Cupcake Cakes: Always Wrecktastic. Always.
September 16, 2008 I've recently been accused of hatin' on the cupcake cakes. Alright, you got me: I guess I can't hide the truth any longer, and it's time for me to come clean. [sigh] Ok, here goes:
Hi, my name is Jen, and I hate cupcake cakes.
Why? 'Cuz they're ugly.
Don't believe me? Keep reading.
For Shara's birthday her son asked the baker to make a "happy monkey cake" ala Curious George. Now, as a reminder for those of us who haven't watched Saturday morning cartoons in a while, here's what Curious George looks like:
And here's what Shara got for her birthday cake:
So apparently what the decorator heard was "Curious George after he's been flattened by a cement truck". That, or maybe he/she was going for an homage to Teen Wolf:
After he was flattened by a cement truck.
Yes, I understand that in concept these things are great: no clean-up, equal portions, blah blah blah, but in execution I've yet to see a nice one that wouldn't give you blue poo.
Wait - I have to take that back. If you happen to want a skinned Spiderman face, then you're going to love Alyson B.'s birthday cake:
All it's missing are little pegs holding down the edges of his mask. (Yeah, let's call it a mask; that's less disturbing than "face skin".)
Or how about this appetizing little number?
According to Mei L., this is supposed to say "Ojai! It's worth the drive!". Now, I would love to ask what the heck "Ojai" is, but I'm way too distracted by the poo souffle on the bottom. Honestly, this thing is in serious competition with the moldy camo cake in my "dry-heave-inducing" category.
What's that? You're still not convinced that cupcake-cakes are always wreckalicious? Oh, I get it: you're saying these designs have been too complicated, right? That a simpler design would look better?
Something, for example, like this?
Ah, you're right. This IS better. I mean, "round" is a concept obviously beyond the decorator's grasp, but at least she stuck with plain white frosting. Nik P. was the manager on duty at the bakery where this was ordered (and subsequently rejected). He writes, "As the manager on duty, I immediately took the appropriate action: I took a picture to post on the internet."
I like your thinking, Nik.
Have I convinced you yet? No? Ok, my last argument, at least for today's post:
Monique R. sent in this "creative" gem taken by Jen S. You can see that Pokey's head was obviously tacked on as an afterthought: it's not even on the cake board. Plus, the angle of his face makes it look like someone twisted his unnaturally long neck 180 degrees; last I checked, turtles don't walk around facing the sky. From the giant American flag he's resting on, I would assume this was taken around the 4th of July or Memorial Day, both holidays known for their inclusion of... turtles. Erm. Yeah.
Come to the Cupcake-Cake-Hating-Side. We have real cakes.
Reader Comments (258)
i can explain ojai if youve ever seen the movie easy a in the opening credits you see a sign that says ojai its a town in california
On the news today, a curious monkey called George apparently wandered into the path of 25 steamrollers. The local hospital are having trouble treating the injury, as he is now exactly a micrometer thick and 20 meters wide. Lol! :D
Um...YEAH. I've never seen those things. What's wrong with normal cupcakes? Normal cupcakes look cool. Especially if they're done Loki-style. I'm gonna try and find out where to order a box of cupcakes and eat them all at once while screeching through a mouthful of buttercream, "You see? YOU SEE? CUPCAKES ARE NOT TO BE LUMPED TOGETHER!! AHAHAHAAHAAHA!! THEY ARE TASTY ON THEIR OWN!! EVIL BAKERIES!!! EEEEEEVILLLLLLL!!!"
I just scrolled down here and didn't check the other posts, but I wanted to let you know that Epcot, sorry, I mean Ojai, is in southern California.
I just discovered this site. I haven't laughed so hard since I was a kid. Peed my pants too. I cannot thank you enough.
I actually saw a good cupcake cake the other day! It was an old school pixalated version of Link from Legend of Zelda. Each cupcake was a pixal. I'm planning on recreating it for my husband's birthday at the end of March. If it works I'll send you a pic. :)
I just found ur site. Love it but I disagree my 15 year old daughter made my 18 trl old son a ghost cupcake. Granted we used like 60 cupcakes (or more) and her first un iced design looked like a sperm but the one we ended up with was pretty darn good. Email me and Ill send u a pic (even if u dog her out on ur site) shes 18 now and 3rd year culinary so her work has improved greatly:)
That "Ojai" one? I'm pretty sure I could actually SEE the frosting melting off of it...creepy lol Pretty sure I don't want to go THERE