Sweet Dreams
March 26, 2014 As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.
[hem ahem hem]
*whispering*
Once upon a time...
there was a baby who was very sleepy.
;)
The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:
;)
Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!
One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!
And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.
;)
But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.
;)
They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.
Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!
And so, plugging his little ears, he did.
;)
But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:
;)
Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.
I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.
And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.
;)
But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.
***The End***
Now, who wants seconds?
;)
(By the fabulous Leigh Henderson)
Amanda K., Alice N., Mary, Katherine L., Amanda H., Sydney F., Sarah V., & Eden C., sleep tight.
*****
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Reader Comments (57)
Well, thank you very much. I am sure that sleep is now guaranteed to evade me. (That was delightfully horrifying)
AHHHHHHHHHH! *pant, pant* AHHHHHHHH!
That was FABULOUS!!!
Now, a song...
Rock-a-bye baby, in an eggshell
Your demon friends will see you in Hell
When you're a bug, big monsters you'll call
They will eat baby, feelers and all.
Rock-a-bye baby, plug those ears -- PLOP!
But Mr. Bubbles' nose just won't stop
Burrow deep down in the buttercream
And Mr. Monkey won't hear you scream.
That last horrid, nightmare inducing, disturbingly-accurate-yet-creepy-as-all-get-out cake perhaps could serve well for the new Planet Of The Apes installment, Rise Of The Apes. *shutter*
Thanks for the nightmare(s) that I will be having tonight.
What a charming story...
I think Mr. Bubbles it the joker's cousin.
Need eye bleach!
AAAAUUUGGGHHHH D:
Excuse me, but I
seem to have lost my eyeballs.
May I be excused?
No wonder you have insomnia.
I think Mr. Monkey is undead...or a pet of the black-eyed children...
http://youtu.be/JMZ8yJQaBT8
Very soothing and relaxing. Until we get to the second sentence.
Oh lord, Sharyn, you just took it to a whole new level of creepy!! I can just imagine that in a soft sing-song of disembodied children's voices.
Aw Jen,
And you said there wouldn't be anymore books! I think you need to get your publisher on the phone, you've got the next Good Night Moon here.
Bwah ha ha ha ha! Mr. Bubbles and his chainsaw!!! Bwah ha ha ha ha!! *Shudder*
First last week's clown cake, and now Mr. Bubbles and the monkey from hell. I'm never gonna sleep again.
*Assumes fetal position under her desk*
Among the many disturbing features of that baby in the first cake, its oversize head is possibly the most disturbing.
It's the Monkey Troll!!! Auggghhh! Run away!!!
Lovely lullaby, Sharyn! Let's all gather around and whisper-sing it together, as we tuck today's offerings in for a nice, looong nap~~at the local garbage dump. I'll bring the dead flowers. Rot ON!! =^x.x^=
So many disturbing images. Those "legs" on #7 just make me think of bandage wrappings on a burn victim, and then I just want to cry. So unsettling.
I may never sleep again. And thanks, Sharyn - I'm going to sing that to my daughter tonight. Because if I can't sleep, she shouldn't be allowed to sleep either.
After years of daily visits to CW here, I have learned that when I open the page, if I can't see the first photo, to WAIT...and read the caption, the description and witty banter before scrolling down to the first wreck-oto...I have HOWLED with laughter on this site, been frightened by creepy clowns and puzzled over illegible frosting scribbles. I have NEVER, until today, scrolled down and shouted "AAAAHHHHH!!!!!" as the first cake is revealed. That is one creepy baby, also...that monkey...if I believed in hell, that monkey would be Hell's chief of staff.
-shuddering- I'ma need me some comforting hot cocoa now.
I chuckled at Sharyn's song, and then Amanda H had to go and mention...
DISEMBODIED CHILDREN'S VOICES!</I>
[of Doom!]
*cries softly*
That was one of the most disturbing posts I've seen in a while. That baby ladybug cake was kind of a shame, the decorator actually seems quite talented...
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! I have just been re-disturbed! I scrolled up and caught a look at the monkey's extremely creepy FINGER FEET!!!
The first one is now currently at the top of the "Creepy Kid Cake" list! Thanks to this blog that I even have a "Creepy Kid Cake" list...
That last one made me really, truly, gasp in horror.
Terrifying.
Those were terrifying, actually. I think Steven Moffatt might be able to use them as Doctor Who villains.
Oh dear that was terrifying. I'll never sleep again!
Can't sleep, cake is going to eat me...
@Haiku_Joy, that is a masterpiece! Unlike the horrifying monstrosity that is Egg Baby. I don't even have words strong enough to describe Leg Baby.
I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful. I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.
Oh my goodness. And this right after I got finished reading the '2 sentence horror stories' thing. I'm never sleeping again!
And to think I thought the baby was bad. Getting flashbacks to the monkey! :O
So...a pitch for the next season of American Horror Story?
Thanks for the baby shower cake ideas! I've been roped into more shower cakes than I care to bake in the next two weeks... this should solve the problem!
(have to add.... way... way.. creepy. I can't stand the "baby" baby shower cakes... who wants to eat an infant's foot?)
I've never liked scary movies, but this was worse. That's got to be the creepiest baby I've ever seen.
Hooray (I think): one of my submissions made it in! The monster melting ladybug horror comes to you all the way from Istanbul, proving you'll never know where you'll find a cake wreck.
First cake: I'm sorry, that baby looks like an unborn fetus to me. Waxy-colored and just...not...alive. Like someone fished it out of a jar of formaldehyde.
Second cake: Looks like someone covered road-kill with shaving cream.
Third cake: An example of the vicious flesh-eating Amazonian giant beetle, which has captured an infant and eaten all except (so far) the head.
Fourth cake: Godzilla and Mothra's friend, Beetle-Yo, on its way to destroy Tokyo. The cheesiness and obvious fakery of the costume is what makes Japanese ick-flicks so endearing.
Fifth cake: For some reason, "Hot Pockets" keeps coming to mind. Or maybe Pop Tarts. Mmmm...tasty!
Sixth cake: I saw this guy once, back in the 60's...after smoking some weird herbs. He was floating through the pine trees, humming quietly in a falsetto voice. Wow. Flashbacks...
Seventh cake: Obviously the scene of a horrible and fatal accident. Whatever reason caused the baby's feet to be wrapped in masses of gauze bandages, the efforts fell by the wayside when Mister Bubbles used his chainsaw to cut off the upper torso. Oh no, Mister Bubbles!
Eighth cake: If any monkey's gonna fling poo...this one is certainly it. The toes are particularly creepy. They look like nasty, pink leeches suckling at the monkey's feet. Ick.
If ever a collection of cakes needed knifing, these are they. Knife them until they can't scare me any more....please....especially the ghastly monkey that brings back all kinds of childhood fears....please, fetch a knife....
"Maaaaawwwwwmmmmmmmmmeeeeeee! The mean lady on the interwebz is scaring me again!"
If only I could send Clutch the Bear to pelt you with a cake. You wouldn't be interested in attending a Houston Rockets game wearing an opponent's jersey, would you? *evil grin* ;)
Long time snortler, first time commenter. Hello.
That is disturbing. And not in a good way.
Keep up the good work.
OH, how sweet!! Scary Monkey wants to eat my face!!
How high will my electricity bill be when I leave all the lights on in my house??
"No, sweety. Mommy can't turn off the lights, because Jen showed her the monkey. Sorry."
The only way that monkey could be scarier is if he had wings and worked for the Wicked Witch. Imagine that think with wings!
Congratulations, Jen!
You are soooo much scarier than Stephen KIng. I have not been this creeped out since Pet Sematary. I will make my husband check under the bed for Mr. Monkey before I go to sleep tonight. And in the closet. Never forget the closet. Look out for those finger toes sticking out from under the dirty sock pile.
Like @VBeach Alemap, I have learned my lessons about scrolling before reading. When I came here today,I had just finished dealing with a hacked website emergency for the past 24 hours, so I'm very tired and a bit loopy. When I saw the word "baby", I almost didn't scroll down. And then. . . .creepsville.
Cake no. 3 would be very cute if it were an actual ladybug. It could give a few lessons to cake no. 4.
Cake no. 6: If anyone wonders why some people are terrified of clowns, show them this. 'Nuf said.
Cake no. 7 was fine until the . . . . appendages. I know babies are wrinkled, but they aren't born with their socks falling down.
And Mr. Monkey: Truly terrifying. Especially the back-from-the-dead finger feet. I'm going to send this to the support tech who helped me get out of the hacking mess with the subject line: "Who's tired of this monkey business?" And then he, too, can scream in terror.
I'll never sleep again!
Am I the only one who thinks the monkey cake looks like one of the goblins from Troll 2? No? It's just me?
Baby has kankles.
I don't understand all these cakes that look like babies. As creepy as they look right now, they will look infinitely creepier after they have been partially dismembered...err, I mean sliced up to eat. Who wants to eat a chunk of baby head??
@Jennifer- Totally agree. I'm a hardcore Whovian and want this to happen.
Is it just me or is that monkey covered in maggots?
Ohhhh why don't I ever listen to my inner voice warning me not to click the link lmao. Now to try and clear my mind of the scary wrecks by looking at Sunday Sweets.