Tuesday
Oct272009
Halloween Heckling
October 27, 2009 This season is almost too easy for snarks like me. C'mon, right now this is what passes for cake decorating:
And they say cake art is dead. Pfft.Bakeries, of course, love it. Every conceivable mistake, no matter HOW bad, can now be made into a Halloween design.
Have a Barbie bride cake that's gone horribly wrong? Noo problem:
Voila! A ghost!
Just be sure to label it, so folks know what it is. See, now that it SAYS "Evil Witch Hat" you can totally see it, right? Er. Right?
What's that? Your bats don't look like bats? S'ok. We have a giant piece of plastic for that:
And hey, do you have any leftover stock we can make into Halloween designs? You know, like maybe some smiley faces? Oh, good! See, just add some fangs...a little broken English...and...
Ta daa! Now it's a vampire!
I know it's a stretch, Darshani, Bettina G., Shayne H., Kylie K., Lauren, & Rachel J., but don't worry; it's Halloween. People will totally buy it.
- Related Wreckage: E.T. is Back...
Reader Comments (90)
Ew! Those are totally disgusting. What is it about Poo-looking creations and Halloween?
Just glad I'm not the only one who noticed the apparently hands free photography of the last one.
Sometimes, to amuse myself, I make up reasons for other people and why they did something. For the first pic, I think the person was in the process of making an owl, and got fired before finishing. I'm not sure why the wreckorater would have put on one eye before having more frosting on, but I'm pretty sure the intent was an owl.
For the last pic, I have obviously spent too much time thinking about this and reviewing the evidence, but it's plain that it's two people holding the cake, because the sleeves are different. The sleeve on the right has trim at the bottom that I don't see on the left sleeve.
That's my amusement for the day. Thank you.
WV: hualt - someone needs to hualt the production of these cakes.
Okay - it's out there, but the third cake (the second set of bat cupcakes) looks like chromosomes in metaphase to me.
>.<
Oh, dear Anatomy class.
Taylor...I think you hit the nail on the yorkie...that's exactly what the scary eyeball cake is...
But I've got to say the craziest one is the evil. witch. hat. WHAT?!!! Are they three separate words or one descriptive phrase? It's really bad when you have to write on the cake what's on the cake and then forget to actually put it on the cake and then end up putting bizarre colored poo blobs on it.
I'm thinking the ghost cake could also be a practice cake. There looks to be some sort of stem on top so I'm wondering if it was an attempt at a pumpkin that ended up getting covered in scraggly strips of white icing.
Ah, Halloween Wreckage...fabulous!
~bonnie b
The icing on both of those "Bat" CCC's is totally disgusting. What on earth did they do to it to make it look translucent and glistening? And those shades of orange? Where did you even get those from? Bleck! I can't even get past that to even mock the bats. Icky icky icky!
wow... that ghost cake was FOR SALE?? people would actually buy that?
Give the person who made the first cake some credit - it VERY hard to have steady hands when Cthulhu is modeling for you.
What is the red thing coming out of the side of the eyeball cupcake?!?!
I went back to look at the last one and it DOES look like two people are holding the cake. But it was funny to imagine how one person could have taken the picture by themselves...
they all look freakish, but the third one, is there any cake under that frosting at all?
The first wreck is actually a pretty accurate depiction of "Pet", from the cartoon "Edgar and Ellen"! Pet's supposed to be a hairball with an eyeball...
http://www.edgarandellen.com/images/character/pet-s.gif
I am having a strong urge to scrape these wrecks off the cardboard, place them in a paper bag, set the bag on fire, leave it on somebody's doorstep, ring the bell and RUN!!!!
How funny!
I interpreted the first "cake" as being the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Wow. That first one looks like someone threw up on a cupcake. Or maybe it just makes *me* want to throw up. One of those, anyway.
WV: ircess. There is a real ircess of frosting on some of these cupcakes.
The first one looks like one of those Yorkie dog cakes got hit by a car.
These are brilliantly awful :) I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this but there is a TV show in the UK called 'The Graham Norton Show' presented by....uh you get it :) - well last night he had some of your wrecks on there! Including some luverly holiday turkeys! I must go on about your blog so much loads of people messaged me to tell me it was on :) Glad you are both better too. xxx Alison
I came back to have a second look and am laughing so hard (again) that my uterus hurts from the baby kicking in protest against these atrocities.
The Evil Witch Hat looks kind of like poopy eyeballs staring at me. And staring and staring some more.
I see that another "Cake Wrecks" category is the cake with the label having the least apparent connection with the actual cake. So far, "Evil Witch Hat" is way out in front.
"Evil Witch Hat" does sound like it could be the name of a town in Ohio or Pennsylvania, though. Maybe the ... Evil Witch Hat ... was for the town's anniversary celebration, and those mounds represent some local geological feature ... Or maybe it's an occult message written backward, and the real message is "Tah Chtiw Live."
I was singing along to my music when I decided to check CW today. First wreck scared me a bit.
"Kanashii kao wa...yame--JESUS CHRIST."
Everybody's all fixated on the "witch hats," but I just can't get past cake #1. After careful consideration, I have decided that it looks like someone stomped on an ewok.
See? There's a little bit of red gore coming out the side and a proptosed eyeball...
Poor Wicket. Just couldn't move fast enough when those Imperial Scoutwalkers came through.
The first one looks like Pet from Edgar and Ellen.
My first case of Wreck Awareness hit me today in the grocery store looking at a googly-eyed green halloween alien monster ccc thing, and I thought of you and giggled. Alas, no photo evidence as my cell phone was left in the car, but I'll treasure the first wreck experience!
Mmmmm... cy-poo.
Hahaha. Love the last one. A smiley that turns to vampire lolz. =D
Summer
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RACHEL J, submitter of the vampire cookie:
As to the freaky hand thing, my phone doesn't like to trade pictures for some reason. I can take them, I just can't send or receive them. So I asked a coworker to take it for me. I was holding it with one hand, she was holding it with one hand and taking the picture, and we happened to be wearing same-color coats. No, I don't have a third arm or anything like that. :D
The scariest thing isn't even that the bakeries make this stuff, it's the fact that people will actually buy it...
I never met a cupcake I didn't like...until today. Your dessert should never look like it's been pre-digested, I believe that's bakery school 101.
Don't know if someone else had the same thought, but I read it first as "Evil Witch Heart," which made more sense in the context of the picture. Who wouldn't want to eat the squooshy heart of an evil witch on Halloween?
Another question:
Is that first cake an "asshat"?
lactive-wv...oh my.
Mocking
what in the name of all that is holy was the first one meant to be? why did they feel the eyeball was necessary? i have so many questions!
The vampire smilie is buck-toothed, or waggle-toothed, or snaggle-toothed, or something.
"I vant to suck your blood, but I can't. Blah, blah, blah!"
The pointy-headed "ghost" worries me the most because... doesn't he look a little too much like a Klansman?
That second batch of cupcakes look like they're saying: Run, Run, Run, Run!
Come on, Jen, you're a Geek: that first cake was CLEARLY a shout-out to Lovecraft!
The first one is so totally a dalek! (And don't even pretend that you haven't seen any Doctor Who. I live in Finland and I have.) Although I will not speculate on whether its before or after it got digested. Still a dalek.
Julia "Lieto" Kylmälä
I think that the first one is a shoggoth or some other hideous mutated monstrosity.
It's pretty scary anyway.
Regarding that first one, I can't understand the icing "technique" on that one. The eyeball makes more sense. That has to be the worst cake I've ever seen.
i like how the evil witch hat store label says "cupcake critters"
Maybe the wreckerators have something. The more ugy the cake, the more sales there are. Because, you know, it's Halloween, the one time of year people actually want ugly cakes. (Unless you're celebrating the birthday of someone you reeeaallly hate.)
-Madison