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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Apr132015

The Hunt Is Over

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

 

And you're to blame!

 

Wreckers, you give love

A BAD NAME.

 

How did this start?

 

They look all the same!

 

 

You give love
a bad name
(bad name!)

 

You give love...

A BAD NAME.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Elizabeth, K.J., Jodee, Christy R., Anony M., Shari A., & Amy O., who really needs to explain those last wedding toppers to me. Are the two bucks supposed to be Robert & Stevie? And if so, why are they next to a hunter with a shotgun? ("Aw, look, your wedding avatars are about to be killed! SO SWEET.")

Or maybe the hunter and the tree are getting married, after he shoots a couple of deer? (The hunter, I mean, not the tree.) But why would a tree hugger even WANT to shoot deer? Did they just run out of bride-dragging-the-groom toppers? PLEASE HELP I AM SO CONFUSED.

*****

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« Now THAT'S Putting A Face on Wreckage | Main | Sunday Sweets: 12 Happy Spring Cakes »

Reader Comments (49)

I believe it should be within a baker's rights to deny services to any person or persons who display absolutely no taste whatsoever. These are people who, if they wish to be married, should do so privately with little fanfare, and should certainly receive counseling before they are permitted to reproduce. Bakers, wedding planners, photographers, caterers, clergy, justices of the peace, judges, people who make those wee little bottles of wedding bubbles, dove trainers and the like should not be forced into lowering their standards and participating in these unions in any way whatsoever. Those wedding professionals who feel cakes such as those shown above are acceptable symbols of a loving union, are urged to seek a different profession, such as taxidermy or professional Bedazzler. Thank you for your support and don't forget to vote.

This post was paid for by Tasteful Americans for a more American 'Merica.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

There goes my lunch!

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Hee. These always make me laugh. I still want Discworld Sunday Sweets! But I'd settle for Sunday Sweets that can somehow redeem the hunting wedding cakes, too - haven't here been any that are actually tasteful? There must be somewhere. lol.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

Whoever thought camo cakes were a good idea is seriously disturbed.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

As confused as I am by the last one, I'm more baffled by anyone paying $370 for the second one.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

...*gapes open-mouthed at cakes*...

Are those things on the last cake deer or dogs with antlers?

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

My youngest loves camo. Someday, she's going to want to get married. I'm going to show her this post and hope she doesn't get any ideas.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

That tree looks like it wants a hug.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Maybe that first one should be "Shot through the hart" instead. Har har har har!

My great niece just sent out her graduation announcements with a picture depicting her dressed in camo, with a gun resting on her shoulder, and camo paint under her eyes. My 89-year-old mother was absolutely horrified. Not everyone from Wyoming is a redneck, I swear!

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Those are some awful cakes gone terribly wrong. Who wants a cake covered in poopy looking icing?

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterWendywwkc

I can't figure out what/where the bride is supposed to be on that cake with the cattails.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBin

The second "cake"....Surely, they're using the designation "serves 120" in a theoretical sense. Gotta love the optimism. And to think that they paid the armed guards to defend the wreck! Maybe they're there to fend off would-be nibblers who might end up being poisoned? You thought YOU had questions!? Last cake: I'm willing to bet you two bucks that the "Stevie" isn't Stevie Nicks.
=^-.-^=

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Hahahaha :D

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I think the last cake has the deer as the couple and the guy as the hunter. So the deer are no longer being hunted, well maybe?

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Mostly, I can't figure out what SpongeBob has to do with camo and cattails.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

After scrolling through all the rest, I went back to the top and thought, "You know, the deer is not badly executed." Then I facepalmed myself due to my poor word choice.

SueBee, brilliant as always and definitely a viewpoint that I could stand behind.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

I like how they blurred the "i" in that second cake to keep it clean for passersby.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

The first "Hunt is Over" 2-tier with the fondant camo/leaf pieces is not badly executed, as far as cakes go, but I hate camo. The cake directly under that........love the giant poo snaking up the side....NOT! *urp* The icing on some of the others looks like smeared poo and are just gross. Someone got a little crazy with the airbrush on the 2nd from the bottom. Eww.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKimsCakes

Oy vey.......

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

The last cake, the answer is camouflage. The bride is surely wearing camouflage and THAT's why you can see her.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

Is that bride in the cattails in a burka?
《shiver》

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

When I first saw cake no. 3, I thought that was Godzilla climbing up the right side.

At least the camo isn't bad on the fourth cake. The others, not so much.

@SuBee: where can I contribute to this campaign?

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

The way I understand it, a shotgun wedding involves the father of the bride making sure the groom (probably new father to be) does the right thing. So for the last cake, I am going with Robert and Stevie are the deer repesenting the two getting married. And the guy with the gun is making sure they go through with it. Mainly because that is the only thing that makes me feel OK.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDianeB

On cake #3, are those real rifle cartides? Is it safe to eat cake that has real metal ammo sitting on the frosting? Then again, I think the cattails pretty much made the cake inedible. Not that the guests would have much of an appetite. I do like the duck wearing the cap, though. Oh, and someone mentioned the bride in a burka? I don't see her -- wait, is she in the duck blind on the topper? Maybe she's wearing a hood, for hunting ducks. You know, so the poor little birds won't see her. Of course, if she is hunting ducks, I think the baker should have put shotgun shells on the cake, rather than rifle cartridges. Oh, dear … I've put way too much thought into this.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTexasGirl

I have soooo many questions. When did "poo" become an acceptable color for a wedding? Why is there a lantern and deer added to that cake topper? What did the brides actually say she wanted to get these kinds of results? Why does the first cake look like the deer is smirking? And really the only question, as always is - WHY?!?!?!? These are more terrifying than seeing Mama June in her woodland camo and orange wedding dress.

SueBe, you have my vote and endorsement.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen D.

With cake #3, what is that on the right hand side? It's wearing a cap and facing to the right (I think). Is that a bill sticking out to the right (cropped off by the picture frame.
Then again, God helps me, maybe I'm over-thinking the whole thing.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

NO!!! I just hiked back through the bulrushes and noticed that the 2nd cake has ACTUAL BULLETS embedded into it! The extra fiber is one thing, but lead??

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Cake #3 is a duck hunting cake, not deer hunting like the rest. The big metal thing on the right wearing a camo cap is a duck. And I'm starting to think that the black blob next to the hunter might not be the bride in a burka but the duck retriever dog.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBin

@Kathleen D., remember Steel Magnolias: "My signature color is poo...My colors are flush and awful."

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Surely the situation in the last one is that Robert & Stevie are both guys. Perhaps the baker got confused and thought a gay wedding involved three people - to be fair, it's a mistake some American conservative commentators seem to make ;)
(and here's me trying to persuade people that we Anglican clergy are not all obsessed with gay marriage... :/ )
Also - why would you even get married on Armistice Day??

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRev K

@Elizabeth
After zooming in & looking carefully, I've concluded that the "bride" figure is in fact a dog...
The dark shape that appears to be a head is in fact a cattail stem behind an arch, creating the illusion of a humanoid shape.
This just makes the cake more confusing however; is the dog figure a metaphor for the bride's personality, a simple poorly thought out inclusion, or is this cake for a man who is marrying an actual canine?

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

SuBee, you have my vote! Where can I send a donation?

That orange and green creation looks homemade. I mean, given what we see here that's *supposed* to be professional, it wouldn't surprise me if it was, but I doubt it. That moldy grey and brown aberration looks as if it has been sitting in a shop window since the end of WWII.

I can understand using that "draggin' her man home" topper at a shower, but on a wedding cake? Dear Heavens!

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

OK I think I've figured out the last cake. The deer are getting married at the alter of the tree and the hunter is presiding over the ceremony. That is why his rifle is at rest rather than aimed.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCW Lurker

I made cakes like these! I was four years old and called them "mud pies."

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

Does anyone actually see a bride's head on that second cake? Or is that white thing not supposed to be a bride? Please tell me what's there....its kind of creeping me out.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

I think cake #3 is NOT a wedding cake but an anniversary or birthday cake. It looks like the numeral 5 on the side of the top layer. It still looks pretty pitiful, but then they all look ill-judged.
SueBee, I'm all for your committee, and obviously this group is well able to pass judgment.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

The creature next to the hunter on the one with the cattails might be a dog but it looks like a chocolate bunny to me.

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDonnaS

Was the bloody arrow really necessary? And why, pray tell, is the mortally wounded deer smiling?!

I realize beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but these cakes…these…cakes…I just can't even.

SuBee - Sign me up!

April 13, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

Wow to that first cake lol. Man I never knew they even had camo cakes and now I see why they shouldn't. 370 dollars for that one cake just blew what was left of my mind. Holy mackrel lol.

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

At least all the words are spelled correctly.

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Is the last one for a gay wedding?

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Deer #1 is evidently into some pretty violent S&M, hence his "hey, babe, cut me up, it turns me on!" smirk. It's like the Dish of the Day in Hitchhiker's - this deer WANTS to be hunted and is capable of saying so. with just his eyebrows!
I agree that on the last cake, the deer are getting married (or at least about to die together), the hunter is performing the ceremony. wedding-plus-dual-euthanasia? we're both terminally ill, but at least we can die happy! what a lovely ending...if only the cake weren't so ugly. maybe the grey-green icing represents the cancerous mass blighting their future?

rather begs the question, now there are countries with legal euthanasia, do people have "going away" parties like Windle Poons? I would definitely want a gorgeous cake for that. But what would you put on the cake? flowers? gothic lacework and skulls? a steamroller? please, someone, tell me what is appropriate here! are there any on the net? [a quick search reveals a lot of 'goodbye faithful pet' cakes] will we get a sunday sweets: death duties edition someday?

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAA

SuBee, it's a great idea, but it will only work if the cake decorator is able to recognise bad taste in a request. As this site makes clear, an awful lot wouldn't. That second cake isn't a special order: it's on display, and presumably is the wreckorator's idea of a fantastic cake that will attract loads of customers.

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Could that last cake be for the wake of a departed hunter?

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMusicmom0608

One of these camo cakes is not like the others. The first "The Hunt is Over" cake, at least looks like camouflage -- instead of some sort of multicolored septic-tank swirl. It's the only one of the bunch whose icing didn't make me hurk a bit in the back of my mouth.

@SuBee You go, Girl!

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

I am not sanguine about a marriage in which a shotgun-bearing bride drags her groom's body across the cake. Seriously, didn't anyone object to the "criminal bride" look?

April 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

That #3 - what a doozie! I've got it blown up really big trying to decide what everyone else is talking about- bride or dog, and real ammo. And then I back out and see that the cake is on some kind of crazy bird stand. It isn't a duck, what the heck is that supposed to be?!?!

April 15, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterakaye

First off, I think the first deer is smiling because he knows a) it's only a flesh wound, and b) he's not stuck on any of those other horrible cakes!!!

Secondly, I think ALL remaining inventory of that bride dragging the groom topper should be taken out back and SHOT!!!

April 18, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Cake number three is not a wedding cake. It has a duck hunter and a black lab as a topper. That is a duck with a camo hat for a stand. And while I don't endorse doing this, you can cut the brass ends off of used shot gun shells. I think there is a picture on the yellow layer, so it is probably a birthday or maybe grooms cake. I think it is the best executed of them all.
In a hunters defense(both I and my husband hunt deer and ducks) camo is a major wardrobe choice, but at both my wedding and my brother in laws wedding, camo cakes were ruled out early in the planning process everything else was camo except the cake! Camo cakes just look moldy(uck!).

June 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterwildduck

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