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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Feb262016

Fri Favs 2/26/15

Some of my favorite new submissions this week:

 

Not-So-Frozen Cupcakes:

Because some people are worth melting for?

[bah dum CHA!]

 

Chris And The Untouchable Footwear:

It actually took me a minute to realize what this was supposed to say.
Now I feel so... empty.
#ThatWasAHint
#NoticeTheLackOfShoePuns
#StraightLaced
#OkJustOne
#NoIDontKnowWhatVOTBSIs
#WhyAmIUsingHashTagsThisIsntTwitter

 

A grocery chain that shall not be named is doing a big Monopoly-themed promotion this month, so naturally, they had their bakers break open a game of Monopoly... and do this:

Mmm, Crisco-soaked paper.

(Do not pass "GO," do not collect $200.

JUST GO TO JAIL.)

 

Speaking of old board games, it's pretty clear this next baker doesn't...

[sunglasses]

HAVE A CLUE.

 

Words cannot describe the wild hope that seized my heart when I saw this cake:

...but sadly, I don't think that's the baker's actual credit card number.

Dangit.

 

Thanks to Aeron B., Cheree G., Jefferson L., Michelle R., & Tom S., who knows the only way to stop a charging baker... is to feel their shoes.

*****

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Reader Comments (44)

I feel like Buddy
As he looks up in horror
At a Frozen mess

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

That monopoly cake is an atrocity against baked goods, and the person who made should be charged with crimes against pastries.......

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Now, what cruel parents named their child Michelle Clue Game Board?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Need help interpreting the second cake. What was it supposed to say?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnonyMe

"Hey Bob thanks for the Monoply cake"
"Your welcome!"
"Just one question, what were those chunky plastic things, that were reddish?"
"Oh, don't be silly! They were just the plastic hotels of course!"

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

I'd love to meet the person that thought that placing tiny metal pieces on top of a cake was a good idea.

Like you said, they obviously have no clue!

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Now all I want to do is feel Chris's shoes while eating that credit card "cake." Because DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, that's why. Mmmmm, Styrofoam.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

WoW, I found two results on the first page of Google results that are EVEn remotely possible: "Vengeance of the Burning Shadow" and "Vengeance of the Black Storm".

...Jen Vents of the Bad Spelling?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

"Now I just need the 3 digits on the back of cake 5."

Also, am I the only one that really wants that ELF cookie/cake/cupcake on the bottom shelf below the "UnFrozen" cupcakes?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEd

Votb - voice of the blood?
or is it this: http://www.votbs.com/ ?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Many, many years ago, a major bank ran a series of billboards and posters on the side of buses, which included a copy of a blank check. In a fit of cluelessness, one of the Advertising people pulled out his own check book, and they used his personal check on the billboards.

Things were so much simpler then.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Before I noticed the oversized weapons in the other rooms on the Clue cake, I thought for a minute that the wrench was supposed to be an oversized trombone (oversized in comparison to the piano, at least). I thought that was a brilliant variation: "It was Professor Plum, in the Ballroom, with a horrendous rendition of Pennsylvania 6-5000" on the trombone.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

If you live in parts of the American south, that /i/ vowel sound is tricky. The difference between "fill" and "feel" and even "fell" is not as evident in the parts of Georgia and Tennessee where I've lived. Those three words sound very different to me but not to some of my southern friends.
By the way, I'm originally from NY and of course _I_ don't have an accent. <snort>

But I do love the idea of not being able to feel someone's shoes--much more interesting than simply filling them.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterFM

@Emma "And the wet paper is the cat's meow as well"

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Cake 2 hint, I fill ya.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary Jayne

Which grocery chain made that horrid Monopoly cake?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShakhmaty

Just how far up their butts were Chris' shoe covered feet and more important now to consider... how small were his feet in the first place? That no one could feel his shoe meant he needed lessons from Red Foreman.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBill C

I agree, Jen. Send them directly to jail. Cake jail. Made of cake. And frosting...lots of frosting. Yummm. On second thought, perhaps DENYING entry into cake jail would be more effective at Wreckorator rehabilitation. Wow. Say that three times fast.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

@ Shakhmaty

That would be VONS in Southern California - but I think their "parent" company is Safeway. Anyway, all VONS stores here in SoCal are giving out monopoly ephemera.

It took me a LOOONNGG time to figure out the FEEL/FILL/FELL cake. OMG!

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Now that I actually figured out the second cake, it reminded me of how when in was in kindergarten I thought our teacher's aide's name was "Miss Heal" due to her thick southern accent. It was actually Hill. That might be a hint. And it made me realize that the story behind that cake likely involves someone with a southern accent and a baker who can't understand southern accents.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWildaBeast

Good thing the Walmart cake specified, "For display only." Otherwise people would be clambering all over themselves to buy it.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

The number of comments I had to read to get cake number 2 is too embarrassing to admit. (It was 9) I blame my children for this stunted mommy brain. Lol

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

I used to work in a grocery store bakery. #2 is an example of why I always had customers write down what they wanted written on the cake. That, and the people who give their kids names with "unique" spellings.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRebel Angel

Vons is owned by the Albertsons/Safeway company along with Osco, Carrs, and a whole bunch of others. I think the whole chain is doing Monopoly, it used to be an Albertsons thing.

-- Safeway bakery slave

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSpamamander

Reminds me of the time I ordered a cake for my hubby, Phil. I came home with something that said Happy Birthday Feel - and YES, I'm from the South.

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHope

And the credit card cake is a DISPLAY!

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

The credit card cake decorator apparently doesn't realize that MasterCard numbers begin with "5". (Visa card numbers begin with "4", which is easy to remember because "Visa" has 4 letters.)
... your trivia lesson for the day...

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPeepBunny

My husband said my credit card is also for display only, bwahahaha!

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

Is it Vanilla on the Bottom Sheet?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterVeebl

so was i the only one to notice the toilet tissue displayed next to the monopoly cake?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterformer_walmart_baker

If that credit cake
Is not for my consumption,
May I feel your shoes?

February 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Oh I wonder how they can tell that this cake is a Clue game board? By giving it away of course! They have never played this game apparently lol. That or they just like obvious clues. Sigh..

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

As a native Georgian, I will say that "fill" and "feel" sound the same to many southerners. Same with pin/pen and heel/heal/hill.

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPat

I'm not positive but I think it actually says KoTBS, which I'd a video game my son plays. Knights of the blazing sun,I believe.

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterholly

Southern accents - the first time I visited my prospective in-laws in North Carolina, we had a dreadful time communicating. I'm British, and when my sister-in-law-to-be told us something was "up on the heel" all three of our daughters and I immediately looked at our feet. The Squire whispered "Hill, sweetheart, hill" in my ear, and I had a fit of giggles.

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Why would anyone need a cake decorated like a credit card? I can't even come up with a realisitic scenario.

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSheila

It looks like the Frozen cupcakes partially thawed and then re-froze, resulting in Anna and Elsa looking like they had strokes. Or maybe the baker got them mixed up with the wicked witch of the west (bring on the water, resulting in the melting) and decided they need to be gotten rid of so he/she no longer had to listen to "Let it Go"?

Why in the world would anyone even WANT to feel Chris's shoes? Are they made of velvet, suede or some exotic creature?

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

Ha ha... I love cake 2! :)

Although I've always lived in Georgia, I've mostly lived in the suburb of a major city so the accents here aren't nearly as thick as elsewhere in the state. But for a couple of years, we lived in the northwest corner of the state, and I could hear my son's accent thickening, saying "ray-id" and "bay-id" instead of "red" and "bed." One day I'll never forget, I happened to be waiting in his classroom while his teacher was giving a spelling test. She said, "he-uhl... he-uhl." And I thought, "I wonder if she means 'heel' or 'heal.' " THEN she clarified it by saying, "Jack and 'Je-uhl' went up a 'he-uhl'... 'he-uhl.' " I was floored! :)

February 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterK Michelle

"It looks like the Frozen cupcakes partially thawed and then re-froze"

Oh, it's an *edible* decal. I thought those were plastic and was trying to figure what could make them melt like that and why anyone would think it was a good idea to use them after that.

February 28, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJamoche

At least even Walmart admist that their cakes are not for consumption. no false advertising there!

February 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLaura S

Oh, Hope, please forgive me. I would love to be a fly on the wall when your anniversary cake is revealed in all its glory, reading, "Happy Annisery, Feelin' Hope!"

February 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

I work for the grocery chain that shall not be named, and the Monopoly game is the new bane of my existence (as it is for all my coworkers), so that Monopoly cake was RIGHT ON THE MONEY, as it were (geddit? GEDDIT???).
Gonna have to show that to my coworkers, haha.

March 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

A possible suggestion for VOTBS is _____ Overcome the B.S. This is a pretty popular saying/abbreviation among people looking to rise above--especially when talking about bosses, exes, or their home life. You/We/Just/Gotta/Keep/Can't/Must... Overcome The B.S. = YOTBS, WOTBS, JOTBS, etc.

March 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPete

Chris's cake reminds me of the time a friend of mine called a Brooklyn florist to send flowers to his girlfriend. He asked them to write "You made my dreams come true" on the card. What they wrote was, "You made my dreams come through."

I guess dey hoid him wrong troo da telephone.

March 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBob

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