Monday
May192014
PLEASE TELL ME THOSE ARE DEAD SQUIRRELS
May 19, 2014 Sometimes you want your wedding cake to tell a story.
Just not this one.
He was a small game hunter who liked to drink.
She was an amateur taxidermist who collected tiny hats.
(And also liked to drink.)
Together, they would create:
THE MOST HORRIFYING WEDDING CAKE
...IN THE WORLD.
;)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[deep breath]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Thanks to Christine C. for finding the Bloggess' next anniversary cake.
*****
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Reader Comments (86)
I'm pretty sure that the dress code for this wedding included camo and/or redneck casual!! I can't believe that anyone would agree to use squirrels on their cake.
Stuffed or alive the idea of a pair of squirrels on a cake is equally horrific!
[Charlie Brown]AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH![/Charlie Brown]
I'm with Annette. Most of the cakes featured here on Cake Wrecks wouldn't stop from eating them. Crappy-tasting fondue might do it, but the merely scary and badly-done cakes lose their power when reduced to slices on plates. Squirrel feet on my cake, REAL squirrel feet on my cake, would do it. The fleas and lice are problably gone, but aren't there preserving chemicals of some sort or another involved?
Dana the Wonderchick: My first thought was that it is the kind of cake only a dedicated redneck would love.
I knew this did NOT bode well when the words "taxidermist" and "cake" were used in the same description.oh, dear.
I am staying with my sister and her family, and all of them are sick. So I can't even show this to them. I'll have to treasure it privately for a coupke more days.
SUDDENLY I am gluten-free and will never eat cake again.
Can the couple get their money back if they find hair (or perhaps a hare) on the cake? If so what a devious plot for free cake. (I still wouldn't eat it....) "I don't think those are raisins...."
I laughed sooo hard - the comments are just about as fantastic as that p.o.s.-cake. Jen, we need the backstory on his one!
Somebody call Jeff Foxworthy !
(You might be a redneck when...)
What's really scary, there is a piece is cake missing!!! Someone really ate some, going to hurl now. But the necktie was cute.
I'm sure this is what Mountain Man (on Duck Dynasty) would order if given the opportunity. Even here in rural Tennessee, this would be frowned upon.
Come to think of this this is a Schrodinger's Wreck. Dead or alive it's still a wreck. Dead or alive there is no way to look at this without being horrified. This wreck has been built to be horrific down to a quantum level.
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.........
There is no time I want to ever see a animal on the top of my cake. Fake(as in plushy), stuffed or living. How do you possibly make that sanitary?
@Tabbymom: sorry…my Muse took a few days off, but that’s OK…she’s served me well over the years and deserves a break now and then, but, more importantly, there are always lots and lots of funny commenters here every day. (Also, sometimes it’s just fun to just read and laugh, read and laugh….)
@everyone: has anyone actually ever seen Sharyn and SuBee together....just sayin'.....
O...M...F...G. I have no more words.
On the TV show, Cake Boss, in January, Ashley wanted to have a cake topped with taxidermied mice. I can't remember if she actually went through with it. Anyone else see that episode?
ive been watching bogan hunters looks like somthing u might see on a wedding version of that show except with rats not squirrels.... blurk !!!!
Squirrels, gotta love them... just not on cake. We can just file this one under "Well, THAT'S horrifying..."
Now, if these had been Jedi Squirrels, the outcome for the decorator might have been quite different!
It's the empty cans of Bud Light that really make it special.
Was watching the late night news (why o why do I do this?) and the LAST story (bastards!) was someone who wanted to enter their rescued dog, who had been set on fire by his/her previous owner and almost died, in the "world's ugliest dog" contest to showcase or bring attention to, or something, the problem of animal abuse. THAT's your signoff??
Yeah, all sorts of inappropriate and let's bring all the sickos out of the woodwork. Could not get that poor little dog's face out of my mind so I thought, I'll check Cake Wrecks to end the night on something good.
Yeah.
.
Right with ya, @Fluffy Cow, Heather, Joan, Heloise, Carol, Lenne, L, and Corie...
And the really stupid part? Great taxidermy. But a cake wreck inded (woops, Freudian slip).. indeed.
Sweet dreams
Perhaps the bride and groom were a bit squirelly
Oh man if I saw that I would not even take a bite of that cake period. But if the bride and groom liked it that is a good thing. I think.. lol
You should have bought a squirrel!
And the idiot who ordered probably still insists "It's CUUUUUUUTE!"
So much for Western Civilization.
OMG!!!This is a perfect example of what might happen if my brother-in-law(a taxidermist) and I combined our shops together!!!!(yes, yes he has taxidermied squirrels-and sold them on Ebay!!!HUGE market for taxidermied squirels on Ebay!!!LOL)
NO! NO! NO!!!!!! Just cause it COULD happen, doesn't mean it WILL happen!!!! I DON"T WANNA BE ON CAKEWRECKS....I don't wanna be on cake wrecks...I don't wanna be on cakewrecks........
Check out this page for a cake with real taxidermy mice bride and groom. This is the wedding of Ashley Holt from Cake Boss: The Next Great Baker. The mice were the bride's idea. Yes, they are real mice. The bride's mother insisted that the mice not touch the cake itself, that is why they are on a little platform. Scroll down towards the bottom there are pics of the cake and a closeup of the mouse topper.
http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/cake-boss/ngb-ashley-wedding-pictures.htm
The "push Erin" made my 8yo say "EWWW" and cover the screen.
This cake HAS to have been made for the Turtleman's friend Squirrel. I really can't see any other explanation that makes sense. Also, I'm a little skeered.
Thank you, SuBee, for the Kronk reference!
Squirrel Tooth Nadine
It was a long, gray, cool, dull, boring afternoon.
Homer wished he’d never broken up with Carla June.
The last six-pack was empty; his guitar was out of tune.
There weren’t no sense in makin’ up, she said never was too soon.
Homer thought about his dinner, couldn’t face another bean,
Decided it was time to go a’huntin’ with Nadine.
The shells were in his pocket; he had a burlap sack,
He grabbed his rifle, shut the door, and set off down the track.
Chorus:
To hunt with Nadine, Nadine, Squirrel Tooth Nadine
She had the biggest white incisors anyone had ever seen
Her hair was grayish yellow brown. She hardly ever went to town.
But when it came to squirrel talk, you couldn’t beat Nadine.
Her home was in the Big Oak Wood. With sagging, mossy roof it stood.
So Nadine learned as few else would, how squirrels spoke, she knew they could.
She hated them, the fur tailed rats, they ate her birdseed, drove her bats.
She knew each cussing thing they spoke; they filled her nightmares till she woke.
When Homer sauntered to her place, a smile split her toothy face
Here was a man with appetite, and squirrel stew would be just right.
Before they left, she set her table; Homer knew that she was able—
To skin a varmint mighty quick, her squirrel stew was always thick
Chorus:
They walked a few yards from her door, and sitting on the forest floor
Nadine began to chatter; just what she said, well that don’t matter.
It was coarse, and it was rude. The rodents quickly knew her mood.
Homer’s ammo found its mark, the burlap sack was full ‘fore dark.
Across the table, Homer ate, and Nadine’s squirrel stew was great.
Her squirrelly face was calm, serene, and as she chewed, no tooth was seen.
And Homer mused, yes this might be, the start of romance ‘neath the trees.
‘Cause when it came to squirrel stew, you couldn’t beat Nadine’s!
Bet that cake tastes like chicken!
And of course the beer cans are empty!!
Wow.
My reaction divides evenly between "Ah heck NO," and "GIT 'ER DONE!!!"
The first person I thought of was The Bloggess.
I know what happened! they got the cake from the bakery and it was so ugly, they laughingly added the squirrels and beer cans and decided to go with a comedy theme.
Maybe?
I got nuthin'.
okay, number 1, Why the heck is there wedding in what looks like a barn. number 2, why does the icing look like someone put baby crap and green slime all over the cake. 3, why would they put DEAD SQUIRRELS on their CAKE?? People need to eat that!! And number 4, couldn't they have at LEAST put empty beer cans around their cake!???
I am ashamed to say that I know these people. I'm from the same tiny town. They did appear on cmt's "my big red neck wedding." They just wanted to be on TV I guess. They have been the butt of many jokes since. Chelsea Handler featured them and a scene from their episode in her monologue. They were divorced very shortly after the wedding and the bride is now in prison for a VERY long time... not everyone gets a "happily ever after."
I ADORE your site. My friend Jamie put me onto it, and it is good for making ANY day better. But after almost a year of loving the site, the "Dead Squirrel Cake" remains my favorite. I mean... it is just SO wrong... on SO many levels. The top (?did they use formaldehyde? ?did they wait for rigor mortis? ?do I want to know?) level is wrong. The dirt level is wrong (?dirt? ?wedding cake? ?really?) The camo level is wrong (HOW many times must you demonstrate that CAMO does NOT work with wedding cakes?). The beer... (?really?) level... doesn't bear thinking about. Not that the squirrels bore consideration, but...
Well, maybe you're supposed to START with the beer and then work your way up.
Only then, the cake would be destroyed.
HEY, NOW I GET IT! THAT'S HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IT! DRINK FIRST, THEN RUIN THE CAKE!!!!
OK, so where's the REAL cake???