds in the bakery. Wow, those are truly, classically horrible cakes. Now I'm scared!
"I vant to sook ur blood"?
Okay I get the "vant" part and I'll concede that it probably says "suck" and is just hard to read, but what's up with the "ur"? Is that one of those texting short forms? If so, they get points for extra stupidity and laziness for putting that on a baked item.
evil witch hat, or poo collection from the dog park? the world may never know......
I'm in love with evil witch hat. What is it I find so endearing about that cake? But then again, who doesn't love a poo cake with some miscellaneous halloweeny words messily piped on there?
Truly shameful!
agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
Evil Witch Hat? More like Evil Poo Hat.
A poo pile, no matter how you slice it, is just that . . . a poo pile!
Lord have mercy. Those look like they were done by three year olds!
okay, so i'm fixated on wreck #3, the "evil witch hat".
are there supposed to be two hats? and how, pray tell, do they resemble an evil witch hat?
it looks to me as if somebody ingested too much red dye #2 and then pooed on the cake board.
sorry. that was entirely too graphic for breakfast time banter. but geeeeez!! what the frick?!?!
I vant to crie
I have never commented here but I just had to say that I was peeing my pants at "EVIL WITCH HAT" especially bc the cake itself didn't look like anything to me, so it seemed like they were just writing words that related to Halloween. Omg so funny.
Sometimes I wonder if Bakers remember they are writing on a cake, not in an IM. "I vant to suck ur blood, kthxbai"
WV - crowner - if I knew the baker, I'd crowner queen of the lolspeak cakes!
This is almost too much for one morning!
1. I, as a consumer, would be afraid the baker had actually cut him/herself badly, which would explain some of the finer points of the icing, er, "technique," and also the random sort of bloody-looking bits and pieces hanging on to the left side of this masterpiece. But waste not, want not, and all that.
2. Stacking a pile of dumplings on a cake and then dusting the whole thing with powdered sugar (or is it flour?) does not equal "ghost cake."
3. If the label said, "Cupcake WITH Critters," or even "Cupcake LEFT BY Critters," I would take them at their word on this one.
I just have to say, i've spent the past 3 or 4 days at work going through the entirety of you blog (what, it's been a slow week!), and it is one of the funniest places i've ever been to on these magical interwebs. Great job, i'll be back daily to check the new, awesome wrecks!!
I don't get how thats an evil witch hat.. in any way. Thats horrible. And a sad thing is, as a cake decorator, i look at these wrecks and say "WHAT THE!!! FU%@ were these wreckerators thinking!!" and then my mom will say how cute it is and how it was such a cute idea for [insert holiday here] and that ghost/barbie cake thing.. one of my co-workers walked up behind me and said "what the heck is that" and im like.. "a cake..." and he says ".. doesn't look like it. " so i said "hence the website.. CAKE WRECKS!!".. lol
Ok, the last one freaks me out the most!!
How is the person holding the "cake" with both hands AND taking the picture? EEEEEK!!
That first one made me jump out of my chair! Where was the warning?!
Okay. First of all, the first one scared the bejesus out of me. I felt myself making the same surprised face as the...whatever it is. And what IS that eye thingy?
And the witch hats! My first reaction was, roses? Roses that barfed? Roses that a doggie pooed on, perhaps?
Oh, how I love Halloween.
The first one really gave me the creeps. Sorry to whoever made it.
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theprovidentwoman.com
Now I know what's been missing from my life. Funny cake pictures! I don't know why I find them so hilarious, but I'm killing myself laughing. Well done, I'm bookmarking this site for sure.
The wrecks are truly wrecky, but I'm befuddled by the last picture. There is obviously a person holding the cookie cake vampire with both hands, but how did they hold the camera. Do they have a cool super spy bow tie camera?
Top photo -- WTF????!!! Taylor, LOVE your suggestion that it's a scary one-eyed Yorkie CC. Too funny. Maybe it was modeled after that ugly dog contest.
EYE see you lookin' at me...
I think the wreckporter that took that last photo must have a cyber-camera implanted in their eye. Look at the hands/perspective. That’s even more disturbing than the wrecks... well maybe not that first one.
What scares me is that people actually buy these things..
I love #2, the pinhead ghost! Those look like oreo eyes and a nose, I would buy that.
These "decorators" may as well start labeling their creations Cake Wrecks Bound. They've gotta know where they're gonna end up.
Bad so hilariously bad.
~Amy B-H
Wow....Just.....Wow. Even on Halloween these (especially the first one) should not have left the bakery.
And those 'Evil Witch Hats' were maybe AFTER Dorothy tossed water on them?
ugh that first one made me sick! I can just picture the scene, baker says, "boss come see the cup cake. boss stares for a long time to try and figure out our what it is, and plop, out comes his eye!
i liked that last one most. very tack-full.
The fangs don't even match! Also, UR is short for "you are" not "your." Texting slang is bad slang, but they could at least use it correctly!
I just find it really disturbing that someone thinks it's ok to put these on store shelves. I mean, no one stops to think, "hmm, maybe this one shouldn't go out there..." A manager doesn't walk by and say, "WTH?" and remove it?
The witch excrement is definitely the grossest thing I've seen in a while.
The ghost isn't too bad, once you scrape off the mound of frosting on the top.
But the rest? They're what Hallowe'en's all about--stuff too scary for words!!
Oh my word. 'Tis too true, isn't it?
THe Ghost could also be:
a cutey wooty little maltese puppy
a baby seal about to be clubbed
an albino "fry guy"
Hello Kitty after being hit with a hammer. OVer and over.
A dust bunny
a fluffy marshmellow
a warm fuzzy. remember warm fuzzies?
That last one looks like a smiley face with its mouth bleeding so it has cotton balls/pieces of tissue on its mouth.
I like the way the bats on the CCC gradually morph into spiders. Very, um, um, interesting. Yeah, interesting ,that's it!
I wonder how many frosting puppy dogs were harmed in the making of this post. One would think by now bakeries would start banning flash photography in their shops.
"Mommy, another homemade costume? Why'm I wearing a sheet and auntie's hatbox. And what's that gunk on top of it? Ew, and I think kitty got on the table and puked on it!"
"Dear, you're gonna be a cakewreck this year. Here, toss on some extra sprinkles and sugar."
WV: Prespew -- 'nuf said.
Oh...wow. I just realized that my dog leaves "witch's hats" on my lawn. Cool - a new, kid-friendly way of discussing such things. Thanks, Cake Wrecks! :)
I have a feeling that even if I could see it in person, I still couldn't tell for sure that the Evil Witchie-poo Hat cake actually contains either butter or cream in the frosting.
And now I know that just because you use about ten bucks' worth of frosting, it doesn't mean your final product is worth even four. I learn so much from this blog!
What a chance for bakeries to recycle all their frozen mistakes! Just save them up for Halloween.
Wow, I really love the second one...it reminded me of a head of a really weird dog.