Friday
Sep172010
Internal Wisdom
September 17, 2010 We here at Cake Wrecks realize that often there are readers who simply. don't. get it. So, in an effort to "bring the funny" to our few humor-challenged readers, we have enlisted the services of our intern, Britnee, to help translate. To our regular readers: please bear with us. We will resume our regular posting tomorrow. And now, take it away, Britnee!
Like, OMG! You're totally gonna laugh. So, there's this cake, right?
See, what happened was, the guy that ordered the cake actually wanted actual FLOWERS on the cake. Like, in icing? And instead the DECORATOR wrote "and flowers." Right? Get it? O. M. G.!And this is, like, totally hilarious:
LOL So, here, a guy wanted a cake to say "Schwager House" - which is totes redonk - but he wanted it written out in all capital letters. And get this: the decorator wrote "all caps" ON THE CAKE. Right there! In icing! On the cake! See it? HAHAHAHA! OMG, I gotta tell Kristy about this one.Check this out: so, next, this lady, Madalene, wanted a cake for her son and some junk, and she, like, wanted the cake to say "#1" on it. Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!?!
Hi-LAAAAAAAR-ious!!!See, the cake says "#1 ON IT" ON the cake!!! HE TOTALLY WROTE IT ON THE CAKE!
ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO
And then there was this guy, Dennis? And he wanted a cake, for his mom's birthday? And she was like, turning 89, or whatever? So, he wanted an "89" in the corner? And do you know what happened?!?!??!
{{{dying with laughter}}}The decorator WROTE OUT "89 IN THE CORNER!!!!!!!"
LOLOLOLOL!!!!
{catching breath...}Okay, okay... but the most bestest one ever EVER... is when it was Ashlee's birthday, and her boyfriend wanted the cake to say "Happy Birthday Ashlee" and her name has two Es in it and OMG OMG OMG what do you think happened?!?
[hopping up and down] (This is going to be awesome!!! You are SO going to TOTALLY lose it!!!)
Wait.I don't get it.
....
Well, here's John again.
[Sigh] Um, thanks, Britnee, for that thoughtful and extremely explanatory commentary. I hope all of our humor-challenged readers enjoyed it. And for the rest of you, allow me to end with an obscure math joke: Did you know that 8/5 of Americans aren't good with fractions? [Chortle]
Thanks to Will E., Chris O., Madalene W., Dennis W., and Robert H.
Reader Comments (110)
My favorite math observation comes from the 2008 Presidential election season. An article in the New Yorker quoted a "retired schoolteacher" as saying she didn't think Barack Obama was trustworthy, because "He claims to be black, but I heard that he's really two-thirds Arab."
Two-thirds.
Think about it.
That last one was priceless. hell they were all priceless. I'm still laughing.
This was awesome!!!!! So fun, so amazing! So Wreckalicious! Or is Wrecktactular?
Can I add another obscure math joke which I totally stole from Think Geek?
11 cheers for binary!
wv: quaverin - The decorator was quaverin in her boots when she heard Britnee was reviewing the cakes today!
I'm betting that this post was aimed at all the people who said yesterday, "HEY THAT IS NOT A WRECK YUO DO NOT KNO WUT A WRECK IS (even though it is your blog and you came up with the idea)!!!@!!" Kudos.
I am not sure if I have ever commented here before, but gotta say this is one of the best. You guys brighten my day.
I'm afraid the humor-challenged community isn't going to find this post the least bit funny. (Wait for it...)
In fact, according to a survey I just made up, 50% are offended, 50% were not offended until they thought about it and the remaining 50% don't understand the question?
I hve been doing cakes for a while now. I actually spelled "congratulations" wrong a few weeks ago (missing the g). I realized it within a few hours and offered to change it, but the woman did not care. I work from home. I do, however, find these cakes HILARIOUS. I mean, we all make mistakes, but writing the instructions on a cake?? Just silly!
Well, I always "get" the stupidity and don't always find it very funny. I only hope this site 'shames the ignorant' and I know that is an oxymoronic expectation. I live in a particulary ignorant area where I constantly hear people defending their incorrect spelling and mispronounciations - in their drunken and drugged stupors. Believe me, that is a significan population of California - just 100 miles from Silicon Valley. And, I, too love your post - especially with the strange and wonderful piles of frosting. Sundays can be a wonder.
8/5 of Americans? Wow! That's more than all of us!
Maybe I am showing my age, but Moon Unit Zappa was supplying the voice of Britnee in my head.
WV: prome. "Oh, I hope I can get one of those guys from Schwager House to take me to the prome!", says Britnee.
So the last part...the last word, actually, was the funniest part. "chortle" Really! it makes me chortle.
'K, John, so...not good with fractions, you say? Here's a lad after your own heart. And I'm thinkin' the humour on this blog might resonate with you all
www.thesneeze.com/steve-dont-eat-it/
Diane
Well, at least that last one for Ashlee is beautifully done (unlike the #1 cake, which has the strangest mix of upper and lower case letters--and do I see the imprint of some guide lines for writing straight??).
Clearly some of these decorators are paid to be artistic, but not to think, interpret, or do anything other than what is literally on the order form...
Thanks, John, for channeling your inner Britney today
;-)
Loved it! I think Britnee should be a regular on cake wrecks? Omg totes!
Like, OMG, I could HEAR Britnee!
Like, did you get it? Oh, and I'll take ANY cake with #1 on it. Then engage.
Sad, sad, sad.... don't wreckerators have enough sense to look at a cake and figure they did something wonky? Imean, c'mon, people! 'Ashley.. with two ee's'....
Cripes.
They just don't get it. And if we use these bakers, neither do we.
~Di
Urrrgh, one of my pet peeves is people? Who end every phrase? With a question mark? And yes, many times the speaker is a young woman of fashion. Oh well. People still tell me I talk like a Valley Girl (one of the phrases that gives me away is "Oh m'gooosh").
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I thought that these sort of 'literal' wrecks would have gone the way of the Dodo by now (come on, doesn't everyone read CW? *g*). I'm always shocked when I find out that they haven't.
As the prissy manager from 'Chez Qui' in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" said: "I *weep* for the future."
How does one get to be a Cake Wrecks intern? Are you accepting applications? :)
Like, OMG? Great job Britnee!!!! Sorry you didn't get that last cake tho'? ;-D
The Schwager House cake: Yep. That looks like parsley to me. There are blackberries, blueberries, un-uniformly cut strawberries, kiwi roses(?) that look like bell peppers, and the yellow "roses" look like a rolled up slice of provolone cheese. Yum.
89nd (j/k) birthday girl's cake: I think the technicolor icing is supposed to look like "streamers". If done appropriately, I don't think it looks too bad - makes a cake look festive. But then they go and put curled ribbons on the cake. Yum.
wv: reard - These wreckerators need to reard the instructions more carefully!
Jen & john (hubby of Jen) - you should add a spot on your website dedicated to our word verifications ;-)
i actually did laugh! your blog always makes me laugh!! thanks for helping me stay healthy!
Adding "totes redonk" to my list of phrases to drop in conversation while driving my teen and his friends somewhere...I will be the coolest mom, evah! ;-)
And I totally heard Moon Unit Zappa in my head while reading the post. Great, now I feel old.
I find it so great that after all the days of wreaks,the whole gang there keeps coming up with these awesome ideas to deliver the laughs.To find the wreaks out there in this big old world appears to be easy, but to have such variety in your ways of making us laugh is the real talent. It keeps the blog fresh and makes one look forward to tomorrow to see what you will do. Is there a Cake Wreaks #2 book out?
the schwager house- they totally cut the tops off the strawberries, and inverted them. you have strawberry stems in your cake!!
Oh my gawd... I like *totally* get the joke now! Hehehe. It really DOES drive me nuts when people think they have to explain the cakes to all of us in the comments section. Well, cuz, ya know... we're so stupid!
I am such an old cow, I just spent 10 minutes googling to try and figure out what "totes redonk" means.
...when did we get transported to 1989 Encino, CA?
....There's not a pay phone in the corner, is there?
"6/5" would have been funnier. Hah.
Yeah! And there are 10 types of people in the world: those who don't know binary, and those who do. Ha!
ok college frat house (Schwager House) rolled white paper and "parsley"...
fruit and cheese for those beigy flowers on cake....
hmmm....seems to add up.
i'm just saying is all
At first I have to say,that I just looove your blog! Everyday I come here to see if there's something new to laugh about :D
These was great "Ashlee with two ee's" :D
-Emilia from Finland-
and 9/10 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I would actually describe the noise I made after reading the math joke as a chortle.
Like, OH MY GOSH, Britnee was AWESOME. Keep her. :) SO glad she could totally help out with the translations.
(LOVED this post. I am literally laughing out loud. That happens a lot on this blog.)
Anon @ 5:03,
I would love to post your comment. I enjoy constructive criticism. However, I am done posting anonymous criticism. If you are courageous enough to write an angry comment, at least be courageous enough to put your name.
That is all.
john
That was quite possibly the funniest post I've ever read on this blog. Or, should I say, "OMG, it was, like, THE totally funniest thing I have seen EVAR, and, like, 'totes redonk'." XP
Waaaahahahahaha! I love you guys.
The fruit decorations on the Schwager House Cake look like they were done by kids. Haha, great post.
Classic cakewrecks......
lol
My current fave...Three statisticians went out hunting and saw a rabbit.
The first one fired and missed it on the left. The second one fired and missed it on the right.
The third statistician cried "We hit it!"
(you may have to think about it).
Love the cakes. I think Britnee is in my class :)
haha! my name is ashlee too, and I get that last one ALL the time!
OMG!!!!! Now I've got a Julie Brown earworm and find myself humming "Everybody run. The Homecoming Queen's got a gun ..."
Prob 'cuz her grad cake had all these weird spellings and, OMG, the wrong name! WTF, I mean, how hard is it to spell Ashley/Ashleigh/Ashlee/Ashli/Ashelley ...
Yes, all names I've transcribed.
Seriously! That was like your bestest work EVER! Oops, ha ha, my gum fell out. I'm gonna like ask my mom to get me one of those for my birthday, but like really really big [chomp, chomp] and really pink and stuff. Yeah, so like WHAT-EV-ER? I'm bored. I'm hanging up now. I need new gum.
For the record, I get it.
And I love it!
I SOOO love the valley voice, like, totally... I should SO do that some day, ya know?? Like, wear a ponytail and leggins to work, and stuff... Just to, ya know, see if anyone really would, like, get totally annoyed and stuff.
Loved it guys! :)
wv - comere: Comere an read dis ere post! Yu'll wet yer pants laffin'
Anyone else wondering if the people who don't get it are actually the sorts of decorators who make these mistakes?
"I fail to see what's so funny. I get these requests at work all the time!"
I don't get it either...
*starts licking screen, gets up walks into wall repeatedly*
explain it to me
#1 Icing? Looks more like plaster. I guess I've seen the handwriting on the wall (ba-dup!).
I think of that Zappa tune every time I read an example of Valspeak, but I don't feel old at all. Maybe that's because a merry heart does good like a medicine.
John (thoJ), I total... er, completely agree. It's what the header on the forum says, after all. Wreck on!
This whole post was laike? Yew knooow? Tewdally aaahsum? I wuz all laike OMG eeewkaaay??? Laike tewdally !!!!!!one!!1!!eleventyone!!! Laike gaag me with an entire place setting eeewkaayyy?
*re-inserts brain cells*
Meanwhile I thought the first cake was quite pretty and understated at first until I zoomed in and the things I thought were little bunches of grapes suddenly looked like giant bird poos with wasabi garnish.
Oh and Anonymous (wow that's a surprise) at 11:05 - yeah I know a heck of a lot of girls that talk like that too. Here in Australia. And I still think it's funny.
Not at all shocked by these cakes lol. No longer can a wreckerator shock me with the lack of paying attention to what they are doing. I need to know where the bakeries find these people so we can make sure to run away screaming.. preferably after I get a nice piece of cake.
Chortle and guffaw.