Monday
Jun092014
Coulda, Woulda, HECK NO
June 9, 2014 Everyone knows contractions are a part of having a baby, but it looks like they're part of having a baby shower, too.
For example:
What's?
;)
How'd?
;)
Why'd?
;)
Can't.
;)
Won't.
;)
Shouldn't.
;)
Wouldn't.
;)
Couldn't.
;)
And, of course...
Oh. No. You. Didn't.
;)
On second thought, never mind. I don't want sprinkles...
Thanks to Jani H., Anony M., Emily R., April H., Addie, Amanda A., Sarah L., Lea B., & Bethel for the "special" deliveries.
*****
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Reader Comments (46)
somedays, there are no words... this is one of those...
Wow. Everyone of those cakes makes me even happier that I'm going in today for a hysterectomy. I will never have to worry about being presented with such atrocities. :)
The blue cupcakes are what the carrot jockeys fell off and landed on.
That last one is in bad taste, but I wonder what it would actually taste like?
That barbie water birth one could have been so much worse...I'm grateful for the restraint because the result is hilarious instead of horrifying.
Why are there butterflies attacking the poor baby's butt? WHY?????
"Cletus the Fetus" really takes the cake (sorry for the bad pun). Especially when you remember Cletus from the Simpsons.
OMG that last one-there could be NO reason to make such a cake D:
I don't want sprinkles. Ever again. O.O
"Cletus the Fetus"... please tell me that we're seeing a reflection of the headless doll, and not a puddle of amniotic fluid.
Ah - a water birth. Ok, that is so much better than what I had thought it was. Still a wreck though, of course.
Does anyone else see the face-down baby on top of the blue frosting cupcake with a thought bubble above it with "Nom! Nom! Nom!"?
No? Just me? Ok, nevermind.
MY EYES!!
Yeah, these are all terrifying.
If you want that last cake without sprinkles, just make sue to specify "Brazilian Style" on the order form!
Cake 2, Why is that baby stuck to a cake with a Spidey web?
Barbie baby water birth...Whoa, that baby is VERY premature. But Barbie is super excited about it! Perky in fact.
Face plant in the blue frosting cupcake...now that's funny right there.
The face of the pink cookie baby will haunt me for. the. rest. of. my. life.
Cletus the Fetus...Wow, those are some ruffly lady bits! Is she part jelly fish or something?
Personally, I myself think the Barbie bath birth one is quite clever. And the writing on Dominic's cake is certainly well done...
The baby at the bottom of the cupcake picture has apparently tired of being humiliated and has shuffled off the mortal coil, as it is floating face down in the ocean of blue icing.
Oh man, the face down baby on that one cupcake looks like it's drowning. :-(
To be fair, the one with the sonogram is probably exactly what the person ordering the cake asked for...
Why are some of the babies on the cupcakes face down? Are they drowning in their personal pools?
Does the "Cletus the Fetus" box have...well...what is that clear plastic thing taped to the top corner (appears to be taped down with the "Cletus the Fetus" sticker)? It looks like a condom. Please tell me it's not a condom. For the love of all that is holy, please tell me that is not a condom.
The first one understandably causes confusion, as it is not a portrayal of a human baby. No, that is a fine example of the rare Pink Curly-Top Owl, being welcomed by a zoo.
My jaw kept dropping closer and closer to the table the whole time. There was nowhere for it to go on the last one. Unbelievable.
If I ever have a baby boy, I'm gonna call him Cletus the Fetus throughout his life.
I'm sorry, but the babies drowning in blue poo had me laughing.
My neck hurts from turning my head from one side to the next.
Sadly, it didn't help......
In regard to cakes 4 and 8: I do not find it appetizing to cut into and eat a cake that looks like a baby. Especially if the baby looks like a cadaver.
Why was the baby decapitated? :( I don't get it.
Those are just.......so wrong.
Barbie in the birthing pool- that's absolutely hilarious!
Sometimes I think the comments on here are funnier then the actual cake pics! These cake were just scary!!!
I’m sorry, but I’m laughing so hard at the fifth cake, which I believe is a depiction of Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins in a scene from that classic film “Blue Lagoon,” that I can’t write anything else…..
Maureen> At seeing the baby facedown in the cupcake, my first thought was "Aw, poor baby." I like your caption much better.
I also wonder if the mother-to-be is a fan of Nirvana's debut album.
Is the water birth baby Pinocchio in mid-lie? Yes? No?
Major head tilt on the first one. I really tried, but I can't figure it out. The owl face, the weird poky "ears". The pink bubble, um, brains, and the most baffling is that top knot emblem thing. Or is that another pair of plastic baby booties? A real conversation piece.
HURK
I thought the little baby boy wrapped in the loosely crocheted garment was cute. Not edible, of course, but cute. The name bracelet and safety pins were very well done - I imagine the bottle was plastic.
That last cake was just sick - especially with the headless torso presiding over the emergence...
I like the way some of cupcake babies are being drowned in lakes of blue icing.
That's probably sparing them a lot of grief.
Oh. My. Goodness.
Need. Eye. Bleach.
They were pretty funny until the last one.
Once upon a time, there was a baby zombie owl bear who left her native pink truffula forest, where she had always been welcome, and set off to visit the seashore. Just as she found the perfect place to perch and sun her pretty exposed pink brains, a strange sight met her fixed, unblinking eyes. "What's this?" she asked, peering down at the hands, feet, and face which peeked out of the blue coral in a nearby tide pool. "How'd you get there? You don't look very comfortable"
"Why'd you say that? I'm better off than Ruffles and Lady over there," said the coral-covered child, nodding at what the owl-bear baby had originally assumed was a pile of seaweed and octopus parts, with a few bewildered butterflies. Her horror deepened as she saw one bug, as pink as her own pretty brains, fly from there to land on what she suddenly saw wasn't just an oddly round rock or a giant's chocolate breath mint. (She had known a giant once who favored such things, so the mistake had been understandable.) The coral-child followed her gaze and nodded wisely. "Can't complain compared to them. But if you really want to know my story, I'll tell you."
The baby owl-bear nodded, tearing her eyes away from those sites and refocusing on the coral child.
"Won't keep you waiting, then. You see, my mother, who was never one for modesty, had this great idea for an outdoor water birth. Unfortunately, she chose a tide pool where the tides were just a little too wild. One minute I was bobbing there with her, wondering why the water was so cold and where the milk was, and the next... Hey, are you listening? You look a little confused. I could start the story even earlier, before I got out, if that would help."
"Shouldn't be necessary," she said, pulling her attention back. In truth, the coral's resemblance to brains was making her just a little bit hungry - even baby zombies need to eat sometimes. But she did want to hear the story, so she nodded again.
"Won't do that, then. Anyway, one minute I was the there, and the next - whoosh! Swept away from pool to pool, bobbing and splashing and just trying to keep my head up without getting tangled in these things that looked like big blue bows. Couldn't do it, though. I held my breath for as long as I could, but the bow-coral got me in the end, and tied me up here. It's not all bad, though. Mommy still brings me a bottle, and sometimes she even remembers to put it where I can reach it. Now, what's wrong with you? Your brains are looking a little pale."
"I think I just heard the worst birth story ever," hooted the owl-bear with a shudder.
"Oh, no, you didn't... Have you met my friend Cletus?"
... And after that, the baby zombie owl bear ran away screaming, and was never seen sunning her brains on the seashore again.
The End
I say kill all of these with fire and then try and clear the mind with some brain bleach lol. That last one I can never unsee and neither can my hubby who peeked over here to see why I was going eww. Thanks wreckerators for traumatizing my poor hubby who just got home from work.
TLC why on earth wouldn't you be able to cut into a cake shaped like a baby? We all cut into and eat cakes shaped like everything else quickly enough!
maybe I am confused but I dont get # 3. What the heck is it? Why does it look like 2 penis's on it? Does that mean that the Mom is not sure who the Daddy is? #8 looks constipated. Of course it could be the lack of oxygen from the plastic wrapper. And the last one...... I will NEVER eat sprinkles again. Also I live in the south, so the chances of meeting a Cletus is high and I will have to work on not heaving when I do meet one! Major Ewwwwww on this one for sure
@Seabird ~ Well done!
I think that is a condom on the upper left of the box Cletus the Fetus sign. And I thought the rest of it was bad. However, I'm guessing the couple is having a good laugh over it!
The Barbie one is just too hilariously bad.
I'm worried about the baby in #7 that's floating face-down. The naked babies were already a bad idea, but having a drowning baby? Seriously inappropriate!
#9 might be the most worst "birth" cake I've seen yet; sticking the headless doll body on top just takes it to a whole new level of disturbing.
@SaraV Nirvana's first album was Bleach actually, back in '89, Nevermind which was their 2nd is definitely the most iconic though.
Appropriately enough, their 3rd album was called In Utero, which is where all these cakes should have stayed.
I thought the pink one (#8?) was kinda cute. Then I read the comments and someone referred to it as a cadaver. That definitely put me off my feed. With regard to Cletus, Jen has more graphic ones than that showing the actual "emergence" of the baby. Check the archives.
That second to last one scares my friend she has officialy deemed it "gingerbread baby" and I randomly send it to her through out the day :)