Friday
May292009
Proper Grooming
May 29, 2009 You've gotta admit: outside of baby shower cakes, grooms' cakes are some of the most "unique" ones out there. This is the cake that puts the guy's favorite recreational activities on display, whether those are sports...
(I believe that's a plastic golf cart in the corner. So let's see...plastic flotsam, a printed edible image, random clumps of crumbled chocolate, and spotty airbrushing... all on one cake. Hah! And they said it couldn't be done.)
(I realize I don't know that much about weaponry, but am I the only one seeing a gun on a hot water bottle here?) Mouth cancer...
(I grew up in the sticks of Florida, so a cake can of chewing tobacco doesn't surprise me that much. Still, let's hope it's not flavored to match. Yech.)Or just melting over an inner tube while covered with a gigantic straw hat.
[crickets chirping]
Well, he does look relaxed.
[staring some more] Ok, I give up. What is that red square supposed to be? Anyone? Anyone?
Thanks to Alan R., the only Wreckporter brave enough to attach his name to any of these submissions, and all you other Anony Mice.
Reader Comments (202)
And why do his legs bend....forward....at the shins?!?!
So on the Chewing Tobacco cake are horseshoes supposed to be a clue that the chocolate-covered strawberries represent road apples for?
Because really, my first thought was "the groom's horse must have been near this cake"...
Hat ate man before wedding. In other news . . .
That red square is the woven plastic bag that the outfitter gives you to put your trash in. Most people just attach it to the side of the tube and drag it through the water.
Ditto on the hot water bottle. What I want to know is whether I'm the only one who saw those chocolate-covered strawberries under the horseshoes and thought they looked like horse poo.
I'm sorry...is the body supposed to be under the hat? If so, this person must be horribly disfigured or something...
As for the red thing, a flat beer can perhaps? I have no idea...
Beach chair? Towel maybe?
I think the red square is supposed to be the free mesh trash bags they give you when you go floating.
And yes, that cake DOES look like a gun on a water bottle.
Maybe it's just my monitor, but does anyone else see the line of severed fingers standing up next to the hat brim?
My guess is that the redbagis his beerbag. The water is cold enough to keep his beer cold. It's either wrapped around his wrist or his tube.
My husband saw the inner tube cake and immediately answered the red thing was a cooler that he is pulling beers from. I couldn't see it but he thinks it's a 2-dimensional representation. Wow.
I'm still stuck on the little blobs of frosting around his hat and the slick looking water. Bleck.
I LOVE the melted man! I've felt like that before, but never seen it on a cake!
Am I the only one who thinks it looks like poop strewn all over the strawberries on the tobacco cake?
The red square is quite perplexing. We faithful wreckwatchers must ponder its purpose and identity just as we must ponder other oddities of the cakewreck world :P
For THAT is our mission!
Sounds good huh?
Looks like an octopus being crushed beneath a giant hat...and what exactly is that hat made of??
ha ha! Oh boy...At first I thought the golf cart was a zamboni.
As the for the second? To me it looked like a gun on a flask because really...what better combination can you think of than guns and drinking? And roses.
The chewing tobacco cake actually made me nauseated, meaning physically ill. If you swallow the tobacco, or too much of the spit, it makes you barf. What's next, a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrup_of_ipecac" REL="nofollow">syrup of ipecac cake?
The IpiCake. Nice.
I think Copenhagen is snuff, not chewing tobacco.
I spent the latter half of my childhood in the sticks of Florida, too. My grandpa chews tobacco...nasty stuff. It usually comes in a pouch, not a can.
The pooh gun on a pooh platform is truly frightening to me. Why do people want to celebrate pooh and firearms so desperately?
wv: ouper
That grooms cake needs an ouper scooper.
That last one is a doozey! I even took the image into photoshop and tried to enlarge it, but I STILL don't know what that red net bag is for. All I can think of is that it's supposed to be cans of beer in a net bag keeping cool in the water....with little lead weights around the edges....and it says "river"...something.
I really like the chocolate gun on the "hot water bottle" cake! I had an old boyfriend who was a firearms expert and he was involved in target shooting, and they would get a "Black Badge" for doing well.......well the "hot water bottle" is probably someone's version of a Black Badge.
I thought the gun was lying on a flask. A drunk with a gun....not a good match.
Judy
Cyberg: Copenhagen is a popular brand of chewing tobacco in the US. Given that the picture also featured some chocolate horseshoes, I'm guessing the Groom was a 'cowboy type' who chews tobacco regularly.
...Lucky bride...
I say it's a gun laying over a flask of liquor. Didn't you say you grew up in the sticks of Florida? You should be able to recognize that...
(I know the sticks of Florida well. Many of them. Grew up there my whole life, as did my dad and my grandma.)
I was thinking that the "hot water bottle" under the gun was a grenade.
I think the red thing next to the inner tube is a river cooler - it's made of a mesh-like material so the water can flow through it.
While that thing under the gun looks like a hot water bottle or possibly a bottle of booze, it's actually supposed to be a paper target. Trust me, I've shot at that exact target often enough, and my aim might have been even better if it were instead that ugly cake.
The red thing is likely the mesh bag that 'toob' rental places provide you with to throw out your empty cans and trash. Float the Texas rivers and you'll see what I mean!
The last cake seems to come from a world where they inflate inner tubes, but people are left as flat and limps of pancakes. Those who can not afford air pumps can only cover their gruesome figures with over sized hats.
i thought the chocolate covered strawberries with the hoseshoes looked like horse apples. ewww.
I'm with RealFood RealWorld & Rosieknight: that red thing looks like watermelon to me. But why did somebody run a perfectly good slice of watermelon through a pasta maker? And Mel, you're not alone. Brown lumpy things + horse shoes = poo to me, too.
I think the red thing is a bag that you attach to your tube to hold empty beer cans...I am a frequent tuber and that's usually what they give out in New Braunfels to hold trash :)
The "red thing" is a mesh bag that you hang off of your tube to put your beer cans in once you drink them. Tubing aka drinking beer and passing out in the sun is a recreational sport here in texas!!
The red thing is a gaping hippopotamus maw. The hippo has had some serious dental work, hence all the silver crowns.
WV: seriestr: more severe than originally perceived, e.g. "Her psoriasis was even seriestr than we thought."
Yikes.
Cake 1: I'm so glad you identified the plastic thingy as a golf cart. I thought it was a toaster, and that the groom liked golf and toast. But why is he wearing a hard hat?
Cake 2: So that would be guns n' roses, yes?
Cake 3: Words fail. Mouth cancer and chocolate horseshoes, all in the same cake. Eeeew.
Cake 4: It's saying something that the inner tube seems over-inflated and the groom seems conspicuously, um, under-inflated.
As always, this site is a public service.
I also saw a dreidel under the gun, so this is definitely some kind of buttercream Rorschach test.
And then I focused on the edible. . .chocolate. . .gun. . .
My husband insists I would eat pink Pearl erasers if they were coated with chocolate (not quite--I would just suck off the chocolate coating) but I think even I would have trouble working up an appetite for this one.
Are you sure it's not a flask or a bottle of liquor? That's certainly not a good combination. Although, I can imagine all the groomsmen and the groom "out back" drunk randomly firing at birds in the trees a la Steel Magnolias.
I thought the bottle was a flask of whiskey. Which suggests that the hobby is shooting while drunk. O_O
The rose petals around the gun cake are a nice touch. Very funereal.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
I thought the hot water bottle on the first one was a grenade.....maybe a flask, but I don't see a target.
Bad decorators should stick to golf-themed cakes, then they can always claim "those are divets!"
That last one made me nauseous!
Someone else has in the previous 90 comments probably already guessed this, but I am pretty sure the unidentifiable object hanging from the inner tube is a sack for the empty cans. River floaters use those all the time to contain their "empties" - no littering on the river, you know! :)
Every farrier--horse trimmer/shoer--equine manicurist--I've ever known has had a ridiculous attachment to his nicotine products. Many horse farms will not let you smoke on the property due to fire hazards, so I've known farriers who switched to other non-cigarette types of nicotine.
I suspect that's the inspiration behind the Copenhagen and horseshoes cake: a farrier. You got me on the strawberries tho.
That's not a can of chewing tobacco. It's called "snus" and very different
I am pretty sure the red thing is supposed to be a mesh trashbag... you tie it to your tube and put your empty beer cans in it so you dont have to put them back in your cooler and you dont put them in the river.
So the Copenhage cake has horseshoes--good luck with the mouth cancer? Or good luck hope you don't get mouth cancer? or happy chewing at the Preakness?
What do you guys consider the "sticks of Florida"? I ask because I live in the panhandle, and we call it "LA," for "lower Alabama."
After looking at these and thinking about some of the previous grooms cakes featured on this blog, I think a case could be made for economizing on the wedding and skipping the groom's cake entirely. (Of course, if some of these are representative of the groom's tastes, maybe they should consider skipping the groom too. Just have a big party with a pretty
cake.)
VeggieT said Well, at least there's one good thing to know, most likely there's never been a lifesize replica of a groom done in cake
I sense a challenge here. I know we've had a replica of the groom's head, but not an entire free-standing man-cake.
kingmonkey said Does that last one even count as a cake? It's really just a giant doughnut.
I think the giant straw hat is also made of cake. It would be impressive if it weren't for the little blobs along the side where the hat wasn't quite long enough, and the overall wreckiness of the rest of the cake.