When Cake Becomes a Crime
April 26, 2010 Most wrecks are funny. Some are tragic. A few even make us cringe.
But then there's another kind of wreck: A wreck so heinous, so warped, so jaw-droppingly wrong, that it is a crime against humanity itself. These wrecks' very existence should be a punishable offense.
You know, stuff like this:
My apologies to those of you with weaker constitutions; I know how hard this is to look at. What's that? You don't think butchering the Enterprise in this manner is a crime worthy of judicial condemnation? Really?
Man, it's like I don't even know you anymore.
Well, fine, then. I'm sure you'll at least agree that this next one deserves the old heave-ho:
There she blows! (Chunks, that is.)"That glistening pile is quite retch-ed, wouldn't you say, Ralph?"
"Ug, thanks for bringing that up, Chuck."
I'm also starting to think that black icing should be a controlled substance:
You know, have it locked up in the back somewhere, with a designated icing distributor on-site.
A black smeary pit to stick plastic butterflies in?
Yeah, forget it, bub. Move along."
Another common cake crime is the use of edible photo paper. Sure, a few cake artists can wield this WMD without causing wide-spread horror and gnashing of teeth, but most bakers use it to further the cause of chaos and evil.
And by "chaos and evil," I of course mean former Baywatch babes:
Busted!I'm not sure which is scarier: the icing "hair," the obvious disregard for neck transitions, or the fact that these are actually the correct proportions for Pamela Anderson's body. [shudder]
Becky D., Rebecca I., Frances & Chris O., and Amanda I., if Brownie Husband ever becomes a reality, then I guess this won't seem so bad, huh?
- Related Wreckage: Guess Who!
Reader Comments (118)
Is it just me or are there extra "boobs" on the shelf below the Pamela cake? What? Is that in case one breaks?
Harrod: You give the wreckerator too much credit if you think that was based on the Reliant. I'm sure it was intended to be some iteration of the Enterprise, just rendered by someone operating without a model of any kind.
Which is perfectly reasonable, of course. Pictures of the Enterprise are so hard to come by, and it's not like Trekkies are notorious nitpickers or anything...
Oh, man!!! That turkey hurling from its *ahem* privates is the most horrific thing I've ever seen! Ugh... and it's meant to be *hurl* edible?!?!?
Darwin Fish?
Darwin Turtle more like.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THE ENTERPRISE?!
I am wondering if the cake shaped like a turkey was the dessert course following a turkey shaped like a cake.
Cake #1 isn't a wreck! That's the most accurate portrayal of the Enterprise I've ever seen!!
Star wars for LIFE ;)
OK this just reinforces why I am vegetarian... and am now including all cakes pretending to be meats...(which includes the "black and white and red all over" raccoon roadkill wreck.
You could argue that the star trek cake was the USS Reliant? The nacelles are about right for that.
God I'm a nerd.
Oh, the horror! The poor Enterprise. Someone needs to be thrown in the brig.
"Thanks for bringing that up, Chuck"
...NICE. That was a double! I didn't even think to directly append "Chuck" at first, and it was *still* a puke pun. Well done!
Obviously I'm coming to the party late and admittedly haven't read all 100+ comments. BUT is it just me or does the Pam Anderson cake look rather, well, phallic, in a ballsy sorta way?
I've never commented before. First of all thanks for this awesome blog, you've given my 'kids' and I (21 & 17yrs old respectively) countless hours of giggles and uncontrollable crazy laughter depending on how tired we are when we read this.
Anyhoo...I think that turkey cake is the grossest thing I've ever seen. EXCELLENT...well done!!
Racquelle
It could be a Soyuz Class or Miranda Class vessel*, and not the Constitution Class or Galaxy Class that...
*sigh*
I'm gonna stop right there, because anyone who could wreck a Star Trek ship like that has no idea that there are other types of ships in Star Trek beyond the Enterprise.
*Yes, I did know that there were ships with the nacelles underneath the saucer but I did have to look up their names.
My three year old walked by while I was looking at the turkey one and yelled out "Ew! Chicken butt! That's nasty!" And she is right.
You can just imagine turning up at the party where Cake #4 was being served and being given a huge slice of boob!!!
The Pam cake...is poor. Lets be honest. Thats all i can say. xx
wow. That Enterprise cake...I was going to say something scathing, but it got lost in the Pit of Despair induced by that "cake"... As a major Trekkie, I find that to be an insult to my faith... *goes and cries in a corner*