Who You Callin' 'Pro'?
July 9, 2010 You all know I only feature professionally made Wrecks here on CW. The irony, of course, is that I mistake pro for amateur way more often than the other way around! Heh. So anyway, while I've been told that today's Wrecks are indeed made by real, honest-to-goodness, got-paid-for-their-efforts cake decorators, part of me still refuses to believe it.
I'm still posting them, though, because they're all wedding cakes. Served at people's actual weddings. And even if one was actually made by Aunt Mildred who calls herself a pro but really isn't, I think the world deserves to see this cautionary tale.
Plus, it's kinda funny.
Whew, thank goodness for fresh flowers! Too bad they didn't have enough to hide the fact that the cake is being served on a giant dry-erase board, though.
I also like the gentle placement of the topper. That took "finesse."
Apparently this was taken during The Great Icing Shortage of '73 - back when grooms were stayin' alive with their groovy butterfly collars and the bridesmaids wore Frigidaire green. Looks like they ran out of flowers here too, though, and raided the fruit bowl instead.
Hey, "Love to Highway", right? And getting married doesn't mean the groom has to give up his matchbox cars, right?
And now, a haiku for you, wedding cake:
red bleeding ribbondid the cake get in a fight?
lumpy icing tiers
Now, in the baker's defense, I'm told the insides of all the cake tiers were raw.Well, um...
Oh! Imagine how hard it must've been to stack all those raw cake tiers! Eh? Yeah, I like to look on the sunny side of things. Which is good, because this cake is so sunny I think I can hear my retinas sizzling.
Hey, Grace C., Tony M., Anony M., Anony #2., & Anita R., "sizzling retinas" would be a terrible band name. Really. Just awful.
Reader Comments (129)
If "Raw" means vegan, that is no excuse for that neon mess!
Forget sprinkles...cake #2 has me thinking "I want FROSTING" should be the next shirt slogan!
And I really think I would have cried had the last cake been delivered to my reception.
Sandra Lee promoted un-iced cakes as "fashionable".
if these cakes were presented at my wedding, i would shoot the baker lol
Well, I guess that's a divided highway!
I REALLY shouldn't have looked at those - I'm getting married next week! Thank goodness I gave the bakery a paint sample so there won't be any confusion about which shade of yellow my cake should be! (Fingers crossed!)
I'm totally with WolvieGirl... What is a Highwab? Because I don't see a "y"...
The yellow one looks as though someone went nuts with Playdoh which makes it that much more yummy looking...
Ah, the Highwab TO Love. (Perhaps the person who took the order gently suggested 'of', only to be told in no uncertain terms that the word in question is 'TO'. I always think of a journey, not a destination, but it's 'TO', so there.)
You know, where two cars drive side-by-side in the same direction on a two-lane road (passing contest, perhaps?), another one drives into a waterfall and a truck drives down the middle of a stream (so much for aquatic life -- hey, watch out for the waterfall!).
Maybe the new word and the curious vehicle placements were the wreckerator's subtle revenge...
wv: mosama. Not going there.
I think I would simply refuse to accept any of these, and go down to the grocery store for a couple of sheet cakes.
Raw doesn't mean vegan, it means without baking. You can make stuff out of other non-traditional stuff that doesn't get baked to be a 'cake' - or specifically over 110 degrees, I think.
I'm not entirely sure what you would make a raw cake out of though, but it would probably involve sunflower seeds.
Oh jebus. If only you could post epilogues for these cakes along the lines of "and the bride took the baker to small claims court where she recouped all her money plus damages and the baker was ridden out of town on a rail never to be heard from again."
Then maybe I could sleep tonight.
Alternate haiku ending:
lumpy icing, tears.
Wow, just wow. I can't believe these decorators get paid for these things.
How awesome would it be if the second cake was for a nudist wedding?
@earlleen: by your definitions (which I really like) the lady who made my wedding cake was either a semi-professional or an ameteur, and she also happened to be the mum of one of my bridesmaids. She basically just charged me for ingredients and time, and the result was stunning. She was a true artist, the filigree wedding bells she made out of icing were incredible. She showed me the cake at various stages of completion, to be sure it was what I wanted. Now that's true professionalism.
Oh, that first cake can't be a "wedding" cake... it's a cake for a FUNERAL... because it looks like 3 caskets stacked on top of each other!
LOL!
:) Mags
Wait! You mean that last cake didn't even TASTE GOOD?
Blasphemy!
What does "Love to Highway" even mean?
I'd make some assumptions, but I'd be insulting certain demographics so I won't even try.
Honestly.... I'm not sure why anyone would assume that, in this case, the term "raw" meant "vegan" or that the bride ordered a "raw" cake. Quite obviously, "in the baker's defence" is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that the cake looks like it is melting because it wasn't fully cooked and was, therefor, not holding its shape.
Very straight-forward, if you ask me.
Cake #2 would have been pretty if it had marzipan or fondant fruit or autumn leaves or something on it (in much smaller scale...).
OK, I am gonna be a bride soon, and if I were to end up with a cake such as these (I won't, because we ordered a tiramisu instead)...
...I wouldn't cry.
I'd laugh my @ss off!! :)
Then I'd eat the cake.
WV: unsproun
I have no idea what funny pun I can turn that into but it just sounds filthy and wrong, like that neon cake.
the second cake there looks like it was supposed to be the applesauce spice cake that my usband and i were supposed to have for our wedding cake. (from a martha stewart weddings, now in her recent CAKES book!) it had no frosting, just powdered sugar, but is supposed to have wooden dowels not plastic! and dipped apples on each layer as a garnish. i had the materials and fresh apples and tried to bring in, but was assured they had the same. ours came similar to this with WHITE plastic to support the layers, AND they used half rotton crab apples... and frosted the whole thing (husband and i are not frosting fans)... so NOT what we paid for... rather sad looking like #2
The tall, tiered cake with all of the apples is, I think, a take an a traditional Appalachian Stack Cake. However unfortunate it may look, that really is intentional and probably exactly what they were expecting.
Wikipedia article for Stack Cake: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stack_cake
The one with no frosting is actually a really, really bad copy of a cake featured in The Best of Martha Stewart Weddings book. It is a filled cake that should have a powdered sugar dusting. The original (if you have the book it's on page 173) is MUCH nicer.
Naked cake ashamed.
Fig leaves not enough to hide
the theft of apples.
I'm a pro, and I know amateur when I see it. C'mon, really?
I actually wonder if that nakey cakey wasn't meant to be a nod to the lovely tradition of the Appalachian stack cake. That would explain both the nudity and the fruit decor.
The top tier on the second one looks like a tuna sandwich.
Jen I think you missed an opportunity. The last line of your haiku should have been "lumpy icing tears". I think it fits the situation, I'm sure there were tears aplenty.