I Think I Just Lost My Appetite
July 7, 2008 
People, I’ve seen some bad cakes in my time, alright? Poor execution, bizarre subject matter, awful color choices - you name it. Still, nothing has ever made this baked-goods-addict put down her fork until today.
This looks like something the baker found moldering in an old shower, covered with fuzz. It's shiny, but lumpy. The brown and bile-green meld together just a little too organically - and is that a spot of acid yellow I see under the pile of green in the upper left corner? Speaking of which, what is that green stringy crap supposed to be? It’s just randomly plopped on in disgusting wriggly masses....
[averting eyes and taking deep breaths]
Urk. Ok, sorry - back to the commentary...
And that texture: short of applying the icing with a brillo pad, I don’t know how one would achieve such a pitted, uneven surface. Was there a shortage of spatulas? Of icing? Of people who can see colors? Sure, I get that this is supposed to be camouflage, but do the personnel at toxic waste dumps even wear camouflage?
Reader Comments (49)
I so love this blog! The commentary is hilarious!! I have to say though, that this cake really "takes the cake." This is really quite gross!! Do people actually pay money for this stuff after seeing it? This has got to be the worst one yet.
Bleurgh!
What were they thinking?!
I love your comments :) You are so funny!
It's not supposed to be a cake!
is it really a cake! oooohhhh!!as tora said be****!
Looks like it might've been camouflage for a military-style cake but even the decorations "desserted" the cake - lol
MAYBE THIS IS TRENT REZNOR'S BIRTHDAY CAKE? AND THAT IS WHY IT'S SO SAD?
Am I the only one who sees a moldy sandwich? I really think they were trying to make a sandwich. You know, a sandwich cake. It looks like a sandwich, but it's a cake. It's like eating lunch but it's dessert. Brilliant, really.
To me, it says "why yes, I did take the shortcut through the swamp when delivering the cake." "how can you tell?"
Actually, if you make the picture bigger, it looks like most of the surface of the cake is actually *unfrosted*...ewwww.
I just laughed so hard I cried.
Someone warn Trent that Soylent Cake is made of People!
I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be dirt or something, not camo, look at the patches of grass.
I'm guessing the pits in the icing just mean old buttercream-- I worked at a "who cares if the cake is pretty, FASTER" supermarket bakery for a while, and ours got so nasty sitting out over 24 hours that a molten hot spatula weilded by Payard himself couldn't have gotten a cake to look decent. It just screams overworked, undermotivated supermarket decorator. I think I'd be laughing harder if I didn't see the misery so clearly.
Hahaha! I'm with "...but thanks for asking" on this one, I think it's supposed to be a moldy sandwich!! But still....gross!!!!!
Is this a "camo" cake?
KCH
lol. and the advert right next to the picture says : Green Bowel Movements. by healthline.
I agree - its supposed to be a moldy sandwich, not camo. I think they did an excellent job although I cannot imagine the scenario in which one would request a moldy sandwich cake.
I get it! It's a movie theme. It's the sandwich that (temporarily blind) Tom Cruise eats in "Minority Report!"
Tee hee.
Thanks for making me nearly pee myself reading this post!
--Gina (http://lindseysluscious.blogspot.com)
actually i think it looks more like a moldy lasagne
It looks like someone tried to caramelize it with a creme brulee torch.
"Sure, I get that this is supposed to be camouflage"
... Oh, wow. I didn't even get that far. I read that sentence, did a double-take, went back up to look at the photo again, and thought, incredulously---"camouflage?!" But then, I can't imagine what else they could have been intending!
Amazing.
I think we might have a "weed cake" situation here, which, if you think about it, can explain almost everything about this little delicacy.
was that baked AFTER it was frosted???
Here's the thing...I don't think this cake is iced at all. I think someone airbrushed the cake, THEN baked it. The only frosting is the stringy green stuff, which means that lovely pitted texture is the cake itself. Whoever "Trent" is, I'm guessing his therapy bills are pretty high. Thoughts?
Oh, I don't know. If Trent is, say, an 11-year-old boy, he probably thinks it's the coolest cake ever. At that age, the gross-out factor is a plus rather than a minus.
I know how you get a texture like that. It's drywall mud. I tried to recreate that very texture when I mudded the bathroom walls.
And it makes sense really, because as everyone knows, nothing says "I'm a man now!" like eating a cake frosted in Spackle!
Maybe Trent is a giraffe? I kinda see giraffe some how.
I think this cake is un-iced. It's just a cake out of the oven, and then green squiggles added.
Either way, it's still ugly. Unfortunately, it looks like someone with my skill made the cake. :)
Ew, grody!!
Not appetizing AT ALL
It looks like a heavy smoker's lungs with gangrene. Ick ick ick!
So a friend sent me the link to this site tonight and i've been having fun checking out the photos. a few oh wows and man what were they thinking comments came to my head. but after seeing the spiderman cupcake cake, i started giggling. then i clicked on the link to the Government Issued Camo cake. and the commentary sent me into full blown laughter, i woke my boyfriend up. With out the comments these would just be some messed up cakes. It truly takes an artist to turn something that sad into something that hysterical, with just words. and btw i pulled a half a loaf of bread from the top shelf of my cabinet that looked just like that!
I agree with Nichsa. I have been laughing so hard that even my nostrils are getting sore from flaring. I keep having to wipe my eyes so I can still see these abominations.
Perhaps it's a lasagna with spinach or something?
I can't understand why people like to eat things with these extreme bright chemo-colors anyway. It looks like spray-painted polyurethane foam.
..oh, that's camo?
I thought it was supposed to look like a moldy sandwich. Which, I guess, is a weird cake inspiration...
You are absolutely, without a doubt HILARIOUS!
I just had to stifle laughter at my desk... I will bookmark your page AT HOME!! LOL
Thanks :)
Christian Malson
-South Carolina
methinks the ... STRINGS (we shall call it this for our stomachs sakes)... are there to cover those um yellow stains. what other reason is there to put umm STRING on cake?
has anyone checked if this is a cupcake-cake? it seems to have those brown spots at regular intervals as if someone rubbed boot polish over all the lumpy bits (if my theory is correct aka the cupcakes)
I didn't read all the posts following the moldy camo cake; perhaps this comment was already made.
But, look at the cake from a stoner's point of view: Those green blobs MIGHT be cannabis leaves...well, and when one is half-baked, the rest of the decorations might actually look ok.
-Jules
Camouflage! It's camouflage. I see it now. Had you not said it I would have been here all night trying to figure out why in the world someone ever thought to try and make a cake that would in anyway resemble this monstrosity. Thank you. Now I may sleep tonight.
It... looks like a nasty bruise... rather than camouflage. And I KNOW camo!
Ew! Ew! Ew!!!!!!
Ah. A new use for that left over guacamole.
OMG. That's all I can say.
Makes ya wonder what they ASKED for!
My stomach just churned for some reason! Not a good sign. ;) x
I can't find Trent's cake.
It must be blending in with
my Swamp Thing nightmare.
I seriously went into gag spasms after this one. I really HATE THAT BAKER!!! BTW, I am writing this while bent over a toilet. Thanks a lot Jen.
okay, so after reading everyone's comments I have to hang my head in shame that I know the real explanation behind this cake..... Hello, My name is Tiffany, and I work at Walmart. sigh. it hurts to go on.....*ahem* I can assure you, after having been there for 3 years, this cake IS frosted. Poorly, yes, but the texture is achieved when you leave "non-dairy" whipped icing out in warm temperatures. the only way to smooth it is with a warm spatula, and it looks like this decorator a) didn't know that or b) didn't give a flip. as to the coloring, well, to me, just looking at a picture, without seeing it in person...this coloring is HORRIBLE because the whipped icing fades...and the yellow stain under the grass is from the grass shielding the icing from the fluorescent lighting in the store. I would say this cake looks to be several days old. I'm betting it came off the clearance cart. now I'll go back to my sad little hole....
Thank you for clarifying that it's supposed to be camouflage because I had no idea what it was supposed to be. I sort of see it, but I don't want to. ;)
word of advice.....
DON'T ORDER A CAKE WITH BROWN ICING! EVER!
the end result will probably look like dirt (if you're lucky) or poo (if you're not)
It looks like an old banana to me.
Speaking of acid, the decorator needs to lay off the stuff. Am I right?