T.A.R.D.I.C.E
August 21, 2013 In May of 2008, a secret program was formed to combat the rapid proliferation of wrecked cakes. The program was dubbed "Theme and Reality Distortion in Cake Experiment," or T.A.R.D.I.C.E.
A team of highly-trained Cake Lords was dispatched, each assigned to a specific genre of wreck:
Dr. Who?
;)
Charged with finding out why so many cakes are made for unidentifiable recipients.
Dr. What?
;)
Seeking to decode the weird messages that get piped on cakes every day.
Dr. When?
;)
Assigned to investigate temporal anomalies.
Dr. Where?
;)
Alternate Universe or bad spelling? He decides.
Dr. How?
;)
Determining how the structure of cakes failed, and how they stayed upright in the first place.
Dr. Why?
;)
Responsible for explaining the reasoning behind the inexplicable.
(Seriously. Two nuns. On a wedding-like cake. Encircled by cookies. Supported by gilded cherubs. I hope Dr. Why comes up with a reason P.D.Q.)
and
"Jen"
;)
Their leader, a shadowy figure who coordinates their efforts and decides what information to release to the world, and when.
Timely thanks to Wendy G., Tracey C., Ashley M., Michelle W., Susan D., and Monique R., for helping us realize resistance is futile -- and really, really boring.
Reader Comments (82)
@Haiku Joy ~ I love you mostest ;-) Thanks for the updates! Perchance is that moon dust?
@Sharyn ~ You're my hero!
@Sharyn: Excellent job, as always.
@Melanie: I've seen the show a few times (due to having a 4-year-old niece), so I should have noticed those characters, but they totally escaped me until I saw your comment. Great eye!
I spy a boobie cake! (#3)
Um, it's not just me that sees the giant mammary there, right?
The cake with the apparent nuns on it is actually an homage to Sister Mary Marzipan and Sister Beatrice Buttercream, patron Saints of Inept Bakers (affectionately known as the SIBs), members of the Order of Ocular Impaired Decorators, led by founder Father Fondant. Their assistance is celebrated bicentennially during the Feast of Frosting. At that time, inept bakers gather from far and wide to a secret location and prepare the cited cake. The three layers of the cake, as you would imagine, represent the three layers of ineptness often found among the decorators. Those who are most inept are charged with decorating the bottom layer, and it shows, while the lesser of the inept take on the top two layers, in order of ascending ability. Each baker decorates a little house-like cookie, representing their bakery, and affixes it to the appropriate layer, sometimes using super glue (though that is discouraged). As you can see by the relative sameness of the houses, creativity is in short supply, and often avoids the celebration altogether.
The cherubs represent the miracle it’s going to take for the bakers to continue to find support for their work, given their almost universal tendency to produce anything short of a Wreck. That they are standing on one leg shows the strength of the miracle needed; in some not-so-bad years they are on both feet.
The color red is insignificant, and is merely the color of which they happen to have to most. (In an interesting side note, it has never been brown.) You may have noticed that there is one house on the top of the bottom layer – off to the right – and next to it is what appears to be a lion. This is an honorary position give to the decorator who almost made it to the next layer. The animal is really a dog, and is a little baker humor, signifying that that decorator is almost out of the doghouse, decorator-wise.
The little silver balls represent absolutely nothing, and are merely indicative of surplus decorating supplies. (On another interesting note, given the decorators predilection for sprinkles, they have never been used.)
I hope this has been helpful.
@Jeremy: Awww, that was sweet. Huge fan, myself. Such crazy genius...!
Dr. Why, thank you in particular for explaining the cherubs. It all makes sense now.
Definitely resistance is futile. I find myself here every day.
@Cyndi ("Um, it's not just me that sees the giant mammary there, right?")~It MIGHT have been, but it's not NOW. Thanks for nubbin--I mean, nothing...I must say, though, having given that one another look, I now see what looks like a smoke detector. IF it were on a ceiling. And not all gunked-up with Silly String. And IF the batteries were fresh (or it were hard-wired). In which case, the nip--er, LIGHT would be glowing red. Clearly this cake is not wired correctly. >^=.=^<
(Don't say it...I already know.)
@Haiku Joys, in addition to your many talents, you are a very sick and twisted person. Which is why I like you so much. :D
I am now officially on a mission to find the PERFECT cut glass specimen jar baby holder to display the fondant babies to their best advantage.
Very helpful, Dr. Why. Now I can go to sleep.
Thank you Dr. Why! It all makes perfect sense now!
let's be brutally honest: that tropical isle leaning monstrosity is probably a LOT more interesting in it's wonky state. Srsly.
It looks like a tsunami approaching shore to me.
HaikuJoy- send in a photo of the babies in a specimen jar, please!!! Just make sure it's not blurry since John [thoJ] gets a little testy with blurry photos...learn from my fail ;)
@BADKarma of course, you're Unique- the Doctor never met anyone who wasn't special
Those two nuns arranged for lots and lots of houses to be built for the poor, which means cherubs are lifting them closer to star-filled heaven, while the blood of Christ swirls all around them. Duh!
mel, would that be *you* posting ?posing? as Dr. Why? ;-)
@Haiku Joy (& KJill) - I wondered if anyone else was going to get that reference! I read all the Wrinkle books & dreamed of being Meg, though when I was young, I didn't quite understand why Charles had to look into the machine's eyes or whatever it was and why/how her love saved him. It makes much better sense now. I have to bite my lip to keep from chanting the rune sometimes... :-) And, as a microbiologist, I was a little offended with the liberties she took in portraying the true nature of mitochondria but I have to admit it was *very* creative and enjoyable so I got over it pretty quick. Hmm...perhaps I should read them to my daughter or bribe her or something... PS to Haiku Joy - I'll keep working on my assignment, I promise!
I cannot stop looking at these cakes and wondering what on earth possessed the wreckerators?? Drunk piping is just plain evil lol.
Re: #3, It clearly says "Happy Annillerday, debtless" - clearly someone has been in debt from 2004 to 1988 (presumably a discworld Troll, Merlin, or someone else who lives backwards), and is finally able to celebrate that delightful day when t the debt is annihliated, known in banking circles as "annillerday". To this person, all I can say is, Congralutations!
"Those two nuns arranged for lots and lots of houses to be built for the poor, which means cherubs are lifting them closer to star-filled heaven, while the blood of Christ swirls all around them. Duh!"
"Dr Why"
========
Dear "Dr Why": HUH?? Are you saying that the poor should all die? Seems a little harsh, to moi...=^e.e^=
Before reading Dr Why's comment I thought the nun cake could be for two girls celebrating their first communion together as in some places girls wear white nun habits for the ocassion (novice habits to be exact. Boys wear sailor suits. Nope, I'm not joking).
Of course the cake topper mirrors the theme like here for girls:
http://www.tucastillohinchable.com/wp-content/uploads/tarta-comunion-21.jpg
and here for boys: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-D44czEQyv2E/T58HTZ349YI/AAAAAAAAAeI/P1GnL7HQuV4/s1600/Maria+Comunion+361.jpg
so to me it's not unusual to see nun-like toppers for first communion cakes and it was perfectly understandable.
I had more trouble understanding the houses, though but then Doctor Why's explanation made it all clear. Thanks Doctor!
"Theme and Reality Distortion" is a fancy twist on the old "What They Asked For" vs "What They Got"...right?
I'm only asking because sometimes, if someone -(let's say me, just for example)- tries to put something on/in early in the morning after the day before, it sometimes jump-starts the new day's new post. Not that I'm anxious to SEE a new one or anything, you know...I DO have a life................... ....................Okay, I don't.
I need my CAKE-y "fix" is all. =^~.~^=
My daughter put a Tardis on her "Introduction to Me" page for Language Arts, but said that no one in her class knew what it was. I told her to pay attention closely to who DOES recognize it, because THOSE are the people she wants to be friends with.
@KarateLady: drats...cover blown...nice detective work...yes, that was (is) me. I came to the post very late yesterday, and when I saw the request for an explanation from Dr. Why, I went along.... (gee...am I that transparent?)
@mel: No one else has your deft touch.
@Sharyn: that's kind of you...most would say daft....
I'm wondering if the 1988 cake is somehow related to Australia's bicentenary celebration? Maybe Deb and Les had their anniversary the same year?
I just got a bunch of birthday cake ideas from looking at this. This is awesome!
dear mel- that was fantastic!
@Barbara Anne: thank you; I always appreciate your comments. :-)
The "Super Ice Cream Birthday" cake, if said in the proper voice, could very easily be something from a Japanese anime (or a spoof thereof).
Never watched it.
@Haiku Joy "However, I can't wait for the first time someone asks me if I have kids. Now I can say, "Sure, I have a jar full on my desk. Want one?" "
Baaaah haaa haaaa! Laugh of the day! Love it!
LOL, as a former cake decorator, I must say, these are pretty crazy. I still visit bakeries to see how good the decorator is.
Re nun cake, those houses look suspiciously like latin American buildings to me. The kind raised by the Spanish or Portuguese, then painted bright colours later in history. Saints are often attributed with their own day/colour/object as well. Such a vivid red looks intentional.