Botched Balloons

When it comes to cake decorating, you can't get any more basic than the balloon. One roundish blob of icing, a string, and voila! You're done! This staple of icing decor is so simple that even the most inexperienced of decorators couldn't possibly Wreck it up.

[pause]

BWAHAHAHAH! Hah, did you see what I did there? How I managed to keep a straight face? Hoo boy! [wiping eyes] Heehee!

Ok, seriously, let's count down the ways in which Wreckerators have managed to destroy the seemingly simple balloon, shall we?

1) Gravity Need Not Apply

I suppose you could say the writing is what's upside down, but even then those balloons look more like wrinkly piles of fresh paint than anything else. Yech.

2) Floaters, or Swimmers?

I see this problem a lot, and I don't think it's just 'cuz I have that V-day post on the brain.

It doesn't help when the "balloons" are swimming in a circle, either:

This balloon placement makes perfect sense...during tornado season.

3) Too Small

This is no doubt a commentary on the vast, off-centered, blankness of life.

4) Too big.

These behemoths are coming in for the kill with their teensy dagger strings.

5) Swirly Suckers

Multicolored swirls look, at best, like lollipops. At worst, we're facing the Teletubby poo debacle all over again.

6) "You may use any icing color in the kitchen. EXCEPT THIS ONE."

Ooh, could those be a gaggle of failing organs*, or perhaps hacky sacks made from old pantyhose? Here's hoping!!

Janice L., Nezuko, Troy K., Helen D., Jessica G., & Bex, thanks for taking us up, up and away.

* Geese, organs - they're practically interchangeable, right?

Back to Basics

Sometimes we look so hard for Wrecks we fail to see the forest for the trees, as it were. After all, it doesn't take crazy sculpted nonsense or illiterate scrawlings to make a Wreck; sometimes all you need is a healthy dose of what I like to call "the fugly":

For a baby shower, no less.

Green streaked nastiness AND a cupcake cake. Wow, Heather, you scored big.

Die, tie-dye! Die!
(You know, I bet a lot of you are going to like this one. Well, rest assured I won't be calling you a tasteless hippie if you do; I'll just give you one of my patented sardonic looks. Like this: [sardonic look]. Crippling, isn't it?)

I actually made something like this once. Of course, it was with finger paints, and I was three at the time, but still...

Amanda, Anne M., Elizabeth C., & Miranda C., I'm sure these cakes are all beautiful on the inside.

Ok, that's a lie. But I'd still eat them.