Monday
Jul182011
Aw, Poo
July 18, 2011 Let this be a warning to anyone nicknamed "Peanut."
"Howdy ho!""Let's see...we've got a big pitted clump of chocolate icing, and lots of red gel leaking out the cracks. What else does this cake need?
"Oh! I know!"
"Oh! I know!"
"More roughage!"(A pine tree counts, right?)
Suddenly, having my mouth washed out with soap doesn't sound like such a bad thing:
Giving new, literal meaning to a "sh*t-eating grin?"(Btw, I made sounds I didn't think were humanly possible when I first saw this photo. Kind of a hairball-esque gargle. It was horrifying.)
Bakers, when making chocolate seashells for a wedding cake, here's something to keep in mind:
They *do* make white chocolate.Bakers, when looking for a quick way to clean the chocolate sauce off your fingers, here's another thing to keep in mind:
Don't do this.
And finally: bakers, when attempting to entice your customers with a sweet chocolate treat, here's the last thing that should be on your mind:
Gnarly poop fingers.Of dooooom.
Thanks to Ashley/Peanut, Megan E., Tracey S., Kate M., Fabiola I., & Chani, who actually have a band named "Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM." In my mind. Where it's AWESOME.
Reader Comments (140)
oh my goodness. that is so sickeningly gross.
I'm seriously disturbed by the gnarly poop fingers (of doom!)
howdy ho! ho! yum yum yum! Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo...
The gnarly poop fingers of doom remind me of geoduck (pronounced gooey duck) necks. Dark, disgusting geoduck necks.
http://www.google.com/search?q=geoduck&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=CaX&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&prmd=ivnse&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=iGgkTqCIKIXUiAK3vJSwAw&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CCAQ_AUoAQ&biw=1246&bih=613" rel="nofollow">Geoducks!
WV:phineupl - Whooooo lives in a phineupl under the sea? Sponge Bob Poop Mouth! Absorbent and yellow and poop mouthed with glee! Sponge Bob Poop Mouuuuuthhhh...uuuuthhhh
*beeeeeep* Sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Someone get a mop, those kids can't stop puking. We're gonna need a new star, this poop mouth guy just isn't working out.
Can never look at Spongebob again without thinking of this cake. EWW!
Can't wait to see what Haikujoy's haiku will be on this post (if she's able to come up with one). I love her haikus.
wv: urable. Urable to lose your lunch after viewing this post.
These may very well be the most disgusting cakes you've shown us so far. *shudder*
Not one but TWO cakes that look like they're infested with something horrid. >< I really thought those seashells were slugs, and the poop fingers... *gak* I think I just heard that sound you described coming out of my own throat. It's like the cake is being devoured by a teeming mass of giant slimy grubs. NOT exactly giving me an appetite!
wv: girredi
Girredi forrrrr: Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM!!
P.S. - The worst one might just be that Spongebob one...blleeeggghhh!! Though I do feel sorry for the bride who must have flipped after seen the so-called "shells" on her cake...
#1 Meh. Wreckerators are called upon every day to represent things they somehow have never seen before: peanuts, the American Flag, babies, etc.
#2 Oh help. That foliage looks disturbingly real. I call raw cookie dough and a clever wreckerator -- if you quit, you can't get unemployment benefits.
#3 When I saw this, I "made a sound I would not want to hear twice in my life."
#4 I like how the collection up top is so *shiny*. 'scuse me!
Whew...made it in time. It's ok -- my appetite should return in time for lunch. December 18th ought to do it.
#5 Nouvelle cuisine comes to cake. You see, it's all very existential (which being translated, means 'horrendously expensive'). There is no actual cake under all that, it's the concept that counts.
#6 @deckardcanine, haggis is much more visually appealing than this. Even a graphic description of how haggis is made is more appealing than this. I call leeches. Then I'm calling the cake police.
wv: regeler
Wreakerator's co-worker, upon being triumphantly shown the final product: What the HECK is THAT supposed to be?
Wreakerator: I was constipated for a WEEK, but this morning it all finally came out. This is a tribute to being regeler again.
Co-worker: Yeah, I don't think you'll ever be regular. Please don't put that in the display case. No really, you have to remove it. Oh geeze, someone just took a picture. Great, now we get to see your poop tribute on Cake Wrecks.
Even this won't scare me away from chocolate although I might have nightmares with Spongebob in them. It looks like he's eating something not so pleasant.
Oh sure who doesn't want to have some poop fingers? I'm all for a chocolate wedding cake but not that one. I know I won't look at Spongebob the same after this.
I'm glad that I've learned a long time a go never to eat or drink while reading your Mon-Fri posts. Either your humour or the horrible cakes will get to me. Today, the latter.
#1 I've been reading this blog too long. I don't see anything wrong with this one?
#2 raw cake batter? (yeah, lets call it that... as I wonder if I need the public health inspectors' number saved to speed dial)
#3 (a) no filler was needed, and (b) why didn't they smooth it with a spatula? Bob looks way too happy eating worms, parasites and intestines!
#4 I'm with the this is live slugs school here... although the topper's definitely a poo pile.
#5 Wow. For sale like that?!
#6 While I love the line "Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM", these look like some very healthy happy worms to me...
OK, you have officially managed to turn me off chocolate. It may even last a few hours!
Behold! Pine trees spring
eternal from wrecker's scat-
turd bloody messes.
I want to be in the band too! And we can sing old Tootsie Roll songs! "Whatever it is I think I see . . ."
There should have been a warning to put down the chocolate cookies at the beginning...
This is so appropriate for ME today as I am stuck at home waiting for my 4 yr old to poo so I can collect a sample for the doctor. Thanks for the humor...I need it!
The ad beside #4 says "if you die unexpectedly" - frankly if I ate any of these cakes my death would NOT be unexpected
Jen, dear, NEVER again will I eat while reading your post.:S
hahaha my three year old said the first cake looked like a piece of bacon!!! ;o)
-Lyndsey
OK, so scatological humor is usually something I just don't find funny. But I think "gnarly poop fingers of doom" might be the funniest thing I've ever read. Like, ever... Just sayin'. Also, follows my reaction to Sponge Bob: *Reading, reading, smiling, reading... Oh hey, it's Sponge Bob! What's it doing on this page? Sponge Bob eyes, Sponge Bob nose, Sponge Bo--- What the Pho?!* That decorator was extra diabolical for getting the rest of it almost right so that poo just sneaks right up on you. And PS, the baker who tried to sell that manure pile with a Christmas Tree on it should be fired. The End. *hurk!*
Ugg, this is the only post I've seen where I wished you'd had a warning. GUH-ROS! I thought the poop fingers were leeches myself- just as bad if not worse than your interpretation!
I'm afraid my thoughts about the contents of Mr. Squarepants's mouth were a little more, shall we say, visceral. In other words... "Why is his mouth full of intestines?"
eew Eww!
And I *already* had a dicey stomach today.
GAH!
This is the most stomach churning post I think you've ever written. Definitely some of the worst poo cakes ever. Now, I need to go lie down until my nausea passes. o__O
that last one is disturbing. it looks like poo, it looks like fingers, it looks like guts, it looks alien, it looks like worms, it looks dead, it looks alive...wth??! i'm gonna have nightmares!
I have never before been so strongly affected by a photo of a cake. That last one seriously looks like intestines, or a bunch of rotting fingers....soooooo gross! I feel sick! This is the best wreck post yet!
Wow. I've seen some horror shows on CW in my many years of loyal reading, but this is the first time my gag reflex has seriously gone off. Those were full on disgusting. I cannot fathom how they made it into the light of day.
That Second Cake makes my butt pucker and my stomach turn. I can not see how that's appetizing to anyone!!
Gnarly Poop Fingers looks like intestines to me.
Also, *retch*!!
Some of this poop looks more like worms to me! Like Spongebob may just be eating worms, which isn't necessarily better than poop.
Is it bad that I want to eat some chocolate frosting right now?
Give a guy a little warning next time will ya? I was eating lunch when I saw the Sponge Bob Doody Mouth cake. Needless to say, lunch was over.
IS number 2 even a cake? Littl Johnny sallowd a plastic Christmas tree. Don't worry, it will pass. @RU-Love the Tootsie Roll comment. Now that jingle is running through my head.
Urgh... that Spongebob one... especially since I just ate chocolate...
Customer to baker: oh, I want something unique and memorable...crap, you just use your imagination.
Baker hears: imagine crap...
Voila...mission accomplished
I may use this post as a behavioral modification tool every time I crave chocolate. So, so, so gross.
I love how the shells are simultaneously reminiscent not only of poo, but of my ultimate all-time phobia...oh god I even hate typing the word...roaches.
*SHUDDER*GAH*TREMBLE*FLEE*
the last one... THE LAST ONE! That should have it's own post. Is it actually chocolate icing? Worms, all I see is enormous rotten worms. So gross!
What? Why? What?
AAAAAAAAAA!
OK, I took another peek at Sponge Bob after reading additional comments. And now I have the children's song -- "nobody likes me/everybody hates me/going to the garden to eat worms!/Big fat shiny worms... "
Now I'm queasy.
But thanks for bringing a smile to my face every day! Especially today: computer at work kept crashing so you get the credit for keeping me even-tempered ;)
OH MY GOD.
ugh. that spongebob cake made me gag out loud. why would anyone look at that and say to themselves, "hey, this cake looks really good. a child will want to eat this." ?????
Egads! This put me off cake...for today.
What the heck were those people thinking?? That wedding cake has so much wrong with it - what were the blue things? And on that last one - my daughter asked me why there were intestines on it.
AHHH Please tell me who this "Chani" is that you mention at the end of your post? That is also my name and I NEVER run into it anywhere. I almost had a heart attack!
~ Chani W.
Thanks! I was longing for a cookie until I saw your yucky post of the day!! Gag,umm,'scuse me! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea and eats poop from the starfish???Sponge Bob (I guess)! You always make me laugh. And by the way I have several cake wrecks for you but they are by my sister-in-law and she would know who sent them. She has been taking Wilton classes for a while now and honestly she doesn't seem to be improving! In fact one of hers is worse than Sponge Bob! Bless her heart!
(Unholy)crap! I agree the last one looks more like nematodes than feces. The word verification is spot on - "bleac".
Rossie // possessed of a strong stomach
ummm... my nickname is actually Peanut... :/
I will never live this down!!!
After seeing that last cake, reading about equine intestinal parasites during lunch is not that bad. I wonder if the Wreckerators would get the hint if you left an empty box of Ivermectin on the counter?
TXRed
wv: dopaqual As in "They've become resistant to Ivermectin. Better get out the Dopaqual paste and see if that will kill all the bots and worms."
Ach Mein Gott im Himmel!!! Didn't the sea shells decorator know that catbox cake is never EVER appropriate for weddings???
So I just got into work and all I could think about was lunch. Then I went to cakewrecks.com.
I'm not looking forward to lunch anymore.
And that last one - looks like large intestines cut up and thrown on cake. Yay. :(
#1 glisteny?? when is that ever a good idea??
#2 (how prophetic) looks like a meatloaf with a fake pine tree stuck in it. I decline to see it as cake.
#3 once I tore my eyes away from the huge deposit in the mouth I saw mutant ghosts above each side of the mouth (a la The Simpsons).
#4 I'm truly more distressed by the large, blue tapeworms slithering up the side of the rolls of stacked toilet paper.
#5 Oh, my leapin' lizards- that is VILE.
#6 Um...seriously? If I squint I can try to imagine a pack of pachyderm schnozes in miniature. I'm squinting very, very hard.
-Barbara Anne
I swear I'm not making this up:
wv- "stain"