The War on Baby Showers
February 24, 2015 With all the scary C-section and jelly-soaked vagina cakes out there, I think we've lost track of what a baby shower cake SHOULD be.
;)
No, this isn't it.
C'mon, guys, what's wrong with a sweet, heartfelt sentiment?
;)
;)
Or a cutesy character?
;)
;)
(On the plus side, it's nice seeing chocolate curls used for something other than "down there hair." [shudder])
Ok, how about some baby accessories? You know, bottles and bows, pacifiers and... uh...
;)
...pee sticks.
Of course pee sticks.
Guess that beats putting the real thing on there, though - which, oh yes, people keep doing:
;)
Thanks for not jamming the business end into the icing, I guess.
::sigh::
Ok, fine. Go back to your belly and butt and vajayjay cakes, people. BUT KNOW THIS: someday you, too, could be told, "There's cake in the break room!" like poor Lynds here, only to find that THIS is what someone actually brought in to work:
;)
Clean up on aisle 3. Bring lots of brain bleach.
Thanks to Amanda S., Anony S., Rebekah D., Colleen F., Beka K., Corey, Nellie C., & Lynds for ensuring I will never eat a chocolate-sprinkled raspberry donut ever again.
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Reader Comments (52)
Brain Bleach? Gonna need eye bleach after that last one... What are people thinking? Bring that to work? oh my.
Just as an aside to this - the phrase to be knocked up has an entirely different meaning in the UK, stemming from days before alarm clocks when a 'knocker up' would be employed by a local business to go to workers' houses and knock on upstairs windows with a wooden pole in order to get them to work on time.
My mother found out the alternative US usage when creating a rather stony silence on her first night staying with friends in Ohio, when she asked her friend if her husband could knock her up in the morning before he left for work....
That last cake, people have no filter anymore.
Is that an elephant?
It IS actually possible for bakers to say "Ya know, I don't think that cake you want is something I want to attach my name to. Good Luck!" I've said it myself and I have talked people out of getting hideous disasters such as these. Oh well. <3
I'm not falling for that one again - that black censor strip can stay where it is, thus allowing my lunch to stay where it is too! Ugh...
That....last....cake...😖😵😨😳😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#4--An elephant? What?! Although it's better than that horrifying last one. Why would anyone do that? My Brian just can't handle that.
Who on God's green Earth thought putting a PEE STICK on a CAKE was a good idea???? More importantly, who is actually going to eat that cake???? Blech!
Y'know, I'm starting to be glad I was in the hospital (with premature twins) during my baby shower & thus didn't have a cake. That I saw.
Barbie hair and stuffed animals is bad enough. Putting an actual pee stick that was peed on ON THE CAKE??? I may never eat again.
I agree, you can turn down a job.... I have. I draw the line a genitals... UGH...
That last cake is the only way to make cake look unappetizing for me D: but I actually find the first one funny(cringes)
WHY THE PEE STICK IN THE CAKE????!!!! At the very least put the cap on the end.
RE The cake shaped like a pregnancy test- wonder if it was yellow cake. If you're going to be disgusting, you might as well go all the way.
Ugh! Coconut... bleh.
I wouldn't make that last cake at all. I would have to talk the customer out of it or send them elsewhere. But take it to work? Um, not a frosting bag chance in hell. I was embarrassed enough to bring a sculpted beaver cake to work (the furry, flat-tailed ANIMAL) and have one co-worker who sat next to me ask EVERYONE throughout the day if they had seen "Kim's beaver." Yeah, that was awkward. LOL
First cake: are those spermatozoids taking on a giant spermatozoid? Wow, I didn't science had got that far.
That last cake needs a much bigger censor bar.
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@ James Castle: Oh, I wish I could have seen her face! I've heard "ring them up" plenty of times, but this is a first for me!
@ DeeDee: You have "talked people out of getting hideous disasters such as these"??
Whose side are you on, anyway? =^~.~^=
Cake number five looks a lot like Kilroy.
Good to know the guy is still around.
The #2 cake isn't that bad, actually. I THOUGHT that #3 cake would be the worst, but then I saw the last cake!! Bad enough that anyone would request (and pay for) a cake like that, but bringing it in to work?!?!?! Brain bleach, indeed!
That last cake. I just can't even.
Which is more disturbing? The baby/monkey/creature on cake #4, or that it is apparently supposed to depict an infant holding a lighted candle?
That pee stick is clearly made out of sugar and fondant and whatnot. I mean, must be. Right? Right??? Riiiight?!?!?
@James ROTFLOL! I love those kinds of stories. :-)
@GrammarGracie: I don't think so....
After seeing tons of baby shower cakes depicting all sorts of love ovens with baby hads sticking out, I'm pretty much immune to the last one, and I guess I have Jen to thank for that.
So, let's talk pee stick. On a cake. Hands up: Who has taken a pregnancy test before? Now, hands up agian: who of those has managed to get not even a tiny drop of pee onto the plastic casing? *crickets*
Thought so. Now, I'm going to have a long talk on the porcellain telephone.
@James, I'm with Isabella -- love the story!
Did you warn your mom that rubbers are a totally different thing over here as well?!
You know, I totally get the idea that people are more casual these days, and people have been told to "lighten up" since the 1970s. Thus, adults wearing pajamas in the airport, slopping around in rags at weddings, whatever. But I'm sorry, I draw the line at the cutesy-wootsy-slimy-jelly-troll-head-in-a-vagina cake. I do have some standards.
To deb in atlanta, my brain can't handle it either. My commiserations to Brian.
Wow. Just...wow.
I work in an OB office, with a bunch of doctors who only have filters when they're seeing patients, so it's not like a vagina is going to weird me out...but that last cake is just wrong. Wrong, I say.
(It really is wrong--babies generally come out face down.)
Wow. That last cake must be REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLY bad to garner a black bar... I've seen what you've posted uncensored, Jen! O.O
Is that an elephant? Is Tonee an amputee? So many questions!
@James Castle--My mom had a reverse experience. She was 17 and staying with a family in England. The son around her age kindly offered to knock her up in the morning. I'd like to have seen her face!
Those are chocolate curls on the "elephant" wreck? Looked to me like coffee beans and chopped-up coffee beans. I'm so relieved. No. 2 wasn't so bad. The rest? TMI.
@Jodi - funnily enough, my sister made that same mistake with the same people. She was politely told, after saying to her host that she had bought some lovely perfumed rubbers shaped like fruit, "you know, we call them ERASERS over here...."
@James XD
You noticed that the elephant with the poop trunk cake is for a baby named Ruby Keeler, right?
And those last 2 cakes KILLED ME. What is wrong with people?
EWWWWWWW! Those are just...EWWWWWWWWW!
... "Gorthy" ?
That last one... Did she just give birth to Gollum?
The cake with the actual pee stick on it. You know those some with protective covers, RIGHT?
Y'know on the one hand those reeeeeeally line breaking cakes like the last one - I can see a baker refusing to do it - but would some weirdos be like "OMFG you're not going to make my crazy cake are you anti-baby?! You must be anti-baby! Boycott! Boycott!"
And then the Internet sees what they wanted to do and it's like "you're effin' nuts."
Someone may have already said this ... but the baby coming out of the vajayjay looks like golum from The Hobbit!
Sperm adorned with music notes attacking a giant balloon...That's what the first one looks like to me.
The first one actually looks like a frog to me. The rest of the cakes are just sad.
Of all the things to be grossed out by in this post, for Emily, it's the coconut! And I kind of love her for that.
That last one was in an office break room? That has to violate some human resources policy somehow! Wanna bet that company now has a rule that forbids employees from bringing cakes to the office?
@Kim S:
At least your co-worker didn't ask everyone if they had EATEN "Kim's beaver."
Cake #4 -- "well you see, honey, when Alice the Goon and Zippy the Pinhead love each other very, very much ... they got THAT cake."