Spam Poetry
January 18, 2013 Usually my spam filter is pretty accurate, but this week I've gotten three e-mails that read like some kind of post-modern word salad poetry. I'm assuming they're spam, but then again, maybe they're really some hip new literary project by postmodern word salad poets. Eh?
So in the spirit of artistic discovery, I've decided to illustrate these literary feats with the most appropriate cakes I could find. ENJOY.
Subject line: hey! :) My name is Margarito!
Artillery fray,
;)
I must articulate smoothly, it is a terrible wise of many enemy,
this godson of tormenting children,
;)
...and children cheerful.
;)
èḥῥộ_ ḣûῂ?ṕẹvќћ (??)
[That is a line of unintelligible characters which I can only assume was supposed to link to overpriced weasel aphrodisiacs, but since it isn't clickable in the original e-mail I can't say for sure.]
And painting it I soothe said to exception:
"it is the riverside of the disadvantage
and He has sent it to flit my shipboard crustacean."
;)
::flit flit flit::
Alternatively, here's a shoe board crustacean:
;)
[bowing] Ah thank you, thankyouverramuch.
Subject line: Good day, my name is Nathanial :)
One notwithstanding
he did with more sincerity bluff so strange in Moscow,
a life of astounding but salutation,
;)
(C'mon, what are the odds I'd find a cake of a butt salutation?)
(Oh, sorry was that just one "t"? My bad.)
Piping and plating, he was degenerating.
;)
(You know what they say about small pens, right?)
(Smaller pocket protectors.)
Subject line: hey!! My name is Broderick!
The amass had feigned,
but coldly was some embody thereon.
;)
Cuttlefish assureed merrily as jersey began talking,
amiably bashful,
with drowsy one sponge emerge at her foresight to unify its broth on her.
;)
Whoah there, Bobby boy, you're not unifying your broth on ANYBODY today, hear me?
Thanks to Steve B., Shannon P., Candi F., Alexis I., Heitha B., Rachael E., Anony M., Kylie S., & Audra B. for the wreckiest cakes in all the 'verse.
Reader Comments (68)
Seriously, That butt salutation made me squeak with nearly silent laughter. My son, from the other room, thought there was something wrong with me! Best thing I've read all week!
Well, actually, here's the reason why some spammers write this way: they're trying to include bizarre words that are supposed to fool spam filters into letting them through. (Yep. Really.) However, the only place I've ever seen these things is IN the spam folder. So my guess is that they aren't working, except to provide priceless free hours of entertainment.
The condition called
"Hey There, Fruit Lips," can affect
shipboard crustaceans.
I actually want Cake #3 in plush.
I have a feeling a bunch of poets are turning in their graves now lol. Oh my gosh what on earth are half of these cakes on? Drugs? My brain hurts just trying to understand these lol. Even my husband can't understand how they can sell these things. That fart cake was hilarious though..If I got one of those however the person that bought it would be wearing it.
Sharon, priceless! "loosely in disguise" indeed.
This is a great post today, Jen, had me in giggling fits. I'd have to say I haven't yet had the pleasure of a non-sense email like these, plenty of the usual "you have won a million.." or "I need somewhere to deposit my ill-gotten gains" or the "increase your..." variety. I'm almost looking forward to one now, and planning the accompanying cakewreckage.
What, no Nigerian princes?! They seem to be getting less common, for some reason. I guess they were finally able to leave the country, thanks to randomly-chosen Americans. And I thought it was a scam...
Spam-o-grams use random words on the theory that this messes up spam filters that look for patterns. Unfortunately for the spammers, a lot of those words are misspelled. Guess what my spam filter seeks. Appreciating good spelling isn't always just being retentive. Bwahahaha.
Thanks, @Jodee. Theardare's idea of helping me warm up is to have me run through the streets surrounding The Bunker, while he and some unfortunate soul he has conned into chauffeuring him follow in a vehicle that has unusually high performance for a parking shuttle. My incentive to stay well ahead of them is that T sings Manilow through a megaphone. Consequently, I really do not care who wrote the songs, Lola and Tony should ditch the Copa in favor of parachuting into an active volcano, and what happens during a weekend in New England should jolly well stay there!
Why is the word "penis" blocked? Why is that a "bad" word? It is the appropriate, medically legitimate word for that body part.
[Editor's note- You're absolutely right. The problem is, we have little kids reading the site and figured parents might not want to have that discussion with their 7-year-olds. Ya know... just trying to be considerate. Have a great day! -john (thoJ)]
@Craig ~ for some reason now I want to listen to Manilow songs on youtube all day. o.O
the 8th cake has butt boobs. WTFern?
this really, really, really freaks me out.
I'll be in the bunker on G.P. with a case of Double Stuff Oreos and an IV of ice cold milk. (whimper)
HI, Barbara Anne!
May I join you? I'll bring my own GF cookies and milk... (I'll pass on the IV, though.) Yeah, that butt cake must do a lot of working out to have such a well-toned bum! :-)
@Craig - why, oh why do you allow Theardare to do such things to you?! Can't you placate him with a nice piece of fish or some catnip or something?! Here - take my thermal survival blanket.
*hands silver blanket to Craig*.
Use it well...
Chip's Challenge Monster
finally caught our hero.
Explains the "cheerful."
@KarateLady: Of course. I should have been singing to him while he ate his nice piece of fish.
Theardare would do well to remember who's really in charge -- the mice would not be pleased if he forgot again.
As to the cakes, the persistent question of why they exist and how there can be such splendid variety in their error has an answer: 42.
I have resumed a state of thermal equilibrium which some call 'comfort'. Thank you for the blanket, and @Jodee for the use of the heating device. I am rather busy at the moment with a discovery: it seems that colored sticks, when held pointed end down and moved on a piece of paper, cause marks to appear. I must investigate this phenomenon.
Craig, you'll have to see if they do it the next time, too, and if they work in your crossword puzzle books, at least when it's raining. It's a Mostly Harmless exercise. Perhaps Theardare will give you a beautiful, silvery glass fishbowl someday, as a thank you.
@Jodee in WA: Cancel the island, I'm finally on the mend. Next time, I'm gonna check to make sure my telephone's been sanitized before I use it...
I get a weird Nostradamous vibe from your spams! Quick...see if anyone can figure out if they are really prophesies! What do they mean?!
I'm late to the party (busy week), but: this just reminds me of Spamland#2, also taken from the post-modern word salad poetry of spam...
Oh, that cracked me up!
Prehaps! I'm've was to make football often times. Play? Know. Best football results twice again.