Flip Flops (Hey, Look, a Built-In Pun!)

I once read one of those "You know you're a Floridian when..." lists, and number five was "...you wear flip-flops to a wedding."

Now, as a long-time Florida resident, I feel I should defend my fellow Sunshine Staters by informing the rest of you that they make some *very* dressy flip-flops. Have you seen the ones with the little rhinestones on the straps? [sing-song voice] Daaar-ling! And totally black-tie appropriate, I might add.

Anyway, during the summer months it quickly becomes obvious which Wreckerators have not only never worn flip-flops, but have probably never even seen a pair, either.

If these look right to you, get thee to a podiatrist! Stat!

What the...?

Good grief, that almost makes the cupcake cake [patooie!] version look decent:

Wait.
No...no, it doesn't. Never mind.

Aha! Well there's your problem: these aren't flip-flops, they're "flipp flopps."
Must be a Canadian thing.*

It gets worse when Wreckerators introduce a 3D element:

I honestly have no idea what that is jammed into the cake: Ribbon? Plastic? A moldy fruit roll-up? Bottom line: if you have to ask, don't eat it.

Here's one using either a piece of electrical wiring or a radioactive Twizzler:

But the airbrushing is what really sells it.

Of course, jamming a bit of ribbon or "candy" into a cake for the flip-flop strap is awfully complicated. Someone was bound to screw it up eventually:

*headdesk*

Shana M., Kelly M., Hannah H., Xiaomi Q, Beth C., D'Anna, & Gins V., thanks for taking a step in the wreck direction.

*Yes, actually, I do think that's funny. (Love ya, Canada!)

Note from john - Sorry everybody; I didn't get to comments for fifteen minutes and it appears we have a "bacon" EPCOT. Completely my fault. Sorry and wreck on!

UPDATE: Once again, Google Adsense wins the day! Check out the screen shot Tara G. sent in:

"Flip-Flops in BRIDESMAIDS Colors"
Bwahahahahaa!!

Comments

[Lacey]

I agree with rev. It's bacon.

[Kenkire]

Found on Regretsy.com

Wanted-Wedding day flip-flops!
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/06/17/wtf-alchemy-request-19/

People actually want things like this. Wow, just wow.

[JaneyGrrrl]

HA HA HA!!! For the record....I have only lived in Florida for a year and four months. I am getting married in September up in Massachusetts, which is where my fiance and I are originally from....Yeah, I may or may not have purchased flip-flops for myself and my bridal party to wear for the wedding...

I WANTED EVERYONE TO BE COMFORTABLE!! LOL

Does that make me a TRUE Floridian?!

[Katie]

Man, you guys must be eating some screwed up bacon. It's purple and pink/orange with stamped in waves. Click the picture and notice how incredibly correct Jen is!!

[Anonymous]

I have a headache after reading the comments... It really is EPCOT all over again... :p

What actually struck me about these cakes, apart from the ugly, was that some of them only had one flip-flop. Am I really the only one who thinks that's odd...?

[Stoich91]

What's wrong with wearing rhinestone flip flops to a wedding? :) Serious, FL weddings are on beaches, anywhos, so really, what else are you supposed to wear? Snowshoes?

[Greenmare]

ummmm I don't think that was moldy fruit roll ups, I think it was bacon...............looks like other people thing so to, uh yeah, that would totally make sense right? perhaps the cake is banana in honor of Elvis?

[Jen]

I followed Sharon's link to bacon cupcakes, and saw a picture of a BACON BRA!! What will they come up with next??

[Ashley]

Hhere in Canada we likke to double upp on our consonants every noww and thenn, which expplains the flipp flopp cakke.

[Durable Goods]

I already find flip-flops to be annoying beyond their initial intent as very casual footwear, but now that they've become some sort of "symbol", especially something I'm supposed to want to eat? Blech.

Not to mention poor representations of said footwear...

[zbsports]

Those are delicious cake...Flip Flop cakes are awesome...yummy!!!

[1389]

I wear flip flops on my FEET. Yes, I keep my feet clean, but still...

Just the thought of eating something that looks like flip flops... bleeeargh!

[Anonymous]

Cake Wreck #2 looks like a bar of soap sitting on a cracker, with a big "V" on it. Is this the soap that the resistance fighters wash with after battling lizard aliens on that old miniseries of that name (V)?

[Kaela]

Not bacon. It. Is. Not. Bacon.

I've seen a lot of fruit by the foots in my time, and that is definitely a tye-dye or tropical flavor FBTF. Just sayin'. No Bacon EPCOT, please. You're all sheep. :P
(Just kidding! D:)