Gothic Miss
May 13, 2009 You guys keep asking for 'em, so who am I to deprive you of some rich schadenfreude?
What the bride wanted:
Personally I think the dripping ganache thing looks a little Sylar-esque, but it turns out that's intentional; the happy couple planned to use a Corpse Bride topper, and so wanted an elegant Gothic vibe.
Instead, they got more of a dumpy glazed-doughnut vibe:
[snickering] I'm sorry, but I think I'm in love with this photo. As you scroll down, first you see the incredulous expression on the bride's face (she's the one in green), and then...THE WRECK. Hah! Hoo boy, that's good stuff. In fact, I've been amusing myself by picturing a little thought bubble over her head, and filling in the blanks*. Hehheheh.
Fortunately she didn't let it ruin her big day, though: you can read the bride's account of everything on her blog here.
And here's a better view of the Wreckage:
Niiiice. That chocolate looks positively...crinkly. On the (literal) bright side, though, the blindingly reflective "rose leaves" prevented any of the guests from looking directly at the cake. See, Christiana M.? There's a silver lining to everything!
*But why should I have all the fun? Give me your best caption in the comments. The one that makes John giggle 'til he snorts wins!
Reader Comments (259)
Bride: "Mom, you're kidding right? Where's the real cake?"
Mom: "Umm..."
Bride: "Mom, this isn't a time to joke! If you made this cake last night, and you're hiding the real cake..."
Except as we know, there's no "TAH-DAH" moment.
That'd be one pratical joke...
OMG... WTF?
I like how she doesn't mention the bakery. It was probably from some cheap, crappy bakery that they didn't bother looking at before ordering a cake.
I don't have my sympathy for women wo get bad wedding cakes. XD
"Ummmmm...who used the Stay-puft Marshmallow Man for my cake...and WTH is on top??!?!? Looks like a friggin' albino donut with no hole..."
Caption:
"Alrighty.
Initiate Plan B--
Cake Flambe."
My vote is for Thomas Westgard's caption. I laughed and snorted!
Bride: "You think it'd help if I pulled out some of my hair curlers and stuck them on top?"
Bridesmaid: "Hm. With or without hair?"
Mom: "It won't matter."
LOL @ Cally. That would have been an awesome practical joke!
@Spicy. Don't worry, I'm not looking for your sympathy. Luckily.
"I know the package said 'Contents may settle during shipping,' but somehow I wasn't expecting this."
My applause to Ruby Slippers, who appears to have had the right spirit on her wedding day: at the end of the day, if you're married, everything was splendid.
Okay. I do cakes with ganache drips all the time at work, but I have never seen anything this bad. It does look like donut glaze, not ganache. AND it's not centered. It's just sad looking.
Quote-"It looks like someone already smooshed in the groom's face."
The cation bubble would read:
"This has got to be a joke! Ok who is behind this? Betty was it you? Come on guys bring out the real cake... you mean this IS the real cake. I think I need some air..."
Bride: (though tears) "I know, Mom, I know - 'It's what's on the inside that counts.'"
OMG, LOL at rubyslippers! Not wrecky enough! That'll learn ya!
and huge LOL at rebecca!
And at i'm melting!
I simply can't top those comments.
ditto on thinking the pics of the folks would make a good inside or outside cover for the book.
angie2
"and i thought the biggest disappointment was going to be the wedding night..."
What's depressing, is that any "professional" bakery, and I include the walmarts of the world in this one, should be able to atleast produce a basic stacked two layer cake. Seriously.
This was a very easy cake. Two layers. A little chocolate dripped down the sides. Rose petals that you didn't even have to make.
So why even offer cakes if that sad lump of crumbs and frosting is the best you can do?
caption "Maybe I should start a cake business..."
or
".... "
Unrelated to the cake, but at some point, do you think the bride's sister thought something like, "I wish I had worn a shirt today..."
It looks like the sta-puft marshmallow man melted....
Ok- number one: to all the cow references in the comments... Ahem!
Number two: Caption- "It just moved... did you see it?"
Number three: WF- faint ('nuff said)
The roses are nice...and the cake topper is amazing. I mean the look on her face is just wonderful because it clearly just says "You have SO GOT TO BE KIDDING ME."
But at least the rest of her wedding went wonderfully. Yeah!
"It's going to look like the cake topper groom is scared $#--less!!!"
(I'm getting married next year---and I'm hoping for good karma...but I'm going with someone I know and keeping it simple)
How about "Makes me want to throw up, but looks like I already did."
Gross, I know, but that look on her face says it all!
"Forget the Corpse Bride theme...Where are my car keys... We're going for a Corpse Baker theme instead!!!!"
Hey Thomas Westgard... I have a drunk, drug addict, crazy aunt Barb too...
Mothers to be... DO NOT name your children Barbara... they will be crazy and drunks.
"This is exactly what happened when I met my husband through the internet."
There is such a thing as you get what you paid for. The bride's original cake post: http://rubyslippersbride.blogspot.com/2008/09/let-them-eat.html
She went to a few places and scoffed at the "high" prices ($100-$300) and then went with a place that was cheaper saying, "go ahead and order the damn thing. I don't care about it anymore, I just want a CAKE and I don't even care what it looks like." You gotta remember you're not just paying for flour and eggs, you're paying for the expertise and time to bake, assemble, and decorate it.
This reminds me of my wedding cake experience. I am an artist so I drew pictures, gave them color swatches, written instructions..
The first thing my mom said to me when I walked toward the reception is, "You're gonna be mad!"
The first picture of me with the cake I have my hand to my mouth with a hilariously incredulous look on my face.
Thankfully, I got all of my money back for the cake since it was SO off.
I have to dig up a picture of it eventually to submit.
MOM: "with a can of Hershey's syrup we might be able to fix it.."
I also suspect that the bakery "didn't think" her option looked enough like a wedding cake, so they improvised so it wouldn't be so individualistic and interesting. After all, everyone must conform!
But I do agree, this is a lesson in "you get what you pay for".
Mom: So...
Bride: So...
Brides-Maid: So... Who wants tequila?!
Bride: That's why I picked you!!
Squashed cake, your debut
with such even ganache ends
all expectations.
Caption: Odette always hoped for a cake that would take her breath away . . .
wv: nonshee - the new PC term for men.
Cake's a snow baby
Sporting her first bead necklace -
Don't ask what's the hat.
@Corkdorkdan - I'm not going to deny that the cake was low down on my list of priorities, as I said on my blog. If you've planned a wedding, you'll know that there comes a point when you DO just feel like you don't care anymore, and say "what the hell". The bakery had pictures that looked good, and the baker was getting married right after me and had pictures of his own cake, so we went with them. Shrug. It's not necessary to throw the blame around...this site is for laughing at wrecks, not for pointing fingers and blaming people for getting wrecks.
Also, just a point in reference to the "high prices" - I'm not American, and converting directly to dollars from Rands doesn't really make sense, because it doesn't work that way in real life. 100 dollars might be the equivalent of, say 1000 Rands (it changes daily), but that doesn't mean 100 dollars is worth the same to you as R1000 is to me. Do you see? What I was quoted originally was a lot for a cake. Maybe not in dollars, but it was for me.
re: corkdorkdan,
I went to that post and didn't see where she avoided cakes that were $100-300. I saw where she didn't want to pay $1000-$2000+ for a cake. Could you show me where she mentioned avoiding the $100-$300 cakes?
Rebecca said...
Mom says, "Well honey, let's hope this is the only short stumpy thing you see today."
May 13, 2009 10:16 AM Hilarious! My vote for the one which will cause John (hubby of Jen) to giggle/snort away :)
Thought bubble: "I said I wanted the cake reduced to two tiers, not a cake that would reduce me to tears."
Booyah!
This is my favorite one so far:
Rebecca said...
Mom says, "Well honey, let's hope this is the only short stumpy thing you see today."
May 13, 2009 10:16 AM
Way to go Ruby on having a great outlook on things.
This is the best I could come up with:
http://tinypic.com/r/xl9w1i/5
These comments are making me cry... You guys are hilarious!
ha ha...."short and stumpy"
Bride:"Mum, are you buying my cake in instalments??"
Ben
My thought bubble contribution:
What the HELL is this CRAP doing on my cake? Dosen't the baker know this is MY DAY?
anyway I didn't think the cake looked that bad.
Based on the thatch-roofed venue and the reference to Durban, am I to assume this takes place in South Africa? If so, as a displaced South African I am stunned and mortified. We have a proud tradition of cake decorating, and even have a technique named after us. Sies man! Dis n slegte koek!
How about - "How did Uncle Harry's toupee get all the way over here?"
Caption -
MOM: Coincidently, honey, that's the same thing that will happen to your breasts after a couple children.
"We're gonna need a bigger boat."
" They totally NAILED it! I can't believe how perfect it is!"
Bride "WTH?"
Mom "Well dear, we are in a recession, the bakery had to downsize their cake pans"
- or -
Bride "I knew I should have married Duff"
Word Verification: Choomo, I had to choomo on that cake
Caption:
"Are you sure we have to use this as the cake? It looks like it'd make a mighty fine ring pillow."
I'm glad the bride was able to shrug this off. I'm just starting to plan for our wedding, and I'm getting jitters just looking at these. Then again, it wouldn't hurt if the cake did turn out to look horrible. I'd just send it to Cake Wrecks. ;-)
"This cakes looks exactly like a flaming bag of poo!! That was NOT the theme I was going for!"
"Does it jiggle?"
That's all I could come up with.
Got it. Currency conversion.
I'm just the sort of American cheapskate who sews her own shoes back together, so I understand where Ruby Slippers is coming from completely.