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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Nov212014

Friday Favs 11/21/14

(Warning: Mildly naughty stuff ahead)

Some of my favorite new submissions this week:

 

For Lori's 30th birthday her friends thought it would be cute to get her a "2nd quinceañera" cake - quinceañera being the popular Latin American celebration of a girl's 15th birthday.

Now, Lori's baker may not know how to spell "quinceañera," but darned if she isn't a wiz with Hooked on Phonics:

Go on. Read it aloud.

RIGHT??

See, now I want to call up this bakery and order something in Klingon, just to see what I get.

****

 

The trouble with naming your child Clint:

O.0

****

 

Never fear, Faith's clown hat is here!

****

 

I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but some bakeries are already gearing up for the most politically correct time of the year:

Peace on earth. Goodwill toward non-gender-specific beings.

 

Oh! But you know what's NOT genderless?

This soccer team's cake:

Q: What's that shooting out from the tip?

A: I dunno, but I do know this:

"He shoots, he scooooores!!"

 

Thanks to Lori B., Ryan C., Ben W., Lori M., & Amanda M. for a real blast.

*****

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Reader Comments (43)

Are you sure that first cake wasn't made to celebrate a Jewish holiday? I kind of remember getting the day off for Kintzing Yedda back when I was teaching in NYC. I believe it celebrated the weaving of straw hats after the harvest.

You totally got me with Clint's cake. I was absolutely sure it was going to have a different inappropriate word piped onto it.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The first cake just about recreates the noise I made when I scrolled down to the next one. How could they not notice? How? Poor CLINT...what a difference a couple of millimetres makes.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

How do thes e people remember to walk and breathe

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

SuBee beat me with the Yiddish!
(and the inappropriate word… are we related?)

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I wonder what the "SFW" stands for on the first cake?

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Vegan Genderless Gingerbread Figures!?!?!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even Gingy for Shrek would cringe of that name!

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Of *course* the organic genderless ginger-things are vegan. Cue the eye roll.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobynR

Does that first one say Kintzing Yedda SFW?! Nice to know that even if it's misspelled, it's safe for work. Unlike poor Clint's cake.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlokispeaks

I completely lost it when I read the "Clint" cake. Normal breathing has now resumed, but my face is still streaked with dried tears. There are a couple of people I have met who should really have that cake given to them every year...

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMinkybink

TOO funny!! I think that even "CLINt" was probably laughing while he was trying to blow out those candles! (See how all of the flames are breezing sideways?) Besides, I think he was old enough to get a kick out of it, himself. I'm not exactly sure how old he was, though; every time I tried to count the candles, I started giggling again and lost count, so I gave up. He probably has that photo framed and on a wall, and laughs at the memory every time he sees it! I know I would! We should ALL be so wruckly (wrecked+lucky)! =^~.~^=

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Count me in among those who thought it was a Jewish Holiday! As for poor, poor C L I N T I was thinking of another four letter word, just as bad as the one they piped.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachelCrazyMum

I've got to remember that... Organic Genderless Gingerbread Figures. Because Gingerbread Men is just too last-century.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKay

Can someone explain the "'SFW" at the end of the Quinceañera cake? Am I reading it correctly?

I had the same expectation as some of you others for poor Clint's cake. I guess Wrecked minds think alike.

Gingerbread "figures"? Has "cookie" become politically incorrect? Does this mean Chinese restaurants will have to start serving "fortune figures"?

As for the last cake... That's called "getting your rocket off"! It appears to be [nocturnally] emitting some sort of energy waves. They must be pretty powerful; just look at how they've deformed the poor "Maintain" Top Rockets' ball!

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLian

I suppose it goes without saying that the vegan ginger-figures are also nut free.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Saw the Clint cake on George Takei's Facebook page yesterday. Some Clints confessed that they had done this themselves.

I really want to meet the person who insisted that "gingerbread men" be changed to "genderless gingerbreaf figures." This could be an interesting coversation.

Last cake: Overheard at the party: "You had a great season. Did you have fun?"
"Yep, we had a BALL!!!!!"

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

SFW shooting fireworks maybe? That would explain what is coming out of the rocket? Dang decorators call before if you don't understand the order. Get it right the first time or train your crew better.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

@jackwire: "nut free"--Good one!

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I love the genderless gingerbread figurines. I laughed far too hard. :)

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

The last cake reminds me of a song "In Too Deep" by Canadian punk rock band, Sum 41...win, wink!

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNetasha

My first thought with the gingerbread figures: "Boy some people can take the fun out of anything!" On the other hand, the bakery is getting people to pay $2.50 a cookie. So I guess they get the last (politically correct) laugh. Maybe I will back up some genderless gingerbread figures for our local "Winter" Farmer's Market.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRose

I think Kintzing Yedda SFW IS the Klingon word for quinceañera. B'Elanna Torres had one but it kinda sucked because she was hoping her deadbeat dad would show up.

Clint could be messed up in at least two ways, the other being to leave out a letter. That's what happens if you're name rhymes with a female body part.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Reminds me of a Christmas party a few years back after a bout of local issues with political correctness. Someone brought multi-ethnic, gender-neutral, ginger-bread persons for their cookie. Then they realized they had failed at the political correctness as they ate the differently-abled ones and their amputated appendages at home rather than bringing them with the others to the party.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

"See, now I want to call up this bakery and order something in Klingon, just to see what I get." DO IT.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I think classic gingerbread contains molasses, thus making the resulting cookie brown? I think this bakery lost something in its politically correct quest; these are all Caucasian.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersvf

The genderless figures make me want to whip up a batch of cookies based on the Greendale Human Beings.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I want to see the bakers of the last two cakes have a little talk - the politically correct ginger people having a nice chat with the rocket cake makers, telling them why they are no longer going to be working for their shop. "You see... our customers are the sensitive type...." And that where "Clint" walked in and things got ugly...

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

$2.50 for a cookie? Ridiculous!

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSalina

At last!! At long last! I shall now be able to remember how to pronounce kintzing yedda!

I don't think anyone "forced" the bakery to declare their figures genderless. I suspect they knew full well what they were doing, and were hooting it up there in the back. "Let's see who gets riled! Five bucks says it's the guy who complains every year there's no meat in his mincemeat pies!"

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternanalettie

@jackwire. - so glad that you did say it because I would have missed that fine point.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

@pikkewyntjie: I haven't laughed so hard at a comment in weeks. Poor B'Elanna.

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlenxa

Thanks again, Jen. A good, hearty swallow of my perfectly acceptable Chardonnay is on my screen because I spit it out laughing at your post. Happy Friday to all and to all a good night!

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I'm vegan and my kidlet identifies as non-binary trans. Zie'd get a kick out of a genderless gingerbread while I'd simply be happy to eat one I didn't need to make first. The price would be hard to swallow though.

As for poor Clint. I agree that was not the word I'd expected and how the hairy heck did that decorator not notice o.O

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Oh, what a difference a serif "I" can make. I hope Clint got a good laugh out of it! As for the last cake, I had to tell my husband it's the cake he deserves since I'm due pretty soon! LOL

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the Organic Genderless Gingerbread Vegan Figure!"

November 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjuice318

Lol poor Clint. Makes me wonder if Clint Eastwood ever got a cake like that and if so how long it took the wreckerator to get the heck out of town before he got a hold of them lol.

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

That gingerbread figure was totally meant to make the customer laugh. I know I did, and these issues are important to my family. Michelle: I have two non-binary offspring who use the singular "they", plus a grandbaby who is "they" until they are old enough to request a different pronoun/identity.

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermumshie

That isn't even ginger. :( Genderless sugar cookies?

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSueT

I was actually excited by those genderless cookies. I think it's a fun idea, and I'm sure my non-binary friends would be amused as well.

What's bizarre to me is the assumption that people who come up with things like 'genderless gingerbread cookies' are doing so because they're terrified. It could just be they're making products for non-binary people and allies, and are quite happy to do so.

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered Commentergreenwick

I actually love the gingerbread figures! But then again, I could be considered a feminist killjoy... ;)

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

Once upon a time, 2 persuns lived together in a union of equality and mutual respect. The fact that one was male and the other female has no bearing on the story. Their union would have been equally valid had they both been male, or both been female. It is simply historical fact. They were happy, but felt like something was missing in their union. No matter how many spirited games of "Soccer" they played, the male partner's differently abled sperm were not able to score, and the female partner never felt the blessings of a "bun in the oven."
So they decided that they would try to make a child out of cake. Soon the smell of warm gingerbread filled their small, but equally adequate, dwelling. "Finally, our happiness is complete," said the female partner, and opened the oven door. Out popped the gingerbread figure, and it ran right out the door. As it ran away, it could be heard to say, " Fly like Owl. Bounce like Tigger. You CAN catch me because I'm the Genderless Gingerbread Figure, and I won't run too fast, just fast enough for you to feel accomplishment when you catch me, but not so fast that you fail and experience low self esteem."
Well, the mature male partner of the above mentioned union ran and did catch the gingerbread figure. But what he felt was not accomplishment, but dismay. "What a little clint," he said to his partner. "We wasted precious, but renewable and sustainably grown, resources creating this independent being, but it has no nuts. It will never survive in this cruel world."
The femal partner agreed. Seeing as how they were currency and calorie challenged, they decided to eat the figure. It was delicious. Soon they had a successful cottage industry, baking and selling gingerbread figures for $2.50 at the fair-trade market in the nearby village. They were so successful that they were able to retain the services of a local guild of little people, whose mineral extraction operation had been shut down by the Sierra Club. They paid them a fair and livable wage to fly their products by helicopter to remote markets.
Soon they were rich. Yes, I know, but there's no other way to say it. They sold their enterprise to the little people (whose family name happened to be Keebler), and moved out of their cottage, which now seemed to be entirely small and inadequate. They moved to a 10,000 square foot Tudor Revival on the other side of the tracks, and filled the closets with Louis Vuitton bags and the garage with expensive and perfectly impractical sports cars.
And they lived happily ever after.

November 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

I still think that mel and jackwire could be related.
That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it...as half-baked as this cookie (myself) might appear.
=^~.~^=

November 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

So was that SFW supposed to be "Safe for Work" or "So F'ing What" If it's the second, I find it amusing the at the backer decided to have an opinion on the Kintzing Yedda.

November 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaraJF

Between jackwire's hilarious story and LaraJF's "So F'ing What", I'm just dying!

July 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

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