Free Throws

A while back one of our readers suggested a fun activity for the next book tour: set up plain frosted cakes, and let contestants hurl various bits of candy, flotsam, and ribbon at said cakes. Whichever looks "best" wins.

Unfortunately, I think some wreckerators out there took this as career advice.

And believe me: there are no winners here.

Wow. I didn't know you could get that kind of distance out of mini marshmallows.

You know what they always say about edible splatter paint!:

Nothing, actually. They're all too busy trying to avoid the pieces with the poo-colored jelly beans.

Here's one that made use of the drop method:

Most of it even landed on the cake!

Of course, when you're lobbing across such great distances, some breakage is to be expected:

Boops.

You can see that a lot of throwing went into this one:

(Psst. Throwing up counts, right?)

Hang on a sec, something's wrong.

This one's making me hungry:

Mmmm.

Curse you, Wreckerators, and your nefarious mind-washing piles of whipped cream and berry goodness!

I mean, what next? Will a professional chef on a national reality show get in on the act??

[holding head] We're too late! AAHHHH!!

(The 'kill it' caption was added by Serious Eats, btw, which has a hilarious episode recap here. I wonder where they might have gotten their inspiration, hmmm? :D)

Thanks to Jill N., Ashlee M., Cassie G., Julie V., Kimberly B., & Elizabeth L., who all get to be first in line come book-tour-throwing time.

Window Pains

So, you're opening a bakery. You've watched too much Cake Boss, opened a few dozen credit card accounts, and "sampled" enough cupcakes to confidently differentiate between "ganache" and "monkey poo."

What next?

The window display, of course!

This is your place to shine, aspiring baker! Show the people what you can really do!

Ah.

I see you're of the "writing on Styrofoam rounds with a Sharpie" skill set.

We can work with that.

After all, the most important thing is getting customers through the door - even if it is only to ask, "Dear God, what IS that THING?!"

It's a pacifier. You know, a cake for suckers?

Now, a good window display should appeal to both kids and kids at heart. Remember, cakes are all about fun! And color! And post-apocalyptic death tableaus!

Just think of all the gas-mask party favors you could make. Ooh, and festive radioactive warning streamers! Glowing fruit punch? Mushroom cloud side-cakes? Really, the possibilities are endless.

Of course, edible barren wastelands aren't for everyone. That's why you should also advertise your more [winkwink] adult flavors. [nudgenudge]

Photo removed at the request of the baker.

Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.

And you can tell by the way that plastic half-lady is smelling her armpit that her plastic whole lady counterparts are gonna be hella sexy.

Or, if you're limited on space, you could always kill two birds with one horrendously disturbing Barbie cake:

Hey, how do you think Barbie paid for all those different careers, kids?

Well, bakers, however you choose to design your displays, just be sure they communicate friendliness, poise, and professionalism.

And also a strong grasp on the spelling of "ho bag":

Because, really, nothing is worse than a misspelled "ho bag" on your cookie cake.

Thanks to Amber P., Bianca S., Lauren C., Lauren R., Betsy R., & Dana F., who wonder if perhaps this showed up on C.M.'s performance review.