Stairway to Heaven
February 18, 2015 I have to be honest: I've never really understood the whole wedding-cake-plastic-staircase thing. I mean, who first decided the wedding figurines might need to take a stroll down to one of the side cakes?
;)
Not to mention this looks more like a video game level than a wedding cake.
"Ok, what you have to do is, hop over the leaf-shrooms, collect the heart rings, and then duke it out with the Moopa-Moosers down at the bottom. Oh, and watch out for the barrels."
Then, after providing this thoughtful pathway, the decorators go and make it completely inaccessible!
;)
How are they supposed to get down there?
;)
Or battle their way through all that foliage?
;)
Granted, I can't think of a better place to put your plastic deer collection.
Of course, it goes without saying that all this extra height means you have to put a clear plastic light-up fountain under the cake. (Don't bother questioning it. You just have to.)
;)
Mmm. Drippy.
You know what, though? These cakes still don't have enough going on. What do you say in addition to the stairs, tiers, figurines, and light-up fountain, we cover everything in Louis Vuitton?
;)
Ah, rampant materialism climbs to new heights. I like it.
But it's STILL not enough. Can we get a few dozen miniature bridal party dolls, a Barbie cake, a few bolts of tulle, and the Amazon rain forest in here now, guys?
No, no, don't take away the stairs, fountain, or multiple topper figurines; we need those.
***
All set? Alrighty, let's take a look.
;)
YES!! BEHOLD MY CREATION!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Hey, Rafael S., Genevieve F., April L., Anony M., Marla B., & Elle J., you must admit: this thing is so gosh-darn tacky it's almost kind of awesome.
Or...not.
*****
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Reader Comments (77)
In the last photo, even the groom is wearing foliage.
OMG, it's ADDAMS, not Adams. I knew that, really I did.
That that that... Um.
Cake #5 is at WalMart. So help me, someone got married at a WalMart?
I ordered my cake in plenty of time and specified NO PLASTIC. Guess what I got? Of course, they had hired and fired in the bakery department and didn't bother to call me to confirm before they "designed". I took my own sweet time in returning those unwanted plastic pieces.
Why is the Walmart display cake dripping blood??? Ewwww. The past one? Perfection!!! Hahahaha
The first one looks like it has mice on it. Delicious! I have seen the ones like the last one. In person they aren't QUITE so tacky. The best one I saw had the steps upside down. Made for an interesting display.
Cabbage Patch Kids! Snorting with glee, Shirley F!
#6 Looks like R2D2 and Robbie the Robot's lovechild. Of course, it is late in the day and I am brain dead.
I want to see the next step - a series of cupcakes with staircases linking them all together.
@SuBee - Love the song!
@Christina - I can totally see the first cake as a skeleton, too.
If that last cake were an amusement park ride, I would totally go on it.
Rolypolyducky - Cake the fifth! Ha! I laughed because I kept thinking they need to cake the fifth. These are crimes against cakery.
Hi! I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but I'm from Argentina, my grandparents used to own a bakery since they got married until the early 2000s; and this is a typical conversation I would overhear among them and a bride and groom choosing a wedding cake:
Grandma: -(...)So you'd like white frosting with pink details...
Bride:- Yes, and we MUST have three different flavours, and please don't forget the cake for little kids.
Grandma:- For that many guests you will need six cakes, we can display them like this...
At this point, grandma would show them a couple of ways to arrange the cakes, all of them "plastic staircase-free", but most of the brides tend to react with the following reasoning:
- BUT IF WE DON'T INTERCONNECT THE CAKES PEOPLE WON'T KNOW THEY ARE PART OF THE SAME ASSEMBLY, THESE CAKES TOGETHER MAKE THE WEDDING CAKE, IF THEY DON'T CONNECT TO EACH OTHER, THEY ARE NOTHING BUT MANY CAKES ON A TABLE. WE CAN USE THOSE BRIDGES AND STAIRS THAT LOOK LIKE LACE, THEY LOOK ROMANTIC, AND MAKE CAKES LOOK AS A LANDSCAPE.
I never undestood why brides thought people were so dumb they needed those bridges connecting the cakes, but at some point everybody wanted them. with a little local twist wich made wedding cakes a lot more baroque and tacky: around here it used to normal including many silk ribbons poping out of the top tier of the cake. They matched the number of single ladies invited to the party, so each one of them got to pull out a ribbon, most of them had a little charm tied in the end hidden in the cake, but one of them had a ring, and it's believed that the girl who gets it will be the next to marry.
Is "drippy cake" set up in an Au Bon Pain? They have pastries, but they're not a bakery. Could it be that's where the reception is being held? That would just add another layer of tat to the whole
eyesoreeyeful.The only acceptable reason for having a reception in a fast food sandwich shop would be if the bride and groom met there. If that's the case, we should just be glad they used staircases rather than connecting the cakes with baguettes for the toppers to slide down, like bannisters.
I always thought that the stairway cakes would be best if you had trained hamsters to run up and down...
(Also, a friend of mine had a punch fountain at his wedding two years ago and I went into positive ecstasies. My husband, who is a few years younger than I am, had no idea what a joy it was in the '80s to go to weddings and anniversary parties and be eight and looking at a FOUNTAIN OF PUNCH!)
@Maria L: I think my head has just exploded.
I mean, the boquet toss is bad enough. But pull a ribbon out of a cake? SMH....
Thank you Debbie. For some time now I have thought of work as being equivalent to prostitution. Your comment put it in a nutshell.
Stairway goes that way ...
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@TLC Well, You're not alone in the bouquet toss: It's always an awkward moment. And lately, most of the weddings I've attended, women just won't stand up to participate. Only lilttle girls are excited about it. I guess it's time we let that ritual go...
About the ribbons, now people place those ribbons elsewhere( Like a fishbowl filled with rose petals, a piñata, even some square glass containers filled with little black pebbles which resemble cat's sandbox quite a lot) because cakes tended to explode with 20 girls pulling at the same time in different directions. I'll go through the wedding cakes albums, perhaps I'll find one with the ribbons and Jen may kindly post it. Perhaps in a new sections: TRADITIONAL WRECKS AROUND THE WORLD.
This post made me have a nightmare about being trapped on the top of inaccessible stairs. Thanks, Cakewrecks!
New Jersey cakes
Wow. Lol I thought these cakes were long gone. Apparently not seeing as wreckerators are doing their darndest to bring them back. Scary especially the red drippy one. Yuck lol.
People with no taste, showing off.
Cake #5 looks like something a wedding planner from the Overlook Hotel came up with.
Didn't I see this (stairs and fountain) on an episode of Cake Boss?
I was married in the tacky 80's, but this is so much tackier than all the poufy tulle I was subjected to ( think of the wedding dress from My Big Fat Greek Wedding). What a trashy group of wedding wreckage this is. "Wipes brow" Thanks for erasing my own bad memories.
In the last one, why is the groom wearing Cleopatra from the original Adam"s Family?
For those of you who live in Northern states, I will enlighten you on the last cake. It is not a wedding cake. It is a Quincenera (15th) cake, or, a Hispanic girl's traditional "intro to society" cake. When a girl turns 15, she has a huge Mass/party/dance that rivals a wedding. She usually has 14 attendants (7 girls and 7 boys), but could have 14 girls and 14 boys, and those are represented by the little plastic dolls on the stairs. The big Barbie doll represents the honoree.