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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jul232015

I Can See Clearly Now... And... EW

I don't remember my 2012 slang very well - was this an actual thing people said?

"You're eggs is prego."

There are so many things wrong with that sentence, my brain just imploded.

 

Still, at least it was a "closed belly" shower.

What does that mean?

Aw, I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

BEHOLD!!

The "Peek-A-Boo, I Eat You" Appetite-Suppress-Inator!

(Have I been watching too much Phineas and Ferb this week? Yes, yes I have.)

 

Now, that's pretty good, but you must admit: the baby-embedded-in-clear-gelatin is kind of hard to see.

So for maximum Inator effectiveness, we're gonna need to open that baby belly up.

Haha!

Better, better...

 

...but is it possible to make the whole thing shinier?

You know, in a more seeping, moist, and gelatinous kind of way?

YES!

Just think, with these Appetite-Suppress-Inators, soon, Cake Wrecks will RULE the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA! Mwuah-ha-haaaa!

 

Thanks to Rish, Rachel G., Karen Q., & Diana M., who'd all look adorable in brown fedoras, I just know it.

*****

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Reader Comments (74)

You know, if I read that first one as "Your Eggo is Preggo", that makes much more sense. At some point, the OED will just give up, cave to the uneducated masses, and make Your and You're synonyms.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPamtha

Oh gawd, they're so *urp* SHINY! And not in the Firefly sense. These are decidedly non-shiny shiny :O

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

I thought the first cake said "Your eggo is prego"

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSHERRYLOU

The boobs on that last cake... are they boiled eggs? *hurk*

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Once again proving that just because you can do something, it doesn't mean that you should.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMinda

O
M
G

Who decides these are remotely "tasteful" (and not in a flavorful/edible sort of way)?

I'm with SherryLou - I read the same thing on the first cake.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

I think I might have to go and sit down in a darkened room. Eeeeeeeeee.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

2012 may have been the height of the "all your base are belong to us" meme. I read "eggs", but was more disturbed by the capitalized Prego. Granted the canned spaghetti sauce association disturbance was soon overshadowed by the shining chests and floating babies. You are the reason I don't need coffee.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBlackChocobo

Eww!!! Where is the actual (edible) cake in those? Not that I could eat them anyways, but still.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

There's something so disappointing in knowing that anyone pays for those.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Your eggo is preggo, from the movie Juno

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

When I initially saw the first one, I thought "why is there writing on Totoro's face?" (Once you see it...)

Is it bad that I think you could totally use the form from one to make a fairly acceptable Totoro cake?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

"Aren't you too young to be making cakes?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."

That's Phineas's excuse; what's theirs?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Why are the gelatin cakes even a thing?

Why, I ask you, WHYYY!!???

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRuthie

The inventor of the "mommy torso cake pan" should be taken out and shot. There is nothing that makes these cakes elegant or classy. The peek-a-boo babies are gross, the boobs look like am man designed their boudoir clothing (seriously, how many women wear super low cut crap when they feel like a beached whale?), and the whole pan idea only screams for wrecks to be made. As for the tasteless masses who ORDER these crapcakes, I honestly feel for you. Maybe some remedial learning on what is classy vs what is trashy are in order. I guess the saying is still proving true...you can't buy class. Sheesh.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Paper

Over here in the UK we have been getting the baby shower stuff for couple years. We are waaaaay behind USA in in some things, let's hope it stays that way! Keep your gelatinous belly's. They remind me of those alien egg toys that were around a while ago, they were gross too.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGina

In the class for EMT/Medic, as a female instructor, I've show the Delivery Video to them, stand back, smile and watch their faces, especially the men, go from 'macho, I'm tough I can take it' to "I'm never having sex again!" LOL, trust me, real video of a delivery and birth, full color, close-up with sound. and yes, I get satisfaction as a female from seeing the men in horror as they watch. So slap me, lol. However, from now on, I'll just show them this post, or better yet, order one of the cakes. Then whoever has the guts to eat a piece, will get a big gold star and an "A" for the class!
SuBee? I can't wait to see your song for this one! You rock on girl!

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentercookiemama

so.. uh.. where's perry?!

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermere9

Uh oh, I think you started an Epcot with "You're eggs is prego." Guys! It's a joke! And "You're eggo is prego" is BARELY ANY BETTER.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAli

I think the first one is a reference to Juno (but with poor spelling and handwriting).

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBorg

I will never attend another baby shower, for fear of running into one of these horrors.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMarina

Not sure when it came out but the line "Your Eggo is Preggo" is from the movie Juno, though I think it was before 2012.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Aaauuuggghh these could be weight watcher aids

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Those are insanely big bellies for insanely tiny babies. This is what creeps me out the most.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHeather A

It looks like Katy Perry wrote the inscription on the first cake...

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I read the first one as if it was supposed to say, "Your ex is preggo." and the whole story played out in my head. It was a sordid romance that ended badly.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

@Addie Well, compared to some of the other pregnancy cakes that have been featured here, these ones <I>are rather "tasteful". There's no strawberry jam gore, no demon-babies tearing their way out of the belly, not even any detailed depictions of the mother-to-be's genitals! Here's hoping this "fetus-in-clear-jello" trend will replace the aforementioned ones for good!

@ Miss Paper I was thinking the same thing about the cake pans. However after googling "pregnant belly cake pan" I found a tutorial (actually several, but this one was at the top of the pile) for making a tasteless belly cake. Evidently there is no actual "belly-cake mold", but they instead they're misappropriating Wilton's innocent sports ball cake pans!

Following the example of psuedoephedrine, a once common OTC decongestant which is now strictly regulated in many places due to it's rampant, illicit misuse to make meth, I suggest restrictions be placed on purchases of Wilton's sport ball pans, accompanied by harsh penalties for belly-cake-making abuses!

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

How low have I gone when my second thought (after "ew" as the first thought) was "Well at least none of them have chocolate sprinkles down there or visible nipples"?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersue

Maybe the "You're eggs is pregs" cake is just an ugly Christmas sweater/bikini? Intentional?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAce

About the embryos: gelatinous-glow and shininess notwithstanding, what flashed into my mind almost instantly were images of 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). Especially the last one...so wild! Did Kubrick direct this wreck? =^-.-^= (Hmmm...do I smell a new Oscar award category in the baking? "Best Cake Wrecked In Honor Of A Film"?)

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

It looks more like "You're eggs are pregs" to me? Which rhymes but, eh, that's about it ...

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEll

Dear Jen, please tell me that when you mentioned little brown fedoras, you meant actual fedoras, as in Indiana Jones. And not trilbies, like James Bond wore in, for example, Dr. No.
Please tell me it is so, or part of my respect for you might evaporate!


[Editor's note- The only fedora is an Indiana Jones fedora. -john (thoJ)]

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth Parker

Am I the only one who wonder why all of these boobs look like perfectly round silicone implants?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

Nagzilla, I saw Totoro right away as well!

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

I don't know why - I must have been reading too fast, but I thought the first cake said "you're eggs is frogs". And I was REALLY confused.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

I think the first cake is supposed to be "your eggo is preggo" which is a line from Juno.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

Is there any record of a person ordering a "gelatin" cake, and getting a "genital" cake instead?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKarli

Ahahaha, I was trying to figure out the script on the first one, that I didn't even notice that it was yet another improbably upright breasts in a ridiculous looking nighty. Once again, I ask myself would any woman really order that cake for a baby shower? Especially the baby floating in gelatin cakes...Just ewwwww.

#sogladtheyorderednormalcakesformybabyshowers

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

What the actual you know what? I don't think I could be gracious and thankful if I got one of these. They are terrible! I actually felt nauseous looking at the pictures. I'd probably dry heave if I saw them in person.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

How appetizing. And by appetizing, I mean -completely- unappetizing!

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermneme

Is it strange that I'm most curious about whether the fetus in the gelatin is edible, or if it's like the whole king cake fiasco?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

Someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who thought that cake #2 looks like...*ahem*..."female anatomy?"

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRobert

I thought the first one said, "your egg is a frog." I was so confused.

Also, the size of the belly is totally out of proportion to the fetus.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAlicia

But...but...but...the reason a pregnant belly is big is because the baby is big?? When the baby is tiny like those, the belly is small. My brain, it hurts.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMostcurious

What are these cakes made of, are they completely gelatin? How are they so shiny? Doesn't look like fondant to me but the second cake the bottom edges look to be cut like fondant, how would gelatin cut like that?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAlclimer

What are those cakes even made of? They look like plastic. Not even edible.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCallista

Hurk....

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Where's the self destruct button on these Inators?

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

The entire tri-state area would be a much better place if you were in charge.

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRikki

Now you will see my Beautiful Party Cake Decorator! Every cake I zap will look exactly like the one in the bakery binder! People will be soooooo distracted by the beautiful cakes, they won't even notice when I take over the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!

Curse you Perry the Platypus! You've ruined everything. You've turned my Beautiful Party Cake Decorator into a Terrible Party Cake Wreckorater! Of course, in retrospect, I probably should not have installed that Reverse Switch...

July 23, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLaura