Seasonal Non Sequiturs
December 17, 2008 I appreciate that some decorators are trying to think outside the traditional wreath/stocking/tree box, but then again...
For the granddaughter who loves dissecting frogs - formaldehyde frosting optional. (And you know, without the comma "Love Grandma" becomes more of a command. A really creepy one.)
Have a cake left over from Halloween? Meh, just slap a Santa hat on it.*
The head of a flower, the face of a snowman, the body of a slug, and a candy cane for a...belt buckle. (Please, let's just go with belt buckle.) "Let it Snow"? How about "Let it Go" - as in, away. Far, far away.
Brace yourself for this next one:
The mind, it boggles. Is this a frilly white Santa caterpillar, crawling up a red boulder? Or has Santa sampled some Wonka chewing gum (with cherry pie dessert)? The back certainly does nothing to clear up the mystery:
What IS that little bump? A tail?
Even more baffling, the decorator thought this was such a smashing design that s/he made it in miniature as well:
Now the bumps are on the side. What does it mean?!?
Try to picture those "cakes" without the plastic Santa heads for a moment. I'm getting a real "raw meatballs sitting in radioactive waste" vibe - how 'bout you?
Thanks to intrepid Wreckporters Brittney E., Meredith O., Kelly D., & Heather K.!
*I'm told this is actually a Grinch cake. Not sure that alleviates the wreckiness, though.
Reader Comments (218)
BELT BUCKLE!! I wet my pants.
"Frog laid open in dissection" was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that first one, too. For the Santa-headed blobs I'm thinking leftover football cakes, with the white fuzzy stripes covering up the stitching.
Oh. my. gawd.
These are the most wrecky yet!
EEK at that "Grinch" cake!!
WHAT were these people thinking?!
Word verification: ookimpr: I'm speechless.
Jen, you've missed the most important point of all. In this season of commercialism and such materialistic focus, a few brave decorators are doing their part to cut down on the money spent(or the desire to spend money) by those feeling the economic pinch.
We should be saluting these fine men and women for their frightening creations. After all, they've pointed us to the PERFECT Christmas gift. For the person who has it all... give them a dose of non-reality. Clearly, they're using a product that we should all buy our loved ones for Christmas. ;)
I'm wondering if those Wonka'd Santas were originally turkeys of some sort, for Thanksgiving...
Yeah, I suspected grinch, but that doesn't diminish the wreckiness. It's still godawful bad.
The Grinch cake looks more like Oscar the Grouch!
Erin T.
A grinch? A GRINCH? I'm still working under the assumption that it's a yule-tide Oscar the Grouch. And as far as the poor Santa trapped in a meatball, I wonder if it's red velvet cake underneath? Imagine the faces of the children when Mommy cuts that one open at Christmas dinner.
So now that someone has beheaded the Grinch and preserved his head in a jar.....does that mean Christmas is safe forever??? LOL
That's just all wrong. Creepy and wrong.
wvotd jahetual. Those cakes scared the jahetual out of me
You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch. No really, we mean it. That looks more like Oscar the Grouch on steroids.
As for those horribly bloated Santa cakes, I don't know what to say. It disturbs me a bit that they had to write "Santa" in black icing so we'd know what it really was. I'm not sure if I like your theory about the Wonka gum or if Santa is just having water retention issues.
Man, those last ones are mystifying. Does Santa boast the mullet to end all mullets? Or has santa become a mullet, writhing like a mermaid on a red-hot lava rock?
My mind is boggling, and it hurts a little.
word verification: whiesman. "Why oh why?" they whined as they followed the star. "It's all just gonna end in wreckiness in a few thousand years."
That is not the Grinch, that is totally Oscar the Grouch with a Santa Hat.
And the complete mystery cake. I assume it was a Santa Head on a football.
That second photo looks more like Oscar the Grouch than the Grinch.
That's it -- Oscar with a Santa hat on his head. Or road kill on his head. Hmmm....
Weird....
What the flaming hell? I especially love the first one. What is that, some kind of pine tree gremlin? Better be good this year or instead of coal, you'll get one of these little guys popping out of your tree on Christmas morning! The green freaky head under glass is great too. And I can only guess that Santa has some REALLY big, tied back hair on those last cakes, and that he apparently no longer posesses arms or legs. Perhaps a run in with tree gremlins?
I believe that the top "frog" is also a Grinch - his heart is growing three sizes (right through his chest). The bandy-legs are just because he's had a bit of chaffing from riding around in that sleigh.
I am laughing so hard it hurts. Literally. Too many sit-ups on Monday, but... uh.... I'm gonna go laugh at the meatball santas again!!!
Oh my those Santapillars are terrifying
DUH- That's obviously Walrus Santa.
He's really tiny and rides on Rudolph's nose while Human Santa is out delivering his presents, and leaves all the good little Pinnepedia boys and girls bukkits under their Christmas icebergs.
The Santa-Bowling-Ball creatures are going to haunt me with the green thingy. It managed to scare my three-year-old.
wv: sterop, when a stereo flops
Maybe the bump is a scrunchy at the end of his mullet?
Zita
All I could think of is that it looks like the whale who swallowed Jonah-Santa.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
The one cake looks like Oscar the Grouch with a Santa hat. When I read how "love grandmom without the comma is more like a command" I started thinking of the movie Zoolander and the weird hypnotic "Obey my dog!" line. And the weird Santa lump cakes are beyond weird.
Hummm maybe it's santas bags ( get your minds out of the gutter, it's those bags he use to bring gifts) it would explain the little tail and all....but not the decapitated santa.
I always laugh at your posts, but "please lets just go with belt buckle..." ROFL!
Thank goodness you managed to explain the green monster - but the huge santa pimples are still utterly baffling.
Santa stuffed in his toy bag? Love Santapillers, imagine the adorable caterpiller/santa cake that could be made! Not that caterpillers have ANYTHING to do with Christmas, just cute!
I agree that the grinch is Oscar the Grouch. I think perhaps the Santa blobs are supposed to be santa hats. That would sort of explain the "tails." Why there is a santa head on them I cannot explain.
Wonderful wreckiness!
I also thought Oscar the Grouch for the green thing.
And I think that those are depicting the return of the Great White Santa Whale. It's a Norwegian folk tale in which The Great White Santa Whale crawls up on the rocky shores of the fjords and blows presents and candy out of its blowhole for all the good little boys and girls.
Or something like that.
I drop by every morning for my first laugh of the day, and you NEVER disappoint!
The wonka santa has me crying... this is the greatest blog of all time.
Wow, Santa-pillars! I was under the impression that insects didn't believe in Santa Claus.
In all seriousness, I believe the large red blob thing the Santa head is sitting on is his sack full of gifts. That, or it's a cocoon?
Grinch...right.
Maybe the last ones are leftover turkey cakes? And they just stuck Santas on them? Maybe? I don't know.
aww, belt buckle? but the alternative is alliterative!
Nightmares of Santa slugs will now dance in my head.
I agree, I think that the first cake was probably intended to be the Grinch with his larger heart, but my first thought was Kermit.
Obviously the command to Love Grandma went unheeded since Gabriella has sunk to a new low. Now only did she not get a real cake, or a even CCC, but a decorated cookie cake. Wow. Remember when getting coal was an indication of bad behavior? Gabriella must be one bad kid!!! And can a frog have pointed ears? Part of me loves what looks like a snowflake on a pine branch, but the candy cane is comically misplaced. Just in case you thought cake mistakes took a holiday...here's proof that a wreck can happen 24/7....
"Bring me the head of the Grinch on a platter! Under a glass bell jar! Or a plastic dome. Whatever."
Those Santa Slugs look like baby Harp Seal pups trying to avoid getting clubbed to death in the annual harvest by donning Santa masks. "You wouldn't club Santa to death, would you?"
Instant reaction: Muppet cakes!
First cake: Poor Kermit!
The inscription looks like: "Merry Christmas Godzilla Love Grandma"
I didn't know that Godzilla had a Grandma, but there y'go.
Second cake: Oscar as Grinch.
Third & so on: Mahna Mahna, Doot doo de doo-doot
o<\\\;^) Jan the Gryphon
http://gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/
word ver. phiessea - the sound made by the bloated santa cakes when cut
Elyse, good call on the dissected frog actually being the Grinch! With regard to the Santa balls, I just have no words except what the hell. I just don't even know what else to say.
I was thinking with Yani at first .. santa's bag o' toys, but why no body? is he IN the bag? Then i remembered the cheesy movie about 4 years ago "slither" THAT'S what they were going for!!! the girl in the barn who eventually exploded into lots of the worm looking things that are crawling up this santa!
Whew glad i cleared that up in my head!
So funny. *tear*
The Grinch cake looks like a green koosh ball that somebody slapped facial features and a hat on.
The Santa-pillar has me speechless. And what the heck are those green blobs? . . . Wait, I've got it. Maria is right: It's Walrus Santa, and the green blobs are the icebergs he leaves the bukkits under.
wh..the last one.
why?
WHY.
As if it wasn't bad enough, I think Gabriella's name is spelled wrong. Unless her name really is Gabreilla. Good news is you can scrape icing off a cookie without too much damage. Happy Froggydays everyone!
WV is phiallik as in phiallik candy canes are inappropriate decorations.
--Becky
At least the Grinch/Oscar the Grouch head looks like it could be something... I mean, normally I can make some sort of sense out of even the worst wrecks, but those Santa blobs have me completely stumped. I have NO clue what the baker could possibly have been thinking, but whatever he's smoking, I want some!!
word verification: quepi.. that's what he was smoking...
Maybe the big red blob is Santa's body?? And the other things are mittens???
OH! I figured it out!! The santa cakes are the result of the baker having made WAAAY too much white frosting and needing to get rid of it before it gets thrown out. And the santa heads are leftover from making christmas decorations.....
"let's just go with belt buckle" - I agree! What were they thinking?? :)
Awesome Wrecks!
I think these have to be some of my favourites!
Brianna McCarthy @ Passion.Fruit
http://briannamccarthy.blogspot.com