American Pie
July 4, 2013 Sung to “American Pie”
A long, long time ago
I can still remember...
How the good cakes used to make me smile.
But now I never get the chance
;)
The cakes all make me look askance
;)
I haven’t seen a good one for a while
Star-studded horse-dog makes me quiver
;)
For that price I hope they deliver
;)
Floral foam's a misstep
;)
What have they done to this schlep?
;)
How could this bring a baker pride?
;)
Why do the squids swim side-by-side?
;)
The frosting ran...
;)
...when eagles cried
;)
The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died.
;)
So...
I’ll buy an American pie
Heart so heavy 'cause the bevy of bad cakes make me cry
;)
And customers stare at them wistfully and sigh
;)
Thinking,
"This won't be the cake that I buy."
;)
"This won't be the cake that I buy."
Let's sing the praises of Clayton M., Jennifer C., Jodee R., Keri G., Valerie H., Gillian H., Lori C., Louise W., L.P., Deborah O., Broukg., Courtney H., Michele T., and Tharr, even though their cakes leave us red, white and oh, so blue.
Reader Comments (80)
Thank you for the one thing in my life that makes me laugh consistently. Not sure what that says about my life but .............. WOW.
I wish you all happy and safe 4 th of July celebrations.
But seriously, WTH with the triple penis cake?!! How could the wreckerator not notice how it looked? On the other hand, I'm kinda jealous that we haven't come across such levels of wreckage with Canada Day cakes. I guess we're just not as imaginative as our neighbours to the south, either that, or our bakers do less drugs, I'm not sure which best applies.
One of those needs to be submitted to accidentalpenis.com.
Nothing says independance like the unwaivering red, white, and blue penises.
The blue blob on the last one on the left looks like Oogie Boogie from the Nightmare before Christmas.
Brilliant artistry in lyricism. Brava!
I liked the Statue of Liberty and the eagle/flag cccs. There's not much you can do with a ccc.
Brilliant post.
At least one of those cakes went off with a bang! (ahem)
I think "MacArthur Park" would be a better song for #9. Then again, I live in the South East where it's getting to be impossible not to leave the cake, or anything else, out in the rain.
For #11, I would have chosen, "America, F*** Yeah!" from the Team America World Police soundtrack.
Re: Star Studded Dog (I know others got here before me but this once I don't care)
The two open work stars in the front are laid over black icing paw prints- they each have two eyes (toe prints) and frowny mouths (parts of the pad prints).
(stands and golf claps) well played, wreckerator, well played
Re: The Rockets at which I Glare
on the left- gentlemen, this is what happens when you don't get medical attention when the little blue pills works for over 4 hours...
on the right- gentlemen, this is what happens when you [redacted] for 4 hours...
eeeeekkkkkkkk
The stars are frowning on that scary patriotic? horror demon/dog/alien thing.
And Who on Earth would pay $138 for that other one?
*shuddering at the nightmares unleashed*
@BA - BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it!
@everyone talking about Weird Al's "The Saga Begins"...Did *nobody* read my 1st comment?! (I did everything but name the song & even included a cut n paste link.) OR, are ya'll going for an Epcot?!
Brilliant song parody! As for the cakes and CCCs (ptooie!) what professional looks at those and thinks, '"That one is going in the display!"? Granted, I am unable to decorate cakes, so I GOT MYSELF A DIFFERENT JOB. Incidentally, when I look at the squatting animal, I see pig. Horse-dog-pig?
That Eagle cupcake cake isn't so very awful, particularly for a cupcake cake.
Minor quibble: Schlep is a verb, not a noun.
Star-studded horse-dog make me laugh out loud.
Bwhahahahaha. I cannot stop laughing and singing the song. Now all my neighbors will have it stuck in their heads. Good. Maybe they will go away quietly now lol.
Sharyn, you are amazing---I think that Don McLean would love it! Thank you for such fun and laughs!
Oh my awesome., One of my favorite-sts posts in a long time!
I *KNEW* Sharyn wrote this post as soon as I started reading. She is a GENIUS at writing alternate lyrics.
@ Sendingtheclown..... Well, yes I think that's a good attempt at a wrecked Scream mask, the one on the left. Or maybe a ghost. The ghost of 4th of July past?
Yes, my childhood died and so did my adulthood. :) LOL! For real? WTH???? That is just so wrong! My 13 y/o walked up as I was reviewing the cakes and said, "Who puts colored penises on a cake?" Yeah, even HE knew what it wasn't.
I like how on the horse-dog one, the stars on the bottom look like they have frowny faces. They're sad for the cake, too.
Doe that say, "Uncle Bum?" ??? And the horse dog looks kinda like an aardvark.
The crab cake isn't that bad.. but other than the plastic stuck in it it doesn't have much to do with the 4th. They probably had extra summer/beach cakes and were trying to get rid of it for the 4th lol
Definitely hilarious. I, too, sung along as I went through ^_^
Verbing weirds language, but the jump may be too great for some to jump.
The $138 thing is done is such pretty colors. Too bad they don't belong on a... smokestack? Model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa? CAKE!?!? What the heck IS that?
I'm pregnant. Yet I cannot believe that to be the only reason I'm nauseous when I look at these cakes.
Too funny, as always! But just one slight correction to your Yiddish: the word "schlep" means to drag or carry unwillingly - I think you may have wanted the word "dreck" which refers to items of low worth or quality. If I may suggest an alternative to the alternative: "Floral foam: complete wreck/What have they done to this dreck?" Thanks all - you should be kvelling, you give such nachas - keep up the great work!
I have been re-reading this one almost daily since you posted it. I love you. In the most non-stalker-y way possible.
BEST. POST. EVER!
ok it definitely ranks up there as one of my faves. Easily top 5. :-)
And honestly when I first read the title, I actually thought maybe it would be wrecks made of pie. Which would have been a fun and different post. but this was soooo much better!!!
I've been reading this blog too long. Looked at that first cake and thought, "That's not so bad,"
I saw the cupcake cakes like #1 in a local grocery store here in SC and started laughing!!My first thought was OMG an actual cakewreck!!! My 1st sighting!! I think my mother in law thought I had lost what was left of my mind!! And in the same chain grocery store, they put PLASTIC FLOWERS on their cakes!!!!!SAD SAD SAD!!!!If I was more techsavyy I would have taken a pic and sent it in, but I am only techy enough to post remarks.......:(
Is of just me or did anyone else sing this in their head to "the Jedi song/the saga begins" by weird all instead of American pie? Lol