Ghost Taunters
March 31, 2011 "Hello and welcome to Ghost Investigator Dudes. I'm Brad Johnson, a frat boy jock who isn't afraid of ANYTHING and enjoys taunting the afterlife by yelling challenges into empty cellars.
"With me are Joey..."
"Yo!"
"...and Mike."
"Yo!"
"Today we're here at the old Chattanooga asylum, where, like, a bunch of people died 'n stuff and we're totally gonna lock ourselves in all night and see what happens and film everything with shaky pocket infrared cameras and bad sound equipment.
"Awright, let's get started! So we're going down to the dungeons to...
"WHOA!!! Something touched me! Dude! Did you get that on camera?!?""No."
"Aw, dude."
"Righteous. So, like, now we're going down into the kitchens where they kille..."
"WHOA!!! Did you see that?""No."
"There! In the corner! Were you filming?"
"Sorry, man, no - but I did feel a little cold just then."
"Duuude."
"Shyah. That was, like, almost totally spiritual. So, check it! The caretaker here says there's this dog? That's like a ghost? That haunts the library and kills people? So we should totally go there."
*beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep*"Did you *beeeep*'n see that?!?"
[camera swinging wildly, sound of scuffling feet]
*beeeeep*
"Dude, tell me you got that on tape!!"
"Sorry, bra. It was pointed at the floor."
"Whoa."
[girlish shriek]"DUDE! I saw something move!"
"Something walked by me!!"
"Someone's massaging my shoulders!!!"
(Well, hello there.)
*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*Thanks to Emily L., Jessica L., Leslie H., Urvashi, & Tama, but we still don't know what happened to André.
Reader Comments (141)
Wow, that commentary actually sounds like the guys from "Ghost Adventures" from the Travel Channel... Kinda freaky.
I love that show....yes. I admit it. Great post.
Ghost Adventures is my favourite macho-guys-running-around-scaring-themselves-silly show evar.
But as for that last cake, I'll stick to the plastic duded on the bearskin rug. o.O
Syfy isn't what it used to be.
It warms my heart to see that little white dog try to lift that heavy table off of the little black crushed dog. I like to think he succeeded in saving his friend.
wv: cousnest- A cozy home for a cow.
"That second cake might be more at home in a cousnest.
Cake #2 - I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be a dog with a steak in front of him.
I read about the massage on the last part and then I made the mistake of scrolling down. I literally jumped when I saw it. Why would anybody want to do that to a perfectly good cake?
this post just made my day!! loved the whole thing!
Name of institution in Chattanooga is "Moccasin Bend".
We use to joke that my mother was born in the area, (before the building of the facility) and that she would end up there. It's my understanding that the place is now closed.
Beckie in TN
That first cake, with its wide white eye sockets, reminds me of the animated characters/band members of the band Gorillaz.
But where the HELL is the chiffon? Thanks for todays laugh--I have been watching PR season two ALL DAY while in my sewing room and when I take a break to check on todays offerings, there again is Santino! Has to be my coincedence of the year!
Andre and Santino are at the Red Lobster!
Chattaooga's Moccasin Bend is still open for business. I'm looking at it right now from my work window. Occasionally they'll have an excapee and find them on the north shore near the liquor store or the Chattanooga Cupcake store. Yum... cupcakes. (They are all individual and not shoved into cake-form.)
Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying (especially that last one EEEEEK)
Santino? Hahaha, I want that cake!
I happened to be watching Ghost Hunters when I clicked over to today's post! SPOOKY! You got the dialogue spot on, dude! :)
Jen nailed these shows.
"Credibility is important, so joining us now are three people who swear to gawd that they heard that weird stuff happens here!"
[Note: The foregoing is an example of 'additional comment that reinforces the point being made by another' and is in no way intended as an attempt to rewrite Jen's commentary. Some readers already knew that.]
Is Mike Brad's brother?
#1 A mac & cheese...cake? It has possibilities...
#2 A cow and a steak? I get it -- the talking cow from Milliways!
#3 That certainly looks like a real table... I see sufficient space under it to accommodate the black dog, but that wouldn't explain the eyes -- unless s/he is wondering (as I am) what the confections in the foreground are supposed to represent.
#4 Maybe it's the narration or the lighting; maybe the dripping red, maybe all of those things together that makes me wonder what happened just before the picture was taken.
#5 Of all the things for a wreckerator to get right. Cartoon character? Can't handle it. Team logo? Nope. This guy? No problem. Why...?
That decomposing dog down in the kitchens scared the *beeeeeep* out of me, and I got chills from the wedding cake with blood dripping all over it. I was gingerly scrolling down to the last cake and then ... *Bwahahaha* ... SANTINO! I'm still laughing!
i am sending you the bill for tonight's therapy session.
sweet jesus, that is creepy stuff.
OMG LOL
I want that Santino cake! He is amazing and fun to watch on all of his shows (Project Runway, On the Road with Austin & Santino, RuPaul's Drag Race, and RuPaul's Drag U). Imagine that, you put up a cake wreck that made me smile for all the right reasons. Winning!
wv: metshabi
I never metshabi chic until I saw what Santino was wearing on the cake. No darling... on the cake. Itself.
*Squeal* This is awesome! My boyfriend loves watching the Ghost Hunters and I think it's bull. I can't wait to show this to him. And Achmed the Terrorist! Love it!
Love this post!! I really felt like I was watching that *one* ghost hunting show. Thanks for the laugh :)
Just when I think there is no way you could ever be funnier... you prove me wrong. Brilliant!
What is with that dog cake? Is that seriously a pro cake? How in the world could a real cake decorator think that was a good idea? A table? Really? WHY!?
(I'm sure it came from a pro but wow, just wow)
Hilarious!!!! I felt like I was watching an episode with those 3 goofballs! Thanks for a good laugh, I needed that today!
That second one..the green dog...looks like it coughed up a bloody lung...ewww.
J Nixon,
You almost dropped ONE of your kids? I have to ask because I can't decide which visual image to go with - are you holding several babies while you read Cake Wrecks or are you expecting multiples? :-0
Your comment made me laugh.
And Jen - perfect yet again!
HAHAHA! I would love to hear that those LAME morons actually have some sort of "encounter" with one very pissed off, um, something and they scream like little girls at a slumber party running away.
Choked on afternoon snack of Planters Nuts.
GA, Valentine's Special comedy skit from show:
Ghost 1: Succubus! I'm a succubus!
Z: Is the Incubus here? You're welcome to touch me.
Ghost 1: I said Succubus! Oh, forget it. Here.
Ghost 2: Well, hellloooo ...
Waiting for the Andre "Red Lobster" cake
Santino for the win, indeed! Where did they get that super creepy pic of him?? And WAHOOOO For Jenn my hero specifically mentioning my town. Yay Chattanooga!
BAHAHAH! That is the one ghost show i CANNOT stand, and that's exactly why! He makes it an extreme sport! 9_9
Truly haunted bakeries out there, to make such scary cakes! *grin*
I thought that top one was a cheese dip with pepperoni. I didn't realize it was a cake until about the third glance!
The internet is over, this post has won.
Hilarious! Whatever that show is called, it was ripe for parody!
I love your writing. :D
I'm sorry but I'll have to boycott CakeWrecks now for making fun of my favorite "Ghost Show".... that was so uncool guys. ;)
You completely captured the depth, sincerity and english language skills of the Ghost Hunters crew....the one with the guy and his faux-hawk, not the one with the bald guy. The bald guy and his partner have better language skills...almost.
Oh. My. Gawsh.
The 2 things I count on for a good sidesplitting laugh in one place, Cake Wrecks and Ghost Adventurers! - and Achmed, too! This post was absolutely hysterical.
I could almost hear the crackly EVPs. I just got chills, dude. Did you catch that light phenomenon in the corner over there? Good.
wv: extyst - If ghosts extyst, they must get a kick out of guys like Zak and Nick, and their lack of believability.
The second wreck looks like a zombie cow that's ready to dig into a piece of fresh meat!
You totally nailed Ghost Hunters (or whatever it's called). God, that show is awful.
And those are the wreckiest wrecks ever. Really terrible. Except for the last one. That one is awesome.
"What happened to Andre" in the Tim Gunn/Santino voice is one of my favorites of all time. Thanks for resurrecting it!
By the way, Andre is at Red Lobster with Tim Gunn.
Thank you for this post!! I loved it :)
I also live in Chattown & can confirm the following:
A) Moccasin Bend still houses the insane [and their fences are not high enough as the loopy wards get out frequently to wander the grounds of the nearby golf course scaring the bejeezus out of the elderly, plaid-clad patrons]; and
B) there is an "Old" asylum downtown. For you locals, it's the pink building across from the Memorial Auditorium. It was morphed into apartments, but the contractor did a poor job as everyone's front door has a slot through which stale bread can be shoved by wardens.
On a side note, your site makes me shoot milk out of my nose. That was intended to be a compliment.
Love from the Other Jen (from Chattanooga)
At my house we refer to it as the Dude, Bro, Dude...after that the whole ghost thing is just implied.
The grey undead dog! The horrible grey undead dog and its horrible, horrible eyes!
The dogs are so strange!!!! I feel like more dogs are going to crawl out from underneath.
I was laughing about the commentary & crying about the alleged cakes. Then, I reached the last one and got a better scare than any ghost show can produce!! Some hold me, please?
-Barbara Anne
wv: proodan
It ain't proodan to tick off the dead.
Hi from Chattanooga! I just had to mention that Ghost Adventures recently came to our area. They may have messed with the wrong spirit. Here's the news report...
http://www.wrcbtv.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?ClipID1=5615205&h1=Weather%20Provides%20New%20Twist%20for%20Ghost%20Adventures&vt1=v&at1=News&d1=66867&LaunchPageAdTag=Search Results&activePane=info&rnd=23807370