Anything You Can Wreck, I Can Wreck Better
August 14, 2014 Brittany G. writes,
"A friend got a promotion a while back, so his team ordered a cake and asked the baker to draw a ladder with a stick figure climbing it, which said 'Moving On Up.'"
Instead, they got this:
;)
"One Wreck El Grande for... Brick Bee? Is there a 'brick bee' here?"*
Part of me reeeeally wishes there were little lattes drawn on the side. Also, gotta love that "one two punch" of a color combo, am I right? SO APPETIZING.
*That joke was for you, Alice.
;)
And please tell Phteven we said hello.
But wait, there's more!
The team was so inspired that they decided to make their own homage - and it. is. perfect.
;)
[stick figure applauding]
Thanks to Brittany G. & Kate S. for the Java errors.
*****
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Reader Comments (67)
Well, you're movin' on up
To the wreck side
For a nice skinny latte for stick guy
Movin' on up
To the wreck side
And now go get a piece of the "SKY"
Oh, and is anyone else enjoying the fact that now even the TITLES of the posts are song parodies? ;)
It has happened again. Cake Wrecks is under attack. A few short weeks ago Jen reported that some people on Twitter accused her and the site of “intellectual snobbery,” and just yesterday one JD complained that the comments are “…all poems and songs, etc.,” and implored the commenters to “Just post a comment for the love of Pete.” This kind of diatribe against those who enjoy what we commonly call humor here is not new. In fact, it is ages and ages old. Earlier this year I shared a lost Shakespearean manuscript where Shylock had less than kind things to say about us. Now, another historic document has surfaced. These are notes taken by Pliny, the Elder Elder, probably in preparation for a biography of Julius Caesar.
* * * *
Scene: Caesar approaches a restaurant.
Mark Anthony: Hail, Caesar!
Caesar: No. Mark, just a little rain.
(Caesar enters the restaurant)
Waitress: Hail, Caesar.
Caesar: No, just a light rain.
Waitress: Salad, Caesar?
Caesar: Yes, I think I’ll have the Caesar Salad.
Waitress: One Caesar Salad, Caesar, coming right up. Do you want the seasonal, Caesar Salad, Caesar, or the sea salt seasoned Caesar Salad, Caesar?
Caesar: The seasonal Caesar Salad, with just a smidgen of sea salt on a small sea shell on the side will be swell, thanks. Not the pink salt – I don’t want to be able to see the sea salt in the Caesar salad.
Waitress: We also have a new national salad, made with a new lettuce – the Roman Roamin’ Romaine salad.
Mark Anthony: I think I’ll have Caesar’s seasonal Caesar Salad, with a side of seasoning, sans sea salt.
Caesar: Mark, I’m getting older…I think my salad says will soon be behind me. But, now, lettuce begin our talks….
Mark Anthony: What troubles you, Caesar? You seem all a twitter.
Caesar: I have been besieged by bakers. There is this thing called Cake Wrecks that apparently involves intellectual snobbery when it comes to our cakes, for they continue to mock the work of our most prestigious bakers.
Mark Anthony: What say they?
Caesar: They scorn our liberal use of sprinkles. They boast of Fecal Friday, where they poo-poo our use of brown frosting. They mock the use of twigs and branches. Our leaning tiers bring tears of laughter to their eyes. They think our clowns are not funny. And they have Wreckies that make comments that add ridicule through the use of poems and parodies and haiku that brings them joy. They won’t stop, even though someone asked them to stop in the name of love. For some guy named Pete.
Mark Anthony: When did this start?
Caesar: It has been going on for a while. But it could not have been BC – Before Cake, so it must have started AD – After Dessert. Hmmm…our waitress keeps walking by with our salads like she forgot where we sat.
Mark Anthony: When the waitress come near, Caesar, seizer her, and seize our Caesar salads and seasonings. Tell me more about this Cake Wrecks and these Wreckies. Where are they located?
Caesar: They live all over, but their main camp is located in the midst of that sunny rap area known as Flo-Rida.
Mark Anthony: Isn’t that where that man went to find the Fountain of Youth?
Caesar: Yes, the same...unfortunately he died there…he was attacked by a large cat.
Mark Anthony: What happened?
Caesar: He walked by the big animal, and suddenly, pounce de lion….
Mark Anthony: Gruesome.
Caesar: No, he didn’t grow at all…just shrunk in fear and then died.
Mark Anthony: So, Caesar, tell me more about these Wreckies.
Caesar: The hang around a certain URL….
Mark Anthony: They’re in Russia? In the Ural Mountains?
Caesar: No. This has something to do with a thing called a computer, a thing I don’t understand. But I have found out this. Like Gaul, all Wreckies are divided into three parts, one of which are Writers who write what they call the blog, the Commenters, another, those who look but do not speak who are called Lurkers in their own language, the third. All these differ from each other in language, location and guffaws. The Web separates one group from another, and their own URL’s separate each within their group.
Of these, the Writers are the bravest, for they put forth each day the humors of their minds and hope they are well received. They are clever and witty, full of word play, and generate guffaws beyond belief. And even though they mock our bakers, truth be told, I’ve chucked a few time myself at some of old Barticus’ work.
The Commenters write what are called the Comments. Though they have been implored to just write simply, they persist in verbal revelry, encouraging laughter and who knows what else, and engage in assorted – and no doubt sordid – verbal shenanigans. They are cunning linguists, the Writers and the Commenters.
The Lurkers remain unseen, watching from afar, snickering and snorting and tittering. Sometimes one will make a comment, but mostly they just chortle in their joy.
Mark Anthony: We must fight them and then seize them, Caesar. I will ask the Royal Cartographer Gew Gell to make a map quest and give us directions. Do we want the scenic or the direct route, Caesar?
Caesar: I think the direct route, but perhaps the scenic route for the return. But how will we enter their village without being detected?
Mark Anthony: They like cake, so we will sneak in inside a cake. We will make a huge one, hide inside, and when they take us into the village we will pop out of the cake at night and surprise them. Sound familiar?
Caesar: No, it’s Greek to me.
Mark Anthony: I understand they are fond of faux phalluses on their cakes, so I thought we would appeal to their intellectual snobbery – or sense of humor, as they call it. We will make the cake shaped like a gigantic latex prophylactic!
Caesar: You’re a genius, Mark! A Trojan Cake!
(the notes end here….)
For the love of Pete: Funny post.
Love the on-purpose wreck!
@mel: Oh. My.
You have not come to paraphrase Caesar, but to parody him. Brilliantly.
Lurker gets to her feet, puts hands together and applauds thunderously and at great length. She is alone in her living room and feels slightly foolish, but never mind. Tribute must be paid to the genius that is Commenter Mel, a great shining light of the Cake Wrecks world.
Great Caesar's ghost, mel! I swear I might have actually stayed awake in class if I'd had someone as funny as you for a teacher! My favorite teacher had this one-liner: "Open the door, and income tax; open the window, and influenza!" (We always giggled. It's all in the delivery!) =^~.~^=
That’s A Latte
(with apologies and Amore to Dean Martin)
What’s that thing that you climb
To make the big time, that’s a latte
To the top you will go
You’re no cup a’ Joe, you’re a latte
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling
Ting-a-ling-a-ling, and you’ll sing “Venti bella”
And all your stick friends will say “Hey,
He’s just a mobile-y upward kind of fella!”
When your raise makes you drool
Have some pasta fazool and a latte
As you walk down the street
Now you’re light on your feet, promoted
You may think it’s a dream
But you know, you’re not dreaming signore
Scuzza me, can’t you see
No more shaken green tea, have a latte
What’s that thing that you climb
To make the big time, that’s a latte
To the top you will go
You’re no cup a’ Joe, you’re a latte
Hail, mel, those who are about to comment salute you...
Too long didn't read.
Maybe make it a movie?
Brad Pitt as Beefcake.
HA! Thanks for my morning laugh. This is great.
Sharyn, Mel, Haiku Joy, SuBee- brilliant as always!
Yes, Sharyn, I do enjoy the parody titles!
The best example I've ever seen of words-as-pictures is the "Sgt Buck Slasher" segment of Thomas Rockwell's The Portmanteau Book. The TANK has a TURRET and TREADS, and so on; Slasher has a CIGAR and a HELMET and FINGERs.
You win the internet today @mel,closely followed by @Sharyn. I stand in complete awe of your intellectual snobbery.
Bwahahahahahahaha@sharyn, mel and haiku joy XD do not EVER change your commenting style ever. As for the actual wreck, some people are 2 neurons short a monkey. The on purpose cake is hysterical XD
@Shekuse: See, you understand!!!
We get a story snippet (thank you mel); two songs (thank you Sharyn & mel); a one-liner (thank you sendingtheclowns); a poem (thank you Haiku Joy); and....AND...a Lurker leaving an AWESOME comment!
HA!!! In your face trolls....oh, um...sorry, where was I?
Oh, yeah, Great post and comments today folks...carry on!
Et tu, SuBee? (For best effect, pronounce that SuBay -- just this once...)
I'm currently standing in my office facing the easterly direction clapping and cheering for @mel. Gew Gell!!! HA!!! You're the bestest @mel!
@Joy ~ BP in Troy? Yes please!!!
Now my day will be spent humming @Sharyn's earworm with images of George Jefferson in my head.
Good news! My cousin's son was found and is safe!!!
TLC ~ Hugs to you my friend!
Molto bene! Multas gracias, Mel!
@Sharyn: thank you! you're very kind....
@Shekuse: Thank you so much for that standing ovation and humbling comment. But even more, thank you for taking the time to make a comment! I appreciate that and am happy that you enjoyed the post. And, whether you continue to comment or not -- lurk or play-- you are always a welcome part of the CW community every day! Thank you again!
@sendingtheclowns: lol.....
@SuBee: No, just a light rain....
@Sharyn and SuBee: thank you both for your encouragement...you were the first two commenters to comment on my posts and continued to do so -- waaaaay back when I started three plus years ago. See what you've unleashed....(senses both start working feverishly on a time machine.....)
Mel, you make my day every time you post.
Swarley, I got a cakewreck here for Swarley!
@mel--You astonish me! I could never write one of these, yet today you wrote TWO spectacular comments!
@Sharyn and SuBee--Love your comments today!
Also:
"For the love of Pete"
I mean, I _love_ Pete, but I'm not *in love* with Pete.
After a long, very busy day at work, this was exactly what I needed. Thanks, Jen, Sharyn, Mel, SueBee and everyone else, for the laughs! :D
Mel, I am another applauding you from where I sit. I don't know how you do it, nor Sharyn, SuBee or Haiku Joy. Most of the time I look at the wrecks and just hear crickets chirping...
Haiku Joy: I would rather Hugh Jackman. I never got the Brad Pitt thing at all.
@mel: Never! But I hear Theardare is working on an UnPun machine... I think we need to change his catnip again...
Ha! Love the cake parody cake wreck!
And yeah, the songs/etc. have gotten too long, and I just skip them now.
Can I use the choc cake with the ladders and the stick person as my facebook photo? It is hilarious!
Wow - that last one might be my new all-time fave!
As a "messy writer" myself I will defend the "Alizz". There is the A and l very clearly, but what happened on the i is that they drew the stick from the bottom up & then "smeared" the dot over to the beginning of the c, finishing with and out-of-whack/off-center "swish" for the e.
So really it's not all that bad, i.e. they didn't acually mean to write two z's, the c & e just got slurred into an unfortunate resemblance to z's. I'm sure my own handwriting is as bad or worse when I'm writing in a hurried, or even when writing in a "normal" manner. TBH I'm usually the only one who can accurately make out my own writing, and sometimes only because looking at the undecipherable squiggles triggers the memory of what I was writing at the time.
That being said, whenever I'm writing anything that is intended to be read by another person I take care that my writing is suitably legible.
So, the java is a case of hurried handwriting rather than an actual misspell, but the server should have used more legible writing anyway, as a courtesy to the customer.
If Pete was so lovable, he would understand our need for poetry, prose and haiku!
I have it on very good authority, from Robert Alien himself, that sometimes even parents mess up on spelling names, so I guess we should give the spellerds at bakeries and coffee shops a break!.
@Jodee: Oh, I'm so happy to hear/read about your wonderful news!!! Honestly, we don't have to "know" everyone to CARE. This much is true: we are real people. I feel that we do care about each other here, and I mean that with my whole heart!! That's it for me today; leaving before it starts "raining" ...=^~.~^=
That might be my coffee!! I don't know how they could have come so close to my last name when I never give it, but butcher Tami/Tammy every, single, time.
Another long time lurker, first time poster... keep doing what you're doing all!!
Haha! The comments were so brilliant today they pulled me out of *lurk mode* for the first time ever. Thank you all, so much, for making my days better. :)
The Portmanteau Book!! Yes! Great reminder up there in the comments. Also, Mel, is your last name Brooks?
Also: Mel, SuBee, Sharyn, Haiku Joy, and so many of the rest of your Pete-loving selves are so brilliant that the rest of us are laughing so hard, we can't think of anything to comment.
Jodee: So glad to hear about your cousin's son! So sorry to hear about your other cousin. Cancer is awful, and I will pray for your family.
TLC: Ditto what I just told Jodee about cancer. I hope that your friend is surrounded by loved ones.
Finding this site 3 years ago actually helped me through a very rough patch in my life, and now it's my go-to for a pick-me up whenever I am feeling down, or even when I'm just in need of some punny silliness. Jen and John (thoJ), thank you for creating this amazing community!
On a lighter note: it's somewhat dangerous to be on Cake Wrecks while at work, even when I manage to keep my maniacal laughter silent. You see, I work for a company whose name rhymes with "Cake Wrecks," and I almost answered the phone by saying, "Thank you for calling Cakewrecks" TWICE today. :-)
I tune in for the wrecks, but more so for the fantabulistic commentary, songs, poems, and so forth. Carry on!!!
Thank you! I was in awe at yesterday's negative comment, but I just didn't know what I could have typed that wouldn't have been censored by comment moderation. But I hope that today's comment is appropriately dumbed down to make everyone happy:) I guess I don't understand why anyone would want to read 50 "ha ha, that's funny" comments, don't change commenters, Jen or John (thoJ)!
I always love the comments from mel, sharyn and subee, but today you outdid yourselves, especially mel. Don;t pay any attention to pete, He's obviously a party-pooper.
After studying CakeWrecks for quite a while now I am beginning to be surprised that we EVER get a cake that is beautiful AND says what we want!
Another lurker has been yanked from the comfy comfort of her couch and out into the open by today's brilliant post and comments! I've been reading this blog for years and bought the book. After laughing at the absurd wrecks, I eagerly scroll down to see what gems await. So, thanks for the song parodies, face palms and my favorite: HaikuJoy's haiku's.
PS: This is my first time commenting on a blog or article of any kind. So, Yay, me!
I love you, Pete. And intellectual shrubbery.
VaBeach alemaP: No, thank YOU for thanking everyone...(this could go on & on)...
DragonFaery: Welcome to the wreckiness! I'm sure we all hope you'll have lots of better days. Stick around here, and you'll definitely get some laughs--and who couldn't use more of those?
Jodee: SO happy about your good news~yay!!
mel: I second what Amy wrote (Hi, Amy!).
That's it for me; I'm outta here before I start hearing "Kumbaya" in my head; that one's not so much an "earworm" as it is a "head boa constrictor".... =^>.<^=
Wow, pink birds! ;)
The tribute cake makes me think of the graphics that say one color and are printed in another: for instance, "green" printed in yellow letters. Like this.
Jodee, so glad about your cousin's son!
Rachel CrazyMom, I actually have zero preference for how most living male celebrities look. "Brad Pitt" fit the syllable count I needed. :-)
Yet another lurker peeks out of her cave to join the ovation to talent. Thank you for making the world smarter and funnier.
I am an Occasional Commenter. @Mel, I am all kerflumpt and teary eyed from your wonderful parody AND song! Next you'll need to write a haiku to completely pi$$ off JD! Maybe then they will slither back from whence they came.
@mel: Sheer brilliance. I Romaine amazed. Lettuce once again applaud your talents.
@Jodee: Great news about your cousin!
My friend Kay passed away this morning at about 8:30 am Central time. She is finally at peace, out of pain, and living a better life. Her memorial service will be Aug. 28. Please keep the laughs coming. I am the "funeral coordinator" for this (for lack of a better term) and will need them! Thanks for all your love, support, hugs and good wishes. They are very much appreciated!