This'll Cure that Freaky Fetish
February 9, 2009 Well, not THAT one - what do you take me for, a miracle-worker? Sheesh.
No, I mean the one with the footsies. And don't try to deny it, 'cuz I know you're out there: loitering around the pedicure station, being overly helpful at the Payless, getting WAY too excited about peep-toe pumps coming back into style - yeah, you know who you are. Well, my foot-fondling friends, it's time for a little sole searching.
And for the rest of you: put down that coffee and prepare to skip breakfast (or possibly revisit it, depending on your constitution).
This is a groom's cake, which begs the question: is the groom really that enamored with his own toe hair? And I know there's no good way to show severed appendages, but those ankle stumps are freaking me out juuust a little.
Side note: The words "cake" and "ankle stumps" should never, EVER, be used to describe the same thing.
Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!
Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle.
There is only one word to describe this next one:
AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!Then there's the delectable world of toe fungus, which I think you'll all agree is not only a great ice-breaker at parties ("Hey, wanna see something cool?"), but also really hits the spot come dessert time.
That Dr. Pachman, he's such a fun guy, don't you think? Eh? Fungi? Eh? Booyah!I'm not sure why he would order a "cake" made from upholstery foam, though: that somehow detracts from the otherwise yummy-looking toenails.
Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen.
Ok, guys, this is it: time for the most disgusting, fungus-riddled foot cake mine eyes have seen. Proceed with extreme caution and strong intestinal fortitude.
Urp.
What's more horrifying: the green bugs crawling under the toenails...[pausing to swallow repeatedly]...or the fact that this is for a girl? Poor Teresa: I don't think the pretty pink icing nearly makes up for that yellowish... gelatinous...layer....
[sound of running feet]
UPDATE: Whew! Sorry, folks: my constitution just gave out, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, I just may lose those 5 pounds this week!
Hey, Sara S., Julie R., Christina B., and Jessica M., it's time to cut loose. Foot loose.
Reader Comments (187)
EEEEEWWWWWW!
That's all I can say.....just EEEEWWWW!
I couln't believe that there could be something worse than the CW#4, but EWWW! I thank you, my diet thanks you! I definitely won't be hungry this week.
I'm going with dead ballerina on that second cake. Isn't that first position or something? (and I think the blue drapey bits are the blue drapey thing they cover corpses with).
and yet again, you succeed in making the quality readers of this fantastic blog ill before 10:00am. Awesome. I want a foot cake for my birthday. Here's a great question though, if you give a podiatrist a foot cake for his birthday/retirement, what kind of cake do you give a proctologist? A piece of ass? just asking.
Thank god...I was looking for some diet motivation.
Those cakes are gross.
wv monyles...the toes with fungus need monyles..b.i.d. for 3 days.
Oh wow. Wow.
I no longer want breakfast.
And that NEVER happens.
bakingandmistaking.blogspot.com
Just when I think it cannot get any worse and you cannot get any funnier...
(Wiping away tears of laughter)
Thanks for a great start to the week.
Wow.... just wow..... that's all I can muster up to say......
What is wrong with these cake-makers??
*feels nauseous* I would never be able to cut into one of those... Let alone take a bite.
The one with the erect toe is brilliant! Who gets to eat the gammy toe?
I believe those blue drapery bits might be little blankets...maybe it's "cold feet" a morbid groom's cake or something?
The first cake reminds me of
the http://cache.consumerist.com/assets/resources/2007/07/kerrysfeet.jpg" REL="nofollow">lady whose feet were maimed by the Walmart flip flops *not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach*
The second one reminds me of the http://www.donmartinshrine.com/gallery/g1_wildlife.jpg" REL="nofollow">Don Martin drawings in Mad Magazine
Wow, that just kept getting worse and worse! Not good, first thing in the morning!
I prefer a delicate girly severed foot, with no bugs on it mmmmm.
Lord have mercy.
I feel like I've come full circle...the first post I saw of your blog was the bound foot cake thing. Ig.
Oh. Ugh. Yeah. I'd like the knuckle piece please! Or possibly the flaky heel.
Gross.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
EEEEEeeeewwwwwwuuuu. Gross. "Sure, give me a slice off the big toe.....never mind. I'm not hungry anymore."
What's worse, ankle stump or no ankle stump? That smoothed-over part where the ankle should be is the part that makes me the most queasy.
wow. like wow. insteed of asking for the rose slice i'll take the big toe fungus slice! yummy!
Wow. I was hungry...
Ahhh!!! I think I'm horribly scarred for life.
AAAAAHHHHHUUUUUGGGGGGG. Way to start my monday!!!
i must say though, the toetag and "meta-toe-sal" cakes are very well made.
Each of these defy explanation. What would possess someone to order and eat dead feet or diseased feet?
GAH! GAH! GAH! GAH! GAH!
BLEEEEEEAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHCCCCCHHHHHHH.
I'm gonna go watch that "Lazy Town" video a few times, and try to forget about this.
That was horrible! Absolutely horrible. I completely lost my appetite! No baking for me today.
Um, I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Whoa...
Seriously?? You can't make this stuff up!
~Carolynn
while these a great...it's SO WRONG....just so wrong! something should not be cakes! Thanks for a great start to my week
Only more disturbing was the severed toe cake that was served at a Lebowski Fest.
Ugh, gross............ Who would even consider making a toe fungi bday cake, even as a joke??? Ew! LOL, Yes I agree, poor Teresa!!
Never eating a cake foot...it was on my resolution list this year!
http://gifoftheday.blogspot.com/2009/02/020909-women-drivers-part-1.html" REL="nofollow">Poor drivers, 4 parts to come
http://gifoftheday.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">More daily gifs here
Surprisingly, I'm finding those green bugs fairly adorable. Wouldn't want feet cake though.
Quite possibly the most disgusting cakes! Who would order those?!?!?!?!
Katie
Dis-gusting! Yecch. Not only should cccs be outlawed, but foot cakes should, as well. yecch.
oh my dear goodness.
who DOES these things?
and i agree with everyone else, my diet thanks you.
When will people realize that a cake designed in the form of one body part is a really bad idea? Ew.
(Although I have to say I found Wayne's dislocated toe a little funny. Still wouldn't want to eat it though.)
I may be ill.....WHY would anyone do that? What is to be gained from food (and I use that term loosely) that looks like nasty feet? As I get older, I realize more and more that most people are really weird....this just solidifies that.
Gross! Just the words "foot cake" have wreck written alllll over them!
I'm disappointed Jen... how could you not include the Chinese Lotus foot cake http://www.flickr.com/photos/52702311@N00/113803423/ with this bunch?? LOL
Or Debbie's foot fetish cake? http://www.flickr.com/photos/debbiedoescakesnet/3259190478/
LOL... fabulously funny post as usual!
Sick and Wrong!!
I think it's ironic how all the cakes depicting things that are inherently revolting (toe fungus) or horrifyingly misguided (bride replicas and pregnant torsos) actually tend to be really nicely executed creations that remain impressive works of art, even while you wonder what kind of person would ask for such a thing. Whereas the really awful wreck-y ones started out with basically innocuous or traditional premises but took a steep nosedive downhill. I'm kind of curious to see a badly executed bad idea, like a half-melted, misshapen foot with airbrushed fungus that seems to have spread over half of the instep instead of being confined to the toenail, and lettering that started off on the ankle stump and ran out of room halfway down the heel, while misspelling the word "the".
Maybe the problem is that the badly executed bad ideas end up so unrecognizable that it just ends up as a Rorschach cake?
I wonder if those are Jam filled cakes??
Wayne's Meta-toe-sal is a work of art. The attention to detail is very impressive -- I mean the dorsum ridges look so natural I almost didn't notice them.
*GAG* So much for breakfast!
Well shoot. It has become my habit to check this blog and my email every morning while I eat my breakfast bar. This morning made me realize that I may need to change my routine a little. Ugh.
Ummm, I was a little disturbed when I saw the last cake was from Rick's Bakery! Thats where I got my wedding cake! LOL
Okay, by the time I got to the last one, my hand was over my mouth and a look of horror emerged.
Eww!
Two and three are actually excellent cakes. Feet are tough to get right. My high school art teacher said if you got good at drawing your hands and feet, you could draw anything. They're puzzling tho. The individual foot blankets...maybe someone agreed about the stumps, although I like Elizabeth's cold feet groom cake explanation. And the second looks like a get well cake. Metatarsal is a long bone deep inside the foot, so why did they raise the fourth toe up? Wouldn't just the presence of a set of toes do for the pun?
A dead person's feet? I...I just...what the...I cannot even BEGIN to imagine an occasion for which such a cake would be appropriate. Any back-story with that one? Why oh why do I even want to know...please don't tell me it was for a wake.